What do you do...

manipulatedliving
manipulatedliving Posts: 508
edited July 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
when your partner just doesn't give a fuck? You are upset...they never try to comfort you...you are pissed or unhappy and they just roll back over and go back to sleep like nothing. you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...
but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?

what do you do?
"I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes." - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, 1977
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Comments

  • angelm20
    angelm20 Posts: 142
    What I would do ~ I did~ I divorced them! Shit~ never settle and think you deserve it~ or no one would treat you better! If it happens often then~ move on~ don't waste your life!
  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...what do you do?

    i would say "hey.. there's something wrong here, can we talk?"

    you go outside for a smoke and HOPE they follow you? unless he is the CEO of MindReaders Inc then how would he know???

    so tell him.. ask him to talk.. dont do womeny things like you mentioned... it will get you nowhere.
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • nuffingman
    nuffingman Posts: 3,014
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    when your partner just doesn't give a fuck? You are upset...they never try to comfort you...you are pissed or unhappy and they just roll back over and go back to sleep like nothing. you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...
    but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?

    what do you do?
    I'm sorry for your situation but I disagree with your last line. Why can't you leave? Better to have nothing than a shitty something. I had a shitty something and the solution was divorcing her. Probably the best decision I ever made.

    Too many people think being with someone is the most important thing. I had 3 years living on my own and loved it.

    Good luck :)
  • 3inputchick
    3inputchick Posts: 845
    If there is something wrong he just tells me- no time for that BS of following outside because he looks pissed or upset or whatever.
    If you need her tell her. When couples start playing the game of - wahhhhh he/she cant read my emotions it's a bad sign.

    Tell her-
    A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
  • Gremmie95
    Gremmie95 Posts: 749
    "It's time to move on, time to get going, what lies ahead I have no way of knowing. But under my feet baby, the grass is growing. Yeah, it's time to move on, time to get going"----Mr. Petty
  • blackredyellow
    blackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    dunkman wrote:
    i would say "hey.. there's something wrong here, can we talk?"

    you go outside for a smoke and HOPE they follow you? unless he is the CEO of MindReaders Inc then how would he know???

    so tell him.. ask him to talk.. dont do womeny things like you mentioned... it will get you nowhere.


    Eggsactly...

    One bit of advise for women - Don't ever assume that we know what you are thinking or even worse, assume we are thinking the same thing as you.

    If you are pissed about something, TELL US THAT YOU ARE, AND THEN WHAT IT IS THAT YOU ARE PISSED ABOUT.

    And if we do detect that you are pissed, and ask "what's wrong?", don't say "nothing" and then get even madder that we aren't "there for you".
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • share
    share Posts: 551
    walk around the house butt neked.
    if he doesn't take notice then it's time to give notice.
    we're all sentient snowflakes
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I'm a number that doesn't count
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    the nothing ventured - the nothing feigned
  • comebackwoman
    comebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    manipulatedliving wrote:
    when your partner just doesn't give a fuck? You are upset...they never try to comfort you...you are pissed or unhappy and they just roll back over and go back to sleep like nothing. you go outside to smoke, hoping they would follow you just to ask what is wrong, so you feel like someone is there for you, and you come back in the bedroom to find them snoring...
    but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?

    what do you do?
    sounds like there already isn't anyone there for you...so what you are most afraid of you are already living.

    I don't know the extent of your situation, but if there is any shot at resolving this, I agree with the previous posters and talk directly about it...no games...no mind reading, just direct talk...but that can only happen if both of you are willing.
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • Inhiding230
    Inhiding230 Posts: 362
    angelm19 wrote:
    What I would do ~ I did~ I divorced them! Shit~ never settle and think you deserve it~ or no one would treat you better! If it happens often then~ move on~ don't waste your life!

