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What would you say?

justamjustam Posts: 21,412
edited February 2009 in All Encompassing Trip
What do you say when your child wants more stuff? My second son isn't even twelve yet and he has lots of equipment...three good guitars, a few good amps, a computer,a mixer, software to compose with, and now he's crying in the other room because he wants more.

I feel his pain, but on the other hand, he has way more than most 11 year olds. He has more because we love him so much. We also share our pianos and keyboards and other stuff with him because we want him to play more, but...

Am I horrible for saying it's too much to ask me for a $900 mesa amp? :shock:
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Comments

  • CROJAM95CROJAM95 Posts: 9,984
    Sit him in front of the tv during the next nightly news cast
    He'll realize its pretty shitty out there and in do time he will accumulate his share of useless crap :D


    He'll be better off in the long run...and thank u for it
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    It's not that the stuff is useless, but I think he would be fine with what he has if he just played with it more...all I had was one piano for years... :?

    I don't know...

    I told him if he saved his allowance I'd save mine towards it too... :geek:
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  • CROJAM95CROJAM95 Posts: 9,984
    justam wrote:
    It's not that the stuff is useless, but I think he would be fine with what he has if he just played with it more...all I had was one piano for years... :?

    I don't know...

    I told him if he saved his allowance I'd save mine towards it too... :geek:


    I was speaking in general. The amp maybe usefull...then its on to something else.
    Its completly normal to want things and for you to feel bad if u say no
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    he should focus on practicing and writing....to me it sounds like he has enough gear for now....:)


    as to the broader scope of you're question, it's great that you want to give your kids the things they want but there is also value in teaching them a life lesson....make him work for it....chores around the house etc....not enough to earn all the money but enough to make understand the value of these object and hopefully he'll feel better about helping to earn it himself :)

    hope that made sense i just woke up from a nap :oops:
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    also i thought this thread was about dmb :( :P :D
  • FifthelementFifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,963
    Wow, sounds like he has it pretty good. My advice to you would be . . . when you were a child did you have everything given to you just because you wanted it? Just because you cried for it? I know that I didn't. If I wanted the little extras (and $900 is a BIG extra!) I was expected to do my part to earn it. As others have said chores are one way. Another way was by going out and doing odd jobs in the neighbourhood such as shoveling walks, mowing lawns and babysitting amongst other things. As a result, I learned to value what I bought because it was earned by my own hand, even if Mom and Dad helped out with the total cost.

    In the short-term it might make both of you very happy if you buy this item for him. However, if you do not buy this item for him, the long-term benefits will be much greater than just an amp.

    Just my 2cents. Good luck :P
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • Drowned OutDrowned Out Posts: 6,056
    justam wrote:
    He has more because we love him so much.
    He has more because you obviously have money to give it to him. (Def not saying you don't love him)...there are a lot of broke-ass kids out there that would be pretty damn happy with ONE SHITTY guitar. Maybe you should be focusing on teaching him to appreciate what he has more than fretting over how to explain that he can't have MORE?
    Sorry, I don't mean to sound critical of your parenting, and I'm only going off of what's in the thread......but you brought it up and that line irked me :p
  • know1know1 Posts: 6,794
    Make him buy the stuff himself.
    The only people we should try to get even with...
    ...are those who've helped us.

    Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
  • SongburstSongburst Posts: 1,195
    The attitude of entitlement that kids have these days is mind-boggling to me. 12 is not too young for a paper route - I started delivering flyers at 9 and stepped up to newspapers at 11 -- that should be the only path to a $900 guitar amp for a 12 year old. Not that it ever would have happened but if I cried over something as trivial as not getting something when I was 12, my dad would have lit up my ass. When I was 12 I bought myself a new pair of skates and a new set of golf clubs with my earnings.
    1/12/1879, 4/8/1156, 2/6/1977, who gives a shit, ...
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    Drowned Out wrote:
    justam wrote:
    He has more because we love him so much.
    He has more because you obviously have money to give it to him. (Def not saying you don't love him)...there are a lot of broke-ass kids out there that would be pretty damn happy with ONE SHITTY guitar. Maybe you should be focusing on teaching him to appreciate what he has more than fretting over how to explain that he can't have MORE?
    Sorry, I don't mean to sound critical of your parenting, and I'm only going off of what's in the thread......but you brought it up and that line irked me :p

    I said that because he probably has more than he should but I tend to give up things for myself to give the children extra stuff.
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  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    Fifthelement wrote:
    Wow, sounds like he has it pretty good. My advice to you would be . . . when you were a child did you have everything given to you just because you wanted it? Just because you cried for it? I know that I didn't. If I wanted the little extras (and $900 is a BIG extra!) I was expected to do my part to earn it. As others have said chores are one way. Another way was by going out and doing odd jobs in the neighbourhood such as shoveling walks, mowing lawns and babysitting amongst other things. As a result, I learned to value what I bought because it was earned by my own hand, even if Mom and Dad helped out with the total cost.

