Bee joke

jamie uk · July 2008

So this guy in a bar overhears a fella saying he keeps bees.....

1st man "say, did you say you keep bees?"
2nd man "Yes, I have 75 hives and 500,000 bees, how about you? "
1st man "I have 1 hive, and one million bees"
2nd man " You what!? You have 1 million bees...in 1 hive !!!!!?"

1st man "Yeah...fuck em, they're only bees"

Jeanie · July 2008

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the te acher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

norm · July 2008

thanks for the jokes kids.....my day just got better

:D

Drop The Leash 10 · July 2008

hahahahahah

:D

libragirl · July 2008

Ha, good jokes guys

pearljamgirl07 · July 2008

Jeanie wrote:

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the te acher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

:D

Jeanie · July 2008

jamie uk wrote:

So this guy in a bar overhears a fella saying he keeps bees.....

1st man "say, did you say you keep bees?"
2nd man "Yes, I have 75 hives and 500,000 bees, how about you? "
1st man "I have 1 hive, and one million bees"
2nd man " You what!? You have 1 million bees...in 1 hive !!!!!?"

1st man "Yeah...fuck em, they're only bees"

I don't get it.

But I like bees.

Drop The Leash 10 · July 2008

Jeanie wrote:

I don't get it. But I like bees.

i think you think that when he says f*** them, he means he doesnt care about them, well....yeah its the opposite.

Jeanie · July 2008

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

i think you think that when he says f*** them, he means he doesnt care about them, well....yeah its the opposite.

ha!

Still lost but thanks for trying though love.

It's not you, it's me.

alexers · July 2008

I didn't get the bee one either

the wolf · July 2008

Jeanie wrote:

ha! Still lost but thanks for trying though love.

It's not you, it's me.

i took it as they were overcrowded lol. idk. 1 million bee's for 1 hive is a lot ! lol.

dunkman · July 2008

A guy decides to have a party where his guests come as different emotions – from fear to happiness, and so on. The first guest shows up covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.
“What have you come as?” the guy asks.
“I’m green with envy.”
“Wow, that’s brilliant,” says the host. “Come in and have a drink.”
A few minutes later, a woman turns up, covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her private parts. “Wow, great outfit,” says the host. “And you’ve come as…” “I’m tickled pink!” she says. “Brilliant,” the host replies.
Moments later the doorbell goes again, only this time its two naked Irish blokes at the door. One’s standing with his penis in a bowl of custard while the other’s got his cock suck in a pear. “What the hell are you both doing?” screams the host. “Well, I’m fucking dis custard and he’s come in dis pear!”

dunkman · July 2008

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.

"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not".

"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?", Dopey questions.

"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."

"Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin."

Heineken Helen · July 2008

the wolf wrote:

i took it as they were overcrowded lol. idk. 1 million bee's for 1 hive is a lot ! lol.

Me too

Not drop the leash's explanation

(ahhh... teenage boys, eh?

)

Jeanie · July 2008

A guy calls his mate, the horse breader, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
'A female horth.'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth'?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth'?

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf'?

The breader is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat'?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the breader grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's arse, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
'Perhapth I should rephrathe that.
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit'?

I posted this last week, but it seemed relevant.

Heineken Helen · July 2008

Jeanie wrote:

I posted this last week, but it seemed relevant.

:mad: I can assure you that Jamie UK is NOT a midget with a speech impediment! That's just rude Jeanie :mad:

Sian-of-the-dead · July 2008

jamie uk wrote:

So this guy in a bar overhears a fella saying he keeps bees.....

1st man "say, did you say you keep bees?"
2nd man "Yes, I have 75 hives and 500,000 bees, how about you? "
1st man "I have 1 hive, and one million bees"
2nd man " You what!? You have 1 million bees...in 1 hive !!!!!?"

1st man "Yeah...fuck em, they're only bees"

I don't get it....

Anyway...

What's got 4 wheels and flies?

A bin lorry.

Jeanie · July 2008

Heineken Helen wrote:

I can assure you that Jamie UK is NOT a midget with a speech impediment! That's just rude Jeanie

Well sheesh! :rolleyes:

I know that!! NOT that there's anything wrong with that either.

I meant it was relevent because of dunk's joke, the one above it.

dunkman · July 2008

Bee joke, you're gonna die.
You don't wanna be funny, you wanna just cry.
This joke isnt funny, alone in your room.
Becoming a joke will become your doom.
Bee Joke, be a joke.
Bee Joke, be a joke.

You know laughing is good, and life is short.
Begin to laugh while you still can.
Believe in nothing, believe in bee,
Those who can tell jokes can change their mind.
When the honey is the present, unwrap your gifts, take your time.
Everything you imagine needn't be stuck in your mind.
Bee Joke, be a joke.
Bee Joke, be a joke.

Heineken Helen · July 2008

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

I don't get it....

Anyway...

What's got 4 wheels and flies?

A bin lorry.

*Laughs at the americans trying to get their head around that one*

Garbage truck folks... garbage truck

dunkman · July 2008

who is black, 6 foot 3 inches tall and has a white willy?

Darth Vader

Bee joke

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