How do you stop yourself from being materialistic?

Toolgarden

Collin wrote:

Oh and read Chuck Palahniuk. :D

"The things you own end up owning you."

But seriously, if this is a real problem, get a therapist, or go to a meeting. There are shoppers anonymous meetings in every major city.

You are young still. I would say you are on the right path. You have observed an imperfect tendency, and have acknowledged it. Now it is all of our duties to live to a higher calling. We are all in this life together, and we should try to put our fellow human first. Acquisition of goods is not the pinnacle of human development, regardless of what the media says.

Good luck,
Scott

sponger

If you've ever taken karate lessons, then you know about the karate uniforms and the brand names that are on them. I remember back in the day everybody had to have a Tokaido uniform. They were like the Ralph Lauren of martial arts clothiers. I remember wanting one so bad, but they were just too damn expensive. I went with a lesser brand that was still considered a brand name.

But, there's a reason why they're so expensive. They're built a hundred times better than other uniforms. You can see and feel the difference in quality. A nice, expensive uniform makes sparring that much more fun.

I think there's materialism and there's an appreciation for finer things. True materialism is when people just want something expensive because to them it's a status symbol. It's like jewelry. I can see no practical purpose for jewelry. But, people wear it because it sets them apart.

On the other hand, an Audi S4 is about really enjoying the experience of driving. Sure they're expensive looking and would get looks from other people, but I don't think that would really matter as much to me as the all-wheel drive handling and the horses under the hood.

It's like the other day I was test-driving a new WRX at the Subaru dealership and I almost had a fucking orgasm in my pants. Subaru has really improved the low-end torque in those things. Turbo-lag is almost non-existent as far as I could tell. That thing flew right off the mark.

But, the new WRX is ugly as hell and I doubt it'll get any looks from anybody other than people who can appreciate what's under the hood. And the last thing I'd want them to think is how I have something that they don't.

So what you have to ask yourself is whether you appreciate the performance as much as the status, and is the performance really that important to you? A turbo-charged rally car is a nice thing to own, but even the scariest of amusement park thrill rides can get boring after so many times. Then you're left making payments and paying extra insurance premiums on something that you got bored of a long time ago. All that's left is the "status" of a fast car.

Sian-of-the-dead

I really don't mean to sound patronising but how about you try and spend some time with people less fortunate than yourself? I'm not telling you to give up your hard earned cash but just a little time. It may make you realise that there are people who can't just go out and buy whatever and that just talking to or getting help from someone can make their bad days better instead of retail therapy. Might make you think about just how lucky you are and appreciate it a little more.
As for buying new clothes for a date, if you feel you have to buy new clothes you should ask yourself, is it for me or her? If it's for her, she could be a little superficial and IMO, may not be worth it. If it's for you, you should take a long hard look in the mirror and start to love yourself and realise that clothes or a car don't make a person.
Life's about little things, moments and people, not how much your Ipod holds or what size your TV is.
It's good you've realised you have issue with retail and are willing to change it... kudos bud

Heineken Helen

I've been on a roll recently... got rid of bags and bags and bags of stuff... so far about 7 bin bags have gone out and 2 huge bags have gone to charity shops... and I'm only halfway through... and the more I get rid of the better I feel It's tough to get into this mindset but clearing all the clutter and 'stuff' from your life is pretty therapeutic

I started reading a book last night called 'this book will save your life' and I'm about halfway through it already... it's fantastic. It's not one of those self help books... it's a novel about a guy who ends up in A&E and his life changes and all the random interraction he has with other people afterwards. It's very funny and there are great lines in there to live by. I'd recommend it so far.

TrixieCat

Along the lines of what Sian is saying...
I was reading in the paper yesterday about a challenge being done both here in CT and around the country. It challenges people to spend only 3 DOLLARS A DAY for food, or 21 dollars a week. This is the average amount someone living on food stamps has to survive on.
I am going to see if I can do it for a week...not starting today.
Gone are the things I sometimes take for granted like fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains...things like that. I have the luxury of deciding when I want to do this and being a really good shopper. Also, I can bake bread and love using dried legumes to cook with.
What about the electricity cost involved with cooking the food? Or the gas to get to the store. All sorts of add-ons to factor in.
That is how I keep from becoming obsessed.

