How am I gonna explain this to my child?

Brain of J.Lo

South of Seattle wrote:

Isn't that your job as a parent, to explain things to your children?

Like when a little girl sees two girls or guys kissing, or when the kid hears foul language. Parents always say "How am I gonna explain this to my child?"

Yes, it's your job to help a kid navigate the world by answering tough questions. As far as the above issues...well, any parent worrying about that has other problems...lol.

My daughter just turned two, so she doesn't have any hard questions yet. Her life is a bowl of cherries right now. She thinks every one she meets is her friend. She says hello to birds and squirrels, and asks them how they're doing, for god's sake, lol.

There will come a time, however, that I have to explain things to her such as death, or the fact that she can't trust every stranger that she meets, to name a couple of examples. It's truly sad to think about having to upset her view of the world. I didn't really empathize with that until I had her. It's heartbreaking to think that her innocence will not last forever, and that I'll have to be the one to explain "hard" things to her.

South of Seattle

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

It's heartbreaking to think that her innocence will not last forever, and that I'll have to be the one to explain "hard" things to her.

That is why you're a good mother. You know that you are the one to explain it to her

DeLukin

South of Seattle wrote:

I know I don't have any kids yet, but if my son/daughter asks me a question, I'll explain it to them. Isn't that part of being a good parent?

It's tricky, though, because I think part of your job as a parent is to protect their innocence a little. I don't think it's a good idea to intentionally expose them to certain things (I know people who have no problem taking their pre-teen kids to R rated movies, for example), but at the same time you have to realize that kids are exposed to A LOT today just because of how accessible information is. So you walk a fine line - I always tell my kids the truth when they ask the tough questions, so they know I'm a good resource for finding stuff out and keep coming to me. When they do ask, though, I make sure my explanations are always sprinkled with the values that I'm trying to raise them by. So it's a fine line and maybe not as straight forward as it seems, but in the end if they feel comfortable enough to come to you and ask, that's half the battle IMO.

KosmicJelli

Always answer your children honestly and unopinionated, nevermind....crap lets make them homophobic by the time they are walking???

South of Seattle

DeLukin wrote:

It's tricky, though, because I think part of your job as a parent is to protect their innocence a little. I don't think it's a good idea to intentionally expose them to certain things (I know people who have no problem taking their pre-teen kids to R rated movies, for example), but at the same time you have to realize that kids are exposed to A LOT today just because of how accessible information is. So you walk a fine line - I always tell my kids the truth when they ask the tough questions, so they know I'm a good resource for finding stuff out and keep coming to me. When they do ask, though, I make sure my explanations are always sprinkled with the values that I'm trying to raise them by. So it's a fine line and maybe not as straight forward as it seems.

Don't all pre-teens see R rated movies

I know me and all my friend did.

Brain of J.Lo

South of Seattle wrote:

That is why you're a good mother. You know that you are the one to explain it to her

Thanks I think I'm doing ok so far.

meme

South of Seattle wrote:

I hate that generic answer when there is a controversial issue.

Isn't that your job as a parent, to explain things to your children?

Like when a little girl sees two girls or guys kissing, or when the kid hears foul language. Parents always say "How am I gonna explain this to my child?"



I know I don't have any kids yet, but if my son/daughter asks me a question, I'll explain it to them. Isn't that part of being a good parent?

Your job as a parent is to answer your kids' question in a manner that is appropriate to their age and development.

In the cases you mention, I have had absolutely no problem explaining to my child (now 8, but I think this came up a while ago) that some couples are made of a man and a woman and some others of two men or two women. I didn't go into how the sex is different in those cases, cause luckily he is not into sex dynamics just yet

In the case of foul language, I explain that some words are inappropriate, or offensive, or hurtful and should be avoided. In that vein, I also explained that I find it more tolerable when a foul word is uttered to mean general disappointed instead of being hurtful toward someone. That I had to do cause the kid lives with me and listens to the occasional bootleg

CityMouse

Julien wrote:

I think parents have to tell the truth to their children and give them the answer to their questions.
But there are things that must wait, IMO...
If a 3-years-old asks how to make babies, I think it's too soon.

when I was 5 my parents told me I had a new little sibling in mommy's tummy. I said "how did it get there?" and they said "god put it there." and I was "oh, ok." Seemed perfectly rational to me at the time . That would probably be the hardest question for me to deal with though. The others as the original poster said, like same sex kissing or whatever, I wouldn't have a problem with.

genie

South of Seattle wrote:

I hate that generic answer when there is a controversial issue.

Isn't that your job as a parent, to explain things to your children?

Like when a little girl sees two girls or guys kissing, or when the kid hears foul language. Parents always say "How am I gonna explain this to my child?"



I know I don't have any kids yet, but if my son/daughter asks me a question, I'll explain it to them. Isn't that part of being a good parent?

When i was young my parents didn't want to tell me where babies came from they were coy about it and also added that particular type of bird ( forgot the name ) brings babies.

honestly it would've been better if they said at least something honest, because after their reaction i became really curious, and later on found out it all in late night movies, and i'm not joking when i say this. my introduction to human reproduction was through soft porn and movies like Emmanuel oh the good times!

