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I'm hitting 'The Wall'

harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
edited December 2007 in All Encompassing Trip
Looks like an epidemic around here lately, but it seems like I'm hitting 'the wall' - near the end of the year, everything starts to catch up with you, you start realising how tired you've been for months but you didn't have time to register it, and it's an incredible chore to even get up in the mornings. You're not sure if you can go any further.

Bring on Christmas. I need a holiday.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

- the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    Yeah, a lot of people seem to be feeling like this at the moment.
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    JulienJulien Posts: 2,457
    yes, i'm in the same situation.
    I can't wake up every morning and now I'm falling asleep in front of my computer. haven't had holiday since July and even then it wasn't real holidays (was home, work to do and caring formy daughter).
    i'd like two weeks off and go somewhere where the sun shines...
    It will be for next summer.
    2006: Antwerp, Paris
    2007: Copenhagen, Werchter
    2009: Rotterdam, London
    2010: MSG, Arras, Werchter
    2012: Amsterdam, Prague, Berlin
    2014: Amsterdam, Stockholm
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    nothingman44nothingman44 Posts: 1,495
    i hit the wall along time ago
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    you know mark ive been tired for years. sometimes i curse myself when i wake in the morning simply because i have woken. ever since my relationship with my childrens' father broke up 3 months before my youngest child was born. that child is now 8 years old. abck then, everything came to a head and i realised what a fool i had been trying to grab something i was incapable of having. it has taken me the past eight and a half years to come to grips with my 'problems'. and i know that it may well take the rest of my life to set things straight. recently ive come to see that only i can make the difference that is needed in my life. and that i need to distance myself from the life that i have been leading all these years. i understand now, though i am certain i have always known, that i move to the beat of a different drum. i need to make the moves needed to get what it is that i feel is needed in my life. and only i can make those moves. i realise that the only life i have any sort of control over is my own and it is up to me to make the, moves required. whether other people fall in synch with me is another matter. but i can't not do what it is i feel i need if i am worrying how it is other people will react. they will either come to the party or they won't. and so long as i know i done what i feel i needed to do and that did so in an honest manner, then that's all i can do. i cant tell you if it will all work out 'for the best'. but what i can tell you is that i am through worrying how other people will react to my actions and my words. i am responsible for me, no one else. and yeah i 'hit the wall, as you say. more times than i can comprehend. but somehow, despite my best efforts to the contrary, i always manage to come through the other side. not always unscarred and unscathed, but i always make it through. perhaps tis my stubborness kicking in. perhaps tis the realisation that i have not done what it is i have been put on this earth to do. i feel that whatever has got me still here, is more powerful than me and i will respect it and i will negotiate with it, so that i don't ever feel again that the only alternative i have is no life at all.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    You all seem to know what I'm talking about.. thanks for the encouragement.

    What gets me is that my whole body is saying stop and give yourself a rest, but I have responsibilities and I just can't...
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    NY PJ1NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    my head is banging against the wall
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    NY PJ1 wrote:
    my head is banging against the wall

    I wondered where that sound was coming from.. is that you, on the other side?
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    NY PJ1NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I wondered where that sound was coming from.. is that you, on the other side?


    pretty soon it will break right thru
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    You all seem to know what I'm talking about.. thanks for the encouragement.

    What gets me is that my whole body is saying stop and give yourself a rest, but I have responsibilities and I just can't...

    yep i hear you. but more than your body mark, tis your mind that needs the break. i have 3 lives i am legally responsible for, and 3 others that directly depend upon my daily input, so stepping totally off the carousel is not an option for me right now. but that is not gonna stop me from making vocal what it is i am needing in order that those 3 lives reap the optimum benefits of a sane, stable and fruitful life. if you truly feel you need to give yourself a rest, then you will find a way. and those around you will support you.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    NY PJ1 wrote:
    pretty soon it will break right thru

    and you can buy me a beer!
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    catefrances wrote:
    yep i hear you. but more than your body mark, tis your mind that needs the break. i have 3 lives i am legally responsible for, and 3 others that directly depend upon my daily input, so stepping totally off the carousel is not an option for me right now. but that is not gonna stop me from making vocal what it is i am needing in order that those 3 lives reap the optimum benefits of a sane, stable and fruitful life. if you truly feel you need to give yourself a rest, then you will find a way. and those around you will support you.

