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Stevem Wright. an appreciation....

jamie ukjamie uk Posts: 3,812
edited November 2007 in All Encompassing Trip
Someone just gave me the idea (thanks Urban Hiker), just give your favourite SW quotes/jokes..I need to hear them all, so I can amuse myself using them.
I'll start..

"My friend is a radio announcer, when he walks under a bridge you can't hear him talk".

p.s, Steven! obviously.sorry.
I came, I saw, I concurred.....
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    "i lost my job. well, i really didn't lose it. it still there but every time i go there someone else is doing it."

    :D
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    "i lost my girlfriend. well, i really didn't lose her. she's still there but every time i go there someone else is doing it."
  • Urban HikerUrban Hiker Posts: 1,312
    I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
    Walking can be a real trip
    ***********************
    "We've laid the groundwork. It's like planting the seeds. And next year, it's spring." - Nader
    ***********************
    Prepare for tending to your garden, America.
  • lalalalaaaaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaa Posts: 2,445
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments"

    Funny man. I actually saw him in McDonald's in my hometown once. I was there with my girlfriend at the time, who we will call RottenVagiant for anonymity purposes. Anyways, I whisper to RottenVagiant: "hey that's Steven Wright", and she says "who?". So I repeat "Steven Wright...he's a famous comedian". She turns and looks at him, then turns back to me and yells "he's not famous!". Everyone heard, and I looked over at him and said "sorry, she drinks a lot" or something similar. He chuckled. I think he was just relieved that I didn't bug him for an autograph like the other McPatrons did.

    True story.
  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    I have two very rare photographs.
    One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
    The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.


    I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

    The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    i have a life-size map of the world......perhaps you've seen it.
  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    [Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O.
    I don't trust anybody!

    Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He
    caught every other fish.

    A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said,
    "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down
    on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off.
    And see this thing? This steers it."

    And this has always been my favorite:
    I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they
    can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me
    what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • ReeenkRoinkReeenkRoink Posts: 108
    Just saw him last month.

    My nephew has HDADD - high definition attention deficit disorder. He can hardly pay attention, but when he does, it's amazing
    BOOP BEEP BOOP BOOP

    http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=769776790&n=2
  • soulsingingsoulsinging Posts: 13,202
    he is hilarious. he's up there with mitch hedberg and dmitri martin for me :)
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    ReeenkRoink wrote:
    Just saw him last month.

    My nephew has HDADD - high definition attention deficit disorder. He can hardly pay attention, but when he does, it's amazing
    haha that one is amazing. I love Steven Wright. I'm not sure how long I could see him live before the delivery became wearing though :D
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • chiquimonkeychiquimonkey Posts: 9,337
    he's one of my all time favorites

    "I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."

    "Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors."
  • riffrandallriffrandall Posts: 685
    "My house is on the median strip of the highway. You don't really notice, except you have to leave the driveway doing 65 miles an hour."
    "If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
  • LizardLizard Posts: 12,091
    I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I bought a box of cotton the other day. It had vitamins on it to keep it fresh.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Sponges come from the ocean. Imagine how much water there'd be if they weren't there.



    :D:D:D
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • PoncierPoncier Posts: 16,914
    "Why are there no B batteries? Was there some kind of accident in the 40's?"

    "While on vacation I went to the tourist information booth and asked, tell me about some of the people who visited here last year."

    "I have the world's biggest sea shell collection, I keep it on beaches all over the world."
    This weekend we rock Portland
  • jamie ukjamie uk Posts: 3,812
    Poncier wrote:
    "Why are there no B batteries? Was there some kind of accident in the 40's?"

    "While on vacation I went to the tourist information booth and asked, tell me about some of the people who visited here last year."

    "I have the world's biggest sea shell collection, I keep it on beaches all over the world."
    That's excellent, thank you, they're all excellent,



    It's a small world, but I wouldn't wanna paint it.
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • Strangest TribeStrangest Tribe Posts: 2,502
    I was cesarean born...you wouldn't know it except every time I leave my house I go out thru the window.
    the Minions
  • AhnimusAhnimus Posts: 10,560
    Ha, there are B batteries.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • PoncierPoncier Posts: 16,914
    The other day I accidently put my car key into the door of my house and it started up. So I decided to take it out for a drive. Cop pulled me over, said "where do you live", I said "right here".
    This weekend we rock Portland
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    he is by FAR...my fave comedian.
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • inmyrvminmyrvm Posts: 933
    "women, can't live with them, can't kill them."
    his delivery on that one kills me every time.

    and the one about his student loans, his friend and the nuclear bomb.
    "Fuck the talkin' let's start rockin" - Eddie Vedder 9-5-00 Pittsburgh
    4/26/03 Pittsburgh 5/3/03 State College 7/12/03 Hershey 10/1/04 Reading 9/28/05 Pittsburgh 5/20/06 Cleveland 6/23/06 Pittsburgh 6/22/08 DC

    friends don't let friends listen to good charlotte
  • jamie ukjamie uk Posts: 3,812
    How about the one where the lights fused in his apartment,
    "the only light I had was the flash on my camera, I took sixty pictures in the kitchen to make a sandwich.....the neighbours called the police, they thought there was lightning in my house".
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
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