Danimal

I think your first step to recovery is giving me the $1700 tv. Hhahaha.

Sian-of-the-dead

TrixieCat wrote:

Along the lines of what Sian is saying...
I was reading in the paper yesterday about a challenge being done both here in CT and around the country. It challenges people to spend only 3 DOLLARS A DAY for food, or 21 dollars a week. This is the average amount someone living on food stamps has to survive on.
I am going to see if I can do it for a week...not starting today.
Gone are the things I sometimes take for granted like fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains...things like that. I have the luxury of deciding when I want to do this and being a really good shopper. Also, I can bake bread and love using dried legumes to cook with.
What about the electricity cost involved with cooking the food? Or the gas to get to the store. All sorts of add-ons to factor in.
That is how I keep from becoming obsessed.

Hmm thats a really good idea, I might try it in the next few weeks. I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks Trix!

thunderDAN

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

I really don't mean to sound patronising but how about you try and spend some time with people less fortunate than yourself? I'm not telling you to give up your hard earned cash but just a little time. It may make you realise that there are people who can't just go out and buy whatever and that just talking to or getting help from someone can make their bad days better instead of retail therapy. Might make you think about just how lucky you are and appreciate it a little more.
As for buying new clothes for a date, if you feel you have to buy new clothes you should ask yourself, is it for me or her? If it's for her, she could be a little superficial and IMO, may not be worth it. If it's for you, you should take a long hard look in the mirror and start to love yourself and realise that clothes or a car don't make a person.
Life's about little things, moments and people, not how much your Ipod holds or what size your TV is.
It's good you've realised you have issue with retail and are willing to change it... kudos bud

See that is the whole problem, I recognize how fortunate I am when I see others that are less fortunate, but I take it for granted. I tend to focus more towards the people that have more than me rather than how well I have things myself. This is a big problem for me. I can't stand the people who act like something they are not, but that is what I have turned in to. That's why I asked on here because I know there are a bunch of genuinely nice people on here (heck I think PJ fans in general have a genuine respect for others as individuals). I just want to be able to live with necessities, then enjoy times when I can buy something nice for myself or someone else, but the way I'm going now I will never be satisfied. I asked this because I think other people have the same problem I do- as you could see if you go to just about any clubby bar on a Saturday night- but I don't want to be that and I say 'I just want to be myself' but saying it and actually being able to do it are very far apart I am finding out.

Heineken Helen

how long has this been going on for and how old are you?

thunderDAN

Heineken Helen wrote:

how long has this been going on for and how old are you?

I'm 24 and it's been going on for about 4-5 years.

Heineken Helen

thunderDAN wrote:

I'm 24 and it's been going on for about 4-5 years.

I hate to give the easy answer... but I'm willing to bed most of us were materialistic fuckers at that age and probably started to think about why we were once we hit 24ish so I don't think you should be worried... cos it's probably just something you're gonna have to train yourself out of.

redrock

thunderDAN wrote:

See that is the whole problem, I recognize how fortunate I am when I see others that are less fortunate, but I take it for granted.

I think we all take things for granted because that's how society is. We DO see misery, etc. in the world, in our cities and neighbourhoods, we help out a bit by giving to charities, maybe even helping out with the homless, etc. but hey.. we're OK in our little cocoon. Until something happens to us as an individual to take away what we had, I don't think things can change that much.

Example: A friend of mine, graphic designer, very good job, a husband and a kid. Husband does a runner, she is left with kid and a very good job. She buys house because she is now separated but she (and her daughter) want for nothing. Fast forward a bit.... she loses job (small company folds). It's OK.. sets herself up freelance - lots of work. Then... cancer... unable to work, two years of her life down the drain. Has to sell house, no more money, loses custody of child. EVERYTHING she had was taken from her, health included. Now she is rebuilding her life. She sees things VERY differently and appreciates everything she has.

thunderDAN wrote:

I tend to focus more towards the people that have more than me rather than how well I have things myself.

