How do you stop yourself from being materialistic?

thunderDAN

I know that just about everyone has some materialistic traits by nature (assuming), but I feel that I have become way too materialistic and it's only a matter of time before it becomes a problem in both relationships, and the way that I think about myself.

Let me explain. I am 24, I have no debt whatsoever so this isn't really a problem financially. But for example: I'm currently feeling down about some stuff (stupid stuff that I should never let bother me) so I went out an bought a $1700 TV to keep me busy for awhile. I did this 2 weeks ago when I was upset and I went and bought a new Ipod. Same thing this last week when I went out of a date with a girl, I had to go buy new clothes because I felt tired of wearing stuff I already had, and plus I knew she came from a well off family and I thought it could only help my chances. It's also starting to be a problem because I envy things others have, which makes me not appreciate how fortunate I am. For example, the girl I went out on a date with just got a new Audi s4 (like a 50k car from her parents). I instantly became jealous, and it almost makes me feel ashamed to show up in my measly car.

I buy stuff not because I need it, but because I want it to try to either be something I'm not, or to make myself feel better (I think they are related). I think that this wasted money could go to a better use, and I feel that being materialistic like this turns me into a person I don't want to be.

The thing is a) I don't really need any of this shit, I just convince myself I do because I feel down b) it never makes me feel good and c) people you really want to like and love you, don't care about the things you have anyways. There are people all over the world that can't even eat because they don't have the money, and I waste it trying to make myself feel good. I feel that I have become the guy that thinks that only money can buy happiness; I've become what all of the advertisers want Americans to be. This is a problem.


So does anyone else have this problem or know what to do? I know the problem, but I don't know how to stop it.

redrock

thunderDAN wrote:

I don't really need any of this shit, I just convince myself I do because I feel down .

It's called retail therapy. It's an escape. Some will drink, some will eat, some will gamble, some will buy things. It's trying to fill a void - of course it doesn't make you happy because the underlying issues are not tackled. Need to sort those out and all your 'materialistic needs' will be gone! At least that's what I think.

norm

much like an alcoholic drinks or a drug addict takes drugs, you are trying to fill a void......you're depressed so you buy things because it gives you a momentary rush and you feel better.....not saying you're an addict but it's similar......when i was your age i felt somewhat the same.....gotta have all the cool things, tv, strereo, car etc.....then several years ago i realized that all that stuff was just that - stuff.....by expressing your feelings here is the first step.....if you keep reminding yourself that buying things is not making you happy it will start to sink in......god i hope that made some sense.....still on my first cup of coffee....:o

Brain of J.Lo

thunderDAN wrote:

I know that just about everyone has some materialistic traits by nature (assuming), but I feel that I have become way too materialistic and it's only a matter of time before it becomes a problem in both relationships, and the way that I think about myself.

Let me explain. I am 24, I have no debt whatsoever so this isn't really a problem financially. But for example: I'm currently feeling down about some stuff (stupid stuff that I should never let bother me) so I went out an bought a $1700 TV to keep me busy for awhile. I did this 2 weeks ago when I was upset and I went and bought a new Ipod. Same thing this last week when I went out of a date with a girl, I had to go buy new clothes because I felt tired of wearing stuff I already had, and plus I knew she came from a well off family and I thought it could only help my chances. It's also starting to be a problem because I envy things others have, which makes me not appreciate how fortunate I am. For example, the girl I went out on a date with just got a new Audi s4 (like a 50k car from her parents). I instantly became jealous, and it almost makes me feel ashamed to show up in my measly car.

I buy stuff not because I need it, but because I want it to try to either be something I'm not, or to make myself feel better (I think they are related). I think that this wasted money could go to a better use, and I feel that being materialistic like this turns me into a person I don't want to be.

The thing is a) I don't really need any of this shit, I just convince myself I do because I feel down b) it never makes me feel good and c) people you really want to like and love you, don't care about the things you have anyways. There are people all over the world that can't even eat because they don't have the money, and I waste it trying to make myself feel good. I feel that I have become the guy that thinks that only money can buy happiness; I've become what all of the advertisers want Americans to be. This is a problem.


So does anyone else have this problem or know what to do? I know the problem, but I don't know how to stop it.

Well, I used to be pretty materialistic. Then I quit my job to stay home with my baby, shrinking our household income significantly and forcing us to live extremely frugally. You get over it quickly when you have to.

Honestly, though...I think just putting my focus on something else (such as my child) made me realize that there are a lot of other ways to get the same enjoyment I used to get from buying a new outfit or dropping a couple hundred bucks on a handbag. Maybe you should try to find a new hobby to get excited about.

The important thing here is that you recognize the (inflated) value you are placing on material things. That means you can get a handle on it.

