The Top 10 Game

vital5 wrote:

TOP 100 REASONS WHY PEARL JAM DIDN'T PLAY THE SOUTH

1. Ed prefers wine rather than moonshine
2. Just Because .....
3. They thought "The South" meant "The Southern Hemisphere" so they went to Australia instead
4. 'Cos he dunna likey dayut Bush Feller.. *Cleatus laugh*
5. Pearl Jam are against the dirty art of in-breeding
6. Because Ed, Stone, Jeff and Mike don't know how to play the Banjo yet
7. No venue carparks were big enough to accommodate all the trailers
8. Pearl Jam saw the Pauly Shore Movie.. Son in Law, and were afraid they'd be attacked by "Inbreeeeders" with pitch forks!
9. Because they don't like Grits
10. The South blows!
11. Pearl Jam DID play there but those darn southern yokels couldn't read the announcement
12. The boys had to wrestle Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies before they could even book a venue... They declined!
13. They had communication problems with venue managers as they couldnt understand what they were saying except for every second word being 'like'
14. They saw that old movie where the man was made to get down on all fours and squeal like a pig and it terrified them
15. They couldn't take their loved ones to the concerts as the venues had a 'no animal policy' so there was a lack of demand
16. "My Name is Earl" does not rate high in all the other US states so Pearl Jam made their decision based on that
17. Pearl Jam wouldn't allow those with two heads to be facilitated on the 1 ticket, and unfortunately those people couldn't afford 2 tickets on their welfare payouts
18. They are waiting untill they release their "Crunk" album next year.
19. Ed wants to teach himself to play the washboard while blowing into the harmonica first
20. The South wants no part in the preservation of Mr. Leatherback's family
21. Because the south think 'conservation' is all about the art of making jam/jelly
22. The South was billed to be on the 1st Leg of the US tour but the locals thought that because it was on Leg 1, then only amputees could attend, so demand wasn't sufficient enough to play
23. dont even get me started.....
24. They wanted to see how many reasons we could come up with before admin stepped in
25. Because they absolutely hate petitions to play in places
26. 'Cos Mike's moisturising cream melts in their climate
27. Because the humidity turns Ed and Boom's hair turn into afros
28. Stone may get mistaken for a wild animal during his duck walk and may be hunted
29. They felt they did their part by playing at the Hurricane Katrina Benefit so in their eyes they didn't owe The South anything
30. Because after the Bush Mask fiasco in 2003 Ed was told he wouldn't be allowed to wear his Ku Klux Klan suit
31. Because there's shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried, there's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich.
32. Because the band were disappointed after learning that their idol Britney Spears is a product of Louisiana trailer trash
33. They realised that their hillbilly rock wasn't quite up to par
34. Because they are waiting for Road House 3 to be finished and will perform a week at the Double Deuce.
35. It's Stone's fault... he's allergic to being that much closer to the Equator..
36. Because Mike refuses to learn how to play the Fiddle

vital5 wrote:

TOP 100 REASONS WHY PEARL JAM DIDN'T PLAY THE SOUTH

1. Ed prefers wine rather than moonshine
2. Just Because .....
3. They thought "The South" meant "The Southern Hemisphere" so they went to Australia instead
4. 'Cos he dunna likey dayut Bush Feller.. *Cleatus laugh*
5. Pearl Jam are against the dirty art of in-breeding
6. Because Ed, Stone, Jeff and Mike don't know how to play the Banjo yet
7. No venue carparks were big enough to accommodate all the trailers
8. Pearl Jam saw the Pauly Shore Movie.. Son in Law, and were afraid they'd be attacked by "Inbreeeeders" with pitch forks!
9. Because they don't like Grits
10. The South blows!
11. Pearl Jam DID play there but those darn southern yokels couldn't read the announcement
12. The boys had to wrestle Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies before they could even book a venue... They declined!
13. They had communication problems with venue managers as they couldnt understand what they were saying except for every second word being 'like'
14. They saw that old movie where the man was made to get down on all fours and squeal like a pig and it terrified them
15. They couldn't take their loved ones to the concerts as the venues had a 'no animal policy' so there was a lack of demand
16. "My Name is Earl" does not rate high in all the other US states so Pearl Jam made their decision based on that
17. Pearl Jam wouldn't allow those with two heads to be facilitated on the 1 ticket, and unfortunately those people couldn't afford 2 tickets on their welfare payouts
18. They are waiting untill they release their "Crunk" album next year.
19. Ed wants to teach himself to play the washboard while blowing into the harmonica first
20. The South wants no part in the preservation of Mr. Leatherback's family
21. Because the south think 'conservation' is all about the art of making jam/jelly
22. The South was billed to be on the 1st Leg of the US tour but the locals thought that because it was on Leg 1, then only amputees could attend, so demand wasn't sufficient enough to play
23. dont even get me started.....
24. They wanted to see how many reasons we could come up with before admin stepped in
25. Because they absolutely hate petitions to play in places
26. 'Cos Mike's moisturising cream melts in their climate
27. Because the humidity turns Ed and Boom's hair turn into afros
28. Stone may get mistaken for a wild animal during his duck walk and may be hunted
29. They felt they did their part by playing at the Hurricane Katrina Benefit so in their eyes they didn't owe The South anything
30. Because after the Bush Mask fiasco in 2003 Ed was told he wouldn't be allowed to wear his Ku Klux Klan suit
31. Because there's shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried, there's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich.
32. Because the band were disappointed after learning that their idol Britney Spears is a product of Louisiana trailer trash
33. They realised that their hillbilly rock wasn't quite up to par
34. Because they are waiting for Road House 3 to be finished and will perform a week at the Double Deuce.
35. It's Stone's fault... he's allergic to being that much closer to the Equator..
36. Because Mike refuses to learn how to play the Fiddle
37. Southern Fried Chicken is very oily and bad for them
38. They were going to tour there so they could meet Colonel Sanders but found out he died in 1980, so they cancelled