Not wanting to be nosey, but did your parents struggle when you were a kid? Did other kids have a lot more than you?

thunderDAN

redrock wrote:

Not wanting to be nosey, but did your parents struggle when you were a kid? Did other kids have a lot more than you?

My family had money. Growing up we were not rich, but my dad owns a successful business and my mom has a decent job. I went to a middle class school in a typical middle class town. I would say that if anything I was the kid growing up with the cool toys and everything, I wasn't exactly spoiled, but I had everything a kid could ask for both tangible and intangible.

redrock

So obviously that's not a reason why you could be doing that!

I think it's just society. We're bombarded by ads inciting us to buy, telling us we NEED this and that, etc. It's difficult when you are tempted all the time. But then again, retail therapy is a symptom of something... you need to find out what. And I don't think looking/being with the less fortunate, living on $20 a week (for food), etc. will enable you to find a solution. It's deeper than that.

TrixieCat

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Hmm thats a really good idea, I might try it in the next few weeks. I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks Trix!

Yes, please do.
I was thinking of offering up the challenge to anyone here.
Maybe next week.
People could pledge to do one day, a week, whatever.
Maybe just one day to see how it goes.
I can't imagine.
And i know some folks take advantage of the system, but never having been in the position to have to use foodstamps, I cannot see myself judging.

Wobbie

someone once talked me out of buying an expensive car with this analogy(?). I 'll paraphrase....

First imagine a graph, with $ on the horizontal axis and "enjoyment" on the other...

Remember your first car? What'd you pay? Maybe $500? (I did. 1966 Plymouth Valiant ). Anyway, that first car gave you a lot of enjoyment, right?

Next car? Maybe you spent $1500. It was nicer but did you get three times the enjoyment? Probably not.

Fast forward a few years. Now you're looking at a $15,000 car. 30 times the enjoyment???? No fucking way!!!! So, your graph is really flattening out.

And, after awhile, the insurance costs, fear of parking lot dings, depreciation, etc. actually cause your graph to head back downward. Bottom line - too much "stuff' causes headaches. Live within your means and buy what you need.

That's my two cents. You're welcome .

lalalalaaaaaaaa

thunderDAN wrote:

I've become what all of the advertisers want Americans to be. This is a problem.


So does anyone else have this problem or know what to do? I know the problem, but I don't know how to stop it.

Throw away your TV. That's basically it.

Get_Right

truly great to HAVE money in the bank

try that approach

the sooner you have enough, the sooner you can retire

Get started now YO!

thunderDAN

Man I had this song on my Ipod and while I was driving home last night it came up on shuffle and man did it hit everything I've been discussing here. It's amazing how music can do that, here I am thinking I'm like one of the few to feel this way (and why I am) and people spent time writing songs about it.

Like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Like a worm on a hook,
like a knight from some old fashioned book
I have saved all my ribbons for thee.
If I, if I have been unkind,
I hope that you can just let it go by.
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you.
Like a baby, stillborn,
like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.
But I swear by this song
and by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee.
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
he said to me, "You must not ask for so much."
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door,
she cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"

Oh like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.

PJ_Saluki

Here's what I did last summer: I was feeling a little burnt out after returning to school a couple of semester earlier and just decided I was going to just say, "Fuck it." I'm a freelance writer, which means I can pick and choose when I work. Well, I guess I just didn't feel like doing anything. I took all my crap, except for the essentials, and sold it or simply gave it to charity. I had my lapper, my bed, some random kitchen stuff, clothes, etc. You get the point. I had enough cash to make it through the summer. All I did was pick up some beer, maybe a bag, and head out to the pool every day. I read a ton of books and got a killer tan. By the time the summer was over, I was dark as a coffee bean and completely refreshed. And I didn't repurchase any of the superfluous crap I didn't need anyway. No TV, no gadgets other than a small radio, none of the trappings of good, patriotic consumerism. It's not so bad. When you do without, you find out how much of the shit we burden ourselves with is really unnecessary. Of course, somebody could look at me and say, "What a fucking loser." I guess I can see their point, too, but damn! it's February and there is still a little tan left on my body.