KosmicJelli

well the first thing is to admit.... that you have a problem...

next thing you must learn to become secure with yourself and never mind about the Jones' ....

omg very complicated subject... how not to be materialistic???

its all about you and finding what is "real", then making priorites...

is it about the car? or about seeing your new baby smile at you? stuff like that....

good luck...

thunderDAN

cutback wrote:

much like an alcoholic drinks or a drug addict takes drugs, you are trying to fill a void......you're depressed so you buy things because it gives you a momentary rush and you feel better.....not saying you're an addict but it's similar......when i was your age i felt somewhat the same.....gotta have all the cool things, tv, strereo, car etc.....then several years ago i realized that all that stuff was just that - stuff.....by expressing your feelings here is the first step.....if you keep reminding yourself that buying things is not making you happy it will start to sink in......god i hope that made some sense.....still on my first cup of coffee....:o

No that makes perfect sense- as do all the other replies, thank you all very much.

It makes perfect sense though because the things that bother me are things that won't be fixed overnight, or ever (in the way I would like) and I feel that just going and buying something will make me feel better. I think that if I can change my ways towards fixing the problems I really have it will help me get over this problem I'm talking about now.

the wolf

i stop myself by being broke and out of a job. seems to work just fine : )

actually, it sucks. bring on the material!

Collin

ganja

norm

Collin wrote:

ganja

hehehehehe

Collin

You know, everyone knows they could die tomorrow, everyone knows stuff doesn't matter but friends and family do. Everyone knows that money won't make them happy. But we don't believe it, I think a lot of people don't like the thought that they're mortals, and that they could die any day. No control whatsoever, you can be the safest, healthiest dude alive, an irresponsible drunk could crash into you on your way to work.

And I've decided that I don't want to live for tomorrow. I want to be happy right now, with what I have and I believe happiness doesn't come from wealth or things.

Just remind yourself frequently that today could be your last day alive, you're never going to be as young as you are tonight. It's like Lennon said, life is what happens to you while you're making plans. Live for today. I know it all sounds cheesy, but isn't it the truth?

Life is not a race or a competition.

Collin

Oh and read Chuck Palahniuk. :D

LONGRD

the wolf wrote:

i stop myself by being broke and out of a job. seems to work just fine : )

actually, it sucks. bring on the material!

haha, same here. when i'm broke i know how to save money and invest in my needs for the week. but when i have money, even extra money i always fine a way to waste it by buying stupid things instead something i can invest upon.

catefrances

how do i stop myself being materialistic?


i look at the world around, realise it's fucked and just choose to participate at a minimum level. i like to look at 'pretty' things but thats the extent of it. if i merely just want something that means i don't need it. so if i don't need it, i don't buy it. of course i am not infallible and sometimes i slip, but on the whole buying stuff bores me.

thunderDAN

Collin wrote:

You know, everyone knows they could die tomorrow, everyone knows stuff doesn't matter but friends and family do. Everyone knows that money won't make them happy. But we don't believe it, I think a lot of people don't like the thought that they're mortals, and that they could die any day. No control whatsoever, you can be the safest, healthiest dude alive, an irresponsible drunk could crash into you on your way to work.

And I've decided that I don't want to live for tomorrow. I want to be happy right now, with what I have and I believe happiness doesn't come from wealth or things.

Just remind yourself frequently that today could be your last day alive, you're never going to be as young as you are tonight. It's like Lennon said, life is what happens to you while you're making plans. Live for today. I know it all sounds cheesy, but isn't it the truth?

Life is not a race or a competition.

wow those are really nice words. I always try to live for today, but I think it's just words I think or say. I'm 24 and don't really think of death or that I might not be here tomorrow, but I honestly read that and makes me want to try my best to appreciate the things I have and others for who or what they are.

JOEJOEJOE

Tell yourself that you can only buy fancy stuff when you are happy, and then, when you are happy, you won't feel the need to buy stuff because you are happy!

acoustic guy

thunderDAN wrote:

I know that just about everyone has some materialistic traits by nature (assuming), but I feel that I have become way too materialistic and it's only a matter of time before it becomes a problem in both relationships, and the way that I think about myself.

Let me explain. I am 24, I have no debt whatsoever so this isn't really a problem financially. But for example: I'm currently feeling down about some stuff (stupid stuff that I should never let bother me) so I went out an bought a $1700 TV to keep me busy for awhile. I did this 2 weeks ago when I was upset and I went and bought a new Ipod. Same thing this last week when I went out of a date with a girl, I had to go buy new clothes because I felt tired of wearing stuff I already had, and plus I knew she came from a well off family and I thought it could only help my chances. It's also starting to be a problem because I envy things others have, which makes me not appreciate how fortunate I am. For example, the girl I went out on a date with just got a new Audi s4 (like a 50k car from her parents). I instantly became jealous, and it almost makes me feel ashamed to show up in my measly car.

I buy stuff not because I need it, but because I want it to try to either be something I'm not, or to make myself feel better (I think they are related). I think that this wasted money could go to a better use, and I feel that being materialistic like this turns me into a person I don't want to be.

The thing is a) I don't really need any of this shit, I just convince myself I do because I feel down b) it never makes me feel good and c) people you really want to like and love you, don't care about the things you have anyways. There are people all over the world that can't even eat because they don't have the money, and I waste it trying to make myself feel good. I feel that I have become the guy that thinks that only money can buy happiness; I've become what all of the advertisers want Americans to be. This is a problem.


So does anyone else have this problem or know what to do? I know the problem, but I don't know how to stop it.

I say, have fun and do what you please. You will become much more money concience when you get married. As long as you pay your bills just have fun until then.

JOEJOEJOE

acoustic guy wrote:

I say, have fun and do what you please. You will become much more money concience when you get married. As long as you pay your bills just have fun until then.

Just don't be a sexist when you have fun!


Sorry, I am still laughing from yesterday!

thunderDAN

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Tell yourself that you can only buy fancy stuff when you are happy, and then, when you are happy, you won't feel the need to buy stuff because you are happy!

haha. I am actaully a very happy go lucky person but I'm sorta at that age where I'm finding alot about myself for the first time. It's the first time I've really been able to take a step back and look at myself

prism

how does that song go? "can't buy what I want because it's free"

really when it comes down to it, material possesions is just meaningless stuff. the really important things that this life has to offer really are free (that doesn't mean that they may not take some effort.) what IS important is family, friends, neighbors and perhaps someone special and what you give and receive between each other. love, laughter, respect, caring, trust, understanding and time spent together, these things are truely priceless. anyway I think this makes them far, far more important that any material object(s) could ever be. maybe this is easy for me to say because i don't have much money but even if I did, i can't imagine feeling any differently.

so i guess you just have to decide where you want to place your priorities keeping in mind that stuff won't make for happy, lasting memories or contentment.

there...I just spent my .02 cents

Fighting Hellfish

sorry if I missed it, but where do you live? If you already own a house, then well done. If you're paying rent, or live with your parents, than maybe you could make buying a house in a year or 2 a priority. When you think about buying something, think, would you rather have this new toy, or save the money for your house?

Jeanie

You run out of places to put stuff and you realize that none of it makes you happy anyway. You forget you bought things, you buy the same thing twice and the quick thrill you got from the shiny when you brought is quickly replaced with a drowning feeling.

Recognizing the sensation for what it is BEFORE you aquire something is the only thing that's helped me. I dunno Dan, maybe I just grew out of it?

Toolgarden

Collin wrote:

Oh and read Chuck Palahniuk. :D

"The things you own end up owning you."

But seriously, if this is a real problem, get a therapist, or go to a meeting. There are shoppers anonymous meetings in every major city.

You are young still. I would say you are on the right path. You have observed an imperfect tendency, and have acknowledged it. Now it is all of our duties to live to a higher calling. We are all in this life together, and we should try to put our fellow human first. Acquisition of goods is not the pinnacle of human development, regardless of what the media says.

Good luck,
Scott

sponger

If you've ever taken karate lessons, then you know about the karate uniforms and the brand names that are on them. I remember back in the day everybody had to have a Tokaido uniform. They were like the Ralph Lauren of martial arts clothiers. I remember wanting one so bad, but they were just too damn expensive. I went with a lesser brand that was still considered a brand name.

But, there's a reason why they're so expensive. They're built a hundred times better than other uniforms. You can see and feel the difference in quality. A nice, expensive uniform makes sparring that much more fun.

I think there's materialism and there's an appreciation for finer things. True materialism is when people just want something expensive because to them it's a status symbol. It's like jewelry. I can see no practical purpose for jewelry. But, people wear it because it sets them apart.

On the other hand, an Audi S4 is about really enjoying the experience of driving. Sure they're expensive looking and would get looks from other people, but I don't think that would really matter as much to me as the all-wheel drive handling and the horses under the hood.

It's like the other day I was test-driving a new WRX at the Subaru dealership and I almost had a fucking orgasm in my pants. Subaru has really improved the low-end torque in those things. Turbo-lag is almost non-existent as far as I could tell. That thing flew right off the mark.

But, the new WRX is ugly as hell and I doubt it'll get any looks from anybody other than people who can appreciate what's under the hood. And the last thing I'd want them to think is how I have something that they don't.

So what you have to ask yourself is whether you appreciate the performance as much as the status, and is the performance really that important to you? A turbo-charged rally car is a nice thing to own, but even the scariest of amusement park thrill rides can get boring after so many times. Then you're left making payments and paying extra insurance premiums on something that you got bored of a long time ago. All that's left is the "status" of a fast car.

