Why Woman Love Us Guys !!!
josevolution
Posts: 30,267
BECAUSE I'M A MAN
Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I
know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly ).
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
..and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , and this is, after all, the year 2008, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden
with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to
better understand men.
Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I
know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly ).
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
..and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , and this is, after all, the year 2008, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden
with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to
better understand men.
jesus greets me looks just like me ....
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask. "
must be my backsac that makes this true for me as well.
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The one that bothers me is the cold one. Just about every woman that I know (wife, mother, friends, co-workers) make the biggest deal out of being sick, and even if I just had the same cold, theirs is 100x worse than I had it.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly ).
So true!
im with ya brother
im with ya
but it is a funny lil poke at us dudes
however, i didn't laugh out loud like an idiot, just smiled a bit
i despise tools
cars are not on my mind & i refuse to be a mechanic on the fuckin thing.
i have spare car keys stuck up my ass
when i'm sick i am very sick. (rare)
i wouldn't tear apart an appliance if you paid me to (maybe a vacuum cleaner.)
i grocery shop my balls right off.
the tv & the remote that goes with fucker can suck a big one someplace for all i give a flyin fuck.
sex is on my mind 24x7 or 23x7, which fucking ever, who gives a fuck?
i like mothers and i'll talk to them all, bring em on i am waiting, even you battle axes, i'll laugh my ass off with you or at you. (might even tell you to fuck off)
i like chic flicks sometimes, key fucking word, sometimes...movies can suck one just like the tv can..
yes you look fine sweety, you are very beautiful.
now kiss me....please
you're making me horny with your fine fucking ass
i am a man..
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Nice post.
Yeah, I don't mind the digs at our gender for sure. Hell, men have pretty much made a mess of the entire planet. But, like you, I don't give a flying fuck about cars or tools. The ladies can have the remote and I'll do the shopping because I can whip up some mean-ass grub. Just give me a camp fire, my lady, and a cave to sleep in and I'll be just peachy.
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glad we've got that settled. for a second there, i was about to go buy a mechanic's manual to ensure that i'm a real man and not a limp-wristed nancy boy. i appreciate you pointing out that this was a facetious list and not everything in it applies to every man. i can breathe much easier after your analysis.
that my friend, RULES.
love the campin cave bit
like you i am a cookin fool.
nuttin better for my morning hungry fogy eyes
than dicing up onions, garlic bulbs, spinach, and tomatoes for a trashed looking sausage & cheese omlet.
i am a gardenin fool myself.
i used to be the shovel dude/landscaper for the ole man's rose gardens he grew for his women.
house plants rock my world.
my old apartment resembled a rainforest filled with green smoke
i am a man
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
It never hurts to help...
Am I the only one who used to watch Eek the Cat?
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To keep you clear of the sun
You've been burned more than once
You don't think much of trust
the name sounds familiar, but beyond that i'm not so sure.
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Clearly it was only my little stoner brother and I. Saturday morning cartoon from the early 90's... had Sharkie the Shark Dog (Eek's nemesis), and his big fat girlfriend cat Annabelle?
Anyway, he'd always say, "It never hurts to help," and of course then be horribly injured somehow.
Great stuff... if memory serves.
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You know it's funny because it's true about tech advances in cars...sometimes it sucks when you have to remove that plastic crap to get to the guts of the engine...this may be why I suggest driving old cars and fitting them with bio diesel converters...that is a kick ass mech project.
if we all learned how to fix cars, we would be putting a lot of mechanics out of a job. thats not nice. the poor guys cant do much more. lets not take this away from them. the reason they love playing with all the tools is that they dont have much of a tool themselves to play with. I wish we could all be so lucky as to plug our problem in to a computer so it can tell us what is wrong and how to fix it. they are still wrong 90% of the time. ha ha.
just busting by the way.
That is so funny.
I am rolling with laughter.
This one is definitely the best.
GO DEVILS
7/14/03-PNC NJ ~ 6/1/06-CAA1 NJ ~ 6/3/06-CAA2 NJ ~ 8/5/07-Lolla IL ~ 6/24/08-MSG1 ~ 6/25/08-MSG2 ~ 8/7/08-NJPAC (eV Solo)
"I'm feeling kinda righteous right now...with my Bad@$$-M0therf*ck!n'-Ukulele!"
-eV 8/7
Well, around here it's widely known that you are not the sharpest tool in the box
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Thanks for the heads up regarding the Tofu fucking..I'll stick to the creamy peanut butter jar for now
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Yeah, but are you willing to chew the esophagus right out of the neck of another human? That’s what makes a real man… or some kind of wolfman anyway.
Oh, and what is this tofu that you speak of?
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Because you are a Man
The ONLY thing better than a glass of beer is tea with Miss McGill
A protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers
just like a man to feel threatened by tofu
as for the peanut butter? chics dig it with nuts....though i can see why men prefer to hold the nuts
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I don't question that
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Real men respect women to the point that they won't even fuck them
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
lol..It's why I specified 'creamy' peanut butter because out of desperation I have banged the crunchy kind and it doesn't measure up..
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Finally something we both agree on.
hahaha
Hope DTL knows we're just busting his chops a little.
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so that's what that screaming was out on the fire escape?
please tell me that at least you were kind enough to gently hold the nuts and not to tell him that he didn't measure up?
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~