As for telling my kids ( when and if i have them ) it'll probably go something like this, bearing in mind i'm a bit warped nowdays :

you see my dear the reason why those two people are kissing ( whichever sex they are ) is because they are not in love but because they haven't gotten laid in a while and they most likely don't even fucking know the name of a person they are snoging haha, just kidding!! ( although we all know it actually goes on! )

small town beck

When I first read the title I thought there was something I had missed, R :eek:

BetterThanYou

sponger wrote:

My friend's kid once asked me why people use foul language. He must've been about 8 or 9 years old.

I said, "It's because they're looking for attention."

i would have said "when you grow up, you'll understand. now go get me a beer, you little fucker."

failedpersephone

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

But anyway, yes, there was a time when one of my boyfriends nephews asked me how I got pregnant and I didn't know what to tell him. I just changed the subject. Maybe if it were my own child, it would have been easier.

see - in this case, the kid wasn't yours...so you don't need to explain anything. you have to respect the wishes of the parents.

I have had my nephew (he was 4) ask me why his "uncle" (my BF) was living in the same house as me...and it seemed like an innocent question...my Sister in law REAMED me for answering "because (BF) and I are in a relationship, like your mom and dad are."

she said I was being "dishonest" for not telling him the truth - her point was that my BF and I aren't married, so she said we are NOT like her and my bro...

at that point I mentioned that she instructed her kids to call my BF their "uncle" and he clearly wasn't - legally speaking at least. meh, it's hard to know how to respond to kids.

I have had 'the" sex talk with a niece because i was asked to do this by her parents...and I have been told by other family members that it is hard for them to "explain" things to their children when they see me kissing my BF...

OH, and that nephew - what a terror he was! I recall having to tell my Sis in law that she really needed to be less concerned with the legal qualifiers to my relationships and more concerned with showing her kid a little something about personal boundaries!! little bastard went into my room and put on my underwear!! (room was shut, drawer was shut, he had to get on a chair to get into my bras! little freak.)

SENROCK

Just to prove our point SOS, a friend of mine just learned that his CUZIN is really his brother. His dadd LIED all these years and said they were cuzins and decided NOW is the time to drop the truth because his son is OLDER. EITHER WAY ITS STILL EFFECTING HIM!!!!!!!! you see? TELL THE TRUTH PARENTS!!!!!

South of Seattle

SENROCK! wrote:

Just to prove our point SOS, a friend of mine just learned that his CUZIN is really his brother. His dadd LIED all these years and said they were cuzins and decided NOW is the time to drop the truth because his son is OLDER. EITHER WAY ITS STILL EFFECTING HIM!!!!!!!! you see? TELL THE TRUTH PARENTS!!!!!

I didn't know that my Adopted sister was actually my Mom's kid from before she met my dad. Didn't affect me much, because I was all grown up. But it was weird for a day.

CityMouse

failedpersephone wrote:

I have had my nephew (he was 4) ask me why his "uncle" (my BF) was living in the same house as me...and it seemed like an innocent question...my Sister in law REAMED me for answering "because (BF) and I are in a relationship, like your mom and dad are."

she said I was being "dishonest" for not telling him the truth - her point was that my BF and I aren't married, so she said we are NOT like her and my bro...

at that point I mentioned that she instructed her kids to call my BF their "uncle" and he clearly wasn't - legally speaking at least. meh, it's hard to know how to respond to kids.

ugh that's so annoying! what were you supposed to say "because we're living in sin"?

SENROCK

CityMouse wrote:

ugh that's so annoying! what were you supposed to say "because we're living in sin"?

HAHAHAHAHAHA that is AWESOME!!!!!

SENROCK

South of Seattle wrote:

I didn't know that my Adopted sister was actually my Mom's kid from before she met my dad. Didn't affect me much, because I was all grown up. But it was weird for a day.

hmmm thats not THAT much of a difference i guess but thats good it didnt effect you.

Allie

SENROCK! wrote:

Just to prove our point SOS, a friend of mine just learned that his CUZIN is really his brother. His dadd LIED all these years and said they were cuzins and decided NOW is the time to drop the truth because his son is OLDER. EITHER WAY ITS STILL EFFECTING HIM!!!!!!!! you see? TELL THE TRUTH PARENTS!!!!!

son, she said
have I got a little story for you geesh!


my mom always told me the truth about everything and when I was growing up we had a relationship that I told her everything. It got kind of jacked up when i started dating! (LOL) but still, I still tell her everything

Brain of J.Lo

Allie wrote:

my mom always told me the truth about everything and when I was growing up we had a relationship that I told her everything. It got kind of jacked up when i started dating! (LOL) but still, I still tell her everything

That is awesome. I hope to have that kind of relationship with Annabelle.

Allie

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

That is awesome. I hope to have that kind of relationship with Annabelle.

aw!

well it wasn't all wonderful though. There were contentious (sp?) times. She didn't like my boyfriend. And there was some other stuff I'd rather not go into. But yeah I never felt like I couldn't go to her about any type of problem, so that part is good and I am lucky.