    In the short-term it might make both of you very happy if you buy this item for him. However, if you do not buy this item for him, the long-term benefits will be much greater than just an amp.

    Just my 2cents. Good luck :P


    This is pretty much how I feel too.
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  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    norm wrote:
    he should focus on practicing and writing....to me it sounds like he has enough gear for now....:)


    as to the broader scope of you're question, it's great that you want to give your kids the things they want but there is also value in teaching them a life lesson....make him work for it....chores around the house etc....not enough to earn all the money but enough to make understand the value of these object and hopefully he'll feel better about helping to earn it himself :)

    hope that made sense i just woke up from a nap :oops:

    Yeah. I think he should focus more on practicing and writing too.

    I don't think he has any sense of how much money that really is.
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  • smithnicsmithnic Posts: 1,563
    Kids always want shit. It's their job. Your job is to say no when appropriate.
    Go Get 'Em Tigers!
  • Drowned OutDrowned Out Posts: 6,056
    justam wrote:
    Drowned Out wrote:
    justam wrote:
    He has more because we love him so much.
    He has more because you obviously have money to give it to him. (Def not saying you don't love him)...there are a lot of broke-ass kids out there that would be pretty damn happy with ONE SHITTY guitar. Maybe you should be focusing on teaching him to appreciate what he has more than fretting over how to explain that he can't have MORE?
    Sorry, I don't mean to sound critical of your parenting, and I'm only going off of what's in the thread......but you brought it up and that line irked me :p

    I said that because he probably has more than he should but I tend to give up things for myself to give the children extra stuff.
    Nothing wrong with buying your kid nice stuff...but you're probably right that he doesn't have the full concept of how much money it is...if you don't feel that he shouldn't be working yet (paper route etc), then maybe try to find a way to make it a reward for something? My parents did that with me right up to adulthood...told me they'd pay my uni on a sliding scale based on grades; I dropout or fail, the bills are mine...graduate with honours, they pay it all...
    If you just give in and get it for him you're perpetuating the cycle of entitlement...if you make him work for it, he'll have learned somehting...
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    smithnic wrote:
    Kids always want shit. It's their job. Your job is to say no when appropriate.

    Yes. :)
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  • soulsingingsoulsinging Posts: 13,202
    justam wrote:
    What do you say when your child wants more stuff? My second son isn't even twelve yet and he has lots of equipment...three good guitars, a few good amps, a computer,a mixer, software to compose with, and now he's crying in the other room because he wants more.

    I feel his pain, but on the other hand, he has way more than most 11 year olds. He has more because we love him so much. We also share our pianos and keyboards and other stuff with him because we want him to play more, but...

    Am I horrible for saying it's too much to ask me for a $900 mesa amp? :shock:

    For a start... how about saying 'no.' You're the parent, and you've got the money.

    And I don't feel his pain. There's no pain in having 3 guitars, a few amps, a computer, mixer, and software. He's a prince and if he thinks that is pain, then you need to take the spoiled kid to do service in the inner city. Let him see how they live in the ghetto or Appalachia. THAT is pain.
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    I did say no! He just WANTS stuff so passionately sometimes. I hate to see him pining.

    But, I did say no.
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  • FoxyMopFoxyMop Posts: 303
    I have an 8 year old daughter, who is basically an only child, and I run in to the same problem all the time. I love to get her the things she wants and sometimes have a hard time saying no as well. But I agree with those who've stated the 'shared responsibility' tactic.

    Life won't just hand them what they want and though we want them to have the best at all times, the lessons that they learn from our restraint are far more valuable than the thing that they want. If I was you, I would give it a few days and go back to him saying something like, "I've had time to consider what you want and I think it would be reasonable to say you can get the amp on these conditions..." Conditions being he does weekly chores, getting good grades, saving allowance/gift money, etc.

    When they start realizing it's coming out of their own hard-earned sparse little piggy bank I think they appreciate it even more. I was sort of spoiled as a child, but my most treasured item back then was the stereo system I worked my ass off for when I was 14.

    Only you (and your child's other parent) know exactly what is best for them and you have to do what's in your heart. Good luck!
  • soulsingingsoulsinging Posts: 13,202
    justam wrote:
    I did say no! He just WANTS stuff so passionately sometimes. I hate to see him pining.

    But, I did say no.

