What would you say?

Fifthelement

justam wrote:

I did say no! He just WANTS stuff so passionately sometimes. I hate to see him pining.

But, I did say no.

Good for you Justam. Now the hard part will be to stick to your guns He is a very lucky boy, but learning these lessons early in life will make him a wiser, Better Man (in the modern, positive evolution of this song) :P Sorry, couldn't resist.

_

I don't have kids or much money, so I can only imagine how hard it must be to say no to your child. But I don't think you're doing him any favors by buying him all the stuff. Quite the contrary. If he were my kid, I think my plan would be to not only make him work to earn the money for the things he wants, but to make him work regularly at a homeless shelter or some other charity just as his civic duty, and every time he shows a lack of appreciation for the things he has, make him give one of his things to those less fortunate. (Of course, as I said, I'm not a parent so I'm not able to say how realistic this plan is. But I still think it's a good one. )

LikeAnOcean

My parents gave me $5 a week to take out the trash until I was 16, which at that point I got a job and from then on had to pay for everything.

I bought my first car. My First Computer. Payed and worked my way through college to earn my bachelors degree.

The only thing they gave me was a roof over my head, for which I am VERY grateful. Rent is expensive, and this allowed me to save money for my future.

I don't care if I was a millionaire. I'd make my kids appreciate and understand the value of a penny. They won't be getting anything handed to them.

vduboise

if he wants it bad enough, tell him he has to get a job or sell some of his stuff. Then he will value money- when he sees that he will either have to work hard on getting what he wants- or losing something to gain something else- am I making sense?

its good you told him no, you could always bargain him for what he wants. You do x and then you can have y.

just an idea.

catefrances

justam wrote:

What do you say when your child wants more stuff? My second son isn't even twelve yet and he has lots of equipment...three good guitars, a few good amps, a computer,a mixer, software to compose with, and now he's crying in the other room because he wants more.

I feel his pain, but on the other hand, he has way more than most 11 year olds. He has more because we love him so much. We also share our pianos and keyboards and other stuff with him because we want him to play more, but...

Am I horrible for saying it's too much to ask me for a $900 mesa amp? :shock:

you feel his pain?? what pain would that be???

are you kidding me a.m??? tis not a parents duty to give their children everything they want... just everything they need.

it make me shake my head when parents put forth questions like this. youre making yourself feel guilty for saying no to your child about something you feel is too much. and that is bullshit. what lesson are you teaching your son by giving him more and more and more?

FinsburyParkCarrots

A $900 Mesa amp? There are gigging professionals who don't make enough to start splashing out on Mesa amps! Tell him to wait until his first student loan.

FinsburyParkCarrots

I was just thinking, that film August Rush has a lot to answer for.

jamie uk

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

A $900 Mesa amp? There are gigging professionals who don't make enough to start splashing out on Mesa amps! Tell him to wait until his first student loan.

yo want one don't you Fins'..?

I feel your pain

FinsburyParkCarrots

jamie uk wrote:

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

A $900 Mesa amp? There are gigging professionals who don't make enough to start splashing out on Mesa amps! Tell him to wait until his first student loan.

yo want one don't you Fins'..?

I feel your pain

Nah. I wouldn't mind these though:




Justam, if I take out the garbage and empty the cat litter tray, and wash up for the next six weeks ....

Heineken Helen

No... ya just say no

Ya can't have your kids thinking that you express your love in monetary terms. We'd fuck all growing up but we'd all we needed and I can't remember one thing i wanted that i didn't get... of course there were plenty but i've forgotten now so it's not so important. Ooohh no, I did want a pony but we only had a small back yard so that wasn't really a possibility.

If you don't teach your kid that they can't have everything they want, how are they gonna get on in the real world when somebody says no to them :oops:

justam

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

A $900 Mesa amp? There are gigging professionals who don't make enough to start splashing out on Mesa amps! Tell him to wait until his first student loan.

Yeah.

Like I said, I don't think he has any sense of how much money that is! :shock:

decides2dream

justam wrote:

What do you say when your child wants more stuff? My second son isn't even twelve yet and he has lots of equipment...three good guitars, a few good amps, a computer,a mixer, software to compose with, and now he's crying in the other room because he wants more.

I feel his pain, but on the other hand, he has way more than most 11 year olds. He has more because we love him so much. We also share our pianos and keyboards and other stuff with him because we want him to play more, but...

