Home› All Encompassing Trip

What do you do...

manipulatedlivingmanipulatedliving Posts: 508
edited July 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
when your partner just doesn't give a fuck? You are upset...they never try to comfort you...you are pissed or unhappy and they just roll back over and go back to sleep like nothing. you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...
but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?

what do you do?
"I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes." - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, 1977
Post edited by Unknown User on
«1

Comments

  • angelm20angelm20 Posts: 142
    What I would do ~ I did~ I divorced them! Shit~ never settle and think you deserve it~ or no one would treat you better! If it happens often then~ move on~ don't waste your life!
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...what do you do?

    i would say "hey.. there's something wrong here, can we talk?"

    you go outside for a smoke and HOPE they follow you? unless he is the CEO of MindReaders Inc then how would he know???

    so tell him.. ask him to talk.. dont do womeny things like you mentioned... it will get you nowhere.
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • nuffingmannuffingman Posts: 3,014
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    when your partner just doesn't give a fuck? You are upset...they never try to comfort you...you are pissed or unhappy and they just roll back over and go back to sleep like nothing. you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...
    but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?

    what do you do?
    I'm sorry for your situation but I disagree with your last line. Why can't you leave? Better to have nothing than a shitty something. I had a shitty something and the solution was divorcing her. Probably the best decision I ever made.

    Too many people think being with someone is the most important thing. I had 3 years living on my own and loved it.

    Good luck :)
  • 3inputchick3inputchick Posts: 845
    If there is something wrong he just tells me- no time for that BS of following outside because he looks pissed or upset or whatever.
    If you need her tell her. When couples start playing the game of - wahhhhh he/she cant read my emotions it's a bad sign.

    Tell her-
    A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
  • Gremmie95Gremmie95 Posts: 749
    "It's time to move on, time to get going, what lies ahead I have no way of knowing. But under my feet baby, the grass is growing. Yeah, it's time to move on, time to get going"----Mr. Petty
  • blackredyellowblackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    dunkman wrote:
    i would say "hey.. there's something wrong here, can we talk?"

    you go outside for a smoke and HOPE they follow you? unless he is the CEO of MindReaders Inc then how would he know???

    so tell him.. ask him to talk.. dont do womeny things like you mentioned... it will get you nowhere.


    Eggsactly...

    One bit of advise for women - Don't ever assume that we know what you are thinking or even worse, assume we are thinking the same thing as you.

    If you are pissed about something, TELL US THAT YOU ARE, AND THEN WHAT IT IS THAT YOU ARE PISSED ABOUT.

    And if we do detect that you are pissed, and ask "what's wrong?", don't say "nothing" and then get even madder that we aren't "there for you".
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • shareshare Posts: 551
    walk around the house butt neked.
    if he doesn't take notice then it's time to give notice.
    we're all sentient snowflakes
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I'm a number that doesn't count
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    the nothing ventured - the nothing feigned
  • comebackwomancomebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    when your partner just doesn't give a fuck? You are upset...they never try to comfort you...you are pissed or unhappy and they just roll back over and go back to sleep like nothing. you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...
    but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?

    what do you do?
    sounds like there already isn't anyone there for you...so what you are most afraid of you are already living.

    I don't know the extent of your situation, but if there is any shot at resolving this, I agree with the previous posters and talk directly about it...no games...no mind reading, just direct talk...but that can only happen if both of you are willing.
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • Inhiding230Inhiding230 Posts: 362
    angelm19 wrote:
    What I would do ~ I did~ I divorced them! Shit~ never settle and think you deserve it~ or no one would treat you better! If it happens often then~ move on~ don't waste your life!

    Couldn't have said it better myself!! Been there done that also. I lived like that for way too many years. Now I am with someone where I did not compromise or settle one little bit, and am happier than I have ever been.
  • markymark550markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,174
    I agree with dunk. Being passive about the whole situation is just going to lead to more anger and resentment. Be proactive and initiate the conversation yourself. If it's just a case of bad communication that can be worked on, ignore all of this divorce talk. However, if it's more than that and there are some deep seeded issues that cannot be resolved, then you might want to start thinking of only for yourself.
  • Inhiding230Inhiding230 Posts: 362
    markymark550 wrote:
    I agree with dunk. Being passive about the whole situation is just going to lead to more anger and resentment. Be proactive and initiate the conversation yourself. If it's just a case of bad communication that can be worked on, ignore all of this divorce talk. However, if it's more than that and there are some deep seeded issues that cannot be resolved, then you might want to start thinking of only for yourself.

