I'm 24 and it's been going on for about 4-5 years.
I hate to give the easy answer... but I'm willing to bed most of us were materialistic fuckers at that age and probably started to think about why we were once we hit 24ish so I don't think you should be worried... cos it's probably just something you're gonna have to train yourself out of.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
See that is the whole problem, I recognize how fortunate I am when I see others that are less fortunate, but I take it for granted.
I think we all take things for granted because that's how society is. We DO see misery, etc. in the world, in our cities and neighbourhoods, we help out a bit by giving to charities, maybe even helping out with the homless, etc. but hey.. we're OK in our little cocoon. Until something happens to us as an individual to take away what we had, I don't think things can change that much.
Example: A friend of mine, graphic designer, very good job, a husband and a kid. Husband does a runner, she is left with kid and a very good job. She buys house because she is now separated but she (and her daughter) want for nothing. Fast forward a bit.... she loses job (small company folds). It's OK.. sets herself up freelance - lots of work. Then... cancer... unable to work, two years of her life down the drain. Has to sell house, no more money, loses custody of child. EVERYTHING she had was taken from her, health included. Now she is rebuilding her life. She sees things VERY differently and appreciates everything she has.
Not wanting to be nosey, but did your parents struggle when you were a kid? Did other kids have a lot more than you?
My family had money. Growing up we were not rich, but my dad owns a successful business and my mom has a decent job. I went to a middle class school in a typical middle class town. I would say that if anything I was the kid growing up with the cool toys and everything, I wasn't exactly spoiled, but I had everything a kid could ask for both tangible and intangible.
So obviously that's not a reason why you could be doing that!
I think it's just society. We're bombarded by ads inciting us to buy, telling us we NEED this and that, etc. It's difficult when you are tempted all the time. But then again, retail therapy is a symptom of something... you need to find out what. And I don't think looking/being with the less fortunate, living on $20 a week (for food), etc. will enable you to find a solution. It's deeper than that.
Hmm thats a really good idea, I might try it in the next few weeks. I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks Trix!
Yes, please do.
I was thinking of offering up the challenge to anyone here.
Maybe next week.
People could pledge to do one day, a week, whatever.
Maybe just one day to see how it goes.
I can't imagine.
And i know some folks take advantage of the system, but never having been in the position to have to use foodstamps, I cannot see myself judging.
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
someone once talked me out of buying an expensive car with this analogy(?). I 'll paraphrase....
First imagine a graph, with $ on the horizontal axis and "enjoyment" on the other...
Remember your first car? What'd you pay? Maybe $500? (I did. 1966 Plymouth Valiant ). Anyway, that first car gave you a lot of enjoyment, right?
Next car? Maybe you spent $1500. It was nicer but did you get three times the enjoyment? Probably not.
Fast forward a few years. Now you're looking at a $15,000 car. 30 times the enjoyment???? No fucking way!!!! So, your graph is really flattening out.
And, after awhile, the insurance costs, fear of parking lot dings, depreciation, etc. actually cause your graph to head back downward. Bottom line - too much "stuff' causes headaches. Live within your means and buy what you need.
That's my two cents. You're welcome .
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
Man I had this song on my Ipod and while I was driving home last night it came up on shuffle and man did it hit everything I've been discussing here. It's amazing how music can do that, here I am thinking I'm like one of the few to feel this way (and why I am) and people spent time writing songs about it.
Like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Like a worm on a hook,
like a knight from some old fashioned book
I have saved all my ribbons for thee.
If I, if I have been unkind,
I hope that you can just let it go by.
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you.
Like a baby, stillborn,
like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.
But I swear by this song
and by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee.
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
he said to me, "You must not ask for so much."
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door,
she cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"
Oh like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Here's what I did last summer: I was feeling a little burnt out after returning to school a couple of semester earlier and just decided I was going to just say, "Fuck it." I'm a freelance writer, which means I can pick and choose when I work. Well, I guess I just didn't feel like doing anything. I took all my crap, except for the essentials, and sold it or simply gave it to charity. I had my lapper, my bed, some random kitchen stuff, clothes, etc. You get the point. I had enough cash to make it through the summer. All I did was pick up some beer, maybe a bag, and head out to the pool every day. I read a ton of books and got a killer tan. By the time the summer was over, I was dark as a coffee bean and completely refreshed. And I didn't repurchase any of the superfluous crap I didn't need anyway. No TV, no gadgets other than a small radio, none of the trappings of good, patriotic consumerism. It's not so bad. When you do without, you find out how much of the shit we burden ourselves with is really unnecessary. Of course, somebody could look at me and say, "What a fucking loser." I guess I can see their point, too, but damn! it's February and there is still a little tan left on my body.
"Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool." -- Charles Barkley
I know that just about everyone has some materialistic traits by nature (assuming), but I feel that I have become way too materialistic and it's only a matter of time before it becomes a problem in both relationships, and the way that I think about myself.
Let me explain. I am 24, I have no debt whatsoever so this isn't really a problem financially. But for example: I'm currently feeling down about some stuff (stupid stuff that I should never let bother me) so I went out an bought a $1700 TV to keep me busy for awhile. I did this 2 weeks ago when I was upset and I went and bought a new Ipod. Same thing this last week when I went out of a date with a girl, I had to go buy new clothes because I felt tired of wearing stuff I already had, and plus I knew she came from a well off family and I thought it could only help my chances. It's also starting to be a problem because I envy things others have, which makes me not appreciate how fortunate I am. For example, the girl I went out on a date with just got a new Audi s4 (like a 50k car from her parents). I instantly became jealous, and it almost makes me feel ashamed to show up in my measly car.
I buy stuff not because I need it, but because I want it to try to either be something I'm not, or to make myself feel better (I think they are related). I think that this wasted money could go to a better use, and I feel that being materialistic like this turns me into a person I don't want to be.
The thing is a) I don't really need any of this shit, I just convince myself I do because I feel down b) it never makes me feel good and c) people you really want to like and love you, don't care about the things you have anyways. There are people all over the world that can't even eat because they don't have the money, and I waste it trying to make myself feel good. I feel that I have become the guy that thinks that only money can buy happiness; I've become what all of the advertisers want Americans to be. This is a problem.
So does anyone else have this problem or know what to do? I know the problem, but I don't know how to stop it.
I think that the fact that you've written this post is a step in the right direction.
we all do this at times. shopping is something to keep busy with. it's something "to do." I have one friend who just keeps making big ticket purchases. She got a car, then a house, we joke that a boat comes next. I would suggest trying to think of things to do on weekends or whatnot that either don't involve shopping or involve shopping for things that you can later use to do something other than shopping, e.g. books, outdoor equipment, etc.
for me, living in the city cuts down on this stuff. 1) there are places to go and hang out besides the mall 2) you can't afford a place big enough and with big enough closets to hold all the crap 2) having a car of any kind becomes a negative thing and just causes headaches.
Also watch this video. it will make you feel bad about bringing more stuff into your house (and ultimately the landfill): http://www.storyofstuff.com
Here's what I did last summer: I was feeling a little burnt out after returning to school a couple of semester earlier and just decided I was going to just say, "Fuck it." I'm a freelance writer, which means I can pick and choose when I work. Well, I guess I just didn't feel like doing anything. I took all my crap, except for the essentials, and sold it or simply gave it to charity. I had my lapper, my bed, some random kitchen stuff, clothes, etc. You get the point. I had enough cash to make it through the summer. All I did was pick up some beer, maybe a bag, and head out to the pool every day. I read a ton of books and got a killer tan. By the time the summer was over, I was dark as a coffee bean and completely refreshed. And I didn't repurchase any of the superfluous crap I didn't need anyway. No TV, no gadgets other than a small radio, none of the trappings of good, patriotic consumerism. It's not so bad. When you do without, you find out how much of the shit we burden ourselves with is really unnecessary. Of course, somebody could look at me and say, "What a fucking loser." I guess I can see their point, too, but damn! it's February and there is still a little tan left on my body.
haha that really seems like a cool thing to try doing
Obviously, materialism comes from a metaphorical hole deep within yourself. I suppose that's where the term "keeping up with the Jones'" comes from. It's as though our sense of self worth is validated by material objects. We feel that if we don't have what our neighbors have, we cannot walk amongst them as equals.
One of the most extreme cases I can recall from recent memory was this dude I was talking to one night at the gym as his treadmill was adjacent to mine. I just want to make it clear that I don't go to the gym late at night to talk to dudes.
