Bee joke

electronblue

jamie uk wrote:

So this guy in a bar overhears a fella saying he keeps bees.....


1st man "say, did you say you keep bees?"
2nd man "Yes, I have 75 hives and 500,000 bees, how about you? "
1st man "I have 1 hive, and one million bees"
2nd man " You what!? You have 1 million bees...in 1 hive !!!!!?"

1st man "Yeah...fuck em, they're only bees"

is this joke a little nasty?...~

jamie uk

eddie's Tone rocks wrote:

is this joke a little nasty?...~

Flippin eck folks. Here's how it is, maybe it's a British type of humour....
Yes, it's a bit nasty, it's a suprise when the guy who keeps bees shrugs and says..."fuck em they're only bees"....
why would he keep bees in that case??
it's him who comes across as being nasty, or rather a bit of an idiot...
Dunk you're the expert, there's probably a name for this type of gag, it's effortless and silly, and well....it's funny
Alan Davies told that joke on QI and Stephen Fry nearly peed his pants, and he's the smartest man in the world! So it must be funny....sheesh :rolleyes:

jamie uk

dunkman wrote:

Bee joke, you're gonna die.
You don't wanna be funny, you wanna just cry.
This joke isnt funny, alone in your room.
Becoming a joke will become your doom.
Bee Joke, be a joke.
Bee Joke, be a joke.

You know laughing is good, and life is short.
Begin to laugh while you still can.
Believe in nothing, believe in bee,
Those who can tell jokes can change their mind.
When the honey is the present, unwrap your gifts, take your time.
Everything you imagine needn't be stuck in your mind.
Bee Joke, be a joke.
Bee Joke, be a joke.

Too much rhyming for any critiacl acclaim here fella

try this one..

Man from the North
Come forth
you just narrowly missed....
coming fifth.

HOOKER

funny

mattcozea

jamie uk wrote:

Flippin eck folks. Here's how it is, maybe it's a British type of humour....

Maybe, but I usually like British "humour". I mean, I get the joke, and yeah it's a little funny I guess, but not that funny.

libragirl

I thought it was funny but I think I misunderstood it...Oh well...still funny

Drop The Leash 10

WOW! i have a sick mind

Jeanie

A plane passed through a severe storm.
The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die!'
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence.
Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved.
He removed his shirt.
Muscles rippled across his chest.. She gasped ... Then, he spoke...

'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

Drop The Leash 10

Jeanie wrote:

A plane passed through a severe storm.
The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die!'
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence.
Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved.
He removed his shirt.
Muscles rippled across his chest.. She gasped ... Then, he spoke...

'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Jeanie

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Yeah, me Dad sent it to me.

Real Aussie bloke!

libragirl

Jeanie wrote:

A plane passed through a severe storm.
The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die!'
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence.
Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved.
He removed his shirt.
Muscles rippled across his chest.. She gasped ... Then, he spoke...

'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

LOL

Heineken Helen

LMAO Jeanie

dunkman

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

dunkman

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week.

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams
every night??
A: Hanson.

Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's hand.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelery.

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.

Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo!

Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is
bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
A: The tongue's still in the envelope.

Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.

Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So fat women can get laid too.

Q: Why did god create women?
A: Because dogs can't get beer out the fridge.

Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with
darkness"

Q: What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?
A: Pat

Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

dunkman

whats black and sits at the top of the stairs smoking?
stephen hawking in a house fire


what's the fastest thing on land?
stevie wonders speedboat


stevie wonder got a cheese grater for xmas, said it was the most violent book he ever read

Jeanie

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting."

catefrances

what do you call a new zealander with a sheep under both arms??


a pimp.

PearlJamaholic

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

---

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day.

Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore
tonight Paddy.'

Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then.'

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat
on his face.

'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,
'Shoite!'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can
just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh
air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and
falls flat on his face.
'Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the
door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies
inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says, 'No fockin' way',
but he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says,
'I can make it to the bed.'

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He
says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying
a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink
last night?'.

Paddy says, 'I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned. You left your wheelchair at the pub.'

Poncier

A woman injured in a car crash has been in a coma for several months and unresponsive.
Her husband had held bedside vigil for the first few months, but started to visit less frequently as hope for recovery dimmed.
One day, while massaging the woman's muscles to lessen atrophy, the nurse noticed some response on the monitors when she massaged the woman's thighs, and the response grew more intense as she got closer to the woman's crotch.

The nurse called the doctor, and after a consultation, the doctor called the husband to the hospital. The doctor explained what had happened, and told the husband, "we think further stimulation may be the key, we think perhaps if you have oral sex with your wife, it could bring her out of the coma"
The husband was a bit skeptical, but said, "I'l try anything at this point".
The doctor said, we'll step out and give you some privacy, we can watch her monitors from the nurse's station.
So the doctor and nurse head down to the nurse's station and watch the monitors...after a minute, they start to show some activity, then suddenly they show some intense activity, flickering madly...and suddenly...flatline...the woman dies.

The doctor and nurse go running back to the room, "What happened?", the doctor asks?

The husband replies, "I think she choked."