    I agree that maybe lack of communication could be the issue. But when someone says this "but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?" - there are way more issues than just bad communication.
  • markymark550markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,174
    seren327 wrote:
    I agree that maybe lack of communication could be the issue. But when someone says this "but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?" - there are way more issues than just bad communication.
    hence, that's why I said if there are more deep seeded issues that can't be resolved

    you never know what can be worked out just opening a line of communication...I've seen really a bad relationship get back on track because both parties were willing to communicate (within the realm of counseling though)...They may not be able to resolve anything, but it's better to try than just give up and take the easy way out of the situation.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    Well first I would try to discuss it with them. If they don't take you seriously I would reconsider the relationship. Believe me life is too short to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about your feelings. I rather be alone.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    libragirl wrote:
    Well first I would try to discuss it with them. If they don't take you seriously I would reconsider the relationship. Believe me life is too short to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about your feelings. I rather be alone.

    I agree. If it really is a pattern and you are just banging your head against a wall then kick that shit to the curb. Best decision I ever made was divorcing my first wife. Being alone is better than being miserable even if it doesn't seem like it now.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I agree. If it really is a pattern and you are just banging your head against a wall then kick that shit to the curb. Best decision I ever made was divorcing my first wife. Being alone is better than being miserable even if it doesn't seem like it now.

    I really don't understand why people would rather stay with someone that makes them feel like shit all the time then be alone. But then again, I'm not presuming to know this person's individual situation.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    libragirl wrote:
    I really don't understand why people would rather stay with someone that makes them feel like shit all the time then be alone. But then again, I'm not presuming to know this person's individual situation.

    I think time all alone with nothing but their own thoughts is a lot of people's greatest fear.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I think time all alone with nothing but their own thoughts is a lot of people's greatest fear.

    I felt like that while in a relationship. Frankly I rather have the real thing.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • blackredyellowblackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    libragirl wrote:
    I really don't understand why people would rather stay with someone that makes them feel like shit all the time then be alone. But then again, I'm not presuming to know this person's individual situation.

    I've never understood that as well... Maybe as a guy it's a little different, but I've had friends both guys and girls that couldn't be alone. They always had to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and felt worthless if they didn't. I'm sure it's a self-esteem issue, but a lot of the times desperate people attract people who take advantage of them (which lowers their self-esteem even more).
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    blackredyellow wrote:
    I'm sure it's a self-esteem issue, but a lot of the times desperate people attract people who take advantage of them (which lowers their self-esteem even more).

    very true...I have to admit I didn't always have the best self-esteem..it always seemed like i attracted people who used to put me down. Im older and wiser now. It's not the end all being alone.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • stickboystickboy Posts: 2,981
    you keep it moving

    if they dont give a shit and youve already tried to no avail, then you know its time to move on.
    Aah, fuck it, I’m just gonna go home, turn on the fuckin’ TV...
    Watch the nightly news and drink a beer...
    Like I could even change the world, yeah right...
    ************************************
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    when your partner just doesn't give a fuck? You are upset...they never try to comfort you...you are pissed or unhappy and they just roll back over and go back to sleep like nothing. you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...
    but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?

    what do you do?

    What do I do? Talk.

    Say something if you're upset. Don't expect anyone to read your mind. Some people can, and some people can't and even those that CAN might get tired of having to do that.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • CityMouseCityMouse Posts: 1,010
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?

    what do you do?


    wow this is messed up.
    why do you need this???

    people don't HAVE to have a "partner" you know. you won't die.

    there's no point in being a relationship if you don't get anything out of it. it's not like water, food, and shelter, it's an option not a necessity.

    Plus, if you feel this way this is WHY he/she doesn't care. they don't HAVE to care about you because they know your self esteem is too low to ever break up with them.
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    Try, try and try again and if it doesn't work then go.
    Thats what I did and because I know I gave it my best shot I was able to move on and look back at things with the minimum of regret.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • CityMouseCityMouse Posts: 1,010
    blackredyellow wrote:
    I've never understood that as well... Maybe as a guy it's a little different, but I've had friends both guys and girls that couldn't be alone. They always had to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and felt worthless if they didn't. I'm sure it's a self-esteem issue, but a lot of the times desperate people attract people who take advantage of them (which lowers their self-esteem even more).

    trust me, it doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl.
  • inmytreeinmytree Posts: 4,741
    dunkman wrote:
    i would say "hey.. there's something wrong here, can we talk?"

    you go outside for a smoke and HOPE they follow you? unless he is the CEO of MindReaders Inc then how would he know???

    so tell him.. ask him to talk.. dont do womeny things like you mentioned... it will get you nowhere.

    right on, brother...

    if your partner doesn't know what the problem is, they can't fix it...

    and don't be fearful of being alone...it's actually a good thing sometimes...you get a chance to clear your head, get to know yourself, and figure out what you want and more importantly, don't want...
  • manipulatedlivingmanipulatedliving Posts: 508
    share wrote:
    walk around the house butt neked.
    if he doesn't take notice then it's time to give notice.
    haha