He was in his mid-20's and living with his parents, which I can understand these days because it seems that there are a lot of people in that situation. "It's not your father's economy" as they say in marketing class. It's almost impossible for young people these days to achieve what their parents achieved with the same resources.
20 years ago, people weren't taking out 50 year interest only loans for a condo-conversion just so they could say they own property.
Anyhow, this guy had a wicked car. I forgot what car it was, but I remember it was expensive. He was going to community college and hoping to eventually have a career in something or another.
He kept talking about the insane amounts of money he had put into modding his car -mods that he had been financing with added debt on top of the auto loan.
I'm just thinking man this guy is in his 20's and lives with his parents and he's worried about the next mod on his car. His priorities are really screwed up.
So, I told him about a friend of mine who I've known since I was like 15 or so.
He's a small business owner, but he is far from being a struggling business owner. He and his wife pull in low six digits and own a few properties in San Diego.
He drives a Toyota Corolla and shops for clothes at places like JC Penny and Kohl's. He once told me that he would never spend more than $20 on a pair of pants. In fact, the Corolla he drives is the base model.
He does, however, own a $8,500 Rolex submariner, but that's only because he won it from some contest for an amateur commercial.
And he's been like that since I've known him.
When I first knew him, he was what you would call "insecure" and shy and what not. Of course, this is not surprising for a 15 year old. But, around a year later when he was about 16 or so, he changed. It was trippy.
He became this person who was on some trip about being himself and not worrying about what other people thought. It was like one of those after school specials about liking yourself, except it was the real thing. He was like fuck it.
And it was not too long after that when he started banging incredibly hot high school chicks. I'm talking one after another. He was even sleeping with Miss Imperial Beach for awhile. She was also a high schooler. We were in high school at the time.
It wasn't like a pretentious type of self-confidence either. He wasn't going around saying I like this because that's who I am, and I'm not afraid of being who I am -like some pretentious prick. It was more like a I don't know who I am, but it doesn't matter if I do or not because I can't change who I am anyway.
So, now he's married to this bombshell of a wife and as I said earlier is not worried about money. And so I was hoping that his story would at least somewhat inspire this dude on the treadmill, but he just kinda smirked like he was amused.
Try to find things you love to do....for me it is bird watching, and getting out in to nature every day....this fills me up and it is free. As I've gotten older I can afford better optics to do my birding...so I guess I've gone more materialistic in that regard. Find your passion.
I have several friends(4 that I can think of) who make serious money....I'm talking more then a million dollars a year with their bonuses. There are two men that no matter what they buy....they are never happy and then they just go on to the next purchase. Houses, land, boats, cars....they are missing something inside. Another friend never showed his wealth until his second marriage and then they bought a mansion together....waiting to see how that turns out. And yet another has the cars, houses, and takes these fabulous trips...those are what I would do if we had their incomes! None of these guys is any happier then the rest of us.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Obviously, materialism comes from a metaphorical hole deep within yourself. I suppose that's where the term "keeping up with the Jones'" comes from. It's as though our sense of self worth is validated by material objects. We feel that if we don't have what our neighbors have, we cannot walk amongst them as equals.
One of the most extreme cases I can recall from recent memory was this dude I was talking to one night at the gym as his treadmill was adjacent to mine. I just want to make it clear that I don't go to the gym late at night to talk to dudes.
He was in his mid-20's and living with his parents, which I can understand these days because it seems that there are a lot of people in that situation. "It's not your father's economy" as they say in marketing class. It's almost impossible for young people these days to achieve what their parents achieved with the same resources.
20 years ago, people weren't taking out 50 year interest only loans for a condo-conversion just so they could say they own property.
Anyhow, this guy had a wicked car. I forgot what car it was, but I remember it was expensive. He was going to community college and hoping to eventually have a career in something or another.
He kept talking about the insane amounts of money he had put into modding his car -mods that he had been financing with added debt on top of the auto loan.
I'm just thinking man this guy is in his 20's and lives with his parents and he's worried about the next mod on his car. His priorities are really screwed up.
So, I told him about a friend of mine who I've known since I was like 15 or so.
He's a small business owner, but he is far from being a struggling business owner. He and his wife pull in low six digits and own a few properties in San Diego.
