Stevem Wright. an appreciation....
jamie uk
Posts: 3,812
Someone just gave me the idea (thanks Urban Hiker), just give your favourite SW quotes/jokes..I need to hear them all, so I can amuse myself using them.
I'll start..
"My friend is a radio announcer, when he walks under a bridge you can't hear him talk".
p.s, Steven! obviously.sorry.
I'll start..
"My friend is a radio announcer, when he walks under a bridge you can't hear him talk".
p.s, Steven! obviously.sorry.
I came, I saw, I concurred.....
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"We've laid the groundwork. It's like planting the seeds. And next year, it's spring." - Nader
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Prepare for tending to your garden, America.
Funny man. I actually saw him in McDonald's in my hometown once. I was there with my girlfriend at the time, who we will call RottenVagiant for anonymity purposes. Anyways, I whisper to RottenVagiant: "hey that's Steven Wright", and she says "who?". So I repeat "Steven Wright...he's a famous comedian". She turns and looks at him, then turns back to me and yells "he's not famous!". Everyone heard, and I looked over at him and said "sorry, she drinks a lot" or something similar. He chuckled. I think he was just relieved that I didn't bug him for an autograph like the other McPatrons did.
True story.
One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
I don't trust anybody!
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He
caught every other fish.
A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said,
"See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down
on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off.
And see this thing? This steers it."
And this has always been my favorite:
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they
can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me
what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
My nephew has HDADD - high definition attention deficit disorder. He can hardly pay attention, but when he does, it's amazing
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=769776790&n=2
"I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."
"Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors."
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I bought a box of cotton the other day. It had vitamins on it to keep it fresh.
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Sponges come from the ocean. Imagine how much water there'd be if they weren't there.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
"While on vacation I went to the tourist information booth and asked, tell me about some of the people who visited here last year."
"I have the world's biggest sea shell collection, I keep it on beaches all over the world."
It's a small world, but I wouldn't wanna paint it.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
his delivery on that one kills me every time.
and the one about his student loans, his friend and the nuclear bomb.
4/26/03 Pittsburgh 5/3/03 State College 7/12/03 Hershey 10/1/04 Reading 9/28/05 Pittsburgh 5/20/06 Cleveland 6/23/06 Pittsburgh 6/22/08 DC
friends don't let friends listen to good charlotte
"the only light I had was the flash on my camera, I took sixty pictures in the kitchen to make a sandwich.....the neighbours called the police, they thought there was lightning in my house".