Jokes, and ONLY jokes here ...
Jamal
Posts: 2,115
What the title said ! 
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next
to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next
to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
Surf little waves big... Charge big waves hard
- Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07
- Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07
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Comments
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
- Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07
i love that one
I thought it was a good joke as well. I don't know what Jamal is talking about, but I guess you can't please everyone..
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
I thought it was kind of funny though
- Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07
Hey, no chat..Jokes only
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
It's funnier if you hear it told, and not read it.
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he
could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind
watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see
what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little
red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate
Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him
to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave
until the strippers arrive.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees
you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The
Tooth Fairy. " Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in
a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. "
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up
dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside,
yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-
read directions to your new house.
16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then
explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning bill.
18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the
roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue for personal
injury.
19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood
ain't big enough for the both of us.
- Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07
The little girl says 'mum? What were you doing?'
Mum says 'You know daddy's belly is quite big? Well I was just jumping up and down on it to try and help flatten it out for him'
Girl says: 'Well, I don't know why you bother because as soon as you go out shopping, Mrs. Smith from next door comes round and blows him back up again!'
...It's the way you tell it, I know but trust me, I laughed when I first read it!
and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
over specific principles, goals, and policies.
http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg
(\__/)
( o.O)
(")_(")
muahahahahahahahaaa! *wipes eye*
best punchline. ever.
I know, its stupid.
(same joke also works with sausages in a skillet)
After quickly downing his drink, the man replied "I got home and found my wife in bed with my best friend."
"Wow" exclaimed the bartender, as he poured the man a second triple, "No wonder you needed a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house."
As the man downed his second triple scotch, the bartender asked him "What did you do?"
"I walked over to my wife" the man replied, "looked her straight in the eye and told her that we were through and to pack her stuff and to get the hell out."
"That makes sense" said the bartender, "but what about your best friend?"
The man replied, "I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said 'bad dog!'"
HAHAHA!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
No one answered.
''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!''
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?''
The cowboy turned back and said, ''I had to walk home.''
When he was young his mother told him women have teeth between their legs so he would be a good boy and not fool around pre- maturely. So, he grew up believing it. So, on his 21st b-day he went to a bar to celebrate. He met this pretty young lady and they hit it off. She ends up taking him home.
They start getting friendly, kissing and petting and such and she starts to take off her pants. He immediately stops her and tells her, "don't do that, my mother told me about you women.
You women have teeth between your legs.". She begins to laugh hysterically and finally, after she stops laughing, explains to him that his mother has lied to him.
She then proceeds to start slipping her pants down while saying "trust me, I'll show you.". He reluctantly agrees to let her show him. Once she gets her pants off she slowly spreads her legs and says, "see there, I don't have any teeth between my legs.".
He tells her, "it's no wonder, look what shape your gums are in."
"Perfect," her husband said." I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.
You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you."
A: You know it's wrong, but sooner or later your tongue is going there.
WOO HOO ive found a talent
cut and pasting rules
"Same time next month?"
Words that are hard to pronounce when you're drunk:
1. proliferation
2. Particularly
3. Innovative
4. Reduce
5. Administration
Words that are VERY hard to pronounce when you're drunk:
1. Specificity
2. macroeconomics
3. Constitutional
4. Passive-agressive
Words that are just IMPOSSIBLE to pronounce when you're drunk:
1. No thanks, I'm not in the mood for sex right now
2. Nope, no more beer for me
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type
4. Goodevening officer, nice day today, isn't it?
5. Oh no, I really couldn't, noone wants to hear me sing
- Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07
who's there ?
fuck off...
and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
over specific principles, goals, and policies.
http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg
(\__/)
( o.O)
(")_(")
...fuck off, who?
Meals on wheels!
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken's ass.
Why would you start was has no end?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qu_2likGlok
A) Kermits Finger's
Sydney 14/02/2003
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Melbourne 24/01/2014
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EV Sydney 13/02/2014
A)Throw it off the cliff
Q)How did the blonde try to kill a fish
A)Drown it
QHow did the blonde try to kill a worm?
A)Bury it alive
Q)Why did the blonde climb the galss wall?
A) to see what was on the other side
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
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EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014