Tell us your funniest joke!

2

Comments

  • Irish Al
    Irish Al Posts: 6,236
    pjfan31 wrote:
    Whats green and smells like bacon?????

    Kermits fingers

    Hahahahahaha I've got to stop laughing out loud in the office :rolleyes:
    I need a coffee!
  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    An Irish man an aussie and a japanese man were on a deserted Island after their plane crashed.

    The Irishman took controll and said"Right I'm going to get some fire wood, you(pointing to the aussie) get water to keep us hydrated and you (the japanese) get some supplies to keep us going. We will meet back here in an hour.

    The Irishman was the 1st one back he had the fire wood, then the aussie came back with the water and they waited for the japanese man. They waited and waited and then the Irishman said maybe we should go and find him.

    So they set off to find him, they walked for about 2 minutes when the japanese man came jumping out from behind a rock shouting "SUPPLIES"
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    (this is rude so if easily offended do not read on)

    A retard walked into an ice cream shop and said "can I have one ice cream"

    The ice cream man said "certainly young man, but what flavour woul you like?"

    And the retard said "oh, it doesn't matter, Its only going to fall on the ground anyway"
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • mookie9999
    mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    the wolf wrote:
    the joke that keeps on giving. lol

    It didn't remind me anything of herpes.
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    edited October 2023
    pjfan31 wrote:
    An Irish man an aussie and a japanese man were on a deserted Island after their plane crashed.

    The Irishman took controll and said"Right I'm going to get some fire wood, you(pointing to the aussie) get water to keep us hydrated and you (the japanese) get some supplies to keep us going. We will meet back here in an hour.

    The Irishman was the 1st one back he had the fire wood, then the aussie came back with the water and they waited for the japanese man. They waited and waited and then the Irishman said maybe we should go and find him.

    So they set off to find him, they walked for about 2 minutes when the japanese man came jumping out from behind a rock shouting "SUPPLIES"

    .
    Post edited by Spunkie on
    I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef 
    Animals were hiding behind the Coral 
    Except for little Turtle
    I could swear he's trying to talk to me 
    Gurgle Gurgle
  • the wolf
    the wolf Posts: 7,027
    tish wrote:
    *tish* don't laugh out loud while greeting the funeral goers!


    oh no!!! are you serious!!! lol
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    edited October 2023
    .
    Post edited by Spunkie on
    I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef 
    Animals were hiding behind the Coral 
    Except for little Turtle
    I could swear he's trying to talk to me 
    Gurgle Gurgle
  • the wolf
    the wolf Posts: 7,027
    tish wrote:
    yup :D



    Tish : "welcome, im sorry for your loss, BWAAAAHAHAHAHA , no really i am"


    lol
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • monster95
    monster95 Posts: 127
    guy goes to a fancy dress party naked with a woman on his back
    he's asked..what have you come as?
    a tortoise he replies.
    well,who's she he's asked

    thats michelle !!! hahahahahaha
    I plan to live forever.so far so good !
  • The Great Cornholio
    The Great Cornholio Posts: 157
    A girl came skipping home from school one day.

    "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled "we were counting today and all the other
    kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"

    "Very good!", said her mother.

    "Is it because I'm blonde?"

    "Yes, it's because your blonde," said mother.

    The next day the girl came skipping home from school. " Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, all all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"

    "Very Good!," said her mother.

    "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

    "Yes it's because your blond!"

    The following day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,
    Mommy," she yelled, "we were in Gym class today, and when we showered
    all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" She lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.

    "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

    "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

    "No Honey, it's because you're 24."
    ...Pearl Jam, a group filled with pride, passion, and intricate musicianship. Their music is full of subtle textures, rich color, soul-searching power, imagery, and eerie dissonance.
  • The Great Cornholio
    The Great Cornholio Posts: 157
    A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to Human Resources. Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.
    The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
    The woman replies, "It's Keith......the midget"
    ...Pearl Jam, a group filled with pride, passion, and intricate musicianship. Their music is full of subtle textures, rich color, soul-searching power, imagery, and eerie dissonance.
  • acoustic guy
    acoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    Did you hear about the gay midget?
    Yea, he came out of the cabinet.
    LOL


    Did you hear about the midget who committed suicide?
    Yea, he jumped off the curb.
    LOL

    :D:D:D:D:D
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • kidatplay
    kidatplay Posts: 14
    A club sandwich walks into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here".
    give this a look: www.borgenproject.org
  • duggro
    duggro Posts: 1,343
    a girl goes into a bar and asks for a double entendre

    so the barman gives her one
    Dublin Leeds Berlin Wembley
  • duggro
    duggro Posts: 1,343
    whats blue and fucks grannies?

















    me in my lucky blue coat






    (only works if you've heard the original version so much it just aint funny anymore :))
    Dublin Leeds Berlin Wembley
  • duggro
    duggro Posts: 1,343
    how do you make a kitten go woof?















    cover it in petrol and light a match





    (for the record i love kittens and do not condone kitten igniting in any way, shape or form.)
    Dublin Leeds Berlin Wembley
  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
    The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

    The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."

    While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

    The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

    The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "quick jacob, Go and fetch your mother."
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • Cosmo
    Cosmo Posts: 12,225
    An American Indian gal marries a Chinese dude... what do they name their kid?
    ...
    Ug Lee.
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    we need more jokes.....
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • duggro
    duggro Posts: 1,343
    pjfan31 wrote:
    we need more jokes.....
    what you talkin bout?

    i just gave you 3 solid gold stonkers. i cant just pull these out of a hat like some run of the mill jokes. i need time.
    Dublin Leeds Berlin Wembley

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