Am I horrible for saying it's too much to ask me for a $900 mesa amp? :shock:

i'd play the stones' you can't always get what you want.


seriously.....as i am sure you know, as a parent, it's important to set boundaries, expectations and that yes....you can't always get what you want. at 11 years old, sounds like he could really learn the value of saving $$$, working towards a goal not expect instant gratification. it's hard lesson, but one we all need to learn. sounds like he does have a lot, so perhaps he should try and appreciate what he has more, and fret less about what he doesn't.

good luck.

justam

decides2dream wrote:

i'd play the stones' you can't always get what you want.


seriously.....as i am sure you know, as a parent, it's important to set boundaries, expectations and that yes....you can't always get what you want. at 11 years old, sounds like he could really learn the value of saving $$$, working towards a goal not expect instant gratification. it's hard lesson, but one we all need to learn. sounds like he does have a lot, so perhaps he should try and appreciate what he has more, and fret less about what he doesn't.

good luck.

Yes, thanks.

He's not fretting about it now. I'm glad.

I knew "No" was the right answer, but I just needed to hear it from other people I guess.

Heineken Helen

justam wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

i'd play the stones' you can't always get what you want.


seriously.....as i am sure you know, as a parent, it's important to set boundaries, expectations and that yes....you can't always get what you want. at 11 years old, sounds like he could really learn the value of saving $$$, working towards a goal not expect instant gratification. it's hard lesson, but one we all need to learn. sounds like he does have a lot, so perhaps he should try and appreciate what he has more, and fret less about what he doesn't.

good luck.

Yes, thanks.

He's not fretting about it now. I'm glad.

I knew "No" was the right answer, but I just needed to hear it from other people I guess.

You also touched on him not really using the other stuff and not writing... perhaps, rather than work goals, how about you say 'well for every song you write, I'll put aside $50 towards the amps'. I still think you should go harder on him than that BUT it will encourage him to be more creative. There's no point buying the amps in the first place if you're not sure he's taking the music thing seriously.

decides2dream

justam wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

i'd play the stones' you can't always get what you want.


seriously.....as i am sure you know, as a parent, it's important to set boundaries, expectations and that yes....you can't always get what you want. at 11 years old, sounds like he could really learn the value of saving $$$, working towards a goal not expect instant gratification. it's hard lesson, but one we all need to learn. sounds like he does have a lot, so perhaps he should try and appreciate what he has more, and fret less about what he doesn't.

good luck.

Yes, thanks.

He's not fretting about it now. I'm glad.

I knew "No" was the right answer, but I just needed to hear it from other people I guess.

cool.


and i am sure it's difficult to not give your child everything he wants....b/c don't we all want to give those we love everything they want? so good for you for being strong.

justam

Heineken Helen wrote:

You also touched on him not really using the other stuff and not writing... perhaps, rather than work goals, how about you say 'well for every song you write, I'll put aside $50 towards the amps'. I still think you should go harder on him than that BUT it will encourage him to be more creative. There's no point buying the amps in the first place if you're not sure he's taking the music thing seriously.

I didn't mean to give the impression that he doesn't play a lot because he does. (And he does well. )

However, I think he's barely scratched the surface of what he could do with the things he has.

Luckily, he seems happy as a little clam today.

soulsinging

decides2dream wrote:

and i am sure it's difficult to not give your child everything he wants....b/c don't we all want to give those we love everything they want? so good for you for being strong.

Not me. I like to make them sweat. I figure it's a way to test them and their loyalty

Heineken Helen

justam wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

You also touched on him not really using the other stuff and not writing... perhaps, rather than work goals, how about you say 'well for every song you write, I'll put aside $50 towards the amps'. I still think you should go harder on him than that BUT it will encourage him to be more creative. There's no point buying the amps in the first place if you're not sure he's taking the music thing seriously.

I didn't mean to give the impression that he doesn't play a lot because he does. (And he does well. )

However, I think he's barely scratched the surface of what he could do with the things he has.

Luckily, he seems happy as a little clam today.

now you have a bargaining tool to encourage him further and push him a bit

kids forget pretty quickly

dunkman

at 12 years of age i learned the great art of 'burglary'... problem solved

but $900 for an amp at his age is way too much.... i spent about £100 on mine and it does me...