Bee joke

jamie uk

So this guy in a bar overhears a fella saying he keeps bees.....


1st man "say, did you say you keep bees?"
2nd man "Yes, I have 75 hives and 500,000 bees, how about you? "
1st man "I have 1 hive, and one million bees"
2nd man " You what!? You have 1 million bees...in 1 hive !!!!!?"

1st man "Yeah...fuck em, they're only bees"

Jeanie

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the te acher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

norm

thanks for the jokes kids.....my day just got better :D

Drop The Leash 10

hahahahahah :D

libragirl

Ha, good jokes guys

pearljamgirl07

Jeanie wrote:

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the te acher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

:D

Jeanie

jamie uk wrote:

So this guy in a bar overhears a fella saying he keeps bees.....


1st man "say, did you say you keep bees?"
2nd man "Yes, I have 75 hives and 500,000 bees, how about you? "
1st man "I have 1 hive, and one million bees"
2nd man " You what!? You have 1 million bees...in 1 hive !!!!!?"

1st man "Yeah...fuck em, they're only bees"

I don't get it. But I like bees.

Drop The Leash 10

Jeanie wrote:

I don't get it. But I like bees.

i think you think that when he says f*** them, he means he doesnt care about them, well....yeah its the opposite.

Jeanie

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

i think you think that when he says f*** them, he means he doesnt care about them, well....yeah its the opposite.

ha! Still lost but thanks for trying though love.

It's not you, it's me.

alexers

I didn't get the bee one either

the wolf

Jeanie wrote:

ha! Still lost but thanks for trying though love.

It's not you, it's me.

i took it as they were overcrowded lol. idk. 1 million bee's for 1 hive is a lot ! lol.

dunkman

A guy decides to have a party where his guests come as different emotions – from fear to happiness, and so on. The first guest shows up covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.
“What have you come as?” the guy asks.
“I’m green with envy.”
“Wow, that’s brilliant,” says the host. “Come in and have a drink.”
A few minutes later, a woman turns up, covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her private parts. “Wow, great outfit,” says the host. “And you’ve come as…” “I’m tickled pink!” she says. “Brilliant,” the host replies.
Moments later the doorbell goes again, only this time its two naked Irish blokes at the door. One’s standing with his penis in a bowl of custard while the other’s got his cock suck in a pear. “What the hell are you both doing?” screams the host. “Well, I’m fucking dis custard and he’s come in dis pear!”

dunkman

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.

"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not".

"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?", Dopey questions.

"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."

"Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin."

Heineken Helen

the wolf wrote:

i took it as they were overcrowded lol. idk. 1 million bee's for 1 hive is a lot ! lol.

Me too Not drop the leash's explanation (ahhh... teenage boys, eh? )

Jeanie

A guy calls his mate, the horse breader, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
'A female horth.'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth'?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth'?

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf'?

The breader is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat'?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the breader grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's arse, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
'Perhapth I should rephrathe that.
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit'?


I posted this last week, but it seemed relevant.

Heineken Helen

Jeanie wrote:

I posted this last week, but it seemed relevant.

:mad: I can assure you that Jamie UK is NOT a midget with a speech impediment! That's just rude Jeanie :mad:

Sian-of-the-dead

jamie uk wrote:

So this guy in a bar overhears a fella saying he keeps bees.....


1st man "say, did you say you keep bees?"
2nd man "Yes, I have 75 hives and 500,000 bees, how about you? "
1st man "I have 1 hive, and one million bees"
2nd man " You what!? You have 1 million bees...in 1 hive !!!!!?"

1st man "Yeah...fuck em, they're only bees"

I don't get it....

Anyway...

What's got 4 wheels and flies?



A bin lorry.

Jeanie

Heineken Helen wrote:

I can assure you that Jamie UK is NOT a midget with a speech impediment! That's just rude Jeanie

Well sheesh! :rolleyes: I know that!! NOT that there's anything wrong with that either.

I meant it was relevent because of dunk's joke, the one above it.

dunkman

Bee joke, you're gonna die.
You don't wanna be funny, you wanna just cry.
This joke isnt funny, alone in your room.
Becoming a joke will become your doom.
Bee Joke, be a joke.
Bee Joke, be a joke.

You know laughing is good, and life is short.
Begin to laugh while you still can.
Believe in nothing, believe in bee,
Those who can tell jokes can change their mind.
When the honey is the present, unwrap your gifts, take your time.
Everything you imagine needn't be stuck in your mind.
Bee Joke, be a joke.
Bee Joke, be a joke.

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

I don't get it....

Anyway...

What's got 4 wheels and flies?



A bin lorry.

*Laughs at the americans trying to get their head around that one*

Garbage truck folks... garbage truck

dunkman

who is black, 6 foot 3 inches tall and has a white willy?













Darth Vader

electronblue

jamie uk wrote:

So this guy in a bar overhears a fella saying he keeps bees.....


1st man "say, did you say you keep bees?"
2nd man "Yes, I have 75 hives and 500,000 bees, how about you? "
1st man "I have 1 hive, and one million bees"
2nd man " You what!? You have 1 million bees...in 1 hive !!!!!?"

1st man "Yeah...fuck em, they're only bees"

is this joke a little nasty?...~

jamie uk

eddie's Tone rocks wrote:

is this joke a little nasty?...~

Flippin eck folks. Here's how it is, maybe it's a British type of humour....
Yes, it's a bit nasty, it's a suprise when the guy who keeps bees shrugs and says..."fuck em they're only bees"....
why would he keep bees in that case??
it's him who comes across as being nasty, or rather a bit of an idiot...
Dunk you're the expert, there's probably a name for this type of gag, it's effortless and silly, and well....it's funny
Alan Davies told that joke on QI and Stephen Fry nearly peed his pants, and he's the smartest man in the world! So it must be funny....sheesh :rolleyes:

jamie uk

dunkman wrote:

Bee joke, you're gonna die.
You don't wanna be funny, you wanna just cry.
This joke isnt funny, alone in your room.
Becoming a joke will become your doom.
Bee Joke, be a joke.
Bee Joke, be a joke.

You know laughing is good, and life is short.
Begin to laugh while you still can.
Believe in nothing, believe in bee,
Those who can tell jokes can change their mind.
When the honey is the present, unwrap your gifts, take your time.
Everything you imagine needn't be stuck in your mind.
Bee Joke, be a joke.
Bee Joke, be a joke.

Too much rhyming for any critiacl acclaim here fella

try this one..

Man from the North
Come forth
you just narrowly missed....
coming fifth.

HOOKER

funny

mattcozea

jamie uk wrote:

Flippin eck folks. Here's how it is, maybe it's a British type of humour....

Maybe, but I usually like British "humour". I mean, I get the joke, and yeah it's a little funny I guess, but not that funny.

libragirl

I thought it was funny but I think I misunderstood it...Oh well...still funny

Drop The Leash 10

WOW! i have a sick mind

Jeanie

A plane passed through a severe storm.
The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die!'
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence.
Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved.
He removed his shirt.
Muscles rippled across his chest.. She gasped ... Then, he spoke...

'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

Drop The Leash 10

Jeanie wrote:

A plane passed through a severe storm.
The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die!'
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence.
Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved.
He removed his shirt.
Muscles rippled across his chest.. She gasped ... Then, he spoke...

'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Jeanie

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Yeah, me Dad sent it to me.

Real Aussie bloke!