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  • EddiE
    EddiE Posts: 125
    I used to be a Free Lance Journalist but I was crap

















    Lance is still in prison...
    Paris 7/11/96
    Manchester 4/6/00
  • pineapplesandwaves
    pineapplesandwaves Posts: 584
    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word to each other. Their previous discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."
    No time to be void or save up on life. You got to spend it all.
  • josevolution
    josevolution Posts: 31,541
    Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar.*
    *
    He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure*
    do," he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12*
    inch Bic lighter.*
    *
    "Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster lighter?"*
    *
    "I got it from my genie."*
    *
    "You have a genie?"*
    *
    "Yes, right here in my golf bag."*
    *
    "Could I see him?"*
    *
    He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie.*
    *
    The friend asks the genie, "Since, I'm a good friend of your master,*
    will you grant me one wish?"*
    *
    "Yes I will" the genie replies.*
    *
    The friend asks the genie for a million bucks.*
    *
    The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there,*
    waiting for his million bucks.*
    *
    Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks*
    flying overhead is heard.*
    *
    The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not*
    a million ducks!"*
    *
    He answers,"I forgot to tell you that the genie is hard of hearing. Do*
    you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"*
    *
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • Jamal
    Jamal Posts: 2,115
    Dear Tech Support Team:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
    I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
    Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

    I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

    Please help!

    Thanks,
    "A Troubled User"


    REPLY:

    Dear Troubled User:

    This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
    Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
    You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
    I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

    STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of luck,
    Tech Support
    Surf little waves big... Charge big waves hard

    - Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07
  • mbangel10
    mbangel10 Posts: 548
    Aide: "Mr. President, 3 Brazilians have been killed in Iraq today."

    (drum roll)

    President: "Oh My God! That's horrible. How many is a brazilian?"
    Pitt 98, Pitt 00, Cleveland 03, Pitt 03, State College 03, Toledo 04, Toronto 05, Pitt 05, Cleveland 06, Pitt 06 & Chicago 07, Chicago 1&2 09, Philly 2,3,4 09, Cleveland 10, Columbus 10, Alpine Valley 1& 2 11
  • Bathgate66
    Bathgate66 Posts: 15,813
    New York Islanders



    hahahahahahaha

    funniest thing in this thread,,,

    thread won .
    For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside
    That it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive
    platessmall.jpg
    ORGAN DONATION SAVES LIVES
    http://www.UNOS.org
    Donate Organs and Save a Life
  • NY PJ1
    NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    Bathgate66 wrote:
    New York Islanders



    hahahahahahaha

    funniest thing in this thread,,,

    thread won .


    HEHE nice bathy
  • xavier mcdaniel
    xavier mcdaniel Somewhere in NYC Posts: 9,432
    Bathgate66 wrote:
    New York Islanders



    hahahahahahaha

    funniest thing in this thread,,,

    thread won .

    i demand a recount, many possessions of knicks basketball and many things that come out of isiah thomas are funnier..
    Reading 2004
    Albany 2006 Camden 2006 E. Rutherford 2, 2006 Inglewood 2006,
    Chicago 2007
    Camden 2008 MSG 2008 MSG 2008 Hartford 2008.
    Seattle 2009 Seattle 2009 Philadelphia 2009,Philadelphia 2009 Philadelphia 2009
    Hartford 2010 MSG 2010 MSG 2010
    Toronto 2011,Toronto 2011
    Wrigley Field 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Philadelphia 2, 2013
    Philadelphia 1, 2016 Philadelphia 2 2016 New York 2016 New York 2016 Fenway 1, 2016
    Fenway 2, 2018
    MSG 2022
    St. Paul, 1, St. Paul 2 2023
    MSG 2024, MSG 2024
    Philadelphia 2024
    "I play good, hard-nosed basketball.
    Things happen in the game. Nothing you
    can do. I don't go and say,
    "I'm gonna beat this guy up."
  • tkepearljamn
    tkepearljamn Posts: 583
    Did you hear about corduroy pillows?





    They are really making headlines.

    (ba dump ching)
    07-02-98, 10-11-00, 04-22-03, 04-23-03, 06-09-03, 06-10-03, 06-18-03, 06-21-03, 06-22-03, 10-02-04, 10-03-04, 10-05-04, 05-16-06, 05-17-06, 05-22-06, 06-24-06, 06-29-06
  • justjoshingu
    justjoshingu Posts: 538
    sgossard3 wrote:
    you callin me a pedofile?! :p
    this is from the ellen page thread.

    so here are the jokes. very bad taste.

    whats the hardest part about being a pedophile?
    trying to fit in.


    guy comes home to his girlfriend packing her things.

    He asks ,"what are you doing?"

    "im leaving and going to stay at my mothers.."

    "why"he asks?

    "because you are into pedophilia.."

    he replies "my my my, thats a mighty big word for an 8 year old"
    mean people suck!
    but nice people sw****w

  • tkepearljamn
    tkepearljamn Posts: 583
    justjoshingu wrote:
    this is from the ellen page thread.

    so here are the jokes. very bad taste.

    whats the hardest part about being a pedophile?
    trying to fit in.


    guy comes home to his girlfriend packing her things.

    He asks ,"what are you doing?"

    "im leaving and going to stay at my mothers.."

    "why"he asks?

    "because you are into pedophilia.."

    he replies "my my my, thats a mighty big word for an 8 year old"

    wow...
    07-02-98, 10-11-00, 04-22-03, 04-23-03, 06-09-03, 06-10-03, 06-18-03, 06-21-03, 06-22-03, 10-02-04, 10-03-04, 10-05-04, 05-16-06, 05-17-06, 05-22-06, 06-24-06, 06-29-06

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