A Pearl Jam Fan Needs Your Help In Seattle.

lucehifenerlucehifener Posts: 84
edited December 2007 in All Encompassing Trip
Hi there. Where to begin? I'm from Texas, where I lived somewhat happily my whole life. This year, (2007) I married the girl of my dreams, and everything seemed fine. I never cheated on her, lied to her, stole from her, called her a name, nothing. We moved in with her identical twin sister and her husband because she wasn't very happy being away from her sister.

Fast forward to December 4th. She told me that she wanted a divorce, and to "be prepared for what's to come." I was kicked out of our house, only to find myself homeless. I had nowhere to go, so I went back home at the beginning of last week. They called the police, and the police said that I had every right to be there. So my wife, her sister and her sister's husband moved out. They have been exceptionally cruel to me, and all I've wanted to to was work things out. I have a suspicion that her parents and her sister have more to do with this than she does.

A friend of mine in Seattle, who I've known for years told me to move up here and stay with her. She said she could get me a job where she works, and that everything would be okay. So I sold as much stuff as I could to afford the plane ticket to Seattle, bought it, and flew up here on Christmas Eve.

Yet another blow. My friend has disappeared on me. She won't answer my calls or e-mails. I don't know if she hooked back up with her ex, or if she just can't help, so she won't talk to me.

Luckily, a good samaritan named Derek is letting me stay at his house in the U-district, but unless I can start paying rent immediately, I will have to leave, and I will be effectively homeless by the 5th or so.

I gave my wife all the money I made from work to pay the bills and rent. I've got about $70 left to my name. I found several jobs, but most of them require that I start after the 1st of the month.

So I'm not asking for money, and I'm not asking for a free ride. I just don't know what to do. I built up a good life for myself over the past several years, and my wife has destroyed it within one month. I put all my eggs in that basket, and boom. She destroyed the basket.

I am 28 years old. I'm a prolific musician with loads of recorded material. I'm also a big Pearl Jam fan. I got to see a good deal of the 2006 tour, and besides marrying the girl of my dreams, it was the best thing that's ever happened to me. But now, I've gone from everything to nothing within one month. I'm not a druggie or a criminal.

I have no family I can stay with, and any friends that I have are married now with their own lives, way down in Texas.

If anyone can help me, whatsoever, or if you have any useful suggestions, please reply, or email me directly at lesliehef@gmail.com.

Thank you.
Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • wow. what a bitch. i feel compelled to help you but i dont even have anything to offer. do you have good credit? any credit cards? could you live in a motel or something until you get that job? it sounds basically like you're going to have to start over. maybe see if any bands need a player and you could live in with them or something.

    it sucks that in the face of such disaster you also have to deal with the abandonment. how does she just kick you out? i saw you said you were paying rent so you obviously didnt own the place.

    what could you have possibly done to her to make her boot you out, while two people sit back and watch someone become homeless...is there anything you're not mentioning?
  • josevolutionjosevolution Posts: 29,537
    maybe turn to a church and see if they can recommend wich way to approach this they might have some good options thats all i can come up with now ....
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • That's a shocking story. I hope you can work something out, just don't loose hope.
    I wanted to PM you but you disabled it...
    "I surfaced and all of my being was enlightened"
  • ajedigeckoajedigecko Posts: 2,430
    maybe turn to a church and see if they can recommend wich way to approach this they might have some good options thats all i can come up with now ....
    well said....believe it or not the church will help you and not ask for anything in return.

    ...actually, do you have a formal education? the reason i ask is, locate the unifed school district, they are always looking for good people to be substitue teachers. it is good pay also. well it is good pay where i work.
    live and let live...unless it violates the pearligious doctrine.
  • I wish there was something I had done to deserve it, because it would make it alot easier to say, "Oh, I screwed up. This is my fault." But it makes it incredibly perplexing that I was working, doing everything I could to keep her happy, and then, boom. I spent every day for the past 3 weeks trying to get her to reconsider the divorce, and realize that I had nowhere to go, and she just kept saying that I was "making excuses" not to get on with my life.

