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I want to confess a real secret to you all

Malcolm_XMalcolm_X Posts: 93
edited November 2007 in All Encompassing Trip
I think I am a deeply lonely person.....I mean very, very lonely!!! And I have been this way I believe the majority of my life. Like I know a lot of people and I have friends, and people like me. I'm 24 and I've been on some dates, but never any real romantic ones....never had a girlfriend or anything like that......

But anyway, sometimes, and I haven't done this lately, but I call up phone sex lines....not for phone sex, but just because I want someone to talk to. You'd actually be surprised...most of these girls are in college, and its nice to just be able to open up to them. Most of them have told me that they can tell that I'm very lonely, and that I really need to tear down these walls that I build and let someone in....I dunno, I just wanted to get that off my chest.
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  • hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......................................Oh, you are serious huh?
    Sorry.
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......................................Oh, you are serious huh?
    Sorry.


    Yeah its really fuckin' funny thanks bud
  • Malcolm_X wrote:
    Yeah its really fuckin' funny thanks bud

    Auuuu come on. I am just kidding.
    Sorry if I hurt your feelings.
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • chadwickchadwick up my assPosts: 21,157
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......................................Oh, you are serious huh?
    Sorry.

    you are doing a good job at being the dickhead
    hahahaha
    nicely done @ being the prick
    hahahaha

    Sorry.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • HOOKERHOOKER Posts: 1,443
    I am sorry you feel that way. Check your PMs
    Nice to know you.
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,336
    Malcolm_X wrote:
    I think I am a deeply lonely person.....I mean very, very lonely!!! And I have been this way I believe the majority of my life. Like I know a lot of people and I have friends, and people like me. I'm 24 and I've been on some dates, but never any real romantic ones....never had a girlfriend or anything like that......

    But anyway, sometimes, and I haven't done this lately, but I call up phone sex lines....not for phone sex, but just because I want someone to talk to. You'd actually be surprised...most of these girls are in college, and its nice to just be able to open up to them. Most of them have told me that they can tell that I'm very lonely, and that I really need to tear down these walls that I build and let someone in....I dunno, I just wanted to get that off my chest.

    I think some people have more trouble connecting closely in average social situations and I think perhaps you are one of these people. Don't worry so much. You will eventually meet a few people you can connect with and you'll feel less lonely. Part of growing up is learning about how you need to move in the world to feel okay.

    I don't think it's a great idea to call chat lines like this to relieve your loneliness because you may end up connecting your loneliness with guilt because they are phone sex lines.

    It would probably be better to chat with people about other things (interests like music for example) to feel connected and then you won't mess up your ability to have a good love relationship. :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • I don't really feel sorry for myself, I'm just stating the facts, that there are people in this world who wear masks, like I know a shit ton of people, and people like me, but they have no idea just how lonely I really am.

    justam wrote:
    I think some people have more trouble connecting closely in average social situations and I think perhaps you are one of these people. Don't worry so much. You will eventually meet a few people you can connect with and you'll feel less lonely. Part of growing up is learning about how you need to move in the world to feel okay.

    I don't think it's a great idea to call chat lines like this to relieve your loneliness because you may end up connecting your loneliness with guilt because they are phone sex lines.

    It would probably be better to chat with people about other things (interests like music for example) to feel connected and then you wouldn't mess up your ability to have a good love relationship. :)
  • AhnimusAhnimus Posts: 10,569
    Malcolm_X wrote:
    I think I am a deeply lonely person.....I mean very, very lonely!!! And I have been this way I believe the majority of my life. Like I know a lot of people and I have friends, and people like me. I'm 24 and I've been on some dates, but never any real romantic ones....never had a girlfriend or anything like that......

    But anyway, sometimes, and I haven't done this lately, but I call up phone sex lines....not for phone sex, but just because I want someone to talk to. You'd actually be surprised...most of these girls are in college, and its nice to just be able to open up to them. Most of them have told me that they can tell that I'm very lonely, and that I really need to tear down these walls that I build and let someone in....I dunno, I just wanted to get that off my chest.

    Malcolm. Do you have anyone else in your life? Are you close with siblings, or parents, friends? Or is it romantic encounters you feel lacking in?

