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i'm feeling blue

geniegenie Posts: 2,222
edited April 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
and no it's not because soulsinging ain't here :D:p

last time i felt like this was about 6 months ago....but this time it's even more worse and it's a different reason, but this one is much more horrible than the first one. it just seems like the older that i get the more shit i have to deal with, and it looks like nothings has changed i can never run away from myself whichever problems i had before will stay with me. i feel pressured to succeed or at least to live like a decent person. being a kid was so much better! maaaan, i feel ugly, unhealty, stressed, and like my innocence has gone away....ah the loss of innocence. finding out how fucked up this world really is, is probably like going "cold turkey" for an addict.

sometimes i just get so tired of challenges thrown at me by life

that's it my crying is over.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • IAmMyselfIAmMyself Posts: 671
    I feel ya, I was just telling my Mom last night about how getting old sucks not because you actually age, which is what I always thought they meant when they said getting old sucks. It actually means all the things you just said, and I don't like it at all. I can deal with being old, I just can't deal with all the other shit. My dog getting old and when I lose her, well nothing sucks more than that for me right now.

    I'm sorry you are feeling blue, but you have others that are right there with you and sometimes just knowing that can make you feel somewhat better.
    "Please help me to help you, help yourself." EV
  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    I think you're pretty cool!
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    irieinindy wrote:
    I feel ya, I was just telling my Mom last night about how getting old sucks not because you actually age, which is what I always thought they meant when they said getting old sucks. It actually means all the things you just said, and I don't like it at all. I can deal with being old, I just can't deal with all the other shit. My dog getting old and when I lose her, well nothing sucks more than that for me right now.

    I'm sorry you are feeling blue, but you have others that are right there with you and sometimes just knowing that can make you feel somewhat better.

    i've got my dad, but i guess i've alienated him ( long story ), but yes having him and my friend makes me feel better
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    I've felt like this for the last.... well, must be six months now, and I've not been quiet about it around here. It's getting better, finally, but I honestly never thought I'd say that... it got pretty ropey for a while. If you ever need someone to 'get it', shoot a PM over.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • DaytimeDilemmaDaytimeDilemma Posts: 2,008
    Ohhhhhh!



    Penis COCKED vagina.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    I think you're pretty cool!

    thanks :) i feel better when people listen to my burdens, i know it's not good thing to do in here, but i would feel a bit awkward going to a counselor so i'm using this as a counselling thread so to speak
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I've felt like this for the last.... well, must be six months now, and I've not been quiet about it around here. It's getting better, finally, but I honestly never thought I'd say that... it got pretty ropey for a while. If you ever need someone to 'get it', shoot a PM over.

    ok, i might just do that one day....i make you my shrink :)
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    Ohhhhhh!



    Penis COCKED vagina.

    hey just make sure you don't get my thread closed ;)
  • DaytimeDilemmaDaytimeDilemma Posts: 2,008
    genie wrote:
    hey just make sure you don't get my thread closed ;)



    hmmmm.....
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    hmmmm.....

    please be kind, say rather something theraputic to me
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    genie wrote:
    ok, i might just do that one day....i make you my shrink :)

    Well it's something I've thought about becoming, so yeah... why not? Practice. ;)
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    I'm sorry you feel crappy genie :(
    I hope you feel better soon.
    And don't feel bad about using this place to vent...we all do it :)
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Well it's something I've thought about becoming, so yeah... why not? Practice. ;)

    ok, i've got a bad skin, spots on my face and i've tried nearly everything, and my skin is never completely clear. and now i've started taking uprescribed tablets that might harm me.... my work sucks, woman i work with is so fucking pedantic, i can't receive personal phone call at work, i can't send/receive e-mail and i have always be polite on the phone, and concentrate on work i'm doing, cause they are constantly watching me. i don't really have female friends, and male friends that i have, either have a crush on me, or had a crush on me.........

    and this is not it, i've got more things to add but i won't

    so what would you say to this? what advice would you give me?
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    genie wrote:
    ok, i've got a bad skin, spots on my face and i've tried nearly everything, and my skin is never completely clear. and now i've started taking uprescribed tablets that might harm me.... my work sucks, woman i work with is so fucking pedantic, i can't receive personal phone call at work, i can't send/receive e-mail and i have always be polite on the phone, and concentrate on work i'm doing, cause they are constantly watching me. i don't really have female friends, and male friends that i have, either have a crush on me, or had a crush on me.........

    and this is not it, i've got more things to add but i won't

    so what would you say to this? what advice would you give me?