    I have no credit, not bad credit, but no credit. I wish like hell a band would come along and pick me up. But I don't even have my gear here. It's stored in a kind person's garage in Texas.
    wow. what a bitch. i feel compelled to help you but i dont even have anything to offer. do you have good credit? any credit cards? could you live in a motel or something until you get that job? it sounds basically like you're going to have to start over. maybe see if any bands need a player and you could live in with them or something.

    it sucks that in the face of such disaster you also have to deal with the abandonment. how does she just kick you out? i saw you said you were paying rent so you obviously didnt own the place.

    what could you have possibly done to her to make her boot you out, while two people sit back and watch someone become homeless...is there anything you're not mentioning?
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • Well, I have no formal education. I've been working since the age of 15. The reason I'm worried about going to a church is that I'm not a christian. I'm a model agnostic, and there's no way i'm going to pretend to be christian. I respect their wish to be christian, but I'm afraid they will not respect my wish to be agnostic.
    ajedigecko wrote:
    well said....believe it or not the church will help you and not ask for anything in return.

    ...actually, do you have a formal education? the reason i ask is, locate the unifed school district, they are always looking for good people to be substitue teachers. it is good pay also. well it is good pay where i work.
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • I sent this to your email, but I will put it here too, just in case...

    I am in Salem Oregon, I am 28 and a musician as well...and I am very sorry for your situation. I hope it all works out with you...If I was in any position to help, I totally would. I can tell you that the company I work for (Wachovia Bank) is having an open house sometime next week...I know it's about 3-4 hours away, but maybe it's worth it?...I dunno. Anyways, I hope it works out for you...I seriously felt horrible after reading that post.
    Is it so wrong to think that love can keep us safe?
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    Are you leaving something out of this story? It doesn't seem to make sense! If you had a good relationship with her, why is she being so heartless to you?

    I think the suggestion to try a church or shelter is a good one. Find a place to be until you can start working...BEFORE you get kicked onto the street.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    justam wrote:
    Are you leaving something out of this story? It doesn't seem to make sense! If you had a good relationship with her, why is she being so heartless to you?

    that's what i'm wondering too....
  • ajedigeckoajedigecko Posts: 2,430
    Well, I have no formal education. I've been working since the age of 15. The reason I'm worried about going to a church is that I'm not a christian. I'm a model agnostic, and there's no way i'm going to pretend to be christian. I respect their wish to be christian, but I'm afraid they will not respect my wish to be agnostic.
    alright let us try a different angle. i would still contact the school district and let them know that you are a musician and you would like to help in any capacity....give it a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    also, do not let the fact that you are agnostic be a deterrent from asking for assistance. a friend of my wife is a pastor and she helps out all people and never asks for anything.

    i truly believe she enjoys helping people who claim to not be christian more than those who do claim to be christian. that is my opinion only. :)

    anyway....if you can get to wichita, i will assist you in getting a job with our school district.

    take care and be safe.
    live and let live...unless it violates the pearligious doctrine.
  • Again, I can't tell the whole story in a quick posting. There were things I did that she didn't like, such as going to bed before she went to bed, (since I had to get up early for work,) I was drinking and she didn't like that, so I stopped. I was smoking cigarettes, and she didn't like that, so I stopped. I had a spell of depression for about a week, and when I told her I was depressed, she took it personally, and accused me of lying about it.

    She lived at her parents house her whole life, 23 years, and when we married it was the first time she was away from her sister and her parent's house. She didn't know what the world was like away from home. I think she just panicked. I talked to her lawyer, and even he said, "I've known this family for years, and Les, she wasn't ready. You probably didn't do anything wrong."
    justam wrote:
    Are you leaving something out of this story? It doesn't seem to make sense! If you had a good relationship with her, why is she being so heartless to you?

    I think the suggestion to try a church or shelter is a good one. Find a place to be until you can start working...BEFORE you get kicked onto the street.
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    Again, I can't tell the whole story in a quick posting. There were things I did that she didn't like, such as going to bed before she went to bed, (since I had to get up early for work,) I was drinking and she didn't like that, so I stopped. I was smoking cigarettes, and she didn't like that, so I stopped. I had a spell of depression for about a week, and when I told her I was depressed, she took it personally, and accused me of lying about it.

