This situation is REALLY weird...?

Heineken Helen

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Well maybe I'll get doing my research It would be good to talk to someone but everyone's right, not her, not now.

Ah if only everyone could take advice as well as you

But don't worry, try that other forum (but briefly and get back here straight away ) and you'll find other people in your situation and the rest will come with time. This morning you were posting about how you spent the weekend... and now this. I know coming out of a relationship it can be tempting to move straight along cos you're used to having someone... but you soon find that nobody can be replaced, which is usually what people try to do straight away. Once you give yourself time you'll be looking for somebody new but don't rush it.

harmless_little_f***

Heineken Helen wrote:

I couldn't agree more... Mark you've been one of the more thoughtful people here on this board. even when you've done wrong, you've never needed US to point it out to ya, you've always known yourself and just wanted help to make things right.

Do something for yourself, come on!

Difficult thing is that you and Dunk could be saying the same thing but meaning something entirely different!

Ms. Haiku

Chime wrote:

I don't know if this would be of interest to you and it is based out of the UK but this is a group http://www.guch.org.uk/ for grown up congenital heart patients it may be based too much on those who are having further surgery but may have some things you can relate to

Wow! Thank you!

Heineken Helen

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Difficult thing is that you and Dunk could be saying the same thing but meaning something entirely different!

Or more than likely we're talking about exactly the same thing... in this instance anyway

harmless_little_f***

Heineken Helen wrote:

Or more than likely we're talking about exactly the same thing... in this instance anyway

Oh gosh I'm confused. You're playing games with me. Back away!

soulsinging

sounds to me like the wife is trying to assauge her guilt about leaving by setting you up with your mutual friend who might be better able to cope than she was.

harmless_little_f***

soulsinging wrote:

sounds to me like the wife is trying to assauge her guilt about leaving by setting you up with your mutual friend who might be better able to cope than she was.

You may be quite right, actually. Good call.

Heineken Helen

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

You may be quite right, actually. Good call.

please no... please... please... PLEASE don't take relationship advice from soulsinging you'll just end up bitter and twisted

harmless_little_f***

Heineken Helen wrote:

please no... please... please... PLEASE don't take relationship advice from soulsinging you'll just end up bitter and twisted

LOL I was going to say 'Soulsinging, that might have been the only wise thing I've ever seen you write' but I thought that'd be rude.

redrock

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Oh gosh I'm confused. You're playing games with me. Back away!

They're messing with your mind, Mark. Careful....

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

please no... please... please... PLEASE don't take relationship advice from soulsinging you'll just end up bitter and twisted

what's bitter and twisted about that advice? it seems like a well-intentioned, though misguided effort on her part to soften the blow.

soulsinging

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

LOL I was going to say 'Soulsinging, that might have been the only wise thing I've ever seen you write' but I thought that'd be rude.

no offense taken. i know my views on relationships are unpopular here among the hopelessly romantic.

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

it seems like a well-intentioned, though misguided effort on her part to soften the blow.

if you had put it like THAT I woulda agreed... rather than

'sounds to me like the wife is trying to assauge her guilt about leaving by setting you up with your mutual friend who might be better able to cope than she was.'

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

no offense taken. i know my views on relationships are unpopular here among the hopelessly romantic.

I hope you don't think I'M a hopeless romantic? You may be ONE extreme... but I'm not the other.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

if you had put it like THAT I woulda agreed... rather than

'sounds to me like the wife is trying to assauge her guilt about leaving by setting you up with your mutual friend who might be better able to cope than she was.'

see, this is living proof that i'm reasonably sure my advice is often sound, people just don't like my tone in giving it

Heineken Helen wrote:

I hope you don't think I'M a hopeless romantic? You may be ONE extreme... but I'm not the other.

from my extreme, everyone looks like the other

GraySaturday

I would steer clear of going out with anyone friends or more than friends that your wife suggest.. you both need time to heal some open wounds right now. It almost sounds like she is trying to find you someone out of guilt that she feels. I advise taking a lot of time for yourself, and working on making you strong and happy, and then face the world in a while when you're totally clear headed.

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

see, this is living proof that i'm reasonably sure my advice is often sound, people just don't like my tone in giving it

Tone? Ya mean your words and how you structure them?

soulsinging wrote:

from my extreme, everyone looks like the other

Awww maybe one day you'll find what you're looking for...

lgt

soulsinging wrote:

sounds to me like the wife is trying to assauge her guilt about leaving by setting you up with your mutual friend who might be better able to cope than she was.

I have to admit that was my first thought as well.

I also agree with everyone else not to rush into anything - just take time to think about yourself and recover from this shock news... because from what I've read of your threads it must have come as bolt out of the blue {or whatever the English idiomatic phrase is!}.

With shock, there will be denial, anger, pain, and then acceptance. The end of a relationship is like going through grief.

Venting away also helps, of course.

Keep strong!

And exactly we are all here for you.

lgt

Heineken Helen wrote:

please no... please... please... PLEASE don't take relationship advice from soulsinging you'll just end up bitter and twisted

OPS! I just gave his advice the thumbs up!!! hahaha!

meme

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

You might know that my wife and I are seperated. There have been many issues for a long time, but a large factor is my disability and the major changes and implications that it's had for her life (she is perfectly able-bodied). It has changed it in ways that have changed the dynamic of our relationship, and she now feels as if she cares for me in a brother/sister way rather than in a 'love' way. The journey I've taken to accept this has been surprisingly smooth. Other info is in other threads...

NOW, she has a good friend who is in a wheelchair. She suggests that I invite her out for a coffee and talk to her because I don't know any other disabled people at the moment and it might be nice if we could talk about things from our own perspective. HOWEVER I know that this friend has always had a thing for me (my wife knows it too) and she is very attractive (my wife also knows that I feel like that!). This is made more complicated by the fact that this girl is quite frail, has a degenerative disability which means she is facing new issues all the time - things are getting worse, basically - and I'm worried about 2 things: 1. Would I be inviting her out for a coffee for the wrong reasons? 2. Her disability is getting worse - is it right that I know this and yet still befriend her, with all the potential expectations that might bring?

I don't know it's all just weird.

Polite response: "honey, I thought the problem you were having with our relationship was that you found it hard to take care of me. I understand that, but then you should just stop doing it, eh?"

Less than polite response: "back the fuck off"

She really has no place suggesting anything. Perhaps you should take a break from talking to her.