Need help

decides2dream

i understand, but the poiunt still stands. to me, the most important part of that post was omitted....b/c even with all of that, i still say that may or may not be the case. besides which, with time, efforts, counseling, etc...he may well realize it's in BOTH their bests interests to split....but it may not. so if right now, he thinks it's worth a shot, i am all for encouraging him for doing whatever it takes to change within himself for it. nothing but good can come of that. that was all.

supersonicyears

When someone leaves us, we get a rush of panic. Sometimes, even when you know the person you're in a relationship with is not right for you, when they leave, you get the feeling that you want them back, even though it's not right. Once you have them you're doing the same things you did before that drove them away in the first place. Or, they are doing the same things that drove you away. Ask yourself why do I want to be with her. And she should ask herself why she wants to be with you. The only good reason should be is that you're in love with each other. That you're in love no matter what happens. If you feel like you need this person to change to make you love them more or they need you to change to make them love you more than you aren't right for each other. People for the most part don't change. Maybe little things can be changed but unless you're willing to accept the other person for the way they are and can accept them when they fall, you shouldn't try to get back together.
There will be someone out there for you and no matter what happens you will still love each other and stay together.

CHANGEinWAVES

TheBeach wrote:

The only good reason should be is that you're in love with each other. That you're in love no matter what happens.

I agree with your ENTIRE post... but I particularly liked these words.
People seem to underestimate love... and it's importance in a relationship.
Too often they think they can force love or just do with out. To me, that's a sad thought.

libragirl

I find it really hard to give advice not knowing the whole situation. But i understand you not going into the whole story. You seem sincere about making it up to your wife and I can tell you really love her. I do wish you luck.

pearljgirl2010

I haven't read every post, just the original...

in the meantime, pleassseeee read the Five Love Languages...it is an amazing book and has been incredibly helpful in not just my marriage, but in all of my relationships. It's SO worth reading...and good luck :-)

CHANGEinWAVES

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

I haven't read every post, just the original...

in the meantime, pleassseeee read the Five Love Languages...it is an amazing book and has been incredibly helpful in not just my marriage, but in all of my relationships. It's SO worth reading...and good luck :-)

my ex and i read that in counseling... it's very informative. He and I both kept our copies even after we split.
*in our case... there were no languages to find out about cause there was no love. I agree though, excellent book!

pearljgirl2010

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

I haven't read every post, just the original...

in the meantime, pleassseeee read the Five Love Languages...it is an amazing book and has been incredibly helpful in not just my marriage, but in all of my relationships. It's SO worth reading...and good luck :-)

my ex and i read that in counseling... it's very informative. He and I both kept our copies even after we split.
*in our case... there were no languages to find out about cause there was no love. I agree though, excellent book!

yeah...I think that, even if it doesn't "fix" a relationship, it can be beneficial in future relationships. there's some really good info in it...and it comes in handy everywhere (I found it useful in my workplace actually, in dealing with coworkers).

decides2dream

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

I haven't read every post, just the original...

in the meantime, pleassseeee read the Five Love Languages...it is an amazing book and has been incredibly helpful in not just my marriage, but in all of my relationships. It's SO worth reading...and good luck :-)

question - does that book have a religious bent to it? i may be confusing it with another book, thus why i ask. someone else awhile back posted about a book, i think with a similar name - if not the same - and it sounded sooo intriguing. i looked for it in the book store...and yes, it was in the religious/christian section. i still gave it a look-see, but it definitely had a wee bit too much 'god' for my tastes. no criticism, just not for me. however, if this book is NOT the same, and no religion...i'd like to know! i am always about books that can help reltionships along.

thanks for any info!

decides2dream

TheBeach wrote:

When someone leaves us, we get a rush of panic. Sometimes, even when you know the person you're in a relationship with is not right for you, when they leave, you get the feeling that you want them back, even though it's not right. Once you have them you're doing the same things you did before that drove them away in the first place. Or, they are doing the same things that drove you away. Ask yourself why do I want to be with her. And she should ask herself why she wants to be with you. The only good reason should be is that you're in love with each other. That you're in love no matter what happens. If you feel like you need this person to change to make you love them more or they need you to change to make them love you more than you aren't right for each other. People for the most part don't change. Maybe little things can be changed but unless you're willing to accept the other person for the way they are and can accept them when they fall, you shouldn't try to get back together.
There will be someone out there for you and no matter what happens you will still love each other and stay together.

excellent post and so true!





as to the book, just looked it up on amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languag ... 9609&sr=1-


yes, it's the same book someone else recommended here in the past. reading the back cover and such, just seemed too much god for me, and most definitely for my husband...so those of you who read it, do you truly feel it was beneficial? and WAs there a lot of god, or religion, in it? are you religious or not...so did it hinder any of the advice? just curious. thanks!