    She lived at her parents house her whole life, 23 years, and when we married it was the first time she was away from her sister and her parent's house. She didn't know what the world was like away from home. I think she just panicked. I talked to her lawyer, and even he said, "I've known this family for years, and Les, she wasn't ready. You probably didn't do anything wrong."

    wow that does suck.....i'm sorry man.....i don't have any suggestions for ya right now, but the church thing might be the way to go....even if you don't believe, i'm sure they'll give ya a pass for a few days....:)
  • wolfbearwolfbear Posts: 3,965
    What a sad story. What about your parents or other relatives? Anyone who could loan you the money until you start work? Also, keep trying your friend in Seattle. Maybe she just went out of town or something. When was the last time you talked to her?
    "I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
  • justam wrote:
    It doesn't seem to make sense! If you had a good relationship with her, why is she being so heartless to you?

    women are crazy like that...
  • brain of cbrain of c Posts: 5,213
    happy new year.......at least you have internet access
  • wolfbear wrote:
    What a sad story. What about your parents or other relatives? Anyone who could loan you the money until you start work? Also, keep trying your friend in Seattle. Maybe she just went out of town or something. When was the last time you talked to her?

    Family, unfortunately, is out of the question. I'm hoping like heck that someone, maybe the churches can help me out money wise. It's tax free to them already isn't it? I have kept trying to call my friend, but she's M.I.A.

    The last time I talked to her was last Wednesday, when we agreed that I would come out the week of christmas, and that she would put in some good words for me at her job. She told me to call her the next day, to confirm that I had gotten the plane ticket and when I would be here. That was it.

    I'm hoping that someone out there in Seattle, a cool person who's all about PJ like me, has a couch I can crash on for about a month while I get it together. I am not some kind of con, looking for free money or a hoochie mama. I'm simply stuck here, without a permanent place to stay. All I have are some clothes, my laptop (my only means of communication,) my external hard drives with loads of music on them, and a couple of books to keep my mind off this awful situation. Like I said, I've already gotten a job here, paying enough for me to even get my own place, but I don't start until the 3rd.

    L.
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • brain of c wrote:
    happy new year.......at least you have internet access

    For now.
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • I'm hoping that someone out there in Seattle, a cool person who's all about PJ like me, has a couch I can crash on for about a month while I get it together.

    L.

    I wish I could help but I am all the way in Salem, OR.
    Is it so wrong to think that love can keep us safe?
  • Again, I can't tell the whole story in a quick posting. There were things I did that she didn't like, such as going to bed before she went to bed, (since I had to get up early for work,) I was drinking and she didn't like that, so I stopped. I was smoking cigarettes, and she didn't like that, so I stopped. I had a spell of depression for about a week, and when I told her I was depressed, she took it personally, and accused me of lying about it.

    She lived at her parents house her whole life, 23 years, and when we married it was the first time she was away from her sister and her parent's house. She didn't know what the world was like away from home. I think she just panicked. I talked to her lawyer, and even he said, "I've known this family for years, and Les, she wasn't ready. You probably didn't do anything wrong."


    Sounds exactly like someone I used to live with. Lived in one place her whole life, never been away from her family, talked to her mom and dad and sister at least one a day....often more than that....ouch. Total opposite of me.

    My experience was weird like that too, and she turned into a selfish negative and very spiteful individual. Sounds like the exact same person. Is her name Lisa? ...hehe

    I feel for ya man.
    Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
    and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
    over specific principles, goals, and policies.

    http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg

    (\__/)
    ( o.O)
    (")_(")
  • Sounds exactly like someone I used to live with. Lived in one place her whole life, never been away from her family, talked to her mom and dad and sister at least one a day....often more than that....ouch. Total opposite of me.

    My experience was weird like that too, and she turned into a selfish negative and very spiteful individual. Sounds like the exact same person. Is her name Lisa? ...hehe

    I feel for ya man.

    Dude, this makes me feel alot better. I'm not the only one who this has happened to. Thank you.
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • wolfbearwolfbear Posts: 3,965
    "I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
  • Yea, I guess it's my reality, but I can't stand the idea of being in a homeless shelter. I guess it's a shelter, but fuck. One month ago, I was driving in my car, on the way to work with a cup of coffee, after kissing my sleeping wife on the cheek, and her smiling and going back to sleep.

    Now I'm posting humiliating threads on the PJ forum, asking if I can sleep on a total stranger's couch. This doesn't seem like me to me. I feel ashamed that I got myself into this situation. Granted, I was promised lots of things that were ripped from below my feet, but shit. A homeless shelter?

    All of a sudden I'm the guy in Even Flow, or right next to him anyway.