    It sounds like the phone lines aren't satisfying. If they were, I'd recommend sticking with that, as full-time women can be difficult. ;)

    It would help if I knew more about your situation. Do you have trouble with women?

    I've spent most of my life without romantic partners. I've only had one serious relationship and it turned me off. But I still have a longing, like everyone else, and sometimes I have difficulty balancing my need for solitude with my need for a partner. The two conflict, and regardless of my situation, wether I'm alone or in a steady relationship, I always feel an absence of the other.

    btw, when you get the bill for 5.99/min from Trinidad, that's the sex line. Most get routed through Trinidad, so they appear on phone bills as long distance calls to Trinidad. It'll save you a bit of embarassment if you don't call your provider.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • i'm sorry to hear that.

    truth is, i was actually thinking of posting something similar.

    i've been having these huge days where i feel opressed by anxiety and sadness. but i have too many people that need me to be me. need me to be the strong one. i am the one they come to for advice. i've already put a huge strain on my marriage. i'm tired of going to her how i feel so hopeless, because she has stuff to go thru that i want to be there for. i want to be someone strong and happy. i will have a logical thought of why things aren't as bad i feel, but the feeling is overwhelming. my biggest fear is that my went into depression and its gonna happen to me. the only hope i have is that my mom got relatively better by her late thirties. which means i only have to worry about it for the next few years.

    most of this all comes down from my troubles in school and overwhelming debt from school . oh, and still about 99.99% of the people who know me have no idea that i'm not strong and happy 100% of the time.

    so i can understand why you would call a stranger. the phone sex line people are still people. i've actually known people who worked them and they said that most guys just talked. about fears, desires hopes.

    as for the dating part. the only thing i can say is this. i've had a date here and there. they usually didnt go as planned. i've fallen in love with friends i was close for, only to be told i wouldnt ever been seen by them in that light.
    i dont know how i ever found anyone that would love me. and i will tell you a secret. I dont know if i deserve love, i dont know if i believe anyone (not even my wife) really loves me, and i know thats all stuff haunting me from my childhood. but i know in my brain she does. i know it happened when i stopped looking. i know that i get along with her and she makes me want to be a better person.

    i dont think this was a very cheery happy post to help you along, but its one that i think is to let you know that you aren't alone. others feel like you do. nothing about your first post makes you odd or wierd.
    mean people suck!
    but nice people sw****w

  • justamjustam Posts: 21,336
    Malcolm_X wrote:
    I don't really feel sorry for myself, I'm just stating the facts, that there are people in this world who wear masks, like I know a shit ton of people, and people like me, but they have no idea just how lonely I really am.

    I don't think you were feeling sorry for yourself. I'm just suggesting that perhaps it isn't a good idea to use phone sex lines as an outlet because it might mess up your ability to have a real relationship that could be something solid to help with the loneliness.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • gue_bariumgue_barium Posts: 5,515
    I don't think that sounds so strange. I don't even think it sounds particularly lonely. It sounds more like an alternative to... I'm not sure what. I knew a few guys during my service in the military who would hire prostitues just to spend time with a woman to talk to.

    all posts by ©gue_barium are protected under US copyright law and are not to be reproduced, exchanged or sold
    except by express written permission of ©gue_barium, the author.
  • You mentioned "walls". It is quite intuitive that you can see that in yourself. The question is, why are you building them? Often times such a personality trait is the effect of an emotional upset in previous years. Have you experienced something in your life that has opened up this pattern in your life?
    "When you're climbing to the top, you'd better know the way back down" MSB
  • gue_bariumgue_barium Posts: 5,515
    You mentioned "walls". It is quite intuitive that you can see that in yourself. The question is, why are you building them? Often times such a personality trait is the effect of an emotional upset in previous years. Have you experienced something in your life that has opened up this pattern in your life?