CHANGEinWAVES

decides2dream wrote:

TheBeach wrote:

When someone leaves us, we get a rush of panic. Sometimes, even when you know the person you're in a relationship with is not right for you, when they leave, you get the feeling that you want them back, even though it's not right. Once you have them you're doing the same things you did before that drove them away in the first place. Or, they are doing the same things that drove you away. Ask yourself why do I want to be with her. And she should ask herself why she wants to be with you. The only good reason should be is that you're in love with each other. That you're in love no matter what happens. If you feel like you need this person to change to make you love them more or they need you to change to make them love you more than you aren't right for each other. People for the most part don't change. Maybe little things can be changed but unless you're willing to accept the other person for the way they are and can accept them when they fall, you shouldn't try to get back together.
There will be someone out there for you and no matter what happens you will still love each other and stay together.

excellent post and so true!





as to the book, just looked it up on amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languag ... 9609&sr=1-


yes, it's the same book someone else recommended here in the past. reading the back cover and such, just seemed too much god for me, and most definitely for my husband...so those of you who read it, do you truly feel it was beneficial? and WAs there a lot of god, or religion, in it? are you religious or not...so did it hinder any of the advice? just curious. thanks!

In my copy there wasn't much God references that I remember, if there was I'm sure I would of just put it down.

decides2dream

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

TheBeach wrote:

When someone leaves us, we get a rush of panic. Sometimes, even when you know the person you're in a relationship with is not right for you, when they leave, you get the feeling that you want them back, even though it's not right. Once you have them you're doing the same things you did before that drove them away in the first place. Or, they are doing the same things that drove you away. Ask yourself why do I want to be with her. And she should ask herself why she wants to be with you. The only good reason should be is that you're in love with each other. That you're in love no matter what happens. If you feel like you need this person to change to make you love them more or they need you to change to make them love you more than you aren't right for each other. People for the most part don't change. Maybe little things can be changed but unless you're willing to accept the other person for the way they are and can accept them when they fall, you shouldn't try to get back together.
There will be someone out there for you and no matter what happens you will still love each other and stay together.

excellent post and so true!





as to the book, just looked it up on amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languag ... 9609&sr=1-


yes, it's the same book someone else recommended here in the past. reading the back cover and such, just seemed too much god for me, and most definitely for my husband...so those of you who read it, do you truly feel it was beneficial? and WAs there a lot of god, or religion, in it? are you religious or not...so did it hinder any of the advice? just curious. thanks!

In my copy there wasn't much God references that I remember, if there was I'm sure I would of just put it down.

was it actually the same book as i linked above? i'm just curious. as i said, someone else here - and now i think it may be the same person - recommended the book, i checked it out at the bookstore...and 1. being in the religious studies/christian section 2. the book jacket/back cover had a few god references....so both kinda turned me off. nothing against god or anything :P....just i don't want god/religion in my advice/reading about relationships.


so if it IS one and the same book, did you truly find it a good read, interesting/informative? or just OK, good for at the time perhaps? it seemed intriguing mostly b/c i am not much into 'self-help' type books, yet this sounded like it was good to read and informative....and hey, we all can use pointers/improvements.


thanks for any info!

pearljgirl2010

.[/quote]

was it actually the same book as i linked above? i'm just curious. as i said, someone else here - and now i think it may be the same person - recommended the book, i checked it out at the bookstore...and 1. being in the religious studies/christian section 2. the book jacket/back cover had a few god references....so both kinda turned me off. nothing against god or anything :P....just i don't want god/religion in my advice/reading about relationships.

so if it IS one and the same book, did you truly find it a good read, interesting/informative? or just OK, good for at the time perhaps? it seemed intriguing mostly b/c i am not much into 'self-help' type books, yet this sounded like it was good to read and informative....and hey, we all can use pointers/improvements.

thanks for any info![/quote]

hey there...I had recommended this a few days ago...I am not a religious person AT ALL and I found it very helpful. I felt like most things were common sense, and there were miminal "god-references." I probably wouldn't have read it if it got too religious on me;)

decides2dream

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

hey there...I had recommended this a few days ago...I am not a religious person AT ALL and I found it very helpful. I felt like most things were common sense, and there were miminal "god-references." I probably wouldn't have read it if it got too religious on me;)

yes i know...i was actually thinking you might be one and the same person who recommended it a long while back on the old pit too, that was all. if not, there was someone else who also recommended it. thanks for the info. perhaps i'll give it another look-see. i would prefer NO god references to 'minimal'....but i'll see if i can deal. thanks again for responding!