He drives a Toyota Corolla and shops for clothes at places like JC Penny and Kohl's. He once told me that he would never spend more than $20 on a pair of pants. In fact, the Corolla he drives is the base model.
He does, however, own a $8,500 Rolex submariner, but that's only because he won it from some contest for an amateur commercial.
And he's been like that since I've known him.
When I first knew him, he was what you would call "insecure" and shy and what not. Of course, this is not surprising for a 15 year old. But, around a year later when he was about 16 or so, he changed. It was trippy.
He became this person who was on some trip about being himself and not worrying about what other people thought. It was like one of those after school specials about liking yourself, except it was the real thing. He was like fuck it.
And it was not too long after that when he started banging incredibly hot high school chicks. I'm talking one after another. He was even sleeping with Miss Imperial Beach for awhile. She was also a high schooler. We were in high school at the time.
It wasn't like a pretentious type of self-confidence either. He wasn't going around saying I like this because that's who I am, and I'm not afraid of being who I am -like some pretentious prick. It was more like a I don't know who I am, but it doesn't matter if I do or not because I can't change who I am anyway.
So, now he's married to this bombshell of a wife and as I said earlier is not worried about money. And so I was hoping that his story would at least somewhat inspire this dude on the treadmill, but he just kinda smirked like he was amused.
I really enjoyed your story. I know alot of people like the kid on the treadmill- actually that was me about 6 months ago. I want to be more like your high school friend but I can't find the switch to flip to make me just not give a fuck
I really enjoyed your story. I know alot of people like the kid on the treadmill- actually that was me about 6 months ago. I want to be more like your high school friend but I can't find the switch to flip to make me just not give a fuck
yeah I did, it was awesome. The whole showing support to the arrow thing is exactly what I feel I have fallen in to. That hit my objections to my lifestyle right on the head
Comments
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Example: A friend of mine, graphic designer, very good job, a husband and a kid. Husband does a runner, she is left with kid and a very good job. She buys house because she is now separated but she (and her daughter) want for nothing. Fast forward a bit.... she loses job (small company folds). It's OK.. sets herself up freelance - lots of work. Then... cancer... unable to work, two years of her life down the drain. Has to sell house, no more money, loses custody of child. EVERYTHING she had was taken from her, health included. Now she is rebuilding her life. She sees things VERY differently and appreciates everything she has.
Not wanting to be nosey, but did your parents struggle when you were a kid? Did other kids have a lot more than you?
My family had money. Growing up we were not rich, but my dad owns a successful business and my mom has a decent job. I went to a middle class school in a typical middle class town. I would say that if anything I was the kid growing up with the cool toys and everything, I wasn't exactly spoiled, but I had everything a kid could ask for both tangible and intangible.
I think it's just society. We're bombarded by ads inciting us to buy, telling us we NEED this and that, etc. It's difficult when you are tempted all the time. But then again, retail therapy is a symptom of something... you need to find out what. And I don't think looking/being with the less fortunate, living on $20 a week (for food), etc. will enable you to find a solution. It's deeper than that.
I was thinking of offering up the challenge to anyone here.
Maybe next week.
People could pledge to do one day, a week, whatever.
Maybe just one day to see how it goes.
I can't imagine.
And i know some folks take advantage of the system, but never having been in the position to have to use foodstamps, I cannot see myself judging.
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
First imagine a graph, with $ on the horizontal axis and "enjoyment" on the other...
Remember your first car? What'd you pay? Maybe $500? (I did. 1966 Plymouth Valiant
Next car? Maybe you spent $1500. It was nicer but did you get three times the enjoyment? Probably not.
Fast forward a few years. Now you're looking at a $15,000 car. 30 times the enjoyment???? No fucking way!!!! So, your graph is really flattening out.
And, after awhile, the insurance costs, fear of parking lot dings, depreciation, etc. actually cause your graph to head back downward. Bottom line - too much "stuff' causes headaches. Live within your means and buy what you need.
That's my two cents. You're welcome
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
try that approach
the sooner you have enough, the sooner you can retire
Get started now YO!
Like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Like a worm on a hook,
like a knight from some old fashioned book
I have saved all my ribbons for thee.
If I, if I have been unkind,
I hope that you can just let it go by.