Sian-of-the-dead

I really don't mean to sound patronising but how about you try and spend some time with people less fortunate than yourself? I'm not telling you to give up your hard earned cash but just a little time. It may make you realise that there are people who can't just go out and buy whatever and that just talking to or getting help from someone can make their bad days better instead of retail therapy. Might make you think about just how lucky you are and appreciate it a little more.
As for buying new clothes for a date, if you feel you have to buy new clothes you should ask yourself, is it for me or her? If it's for her, she could be a little superficial and IMO, may not be worth it. If it's for you, you should take a long hard look in the mirror and start to love yourself and realise that clothes or a car don't make a person.
Life's about little things, moments and people, not how much your Ipod holds or what size your TV is.
It's good you've realised you have issue with retail and are willing to change it... kudos bud

Heineken Helen

I've been on a roll recently... got rid of bags and bags and bags of stuff... so far about 7 bin bags have gone out and 2 huge bags have gone to charity shops... and I'm only halfway through... and the more I get rid of the better I feel It's tough to get into this mindset but clearing all the clutter and 'stuff' from your life is pretty therapeutic

I started reading a book last night called 'this book will save your life' and I'm about halfway through it already... it's fantastic. It's not one of those self help books... it's a novel about a guy who ends up in A&E and his life changes and all the random interraction he has with other people afterwards. It's very funny and there are great lines in there to live by. I'd recommend it so far.

TrixieCat

Along the lines of what Sian is saying...
I was reading in the paper yesterday about a challenge being done both here in CT and around the country. It challenges people to spend only 3 DOLLARS A DAY for food, or 21 dollars a week. This is the average amount someone living on food stamps has to survive on.
I am going to see if I can do it for a week...not starting today.
Gone are the things I sometimes take for granted like fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains...things like that. I have the luxury of deciding when I want to do this and being a really good shopper. Also, I can bake bread and love using dried legumes to cook with.
What about the electricity cost involved with cooking the food? Or the gas to get to the store. All sorts of add-ons to factor in.
That is how I keep from becoming obsessed.

Danimal

I think your first step to recovery is giving me the $1700 tv. Hhahaha.

Sian-of-the-dead

TrixieCat wrote:

Along the lines of what Sian is saying...
I was reading in the paper yesterday about a challenge being done both here in CT and around the country. It challenges people to spend only 3 DOLLARS A DAY for food, or 21 dollars a week. This is the average amount someone living on food stamps has to survive on.
I am going to see if I can do it for a week...not starting today.
Gone are the things I sometimes take for granted like fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains...things like that. I have the luxury of deciding when I want to do this and being a really good shopper. Also, I can bake bread and love using dried legumes to cook with.
What about the electricity cost involved with cooking the food? Or the gas to get to the store. All sorts of add-ons to factor in.
That is how I keep from becoming obsessed.

Hmm thats a really good idea, I might try it in the next few weeks. I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks Trix!

thunderDAN

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

I really don't mean to sound patronising but how about you try and spend some time with people less fortunate than yourself? I'm not telling you to give up your hard earned cash but just a little time. It may make you realise that there are people who can't just go out and buy whatever and that just talking to or getting help from someone can make their bad days better instead of retail therapy. Might make you think about just how lucky you are and appreciate it a little more.
As for buying new clothes for a date, if you feel you have to buy new clothes you should ask yourself, is it for me or her? If it's for her, she could be a little superficial and IMO, may not be worth it. If it's for you, you should take a long hard look in the mirror and start to love yourself and realise that clothes or a car don't make a person.
Life's about little things, moments and people, not how much your Ipod holds or what size your TV is.
It's good you've realised you have issue with retail and are willing to change it... kudos bud

See that is the whole problem, I recognize how fortunate I am when I see others that are less fortunate, but I take it for granted. I tend to focus more towards the people that have more than me rather than how well I have things myself. This is a big problem for me. I can't stand the people who act like something they are not, but that is what I have turned in to. That's why I asked on here because I know there are a bunch of genuinely nice people on here (heck I think PJ fans in general have a genuine respect for others as individuals). I just want to be able to live with necessities, then enjoy times when I can buy something nice for myself or someone else, but the way I'm going now I will never be satisfied. I asked this because I think other people have the same problem I do- as you could see if you go to just about any clubby bar on a Saturday night- but I don't want to be that and I say 'I just want to be myself' but saying it and actually being able to do it are very far apart I am finding out.

Heineken Helen

how long has this been going on for and how old are you?

thunderDAN

Heineken Helen wrote:

how long has this been going on for and how old are you?

I'm 24 and it's been going on for about 4-5 years.