send a card if you can't make it. nothing fancy, and no long notes...just 'with deepest sympathy' or something and your name. it still counts.
again as someone who has been in this situation a card or flowers is not the same as being there. it's just not. hard to put into words, but something about that person making an effort to be there means so much more than flowers or a note.
Did the parent die suddenly? Honestly when my Dad died three years ago...suddenly...I was in total shock for weeks. I didn't notice who came, who called, etc. and I really didn't care....my heart was broken. So personally I don't think it is a problem not to go...just send a really nice card with a hand written personal message and maybe a small gift/plant. A phone call in a few weeks is also a good idea, people seem to think once the funeral is over so is the grief....that never ends, you NEED your friends down the road.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
again as someone who has been in this situation a card or flowers is not the same as being there. it's just not. hard to put into words, but something about that person making an effort to be there means so much more than flowers or a note.
yea i know i've been there too. but if he can't make it, he can't make it. it blows.
looks like he can make is so all's well. (except for the whole funeral part!)
it seems you are the exception here and there is nothing wrong with that. it does seem to most here though that it does matter. to me personally it really meant a lot to me for those that did show up. I personally find it very important to show your respects no matter how uncomfortable you might find it.
actually, no. my post above states i feel the same way. i also see PJAddicted posting later saying much the same. i guess many of us are 'exceptions.' for YOU it meant a lot, for others....maybe different. i am not saying i didn't appreciate VERY close friends being there, but really, either way it would've been fine. i wanted to be with my family, my husband, and also be alone. we all grieve differently. so there is no 'right or wrong' really here. i ALWAYS show my respects, whether in person, a card, or a note.
when i go, i don't even want a wake to be held. go out, drink, eat...and remember the good times. don't go in a stuffy, depressing funeral home for it. go to my fave restaurant or wherever. my husband knows this. we also hold very similar views to the whole situation. VERY close friends/family, we show up for wakes. close family, the funeral as well. if i wasn't truly close to you and/or the deceased.....a card, a note, flowers......that's my respect.
Did the parent die suddenly? Honestly when my Dad died three years ago...suddenly...I was in total shock for weeks. I didn't notice who came, who called, etc. and I really didn't care....my heart was broken. So personally I don't think it is a problem not to go...just send a really nice card with a hand written personal message and maybe a small gift/plant. A phone call in a few weeks is also a good idea, people seem to think once the funeral is over so is the grief....that never ends, you NEED your friends down the road.
oxc
exactly.
and my father was ill, knew it was a matter of time, but it STILL was a shock. i honestly could not tell you what friends came to his wake, the funeral, whatever. what i DO remember is down the road...friends and family being there for me, remembering, etc.
exactly.
and my father was ill, knew it was a matter of time, but it STILL was a shock. i honestly could not tell you what friends came to his wake, the funeral, whatever. what i DO remember is down the road...friends and family being there for me, remembering, etc.
Yes....it is those who where there for me well after his death that I cherish and remember the most. You never get over the loss of a close loved one, but learn to live with it and celebrate their life....and celebrations are so much sweeter when shared with good friends. On my Dads special days we always go out to eat and enjoy his favorite foods, I now ask friends to join us.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Yes....it is those who where there for me well after his death that I cherish and remember the most. You never get over the loss of a close loved one, but learn to live with it and celebrate their life....and celebrations are so much sweeter when shared with good friends. On my Dads special days we always go out to eat and enjoy his favorite foods, I now ask friends to join us.
oxc
absolutely.
i do not do many things out of a sense of 'obligation' although sure, sometimes i do. for most things i do so b/c i want to, for whatever reason. sure, not all things are 'fun' or 'enjoyable'...yet i still want to do so b/c i feel it's important to me, to my relationships, whatever. i think that really is key. i don't want to do something simply b/c it's the 'right' thing to do, to garner brownie points, etc.....i do so out of a sense of wanting to be there for someone and so on. if i am not very close to you, well then, i won't feel such a need. so it relly is so dependent on the nature and closeness of a relationship.
Comments
again as someone who has been in this situation a card or flowers is not the same as being there. it's just not. hard to put into words, but something about that person making an effort to be there means so much more than flowers or a note.
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
yea i know i've been there too. but if he can't make it, he can't make it. it blows.
looks like he can make is so all's well. (except for the whole funeral part!)
actually, no. my post above states i feel the same way. i also see PJAddicted posting later saying much the same. i guess many of us are 'exceptions.' for YOU it meant a lot, for others....maybe different. i am not saying i didn't appreciate VERY close friends being there, but really, either way it would've been fine. i wanted to be with my family, my husband, and also be alone. we all grieve differently. so there is no 'right or wrong' really here. i ALWAYS show my respects, whether in person, a card, or a note.
when i go, i don't even want a wake to be held. go out, drink, eat...and remember the good times. don't go in a stuffy, depressing funeral home for it. go to my fave restaurant or wherever. my husband knows this. we also hold very similar views to the whole situation. VERY close friends/family, we show up for wakes. close family, the funeral as well. if i wasn't truly close to you and/or the deceased.....a card, a note, flowers......that's my respect.
exactly.
and my father was ill, knew it was a matter of time, but it STILL was a shock. i honestly could not tell you what friends came to his wake, the funeral, whatever. what i DO remember is down the road...friends and family being there for me, remembering, etc.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Yes....it is those who where there for me well after his death that I cherish and remember the most. You never get over the loss of a close loved one, but learn to live with it and celebrate their life....and celebrations are so much sweeter when shared with good friends. On my Dads special days we always go out to eat and enjoy his favorite foods, I now ask friends to join us.
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
absolutely.
i do not do many things out of a sense of 'obligation' although sure, sometimes i do. for most things i do so b/c i want to, for whatever reason. sure, not all things are 'fun' or 'enjoyable'...yet i still want to do so b/c i feel it's important to me, to my relationships, whatever. i think that really is key. i don't want to do something simply b/c it's the 'right' thing to do, to garner brownie points, etc.....i do so out of a sense of wanting to be there for someone and so on. if i am not very close to you, well then, i won't feel such a need. so it relly is so dependent on the nature and closeness of a relationship.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow