I have decided to confront my (ex) husband...

CHANGEinWAVES

who cares

LONGRD

kick him in the nuts?

on a serious note, never been in your situation so i can't really give any inputs but best of luck though.

comebackwoman

Good luck! I don't know where he is in the recovery process (or if he's still using) or much about your situation, so just generally speaking - remember that your experiences and the way his drug use, etc. has affected you is your reality. Don't not let him try to convince you otherwise. He's unlikely to see things the same way as you, but that does not make your experience any less real - so hold on to that. Don't look to him to give you closure, or answers, etc. Especially if he's still using - his level of denial may be really high. Whatever you say is for your own healing - so stay focused on what you need to say to bring about your own sense of closure. And remember if he gets upset, angry, etc - you are not responsible for his feelings. If he starts getting upset and you start feeling bad, remind yourself that this is your reality and you have a right to talk about it - it's not about hurting him, it's about you being able to move on. Not sure if any of that will apply to your situation, but hope it goes well.

g under p

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Tomorrow about his drug abuse and how he hurt me and everything else involved. I don't know what to say or how to begin, but I think I'm at the point where I need to do this to move on. Any advice or words of inspiration would be greatly appreciated. Thanks:)

You've made the major decision on leaving and divorcing this man why waste your time and energy on him. If you meet with him meet him in some kind of public place, you never know what kind of pent up aggression he might have towards you.

Peace

chadwick

LongRd. wrote:

kick him in the nuts?

on a serious note, never been in your situation so i can't really give any inputs but best of luck though.

i vote for a brutal ass kicking, no/yes?
verbal works best.
simply state, "get fuck you piece of crap, you fucked me over and yourself"
the end..

but yeah as already stated by someone above me, do it in a public setting.
you don't need to get snacked around..(if he's the type)

edit: don't mind me, probably best you don't take my advice...i'm a prick

CHANGEinWAVES

Well this isn't happening now...he just called and made yet another excuse to not come over and do the shit with the house that we need to do. Though this time I didn't just say ok like I usually do, I let him know that the way he drags me along bothers me. He hung up pissed off. Some days I feel like just walking away and never looking back, I don't even care if I get spousal support...he left me he did drugs he lied to me...and I get shit on.
Sorry...end rant...just got off the phone with him!

Drop The Leash 10

chadwick wrote:

i vote for a brutal ass kicking, no/yes?
verbal works best.
simply state, "get fuck you piece of crap, you fucked me over and yourself"
the end..

but yeah as already stated by someone above me, do it in a public setting.
you don't need to get snacked around..(if he's the type)

edit: don't mind me, probably best you don't take my advice...i'm a prick

get fuck you peice of crap????

chadwick

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

get fuck you peice of crap????

haha ok you caught me..
nicely done..

that is pretty funny.. thanks for making me smirk a lil smile
that is something beings im all a critical speller and shit

Drop The Leash 10

chadwick wrote:

haha ok you caught me..
nicely done..

that is pretty funny.. thanks for making me smirk a lil smile
that is something beings im all a critical speller and shit

its all good.

chadwick

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

its all good.

yes buddy it is.

g under p

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Well this isn't happening now...he just called and made yet another excuse to not come over and do the shit with the house that we need to do. Though this time I didn't just say ok like I usually do, I let him know that the way he drags me along bothers me. He hung up pissed off. Some days I feel like just walking away and never looking back, I don't even care if I get spousal support...he left me he did drugs he lied to me...and I get shit on.
Sorry...end rant...just got off the phone with him!

I just talked to my lady about this and she has been through some of what you've stated and she said what I said.

She said to save your energy cause like with this last phone conversation he has some issues just speaking sensibly with you now so if your time and energy important to you save them for yourself and not on him.

Peace

acoustic guy

comebackgirl wrote:

Good luck! I don't know where he is in the recovery process (or if he's still using) or much about your situation, so just generally speaking - remember that your experiences and the way his drug use, etc. has affected you is your reality. Don't not let him try to convince you otherwise. He's unlikely to see things the same way as you, but that does not make your experience any less real - so hold on to that. Don't look to him to give you closure, or answers, etc. Especially if he's still using - his level of denial may be really high. Whatever you say is for your own healing - so stay focused on what you need to say to bring about your own sense of closure. And remember if he gets upset, angry, etc - you are not responsible for his feelings. If he starts getting upset and you start feeling bad, remind yourself that this is your reality and you have a right to talk about it - it's not about hurting him, it's about you being able to move on. Not sure if any of that will apply to your situation, but hope it goes well.

Wow, thats really good. Well said.

acoustic guy

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Well this isn't happening now...he just called and made yet another excuse to not come over and do the shit with the house that we need to do. Though this time I didn't just say ok like I usually do, I let him know that the way he drags me along bothers me. He hung up pissed off. Some days I feel like just walking away and never looking back, I don't even care if I get spousal support...he left me he did drugs he lied to me...and I get shit on.
Sorry...end rant...just got off the phone with him!

I hope things make a turn for the better for you.
Keep your chin up girl.

norm

i understand your need to vent your anger toward him but it sounds like it will fall on deaf ears

and if you do it and it doesn't make you feel better then you're right back where you started

you know you best of course but i thought i'd give you my 2 cents....stay strong

CHANGEinWAVES

cutback wrote:

i understand your need to vent your anger toward him but it sounds like it will fall on deaf ears

and if you do it and it doesn't make you feel better then you're right back where you started

you know you best of course but i thought i'd give you my 2 cents....stay strong

My feeling need to finally be stated. All I've said up to now is " I understand". Its about time I've shared my pain and anger.

norm

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

My feeling need to finally be stated. All I've said up to now is " I understand". Its about time I've shared my pain and anger.

then go forth and unleash your wrath.....:)

laylagrrl

Drug addicts and ex-husbands will never "hear" or understand what you have to say. Remember, he's your EX for a reason. If you do feel the undying need to talk to him, don't expect anything in return except maybe hostility. And definitely do it in a public place!!!! Stay safe. If you can, try and block him out; don't waste your time talking to him because it will probably only upset you more! Realize that you deserve better, live your life, and wait for the one who is good enough for you and appreciates you!

g under p

laylagrrl wrote:

Drug addicts and ex-husbands will never "hear" or understand what you have to say. Remember, he's your EX for a reason. If you do feel the undying need to talk to him, don't expect anything in return except maybe hostility. And definitely do it in a public place!!!! Stay safe. If you can, try and block him out; don't waste your time talking to him because it will probably only upset you more! Realize that you deserve better, live your life, and wait for the one who is good enough for you and appreciates you!

Exactly! He'll be in complete denial to whatever it is you'll bring up even though it maybe true. Since that'll be the case then you'll be wasting your time and your precious energy save it for some else who'll look out for YOU.

I've been there and done that.

Peace

comebackwoman

acoustic guy wrote:

Wow, thats really good. Well said.

Thank you

CHANGEinWAVES

Thank you all for the advice. This probably will never happen since he keeps making excuses to not come around. I guess now I just have to find a way to deal with it with out letting it out, this may be harder then I thought.

Whizbang

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Thank you all for the advice. This probably will never happen since he keeps making excuses to not come around. I guess now I just have to find a way to deal with it with out letting it out, this may be harder then I thought.

feel free to let it out here....there are lots of people here who will listen!

people have said it - it will more than likely fall on deaf ears and be met with his hostility. That doesn't mean you swallow your feelings AGAIN, just means the person you think you want the most to hear & acknowledge your feelings probably won't care. Ultimately, your feelings are just that - yours - they're valid because you feel them; they're real because they're yours. Looking yourself in the mirror, knowing how you feel, what you've been through and believing you deserve more is better than him saying "I understand"....At the end of the day, loving and understanding yourself is what is important.

just my two cents. good luck lady....