    I'm taking 2 weeks off at Christmas starting 14th but I'm not even sure if I can get that far...
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I'm taking 2 weeks off at Christmas starting 14th but I'm not even sure if I can get that far...

    you can get that far mark, i know it. and how do i know it? cause i am living it. so many times ive just wanted to throw in the towel and everytime my survival instincts kicked in and i hung on. i cant say im in the best place but i can say that i dont want to remain where i am. you need to leach all the toxicity from your life and find what it is you want and how it is you need to go about getting it. there's no quick fix. and there's no time schedule for this. you do it the way you need to and at a pace youre comfortable with. if others dont understand then thats their problem not yours. if theyre unsupportive then you need to ignore them and concentrate on you. :)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    catefrances wrote:
    you can get that far mark, i know it. and how do i know it? cause i am living it. so many times ive just wanted to throw in the towel and everytime my survival instincts kicked in and i hung on. i cant say im in the best place but i can say that i dont want to remain where i am. you need to leach all the toxicity from your life and find what it is you want and how it is you need to go about getting it. there's no quick fix. and there's no time schedule for this. you do it the way you need to and at a pace youre comfortable with. if others dont understand then thats their problem not yours. if theyre unsupportive then you need to ignore them and concentrate on you. :)

    Thanks. I know I can get there. I'm just literally living most of the hours of my day on my fucking own right now, and that's a pretty sudden change of lifestyle. My wife and I spent all our time together. I was so contented. And now I've not heard a peep out of her for three months. It's me on my own in the house all the fucking time.. and I'm getting to the stage where I can't stand my own company. I have friends, you could say, but they don't visit me. They all live out of London, or if they're in London, they're too busy. London is such a dive.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Thanks. I know I can get there. I'm just literally living most of the hours of my day on my fucking own right now, and that's a pretty sudden change of lifestyle. My wife and I spent all our time together. I was so contented. And now I've not heard a peep out of her for three months. It's me on my own in the house all the fucking time.. and I'm getting to the stage where I can't stand my own company. I have friends, you could say, but they don't visit me. They all live out of London, or if they're in London, they're too busy. London is such a dive.

    life gets away from you if dont pay attention to it. i can't stress enough how much seeing into the wild last week affected how i have been looking at and living my life. tis not as if i saw what mccandless did and had some huge revelation that my life was shit. i already knew that. but here was my truth in front of my eyes in technicolour. it was more a realisation of how i was NOT living my life and how me not being proactive was affecting my well being and that of those around me. there is a part of me that despite protestations to the contrary wants to be wanted and wants to approved of. but i know i need to do what is best for me. my life needs to be lived by me, no one else. and i have to choose to really live that life. i think we all need to decide to really live our lives.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Yep, I feel like depression might be slowly trying to set in. I feel weird today. I've felt it before; it's not 'sadness' but a strange numbness creeping in; it's been more difficult to see forward today. I hope I feel different in the morning.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Yep, I feel like depression might be slowly trying to set in. I feel weird today. I've felt it before; it's not 'sadness' but a strange numbness creeping in; it's been more difficult to see forward today. I hope I feel different in the morning.

    I feeling that way again now. It must be all the depressing stuff I've read on here lately.
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    I feeling that way again now. It must be all the depressing stuff I've read on here lately.

