I have decided to confront my (ex) husband...
CHANGEinWAVES
Posts: 10,169
who cares
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
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on a serious note, never been in your situation so i can't really give any inputs but best of luck though.
EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
You've made the major decision on leaving and divorcing this man why waste your time and energy on him. If you meet with him meet him in some kind of public place, you never know what kind of pent up aggression he might have towards you.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
i vote for a brutal ass kicking, no/yes?
verbal works best.
simply state, "get fuck you piece of crap, you fucked me over and yourself"
the end..
but yeah as already stated by someone above me, do it in a public setting.
you don't need to get snacked around..(if he's the type)
edit: don't mind me, probably best you don't take my advice...i'm a prick
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Sorry...end rant...just got off the phone with him!
Once I get out of this town
9/29/04;6/27/08;6/30/08;8/23/09;08/24/09;5/17/10
haha ok you caught me..
nicely done..
that is pretty funny.. thanks for making me smirk a lil smile
that is something beings im all a critical speller and shit
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Once I get out of this town
9/29/04;6/27/08;6/30/08;8/23/09;08/24/09;5/17/10
yes buddy it is.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I just talked to my lady about this and she has been through some of what you've stated and she said what I said.
She said to save your energy cause like with this last phone conversation he has some issues just speaking sensibly with you now so if your time and energy important to you save them for yourself and not on him.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
Keep your chin up girl.
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
and if you do it and it doesn't make you feel better then you're right back where you started
you know you best of course but i thought i'd give you my 2 cents....stay strong
then go forth and unleash your wrath.....:)
Exactly! He'll be in complete denial to whatever it is you'll bring up even though it maybe true. Since that'll be the case then you'll be wasting your time and your precious energy save it for some else who'll look out for YOU.
I've been there and done that.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
feel free to let it out here....there are lots of people here who will listen!
people have said it - it will more than likely fall on deaf ears and be met with his hostility. That doesn't mean you swallow your feelings AGAIN, just means the person you think you want the most to hear & acknowledge your feelings probably won't care. Ultimately, your feelings are just that - yours - they're valid because you feel them; they're real because they're yours. Looking yourself in the mirror, knowing how you feel, what you've been through and believing you deserve more is better than him saying "I understand"....At the end of the day, loving and understanding yourself is what is important.
just my two cents. good luck lady....
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
a few years back i was standing in almost the same spot as you ... two little babies, a mountain of debt thru no fault of my own (unless you count loving someone as your fault) and a drug addicted partner who had no intention of facing up to a thing he had helped cause.
for a year or so i was so angry with him i probably would have said i hated him if you'd asked me how i felt. But that didnt help. it didnt pay the bills, it didnt change what had happened, and it certainly didnt make me feel any better. i moved towns, and i went back to work, in time the bad debt got paid, i bought a house and i now have two happy, confident kids and am in a pretty good spot in life. to be honest, i have probably even forgiven him ... i have seen him and spoken to him a few times in the past year. he's like a different person. but it's horrible to see the person he's become, in contrast to the one he could have been. He has nothing, and im sure he must look at me and be ... i dont know , jealous? that doesnt make me feel better either ... if anything i feel sorry that he has missed out on the life we could have had, and that i have now with our kids.
hate binds two people together just as strongly as love. he's a different person atm, but underneath he is the one that you did once love. I know in his moments of lucidity he probably hates himself for what happened, but thats for him to deal with. going and throwing it all at him is not going to help matters at all. It probably wont even make you feel any better in the long term. If you need closure, you need to get to that point on your own. It feels hard now, but you do get there, trust me.
so my advice to you - let go, make peace within yourself, and get on with your own journey. its hard, but in time you realise its the right thing.
I felt the need to confront him because it feels like he constantly steps on me and my understanding of his addiction and uses it to get to me. I think all of you are right that it will fall on deaf ears but in some way just saying it to him and letting him know that even though I understand the addiction I still feel pain from it. I don't know I guess I'm not in a good place right now, I had a friend who was there for me who no longer is and now I feel even more alone in every situation.
you will come out of this a better stronger person
unfortunately you have to go through it :(
stay strong and as you can see, we pearl jam fans will be there for ya!
I considered not replying to this thread (mostly because, by the time I read it, all of my "wisdom" had been dispensed by those wiser than I); however, I decided to go ahead anyway since I do have a perspective that hasn't been mentioned yet. Namely, I've been on the receiving end of the wrath you're contemplating.
A few on this thread have suggested that your feelings (if you decided to unleash them) will fall on "deaf ears."
From personal experience, I have to disagree. I drank hard and I drank often for the better part of a decade. And over those ten years, a handful of people came to me with their feelings in ways that were similar to the way you're considering.
Most notably, my mother called me a "selfish son-of-a-bitch," and a girlfriend I loved very much ended our relationship-- citing my drinking as her primary reason. She said it hurt her too much to see me destroying myself the way I was.
Trust me, it's been over twelve years since anyone informed me that my drinking was causing ruin in her life, but you never forget the sounds of those words. They resonate as clearly as when someone first tells you that they love you.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that it is your duty to tell him how you feel because it might get him sober. It's a cliche, but only he can figure out when or if he's going to stop being a douche bag. I'm simply saying that the echoes of the angry, joyless, heartsick voices of loved ones telling me that I was causing them pain did play a part in my sobriety.
Finally... having said all that... you must do what's best for you. You don't owe him anything. If he gets sober as a result, all the better.
Best of luck. I'll be thinking of you.
Foxwell
P.S. Years later, my mother did acknowledge that she was actually insulting herself when she called me a "selfish son-of-a bitch."
"He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that." -- John Stuart Mill
"Mongo just a pawn in game of life." -- Mongo
finally brandi having the guts to do it...
it's about time brandi...
kinakamot ang aking puwit...
me rascando pompis...
krap mijn reet...
boku no ketsuoana o kizu...
bahrosh teezy...
your understanding of his addiction? - you are not his crutch, nor is it up to you to help him anymore.
addicts can be very selfish people - addiction in itself is selfish - its focusing entirely on oneself, while blaming anything and everyone instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. Im not in anyway saying that an addict isnt a worthwhile person - everyone is, or has the potential to be; but untill he's found that place on his own he's making his own choices right now. Bad ones they may be, but he's the one doing it.
of course you understand the addiction - youve lived it right along with him. but again - its his, not yours. i found the sooner you step back and stop feeling guilty for not being able to fix things, the sooner you can move on yourself. Everyone wants to stand by a friend when they need help, but think of this - a drowning person can take you under with them, if you dont have the skills to save them.
I road the leave/come back/leave/comeback merry-go-round for a while there - finally i looked hard at my kids and thought 'do i really want them growing up thinking this is how a family works?'
and of course you are in a horrible place .. i remember feeling so alone, i cut myself off from everyone, i thought things would never get better. but they do, and when they do you find yourself a much stronger person because of it.
the man has wisdom....pay heed