    Maybe you should ask him to lie on the couch first...

    all posts by ©gue_barium are protected under US copyright law and are not to be reproduced, exchanged or sold
    except by express written permission of ©gue_barium, the author.
  • The ChampThe Champ Posts: 4,063
    Listen, PM me, i'll tell you how to fuck some bitches..don't worry about it, you're young..
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • awww im so sorry :(
    that made me sad reading that.
    im sure you will find someone.
  • normnorm I'm always home. I'm uncool.Posts: 31,149
    The Champ wrote:
    Listen, PM me, i'll tell you how to fuck some bitches..don't worry about it, you're young..


    you tell 'em, fonzie! :D:D:D:D
  • haha from your last 2 posts, you remind me so much of my older brother it's scary.
  • gue_barium wrote:
    Maybe you should ask him to lie on the couch first...
    :p
    "When you're climbing to the top, you'd better know the way back down" MSB
  • The ChampThe Champ Posts: 4,063
    cutback wrote:
    you tell 'em, fonzie! :D:D:D:D

    Still waiting for the pm :)..
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • I'm in the same boat, MalcolmX... Loneliness has been plaguing me for as long as I can recall. I have the same problem of not being able to connect with people. At work I must seem like the happiest guy, being very nice and laughy... It's all fake though, just to hide from those I know. It's now become a catch-22... I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want people to know me, know what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling, since I feel it is shameful and embarressing for people to know these personal things. Meanwhile at the same time I want someone to come home to.

    All I'm saying is, you might be lonely, but you're not alone.
    "this one, anytime I say love if you wanna say love, uh, say it, and if you say it you might as well say it loud, and if you don't feel like sayin' it, don't say it, but if you feel it, certainly say it..."

    NOTE: Everything I write in the P,P&M section are intended to be songs, not poetry.
  • Wow,
    after reading all these posts I feel like a real dick b/c of my first post.
    Sorry Malcolm, I hope you figure it out.

    It is nice to see the people here who reached out to PM you.
    Good people here.

    And yes, I am a good person, I just am a ballbreaker.

    My wife read my first post here and ripped me a new one!
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • I too used to have these types of issues. Funny part about it was I was married at the time. We did not have a healthy open relationship at all, and I built myself into a box. I couldn't talk to her, but I would stay up for hours in chat rooms talking to complete strangers. I felt I could be myself with them I guess. Weird.

    I've been divorced for about four years now. I actually ended up moving to a completely different state and surrounded myself with all new people. I found that when I did this, I was able to get people to know for who I really was, not the idea of who they thought i was. I'm not saying this is what everyone should do, but it worked for me. I still have moments here and there, of course, but nowhere near like it was before.

    Hang in there man, I guess what you need to do is figure out what you need to do to try and get yourself out of this. i would say to maybe let one of your "friends" in, and maybe they could help, but that didn't work for me. The only one who really knew what was good for me was me.

    Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk. I have all the messenger services.....

    Good Luck :)
    VHC member #155***

    Ft Lauderdale '96:::West Palm Beach '98:::Tampa '00:::Tampa '03:::Camden 1&2 '06::: DC '06:::West Palm Beach '08:::Tampa '08:::Columbia '08:::Virginia Beach '08

  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    I was kind of hoping you were going to tell us that you finally met the girl of your dreams. Sorry M...I know you have been struggling with this for some time now.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • This is a very serious subject.

    Let me ask you a question.....do you prefer to just be alone? I mean, as opposed to be in social situations, spend time by yourself? There is a difference between craving anomyous social interaction and real face to face social situations.

    The reason I ask is that I can relate to that. Really. Outwards, I'm the most social person you'd meet. But outside of work, I prefer to be by myself. If I didn't have my husband, I'd always be alone. I have a lot of "friends" but only a few close close "forever" friends as I call them. The type that I'd share anything with - and really if I think about it only 1 that I'd trust with my life. And I only see him a few times a month, but we have that type of relationship where we don't need to be attached at the hip.

    Some people, such as myself, find comfort in peace and quiet. In my own entertainment.

    What do you do for work? I think that might have something to do with it? If you are constantly on the phone or in meetings/group settings, working with people - that sort of thing - you might need an escape from it. That's how I feel.

    Does it make me lonely? My husband says so. He says I'm unsocial. He knows how I am in social settings though - always the center of attention. But if I'm asked to do something outside of work, I'd prefer to stay home - even by myself. But I don't think it makes me lonely, I just prefer quiet and my own time.

    As for talking to people that you don't know on phone lines, it's that connection - and not face to face. That's not unnatural. It's easy, it's instant, and it's comfortable. But don't let that be the center of your life.