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you.
Like a baby, stillborn,
like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.
But I swear by this song
and by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee.
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
he said to me, "You must not ask for so much."
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door,
she cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"
Oh like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
I think that the fact that you've written this post is a step in the right direction.
we all do this at times. shopping is something to keep busy with. it's something "to do." I have one friend who just keeps making big ticket purchases. She got a car, then a house, we joke that a boat comes next. I would suggest trying to think of things to do on weekends or whatnot that either don't involve shopping or involve shopping for things that you can later use to do something other than shopping, e.g. books, outdoor equipment, etc.
for me, living in the city cuts down on this stuff. 1) there are places to go and hang out besides the mall 2) you can't afford a place big enough and with big enough closets to hold all the crap 2) having a car of any kind becomes a negative thing and just causes headaches.
Also watch this video. it will make you feel bad about bringing more stuff into your house (and ultimately the landfill): http://www.storyofstuff.com
haha that really seems like a cool thing to try doing
One of the most extreme cases I can recall from recent memory was this dude I was talking to one night at the gym as his treadmill was adjacent to mine. I just want to make it clear that I don't go to the gym late at night to talk to dudes.
He was in his mid-20's and living with his parents, which I can understand these days because it seems that there are a lot of people in that situation. "It's not your father's economy" as they say in marketing class. It's almost impossible for young people these days to achieve what their parents achieved with the same resources.
20 years ago, people weren't taking out 50 year interest only loans for a condo-conversion just so they could say they own property.
Anyhow, this guy had a wicked car. I forgot what car it was, but I remember it was expensive. He was going to community college and hoping to eventually have a career in something or another.
He kept talking about the insane amounts of money he had put into modding his car -mods that he had been financing with added debt on top of the auto loan.
I'm just thinking man this guy is in his 20's and lives with his parents and he's worried about the next mod on his car. His priorities are really screwed up.
So, I told him about a friend of mine who I've known since I was like 15 or so.
He's a small business owner, but he is far from being a struggling business owner. He and his wife pull in low six digits and own a few properties in San Diego.
He drives a Toyota Corolla and shops for clothes at places like JC Penny and Kohl's. He once told me that he would never spend more than $20 on a pair of pants. In fact, the Corolla he drives is the base model.
He does, however, own a $8,500 Rolex submariner, but that's only because he won it from some contest for an amateur commercial.
And he's been like that since I've known him.
When I first knew him, he was what you would call "insecure" and shy and what not. Of course, this is not surprising for a 15 year old. But, around a year later when he was about 16 or so, he changed. It was trippy.
He became this person who was on some trip about being himself and not worrying about what other people thought. It was like one of those after school specials about liking yourself, except it was the real thing. He was like fuck it.
And it was not too long after that when he started banging incredibly hot high school chicks. I'm talking one after another. He was even sleeping with Miss Imperial Beach for awhile. She was also a high schooler. We were in high school at the time.
It wasn't like a pretentious type of self-confidence either. He wasn't going around saying I like this because that's who I am, and I'm not afraid of being who I am -like some pretentious prick. It was more like a I don't know who I am, but it doesn't matter if I do or not because I can't change who I am anyway.
So, now he's married to this bombshell of a wife and as I said earlier is not worried about money. And so I was hoping that his story would at least somewhat inspire this dude on the treadmill, but he just kinda smirked like he was amused.
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
I have several friends(4 that I can think of) who make serious money....I'm talking more then a million dollars a year with their bonuses. There are two men that no matter what they buy....they are never happy and then they just go on to the next purchase. Houses, land, boats, cars....they are missing something inside. Another friend never showed his wealth until his second marriage and then they bought a mansion together....waiting to see how that turns out. And yet another has the cars, houses, and takes these fabulous trips...those are what I would do if we had their incomes! None of these guys is any happier then the rest of us.
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
I really enjoyed your story. I know alot of people like the kid on the treadmill- actually that was me about 6 months ago. I want to be more like your high school friend but I can't find the switch to flip to make me just not give a fuck
have you watched storyofstuff.com yet?
yeah I did, it was awesome. The whole showing support to the arrow thing is exactly what I feel I have fallen in to. That hit my objections to my lifestyle right on the head
edit:
greenteadisease posted the video i did ...