    I think as a councellor I'd keep listening, nod my head and go 'go on'.... ;)

    Seriously though... on the spots issue, tea tree oil. On the rest, maybe PM me? We'll chat, if ya want.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • westsidepiewestsidepie Posts: 627
    I can only offer you some advice that I have gathered on this trip. I am further down the road then you are, a pretty good distance away. The way you feel now will reoccur several more times. Each time it occurs it serves a function. It is like a forced evaluation of the trip so far (I know, because I am going through the same process but at a different point in the road). Each time you face the challenges and successfully maneuver the rapids, you will emerge happier and more self-satisfied. When I was younger, I distracted myself from the challenges with various not healthy and not productive activities. The next time I went through this, I found I not only had to face the new stuff, but the old stuff from the last time was still there unresolved. Don't turn away from the challenges, face them and look at them dead-on. No one gets an easy ride, and believing people do only distracts you from doing what YOU need to do. Believe in yourself. It is a fight for survival, and you want to survive. You will never win the game, that is not the point. We all lose in the end. The point is to keep playing as long as you can.

    I hope you feel better.
    To pie I will reply
    But mr. justam
    is who I am

    "That's a repulsive combination of horrible information and bad breath."-Pickles

    "Remember, death is a natural part of the workplace. So, when you see a dead body at work, don't freak out, just ring your death bell." "ting"-Toki Wartooth
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I think as a councellor I'd keep listening, nod my head and go 'go on'.... ;)

    Seriously though... on the spots issue, tea tree oil. On the rest, maybe PM me? We'll chat, if ya want.

    well the rest would be too much information even if PM'd

    hehehe, i have used tea tree oil....it helped for a bit and for a while but then when i was really stressed at work it stopped helping me, and i think it actually made my pores on my nose dirty, which i never had before. so needless to say i've stopped using it.
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    genie wrote:
    well the rest would be too much information even if PM'd

    hehehe, i have used tea tree oil....it helped for a bit and for a while but then when i was really stressed at work it stopped helping me, and i think it actually made my pores on my nose dirty, which i never had before. so needless to say i've stopped using it.

    Well my work caused me a lot of anxiety, I mean a lot... we'll say temporary insanity... to the point where I became dangerously depressed and had to leave the job... so I was just saying I might 'get it'... if you want, but no pressure. :)
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    westsidepie wrote:
    I can only offer you some advice that I have gathered on this trip. I am further down the road then you are, a pretty good distance away. The way you feel now will reoccur several more times. Each time it occurs it serves a function. It is like a forced evaluation of the trip so far (I know, because I am going through the same process but at a different point in the road). Each time you face the challenges and successfully maneuver the rapids, you will emerge happier and more self-satisfied. When I was younger, I distracted myself from the challenges with various not healthy and not productive activities. The next time I went through this, I found I not only had to face the new stuff, but the old stuff from the last time was still there unresolved. Don't turn away from the challenges, face them and look at them dead-on. No one gets an easy ride, and believing people do only distracts you from doing what YOU need to do. Believe in yourself. It is a fight for survival, and you want to survive. You will never win the game, that is not the point. We all lose in the end. The point is to keep playing as long as you can.

    I hope you feel better.

    i do face all my challenges, but sometimes i just want to ( i know it's wishful thinking) have a fairytale/magical like period in my life. and sometimes i just want to give up, crawl away and hide, and i do get those thoughts where i think that it's easier and far more pleasant to die than to live.....but i've already had those thoughts before, and i know that i won't kill myself no matter what. so i don't think about suicide as it would be a waste of time, but i do think about giving up, becoming really lazy and not giving a shit.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Well my work caused me a lot of anxiety, I mean a lot... we'll say temporary insanity... to the point where I became dangerously depressed and had to leave the job... so I was just saying I might 'get it'... if you want, but no pressure. :)

    that's another thing, i don't have an option anymore to leave my job, and i must get this job and not get myself fired, all the jobs i've had previously have all been temporary, i can't keep on going like this i must have at least one job where i worked for at least a year or two, otherwise my history would not look good on CV and i might just become unemployable in future.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Well my work caused me a lot of anxiety, I mean a lot... we'll say temporary insanity... to the point where I became dangerously depressed and had to leave the job... so I was just saying I might 'get it'... if you want, but no pressure. :)

    i can't even drink alcohol, because of those tablets as it will make it's side affects more worse. i can just imagine how much of a bummer it's going to be sitting in the pub and looking at people drinking beer and snakebites!
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    genie wrote:
    ok, i've got a bad skin, spots on my face and i've tried nearly everything, and my skin is never completely clear. and now i've started taking uprescribed tablets that might harm me.... my work sucks, woman i work with is so fucking pedantic, i can't receive personal phone call at work, i can't send/receive e-mail and i have always be polite on the phone, and concentrate on work i'm doing, cause they are constantly watching me. i don't really have female friends, and male friends that i have, either have a crush on me, or had a crush on me.........