    I just don't understand how any human being would do this to another human being and justify it as being their "only choice." I could understand if I cheated on her, or called her names or crashed her car, or stole her money, or lied to her about any damned thing, but yet, she can drop me like the way assholes who decide they don't want their animal anymore can go and drop them off at the lake. "Oh, someone will pick them up, or they'll be okay out here."

    She was supposed to be my wife.

    Okay, so I'm flipping out a bit. I just still can't understand this, and I may not ever be able to. People all live in different reality tunnels. What's fine to you seems ridiculous to others, and so on, infinitely. I can accept that, but I assure all of you, I do not want this. I do not want divorce, I do not want homelessness, and I don't even want to be sleeping on someone's couch. I just want to go up in life. I thought I was on my way, but no.

    Now I just want to move up again, and I guess maybe as the old saying goes,
    "beggars can't be choosers."

    I just hope one of you out there can help, so that I don't have to go to a homeless shelter. I know Seattle probably has the best, but shit. It's still a homeless shelter. I don't want to have to tell people, "well yea, I was homeless for a good while there, but those shelters in Seattle took me in." I don't want to have to explain to my work that I'm in a shelter.

    But if I have no choice, I will. I'm just hoping that someone out there can help, so I can at least be around someone cool, and not be a homeless, divorced bastard.
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • Still? No one?
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    Still? No one?

    What exactly do you want?? Just money? Several people have offered various ideas and you've pretty much shot them all down. :( Yeah, a shelter sucks ass...but you don't really have alot of options.
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • What exactly do you want?? Just money? Several people have offered various ideas and you've pretty much shot them all down. :( Yeah, a shelter sucks ass...but you don't really have alot of options.

    I haven't shot any down or ruled any of them out. I definitely am not asking for any money. I have a job, and hopefully enough money to last me for a bit. I just hope there's someone out there who can let me crash on a futon or something until I get my first paycheck. I'm going to go to some churches tomorrow to see if any of them can help. I'm just really scared. I've never been in a position like this before, and yea. I'm scared.
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    I haven't shot any down or ruled any of them out. I definitely am not asking for any money. I have a job, and hopefully enough money to last me for a bit. I just hope there's someone out there who can let me crash on a futon or something until I get my first paycheck. I'm going to go to some churches tomorrow to see if any of them can help. I'm just really scared. I've never been in a position like this before, and yea. I'm scared.

    I don't blame you, I would too. What about your friends/family back home in Texas? You can't find a single one to throw you a few bucks for a motel room? :(
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • I don't blame you, I would too. What about your friends/family back home in Texas? You can't find a single one to throw you a few bucks for a motel room? :(

    Unfortunately no. My sister has two young kids, and is barely scraping by with her husband. My mother doesn't really understand my situation, and offered only to send me some gift cards to Jack in the Box, which I will accept, reluctantly, (fast food seems revolting to me most of the time, and I can barely eat anyway.)

    I've been trying to get hold of any family I have, but they're not really an online family if you know what I mean. If I had a phone along with this laptop, I could get more done, but I have no phone, or access to one.

    I sound like such a loser. I never thought this would be possible.
    Austin - Sep 16, 1995, Dallas - Jul 05, 1998, San Francisco - Jul 15, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 16, 2006, San Francisco - Jul 18, 2006, Portland - Jul 20, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 22, 2006, The Gorge - Jul 23, 2006, Seattle - Sep 21, 2009, Seattle - Sep 22, 2009, Portland - Sep 26, 2009, Philadelphia - Oct 31, 2009

  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    Unfortunately no. My sister has two young kids, and is barely scraping by with her husband. My mother doesn't really understand my situation, and offered only to send me some gift cards to Jack in the Box, which I will accept, reluctantly, (fast food seems revolting to me most of the time, and I can barely eat anyway.)

    I've been trying to get hold of any family I have, but they're not really an online family if you know what I mean. If I had a phone along with this laptop, I could get more done, but I have no phone, or access to one.

    I sound like such a loser. I never thought this would be possible.

    I'm really sad for your situation. How long did you know this chick before you married her?
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    I'm really sad for your situation. How long did you know this chick before you married her?
    I don't think it matters....the poor kid was duped and dumped. Love knows no boundries and he was in love with her when they married.
    You will land on your feet and learn from this. Just try not to be a bitter person and close your heart to everyone. The only way to truly feel love and be loved is to open your heart and take a chance.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
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