    Man, I wish I'd had a mom like that ;) We were told no and if we kept pining and whining we got paddled. We learned very quickly to be happy with what we got.

    Stick to your guns though! He's got it good and he'll learn that better. You need to put a curb on this now, or his college roommate will kill him one day :)
  • jamie ukjamie uk Posts: 3,812
    As parents we have to lay out the rules, teach kids about boundaries. My kids do ok, and they know it, they have more than a lot of kids, yet nowhere as much as others.
    They would never kick up a fuss, because they've been taught the value of things, the worth. I'm hardly Victorian in my approach to parenting, but you have to tell them no means no sometimes.
    Your child sounds like he does very well, and needs to be more appreciative of that.
    You should not feel guilty in any way. Say no.
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • FifthelementFifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,963
    justam wrote:
    I did say no! He just WANTS stuff so passionately sometimes. I hate to see him pining.

    But, I did say no.


    Good for you Justam. Now the hard part will be to stick to your guns :) He is a very lucky boy, but learning these lessons early in life will make him a wiser, Better Man (in the modern, positive evolution of this song) :lol: :P Sorry, couldn't resist.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    I don't have kids or much money, so I can only imagine how hard it must be to say no to your child. But I don't think you're doing him any favors by buying him all the stuff. Quite the contrary. If he were my kid, I think my plan would be to not only make him work to earn the money for the things he wants, but to make him work regularly at a homeless shelter or some other charity just as his civic duty, and every time he shows a lack of appreciation for the things he has, make him give one of his things to those less fortunate. (Of course, as I said, I'm not a parent so I'm not able to say how realistic this plan is. But I still think it's a good one. :) )
  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    My parents gave me $5 a week to take out the trash until I was 16, which at that point I got a job and from then on had to pay for everything.

    I bought my first car. My First Computer. Payed and worked my way through college to earn my bachelors degree.

    The only thing they gave me was a roof over my head, for which I am VERY grateful. Rent is expensive, and this allowed me to save money for my future.

    I don't care if I was a millionaire. I'd make my kids appreciate and understand the value of a penny. They won't be getting anything handed to them.
  • vduboisevduboise Posts: 1,937
    if he wants it bad enough, tell him he has to get a job or sell some of his stuff. Then he will value money- when he sees that he will either have to work hard on getting what he wants- or losing something to gain something else- am I making sense?

    its good you told him no, you could always bargain him for what he wants. You do x and then you can have y.

    just an idea.
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    justam wrote:
    What do you say when your child wants more stuff? My second son isn't even twelve yet and he has lots of equipment...three good guitars, a few good amps, a computer,a mixer, software to compose with, and now he's crying in the other room because he wants more.

    I feel his pain, but on the other hand, he has way more than most 11 year olds. He has more because we love him so much. We also share our pianos and keyboards and other stuff with him because we want him to play more, but...

    Am I horrible for saying it's too much to ask me for a $900 mesa amp? :shock:


    you feel his pain?? what pain would that be???

    are you kidding me a.m??? tis not a parents duty to give their children everything they want... just everything they need.

    it make me shake my head when parents put forth questions like this. youre making yourself feel guilty for saying no to your child about something you feel is too much. and that is bullshit. what lesson are you teaching your son by giving him more and more and more?
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    A $900 Mesa amp? There are gigging professionals who don't make enough to start splashing out on Mesa amps! Tell him to wait until his first student loan. :lol:

    ;)
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I was just thinking, that film August Rush has a lot to answer for. :lol:
  • jamie ukjamie uk Posts: 3,812
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    A $900 Mesa amp? There are gigging professionals who don't make enough to start splashing out on Mesa amps! Tell him to wait until his first student loan. :lol:

    ;)


    yo want one don't you Fins'..?

    I feel your pain :cry:

    ;)
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    jamie uk wrote:
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    A $900 Mesa amp? There are gigging professionals who don't make enough to start splashing out on Mesa amps! Tell him to wait until his first student loan. :lol:

    ;)


    yo want one don't you Fins'..?

    I feel your pain :cry:

    ;)


    Nah. I wouldn't mind these though:

    orange-amp-section.jpg


    Justam, if I take out the garbage and empty the cat litter tray, and wash up for the next six weeks ....

    ;)
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    No... ya just say no :)

    Ya can't have your kids thinking that you express your love in monetary terms. We'd fuck all growing up but we'd all we needed and I can't remember one thing i wanted that i didn't get... of course there were plenty but i've forgotten now so it's not so important. Ooohh no, I did want a pony :mrgreen: but we only had a small back yard so that wasn't really a possibility.

    If you don't teach your kid that they can't have everything they want, how are they gonna get on in the real world when somebody says no to them :oops:
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
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