    Sorry, I probably haven't helped have I! ;) What's up?
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I have friends, you could say, but they don't visit me. They all live out of London, or if they're in London, they're too busy. London is such a dive.
    I hear that. Only been here at university for just over 9 weeks and I need to go home. I like aspects of it but it's so dull and cold (and I don't mean in temperature) and I miss my friends. 3 of them came to London today and I met them and I didn't want to let them go when they had to leave. It sounds pathetic but London doesn't like me and I'm starting to dislike London. I like my degree but I need to start adjusting or the next 3 years are going to kill me.

    but I can't really complain, I'm young and should be trying to enjoy myself. some of you guys actually have responsibilities.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I hear that. Only been here at university for just over 9 weeks and I need to go home. I like aspects of it but it's so dull and cold (and I don't mean in temperature) and I miss my friends. 3 of them came to London today and I met them and I didn't want to let them go when they had to leave. It sounds pathetic but London doesn't like me and I'm starting to dislike London. I like my degree but I need to start adjusting or the next 3 years are going to kill me.

    but I can't really complain, I'm young and should be trying to enjoy myself. some of you guys actually have responsibilities.

    Where do you go to uni? Central London can actually be really cool. For the arts and music it's virtually unrivalled. I need to get to Camden Underworld, haven't been yet.

    Me? I live in this shithole called 'Greater London', which is obviously called that because it has a low self esteem epidemic and needed to feel better about itself. It's full of chavs in white caps and trainers, young girls pushing prams and graffiti.

    Reason I hate it really is because I only moved here so that my wife and I could live near her university. Now she's left, there's no reason to be here anymore... so don't worry, you'll find your funk. Your circumstances are different.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Where do you go to uni? Central London can actually be really cool. For the arts and music it's virtually unrivalled. I need to get to Camden Underworld, haven't been yet.

    Me? I live in this shithole called 'Greater London', which is obviously called that because it has a low self esteem epidemic and needed to feel better about itself. It's full of chavs in white caps and trainers, young girls pushing prams and graffiti.

    Reason I hate it really is because I only moved here so that my wife and I could live near her university. Now she's left, there's no reason to be here anymore... so don't worry, you'll find your funk. Your circumstances are different.
    I'm in South London. New Cross to be precise. it's pretty much a dump. The only thing stopping it being a complete ghetto is the university, otherwise it would be the same as peckham which is just down the road. I know I'll probably settle in and get used to it but at the same time I ask myself "do I want to get used to this?" When I was at home I used to want to be anywhere else, where I live bores me to tears, the people are boring and have no personality but here the place itself is the same as that. I need to get out into central london more. today was great, not just because my friends were here, we went to the Tate and I appreciated this city a bit more but then I end up back in my little room in this hall and just look forward to christmas when I get to go back to my family and friends.

    I can't decide if I need to grow up or if I have grown up and that's what's bothering me... :(
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I'm in South London. New Cross to be precise. it's pretty much a dump. The only thing stopping it being a complete ghetto is the university, otherwise it would be the same as peckham which is just down the road. I know I'll probably settle in and get used to it but at the same time I ask myself "do I want to get used to this?" When I was at home I used to want to be anywhere else, where I live bores me to tears, the people are boring and have no personality but here the place itself is the same as that. I need to get out into central london more. today was great, not just because my friends were here, we went to the Tate and I appreciated this city a bit more but then I end up back in my little room in this hall and just look forward to christmas when I get to go back to my family and friends.

    I can't decide if I need to grow up or if I have grown up and that's what's bothering me... :(

    I think little tiny cramped university rooms suck wherever you are! :D Just get out to the fuckin Tate as much as you can dude... I love galleries. If you ever need a mate to meet up with, just let me know because I'm as lonely as fuck right n... I mean, erm, I'm good fun to hang out with! ;):D
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I think little tiny cramped university rooms suck wherever you are! :D Just get out to the fuckin Tate as much as you can dude... I love galleries. If you ever need a mate to meet up with, just let me know because I'm as lonely as fuck right n... I mean, erm, I'm good fun to hang out with! ;):D
    :D I'll bear it in mind mate. I do enjoy the Tate but I've been there twice in a month... I think I need to find some other galleries in London. Any recommendations?

    Having said that, I discovered my favourite painting ever today which was good.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    :D I'll bear it in mind mate. I do enjoy the Tate but I've been there twice in a month... I think I need to find some other galleries in London. Any recommendations?

    Having said that, I discovered my favourite painting ever today which was good.

    Cool. Would I know it?

    Tate, Tate Modern, National Gallery, National Portrait Gallery... those are the ones I've been to but I bet there are stacks of smaller ones.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Cool. Would I know it?