    and this is not it, i've got more things to add but i won't

    so what would you say to this? what advice would you give me?
    I know it's obviously not the main one of your worries but instead of some dodgy unprescribed drug that might harm you, if you haven't already, try oxytetracycline. Worked a fair bit for me. Just ask your GP.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I know it's obviously not the main one of your worries but instead of some dodgy unprescribed drug that might harm you, if you haven't already, try oxytetracycline. Worked a fair bit for me. Just ask your GP.

    Yep, and I've had venlafaxine for a while... that worked pretty well too.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I know it's obviously not the main one of your worries but instead of some dodgy unprescribed drug that might harm you, if you haven't already, try oxytetracycline. Worked a fair bit for me. Just ask your GP.

    tried it, didn't make much difference, plus i was too scared ( and my doctor wasn't happy about prescribing them to me )to get my teeth stained....because oxy does stain your teeth and does something to your bones....and i thought in the long run it's not the sort of side effect i would want to have permanently.
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    genie wrote:
    tried it, didn't make much difference, plus i was too scared ( and my doctor wasn't happy about prescribing them to me )to get my teeth stained....because oxy does stain your teeth and does something to your bones....and i thought in the long run it's not the sort of side effect i would want to have permanently.
    Yeah I heard that and wasn't happy with using it for long. I gave up since I'm shit at maintaining regular doses anyway.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Yep, and I've had venlafaxine for a while... that worked pretty well too.

    are you nuts? i just did a little research and this is what came up

    "Venlafaxine (Effexor) is an antidepressant of the serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) class first introduced by Wyeth in 1993. It is prescribed for the treatment of clinical depression and anxiety disorders, among other uses. Due to the pronounced side effects and suspicions that venlafaxine may significantly increase the risk of suicide, it is not recommended as a first line treatment of depression."
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    genie wrote:
    tried it, didn't make much difference, plus i was too scared ( and my doctor wasn't happy about prescribing them to me )to get my teeth stained....because oxy does stain your teeth and does something to your bones....and i thought in the long run it's not the sort of side effect i would want to have permanently.

    Give venlafaxine a go... I think it has very few side effects, if any.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • LONGRDLONGRD Posts: 6,036
    genie wrote:
    and no it's not because soulsinging ain't here :D:p

    last time i felt like this was about 6 months ago....but this time it's even more worse and it's a different reason, but this one is much more horrible than the first one. it just seems like the older that i get the more shit i have to deal with, and it looks like nothings has changed i can never run away from myself whichever problems i had before will stay with me. i feel pressured to succeed or at least to live like a decent person. being a kid was so much better! maaaan, i feel ugly, unhealty, stressed, and like my innocence has gone away....ah the loss of innocence. finding out how fucked up this world really is, is probably like going "cold turkey" for an addict.

    sometimes i just get so tired of challenges thrown at me by life

    that's it my crying is over.
    I know exactly how you feel genie. I'm 25 and finally beginning to lose interest of everything I used to enjoy doing and the friends I was hanging out with are really that close to me anymore. Not because I hate them or anything but most of them are still stuck doing the things we did when we were 18-22.

    As of right now, I have absolutely have no idea what I want to do or what hobbies I should take up for. As for as careerwise, I've been a failure throughout my 25 years on Earth so I'm not really looking forward to any POSITVE changes in that aspect but as far as hobbies and living the fullest life, I'm definitely still searching for that right now.

    I think the only passion that has remained with me since my teen years is my love for Pearl Jam. Thank you, Eddie, Jeff, Stone, Mike, Matt, Jack, Dave, Brendan, and everyone associated with PJ!!! :D
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Yeah I heard that and wasn't happy with using it for long. I gave up since I'm shit at maintaining regular doses anyway.

    and i bet spots all slowly came back again...am i right?
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    LongRd. wrote:
    I think the only passion that has remained with me since my teen years is my love for Pearl Jam. Thank you, Eddie, Jeff, Stone, Mike, Matt, Jack, Dave, Brendan, and everyone associated with PJ!!! :D

    Amen :) i've been listening to them today to give me some peace of mind
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    anyway if anyone wants to know i'm using spironolactone, and so far i think it's ok. but it should not be used by men, if anyone knows of any real dangers of these tablets let me know. oh and with this drug i would need to have my blood level tested every so often.
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