New years drug fest has ruined my friendship

rockpants

I don't think most users realize what they put their friends and family through when they choose drugs over them. Drugs are almost entirely hedonistic and users are so into themselves most of the time, failing to be cognisant of anything other than their own wants.

You obviously learnt that you can't count on your friends to not put themselves in a situation where you'll have to baby-sit them because it's oh-so-important to "get fucked up". It's hard not to feel responsible for your friends but this is where you crossed your own line. You had more faith in your friends than you should have, and while it's going to sting for awhile, but this should help you develop the shell that you'll need in order to still be friends with drug users.

A friend of mine was seemingly turning the corner, going to the hospital for help to get a proper diagnosis and treatment for his adult ADD, depression, and meth abuse. He should have stayed much longer. All he's doing now is overusing the prescription drugs - even cadging them from another friend of ours who has severe anxiety and depression (and takes her meds as prescribed.) She shouldn't have allowed him to take her stuff, but she can be too kind for her own good. He's used me, too, mostly for money. He always says he'll pay me back, but he never will. It's not about the money, it's the principle of saying you're going to do something, but never living up to your word. I was worried about myself losing a friend so I ponied up. In the last year, I finally started to grow a spine but it's slow going, for sure. He can be - is, rather - a champion manipulator. At least our other friend now realizes it as much as I have come to in the last while, and we can talk to each other on how to deal with this.

Thing is, if you start to cut these people off - or at least down in terms of time spent with them - after enabling them for so long, they notice and think you're giving up on them. Then, if something happens, guess where the blame ends up? On you, because you "abandoned them". Which is crap, because they put themselves in their situation.
So what do you do? Continue to get walked on by people you care about despite their drug use, or save your own sanity by taking steps to protect yourself from getting hurt by them? There doesn't seem to be much middle ground, and what middle ground exists is covered in egg shells.

writersu

wow, that is very introspective and right on the money as the say.

I agree with you in a lot of that as well as know first hand that not getting treated for your ADD/ADHD is a very big place for self medicating but I see that your friend doesn't seem to be ready to stop the recreational drugs. For now, they are "working" for him and until he starts to feel bad on the drugs he won't stop them.

But I think the middle ground might be achieved when you pick and choose the times and places that are really important to you not to be in those kinds of situations and risk having a bad time.
Maybe if you do think about your needs then you can better help yourself not be set up by the friends that dissapoint you. You can still be friends and be there for them, but not as the risk of your own self respect or money if it already a juggle finaancially which I don't knowif it is, but I wanted to cover that as well.

eggshells are no fun. when people that you choose to be around are dropping them all over the place then you have to wonder just why you are around these people in the first place. People you enjoy should be enjoyable. There are too many people you have to tolerate that you don't like, friends should be a lot more easy to be around and not so much work.

pjfan31

urbanhippie wrote:

I'm sorry that you went to a place where you knew people were doing drugs and were surprised to see people doing drugs

And it's pretty sad thing to end such a long friendship because you have a difference of opinion.
I hope that you and your friend resolve your issues.

By no means was i suprised to see ppl doing drugs, just the one person who had sworn off them and swore to me earlier in the night that he was off them. And every time one of my mates gets on it, he trys to pressure us into it. I know it is his body i know eveything, i've weighed it up several times but when he said "go home I've taken something and i'm going to hang out with these other guys (druggies and not me)' Thats what im pissed off at.

pjfan31

genie wrote:

why didn't you join your other 2 "friends" reason why i say this word using this " is cause you all booked the tickets and then 2 people just decide to leave?? hmmm...not nice if you ask me.i'd be more pissed off with those two.

as for your buddy....well....drug ( just like food, sex ) is a temptation hard to resist. he was not hurting you right? why should he listen to you?

he is his own person and he can do whatever he likes as long as he is not hurting you in the process.

also, if you couldn't bear the thought of being with your friend when he's on drugs, how come you could tolerate an 80% of stoned crowed??

i'm glad i'm not your friend, cause i wouldn't want to have a friend who can end friendship because of such stupid thing.

The reason i could tolerate an 80% stoned crowd ws because i wasnt hanging with them. I'm glad im not ur friend either. And "hurting u in the process" Well depends on ur definition of hurt.

And a drug problem isnt a stupid thing buddy, It is a serious problem affecting society.

releaselauren

I just found out that my friend's brother overdosed on heroin last night. He was rushed to the hospital and was declared brain-dead today. He was clean for a year but apparently relapsed yesterday...and died.

I am married to a recovering addict/alcoholic and my friend and I spoke several times over the past 10 years of getting that "call" someday. My heart aches for her. :(


********
I give you credit for standing your ground and not wanting to be around friends who do drugs.

Vedd Hedd

Hmm.....let me see....


First of all...you should have been hanging out with hot german chick.....

And dont go to raves....

EDIT:

You paid $130 for a ticket to go to a situation where you knew it "wasnt your scene"?
And you knew 80% percent of the people there would be on drugs....and you already knew that your friend is easily influenced....yet you went anyway?

Edit2:

OK, rereading....

I guess I am wondering this.....if you knew before hand it wasnt your scene....and your friend was previously into drugs.....why would you willingly go to it and put him in the position where he had to make that decision....

Isnt that like taking an alcoholic to a bar, and saying...."You said you wouldnt drink!"? Or taking an obese person to a buffet?

I dont understand the story.

Jeremy1012

pjfan31 wrote:

And a drug problem isnt a stupid thing buddy, It is a serious problem affecting society.

Do you really think he has a problem or was he just having some fun? I don't think you understand the responses here. You knew there would be drugs and you knew he would take them if offered. I can't understand why you are surprised and I can't understand why you went.

pjtaper

New Years SUCKS! My girl and I planned on staying sober, taking it really easy, and waking up at 5AM to go snowboarding... She talked me into going out around 9:30pm, we got drunk, wasted a bunch of money, I threw up all day, and we didn't make it snowboarding.
I hate alcohol!
On the bright side, I was so hungover it really helped me not want to smoke cigs...

fanch75

Is that a pearl jam poster in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Heineken Helen

Pegasus wrote:

sorry, but you set yourself up for it..
you should have gone to a party you KNEW was more to your taste.

I agree... I've been in this situation quite a few times and it's noooo fun at all... but I've got rid of them 'friends' and the others have grown up. For a long time the drugs didn't bother me... people smoking doesn't bother me cos I find them funny. People on e don't really bother me cos, well I'm not sure why... but it's the whole coke thing that I find so pretentiously irritating and I just can't be around people on it. I've never been into anything and was always of the mindset that I don't mind people doing whatever and you were fully aware of what this place was gonna be like. If somebody changes their mind at a party like that, it's nothing personal against you. He'd already taken cos he thought you were gonna leave with the others.

I was in a similar situation before where my friend wanted me to meet her friends in Galway and was going on about them for a long long time and they were having a party. I knew they were into the drug thing but it didn't really bother me... TIL I GOT THERE :eek: . I was supposed to be sleeping on the couch (and I'm usually the last one to bed anyway) but whatever they were on (pretty much a mix of a lot of stuff) they were still going at about 10/11am with that fucking pumping music BLARING. It was the music mainly... when you have to listen to that for about 15/16 hours :eek: pure torture. I tried calling hotels to see if there were any rooms and nothing so I was stuck there. I even contemplated calling my father at about 3am to pick me up (he was staying in Galway)... but I just wouldn't do that. But I didn't fall out with my friend over it... it was my fault for going to something that I KNEW I wouldn't enjoy.