    Couldn't have said it better myself!! Been there done that also. I lived like that for way too many years. Now I am with someone where I did not compromise or settle one little bit, and am happier than I have ever been.
  • markymark550
    markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,224
    I agree with dunk. Being passive about the whole situation is just going to lead to more anger and resentment. Be proactive and initiate the conversation yourself. If it's just a case of bad communication that can be worked on, ignore all of this divorce talk. However, if it's more than that and there are some deep seeded issues that cannot be resolved, then you might want to start thinking of only for yourself.
  • Inhiding230
    Inhiding230 Posts: 362
    markymark550 wrote:
    I agree with dunk. Being passive about the whole situation is just going to lead to more anger and resentment. Be proactive and initiate the conversation yourself. If it's just a case of bad communication that can be worked on, ignore all of this divorce talk. However, if it's more than that and there are some deep seeded issues that cannot be resolved, then you might want to start thinking of only for yourself.

    I agree that maybe lack of communication could be the issue. But when someone says this "but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?" - there are way more issues than just bad communication.
  • markymark550
    markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,224
    seren327 wrote:
    I agree that maybe lack of communication could be the issue. But when someone says this "but you can't leave them because you feel like no one else will be there for you...and you would rather have a shitty something than nothing at all?" - there are way more issues than just bad communication.
    hence, that's why I said if there are more deep seeded issues that can't be resolved

    you never know what can be worked out just opening a line of communication...I've seen really a bad relationship get back on track because both parties were willing to communicate (within the realm of counseling though)...They may not be able to resolve anything, but it's better to try than just give up and take the easy way out of the situation.
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    Well first I would try to discuss it with them. If they don't take you seriously I would reconsider the relationship. Believe me life is too short to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about your feelings. I rather be alone.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    libragirl wrote:
    Well first I would try to discuss it with them. If they don't take you seriously I would reconsider the relationship. Believe me life is too short to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about your feelings. I rather be alone.

    I agree. If it really is a pattern and you are just banging your head against a wall then kick that shit to the curb. Best decision I ever made was divorcing my first wife. Being alone is better than being miserable even if it doesn't seem like it now.
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  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I agree. If it really is a pattern and you are just banging your head against a wall then kick that shit to the curb. Best decision I ever made was divorcing my first wife. Being alone is better than being miserable even if it doesn't seem like it now.

    I really don't understand why people would rather stay with someone that makes them feel like shit all the time then be alone. But then again, I'm not presuming to know this person's individual situation.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    libragirl wrote:
    I really don't understand why people would rather stay with someone that makes them feel like shit all the time then be alone. But then again, I'm not presuming to know this person's individual situation.

    I think time all alone with nothing but their own thoughts is a lot of people's greatest fear.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I think time all alone with nothing but their own thoughts is a lot of people's greatest fear.

    I felt like that while in a relationship. Frankly I rather have the real thing.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • blackredyellow
    blackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    libragirl wrote:
    I really don't understand why people would rather stay with someone that makes them feel like shit all the time then be alone. But then again, I'm not presuming to know this person's individual situation.

    I've never understood that as well... Maybe as a guy it's a little different, but I've had friends both guys and girls that couldn't be alone. They always had to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and felt worthless if they didn't. I'm sure it's a self-esteem issue, but a lot of the times desperate people attract people who take advantage of them (which lowers their self-esteem even more).
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    blackredyellow wrote:
    I'm sure it's a self-esteem issue, but a lot of the times desperate people attract people who take advantage of them (which lowers their self-esteem even more).

    very true...I have to admit I didn't always have the best self-esteem..it always seemed like i attracted people who used to put me down. Im older and wiser now. It's not the end all being alone.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • stickboy
    stickboy Posts: 2,981
    you keep it moving

    if they dont give a shit and youve already tried to no avail, then you know its time to move on.
    Aah, fuck it, I’m just gonna go home, turn on the fuckin’ TV...
    Watch the nightly news and drink a beer...
    Like I could even change the world, yeah right...
    ************************************

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