    It's easy for me to say because I'm married. And I'm in a good point in my life professionally. If I ever was single, I'd be single forever, as I'd never leave my house! So, it might not be a bad idea to join some networking groups, find something you like to do and get involved. Not just to meet people, but to spark some interest. Get that blood flowing again.

    All the best to you, don't let anyone get you down. You sound like a nice person and I give you credit for bringing this up.
    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
    Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

    I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
  • corycory Posts: 736
    Listen Malcolm X, you've got to retire from the site for a while. Meet a woman. Have some wild sex. Develop a life with her. Eventually marry her. And then revisit the site to escape the inevitable hatred you will feel towards being married.

    That's how most of us have done it. All except for soulsinging who uses this as a proving ground to develop argument tact in a courtroom once he graduates law school;)

    Please stop calling sex lines. Just call TrixieCat. She walk you through some boredom, I'm sure:)
    Revive the heart of the heartless...

    Why would you start was has no end?
  • soulsingingsoulsinging Posts: 13,211
    cory wrote:
    Listen Malcolm X, you've got to retire from the site for a while. Meet a woman. Have some wild sex. Develop a life with her. Eventually marry her. And then revisit the site to escape the inevitable hatred you will feel towards being married.

    That's how most of us have done it. All except for soulsinging who uses this as a proving ground to develop argument tact in a courtroom once he graduates law school;)

    Please stop calling sex lines. Just call TrixieCat. She walk you through some boredom, I'm sure:)

    i would argue with this, but since your qualifications as an expert witness on sex relations are impeccable, i must stipulate to your opinion and encourage malcolm to accept your testimony and move for a directed verdict with injunctive relief ordering him to get laid.
  • MrBrianMrBrian Posts: 2,673
    Malcolm_X wrote:
    I think I am a deeply lonely person.....I mean very, very lonely!!! And I have been this way I believe the majority of my life. Like I know a lot of people and I have friends, and people like me. I'm 24 and I've been on some dates, but never any real romantic ones....never had a girlfriend or anything like that......

    But anyway, sometimes, and I haven't done this lately, but I call up phone sex lines....not for phone sex, but just because I want someone to talk to. You'd actually be surprised...most of these girls are in college, and its nice to just be able to open up to them. Most of them have told me that they can tell that I'm very lonely, and that I really need to tear down these walls that I build and let someone in....I dunno, I just wanted to get that off my chest.

    I remember being really lonely @ 24 (which was just a few years ago). I did'nt date much, but did smoke lots of pot which helped soooo much. But you don't have to do that. anyway I'm about to meet the family of the girl I'm gonna marry, I'm freaked out man. freaked out. my point is, when it happens, it happens. Don't call those sex lines anymore. take up a hobby, really. it helps.
  • I've always been lonely, too. I'm a waitress and bartender and everybody loves me, but that's all an act. Honestly, I feel more like an actress than anything. I'm actually really shy. I don't like to return merchandise or to be involved in confrontation or to call the propane company to order propane or anything like that. I just don't like talking to people. But when I'm waiting tables or pouring drinks, I'm talking to people nonstop. I work 4-12 hours a day interacting with people and the only way I can do it is because I have to; it's my job. I have two close friends, a husband and three daughters. That's pretty much all I have. Those are the only people I really "talk" to. The two friends and husband have all been in my life for a very long time and I'm 30 years old. It just takes time to develop relationships with people. That's probably why I love this place so much. Someone is always here with a response. :D
    I really screwed that up. I really Schruted it.
  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    cory wrote:
    Listen Malcolm X, you've got to retire from the site for a while. Meet a woman. Have some wild sex. Develop a life with her. Eventually marry her. And then revisit the site to escape the inevitable hatred you will feel towards being married.

    That's how most of us have done it. All except for soulsinging who uses this as a proving ground to develop argument tact in a courtroom once he graduates law school;)

    Please stop calling sex lines. Just call TrixieCat. She walk you through some boredom, I'm sure:)
    While I appreciate you thinking of me Cory, please stop giving out my phone number to all of your friends. And that includes any of your older, male family members. My husband is begining to get annoyed.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • There are a lot of people who are lonely...try here

    http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

    It makes me feel better when I feel disconnected.
    "I can only be as good as you'll let me."
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