    Thanks for the advice guys...well he's like that all the time, so I guess it's just him and not me...i'll try it :D
    "I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes." - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, 1977
  • manipulatedlivingmanipulatedliving Posts: 508
    wow...sorry if you feel like im bitching to you, but I have to tell you this. So tonight, I buy (like most things) a bottle of rum for us to share as my last night of leave with my family. Instead of drinking to have fun and have a good time, all David knows how to do is drink to get obliterated. So he goes on and on, and for a while I think we've having a good time, until I realize he's far beyond gone. So I decide that it's time for us to lay down and go to sleep so that I can get up early tomorrow and spend most of the day with my family for my last day of leave. We head into the bedroom and he's belligerent. I lay down and so does he and he starts rambling shit that I can't understand so I grab him a bucket in case he gets sick (he's still kind of a lightweight) so a few minutes later i hear him start to get sick (assuming he's puking in the bucket) sure enough about ten minutes later i wake up and make sure he made it in the bucket, and of course, he puked all over the wall and my grandmothers carpet. I get up and start yelling at him, and in his drunken stupor has NO idea what i'm talking about, so i go get the items necessary to clean up his mess, and I spend ten minutes pissed off cleaning up his shit, while he falls right back to sleep, and it this very moment is asleep not caring a thing in the world about how I feel.

    Sorry if that overwhelmed you but I felt the need to ramble to someone.


    A very considerate way to treat my grandmother and her house while i'm on leave.
    "I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes." - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, 1977
  • angelm20angelm20 Posts: 142
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    wow... So tonight, I buy (like most things) a bottle of rum for us to share as my last night of leave with my family. Instead of drinking to have fun and have a good time, all David knows how to do is drink to get obliterated. So he goes on and on, and for a while I think we've having a good time, until I realize he's far beyond gone. So I decide that it's time for us to lay down and go to sleep so that I can get up early tomorrow and spend most of the day with my family for my last day of leave. We head into the bedroom and he's belligerent. I lay down and so does he and he starts rambling shit that I can't understand so I grab him a bucket in case he gets sick (he's still kind of a lightweight) so a few minutes later i hear him start to get sick (assuming he's puking in the bucket) sure enough about ten minutes later i wake up and make sure he made it in the bucket, and of course, he puked all over the wall and my grandmothers carpet. I get up and start yelling at him, and in his drunken stupor has NO idea what i'm talking about, so i go get the items necessary to clean up his mess, and I spend ten minutes pissed off cleaning up his shit, while he falls right back to sleep, and it this very moment is asleep not caring a thing in the world about how I feel.

    Your on leave !!! WH~AT!!! OHHHhhhh mannnn baby this is just wrong and you know it or you would not be telling us about it. If he was drunk you can not blame him for the pukin and all~ hey thats normal for guys~ LOL~ seriously I would not expect anything differently~ it just sucks for you but I don't think you'd want him to attempt cleaning it in that state either~ he could make it a lot worse! You are making your own problems here sweeite~ YOU bought him the rum knowing how he gets~ YOU are acting like his mommy more then anything~ You are breakin your own heart~ sorry but even your name here~ manipulatedliving`~ suggests to me you have self esteem issues~ Hey me too~ we all kinda do~ so dont get mad at me~ but I just want you to see that YOU are the problem here~ its not really him~ and maybe you need to work on that and perhaps then he will change. You can NOT change him~ you can only change yourself and how you deal with his actions and reactions to you. Don't blame him for being who he is.
  • LONGRDLONGRD Posts: 6,036
    angelm19 wrote:
    Your on leave !!! WH~AT!!! OHHHhhhh mannnn baby this is just wrong and you know it or you would not be telling us about it. If he was drunk you can not blame him for the pukin and all~ hey thats normal for guys~ LOL~ seriously I would not expect anything differently~ it just sucks for you but I don't think you'd want him to attempt cleaning it in that state either~ he could make it a lot worse! You are making your own problems here sweeite~ YOU bought him the rum knowing how he gets~ YOU are acting like his mommy more then anything~ You are breakin your own heart~ sorry but even your name here~ manipulatedliving`~ suggests to me you have self esteem issues~ Hey me too~ we all kinda do~ so dont get mad at me~ but I just want you to see that YOU are the problem here~ its not really him~ and maybe you need to work on that and perhaps then he will change. You can NOT change him~ you can only change yourself and how you deal with his actions and reactions to you. Don't blame him for being who he is.
    she won't understand your point when you write like that. :rolleyes:
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • 3inputchick3inputchick Posts: 845
    this relationship is over.
    A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
Sign In or Register to comment.