    Tate, Tate Modern, National Gallery, National Portrait Gallery... those are the ones I've been to but I bet there are stacks of smaller ones.
    You may do. It's the first time I've seen it, or at least noticed it. I can't imagine I would have walked by it.

    http://www.gerhard-richter.com/art/detail.php?paintID=6860

    The picture there does it no justice since it is rather large and the textural application of the paint is as important as the shapes and colours. I just loved it. I stood there looking at it for about 10 minutes while my friends tried to hurry me on just trying to decide what I thought of it. There's a kind of transient nature to his abstract paintings that demands repeated viewings and repeats none. The sort of ghostly images underneath seem to change in front of your eyes. Apparently Richter actually painted an image and then used a squeegee to cause the sharp distortions in this painting. I know bugger all about art really but something about this spoke to me.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
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    brain of cbrain of c Posts: 5,213
    i hit the wall.......and it didn't hit back!
    d'oh!!!!!!

    http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    You may do. It's the first time I've seen it, or at least noticed it. I can't imagine I would have walked by it.

    http://www.gerhard-richter.com/art/detail.php?paintID=6860

    The picture there does it no justice since it is rather large and the textural application of the paint is as important as the shapes and colours. I just loved it. I stood there looking at it for about 10 minutes while my friends tried to hurry me on just trying to decide what I thought of it. There's a kind of transient nature to his abstract paintings that demands repeated viewings and repeats none. The sort of ghostly images underneath seem to change in front of your eyes. Apparently Richter actually painted an image and then used a squeegee to cause the sharp distortions in this painting. I know bugger all about art really but something about this spoke to me.

    It's an amazing painting; not seen that particular one but the style is very much like abstract expressionism - complex mark making, texture, colour etc. rather than trying to represent the world pictorially. It's full of symbolism. Probably my favourite kind of art.

    Google Mark Rothko, Jackson Pollock, Paul Klee and Howard Hodgkin if you haven't already.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    It's an amazing painting; not seen that particular one but the style is very much like abstract expressionism - complex mark making, texture, colour etc. rather than trying to represent the world pictorially. It's full of symbolism. Probably my favourite kind of art.

    Google Mark Rothko, Jackson Pollock, Paul Klee and Howard Hodgkin if you haven't already.
    Yeah, Richter has apparently taken a lot of different directions with his painting, from still life to landscapes to nudes etc but he found his main style with abstracts.

    I am aware of each of those artists. I'm not big on Rothko though I like some of his works (which is odd since they all look the same :D) and I'm a big fan of Pollock.

    The Tate has two of my favourite Pollock paintings:
    http://www.tate.org.uk/collection/T/T03/T03979_9.jpg
    http://www.tate.org.uk/collection/T/T03/T03327_9.jpg
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Yeah, Richter has apparently taken a lot of different directions with his painting, from still life to landscapes to nudes etc but he found his main style with abstracts.

    I am aware of each of those artists. I'm not big on Rothko though I like some of his works (which is odd since they all look the same :D) and I'm a big fan of Pollock.

    The Tate has two of my favourite Pollock paintings:
    http://www.tate.org.uk/collection/T/T03/T03979_9.jpg
    http://www.tate.org.uk/collection/T/T03/T03327_9.jpg

    And you said you knew fuck all about art :rolleyes: I call bullshit!

    Yeah I get your criticism of Rothko - I guess I like what he was trying to do; it was conceptual, about the idea rather than the product. He was expressing pure emotion and thoughts through stripping away all the unnecessary crap of painting to its purest form, colour and shape. His style has become so common-place it's even found its way into IKEA mass-production, but in its day it was pretty groundbreaking.

    Pollock is fantastic; I love the way that his paintings appear to be such a mess, but look harder and they're actually very carefully composed and balanced.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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    brain of cbrain of c Posts: 5,213
    i hit the wall and the...wall won

    i hit the wall and the...wall won
    d'oh!!!!!!

    http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c
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    harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    brain of c wrote:
    i hit the wall and the...wall won

    i hit the wall and the...wall won

    :D
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
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