Is it wrong not to go to a friends parents wake?

Posts: 7,718
edited August 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
I just found out about the death from a friend of that friend. The wake is Friday and it may be impossible for me to get off work and over an hour away.. As far as how close I was with them, I knew the parent. The friend is actually a high school/college buddy whom I haven't spoken to in over a year. The daughter cuts my hair every few months..

It really sucks because the father passed away about 4 years ago. I went to that wake.

I'm going to try to make it, but should I feel guilt if I don't?
Post edited by Unknown User on

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  • Posts: 2,243
    I missed one of my childhood friends' fathers wake/funeral and regret not making a better effort
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Posts: 4,315
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    I just found out about the death from a friend of that friend. The wake is Friday and it may be impossible for me to get off work and over an hour away.. As far as how close I was with them, I knew the parent. The friend is actually a high school/college buddy whom I haven't spoken to in over a year. The daughter cuts my hair every few months..

    It really sucks because the father passed away about 4 years ago. I went to that wake.

    I'm going to try to make it, but should I feel guilt if I don't?


    well you have a reason, you could always send a plant or something telling them that you're thinking of him! :o
    And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,"
    "What a stupid lamb."
    "What a sick, masochistic lion."
  • Posts: 7,718
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    I missed one of my childhood friends' fathers wake/funeral and regret not making a better effort
    See, yeah.. definitely gonna have to talk to my boss tomorrow..
  • Posts: 2,243
    If you absolutely cannot make it without any excuses, then at the very least, phone them and or send a card.



    but, man, I feel like such a dick
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • up my ass Posts: 21,157
    like the person above me has stated
    they missed one and felt a bit of regret

    i to have missed one of my buddy's dad's funeral
    i really have no excuse

    and nowadays it does bother me that i missed it
    because i wasn't there to support my friend in his time of need

    good luck with whatever you choose to do
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • Posts: 31,146
    sorry to hear about your friend

    several years ago a friend of mine from high school killed herself....i hadn't seen her or talked to her much since graduation but we were really close in hs....i was out of town for her memorial/wake.....i could have gone but i chose to stay (long story)....anyway, i don't regret not going, but i wished i had....

    i'm not saying whether you should go...just relaying a similar story
  • Posts: 2,243
    not to make it worse, but when my father passes, I will remember those who "couldn't make it"
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Posts: 47
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    not to make it worse, but when my father passes, I will remember those who "couldn't make it"


    will you be judging them for their absence?


    you should never feel obliged because society dictates so called etiquette. if for whatever reason you can not make then thats the way it is. but if you do want to go, then you should go.
    personally im hoping not to be at my own funeral.
  • Posts: 7,718
    I'm definitely going now. Talked to the boss.. The mom was cool as hell. We always chatted when I visited. Her sense of humor was awesome and she even watched movies with us when we were chilling.. it sucks it had to end like this. My friend had the coolest parents ever. All dead of cancer within the past few years. Only in their 50s.

    I waved goodbye to her only 6 weeks ago as I got my last haircut by her daughter at their place.. something told me that would be the last time I would see her. :(

    There's enough assholes in the world. Cool people don't deserve to die like that.. She was a smoker.. Please kids, do not smoke!
  • Posts: 9,533
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    I just found out about the death from a friend of that friend. The wake is Friday and it may be impossible for me to get off work and over an hour away.. As far as how close I was with them, I knew the parent. The friend is actually a high school/college buddy whom I haven't spoken to in over a year. The daughter cuts my hair every few months..

    It really sucks because the father passed away about 4 years ago. I went to that wake.

    I'm going to try to make it, but should I feel guilt if I don't?


    U SHOULD GO ,,but if u cant get off work... so be it
    however if u can get off u should go
  • Posts: 685
    Yes, it's wrong not to go.
    You have to be there & if you don't go you'll regret it.
    I've never heard of a boss not giving time off for a funeral. Ever.
    "If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
  • Posts: 3,749
    riffrandall wrote:
    I've never heard of a boss not giving time off for a funeral. Ever.
    I never had either, but a friend of mine was needing to take off for a funeral a few months back and was told she could not. Bullshit
    All I have to do is revel in the everyday....then do it again tomorrow

    They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all
  • Posts: 2,243
    stonedponey wrote:
    will you be judging them for their absence?


    you should never feel obliged because society dictates so called etiquette. if for whatever reason you can not make then thats the way it is. but if you do want to go, then you should go.
    personally im hoping not to be at my own funeral.

    Judging them?...no.

    and "Society" has nothing to do with it
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Posts: 31
    My college roommate, who lives in Connecticut showed up at my grandfathers wake, and it meant the world to me.... He just drove up without telling me that he was coming, and I will forever remember that.
  • Posts: 685
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    Judging them?...no.

    and "Society" has nothing to do with it

    Seriously. Society has nothing to do with it.

    A friend's parent dies, you go to the wake or funeral.
    This is not the time to sigh and say you can't handle going or something lame like that.
    Think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
    "If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
  • Posts: 12,919
    absolutely 100% do everything you can to get there. I have lost both parents and it has meant the world to me for those that showed up to their wake/funeral. I didn't hold it against people who didn't show up but those that did I will always remember their effort to show how much they cared. It's hard to put into the words what it feels like, just know that the family will forever remember you being there. And if you are lucky the favor of being there for them will be returned to you when it is your turn to go through a lost of someone close to you. You will never regret going, but you most likely will regret not going.
  • Posts: 1,010
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    See, yeah.. definitely gonna have to talk to my boss tomorrow..

    wakes and funerals are generally accepted by bosses as something people have to miss work for, often at the last minute.
  • Posts: 409
    i really don't like wakes or funerals.... i avoid them ...


    you can send a card/plant or call though so they know you're thinking about them.
  • Posts: 1,010
    xscorcho wrote:
    i really don't like wakes or funerals....

    um, you and every other human being on the planet. they're not supposed to be fun you know. one of life's obligations. you suck it up and go.
  • Posts: 12,919
    xscorcho wrote:
    i really don't like wakes or funerals.... i avoid them ...


    you can send a card/plant or call though so they know you're thinking about them.

    it's not the same to the people who lost someone. trust me on that. suck it up and go even though you dislike them - it truly means the world to someone when you show up.

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