Question for animal lovers...

jezebeloria

First off I am not trying to solicit any sympathy here...I am just curious of people's answer to this question. After having lost both a family member and a pet w/in the last 10 days why do I find myself more upset about my kitty passing than my grandma? Could it be because my gram was significantly older and lived a long life or maybe because my kitty lived with me for 12 years and I interacted w/ her on a daily basis? Any opinions? :(

Jeanie

The thing with grief is, you can't really control it. You don't get to choose what makes you sad and what doesn't. What feels like an insurmountable loss and what is sad but you can cope with.

Perhaps you are feeling the loss of your cat more because, as you say, kitty was daily in your life for 12 years and Grandma, was not.

Regardless, I'm sorry that you've lost both of them and I guess the only thing I can tell you is, whatever you're feeling is perfectly ok and normal and hopefully with time you won't feel it so accutely.

jezebeloria

Thank you

Jeanie

jezebeloria wrote:

Thank you

You're welcome.

I'd hate to think how I'd feel if I lost my darling dog now. Our pets are really important friends and very dear.

The whole situation sounds not very nice jez, I really am sorry. I do hope that you are feeling better soon.

jezebeloria

Yes, so do I. I appreciate your thoughts.

PJaddicted

Loss is loss....pet or person, it is YOUR loss! Don't let anyone tell you that there is something wrong with you mourning your beloved cat. Our pets are very close to us....in lots of cases closer then any relationships we have with people.

I am sorry for both your loses.

oxc

Riverrunner

I think your feelings are quite normal. It is not that you loved your cat more than your grandma - you loved them both. It is just that you did interact with your cat daily. In my opinion, another factor is that we must care and provide for our pets - much like children. We feel responsible for them. When they die we feel it much more because of that dependence they had on us.

vedderfan10

I lost my beloved Pinkerton two years ago today...and I have been grieving for her a whole lot longer than I did for my grandparents. I think it might be because losing a pet (that you care for) is so much sadder - and you wonder if there was more you could have done to prolong your pet's life...

I thnk what you're feeling is completely normal...losing a pet seems so much more painful...

Inhiding230

I'm sorry to hear of your loss but please don't feel bad for the way you feel.

I totally am the same way. I think it is because the pet is a part of every day of your life and you really notice them not being there.

I have a 13 year Shepherd who is getting old and I know she probably won't live more than another year or two, and it just breaks my heart to think of her not being around. I have had her almost as long as my daughter and she is part of my immediate family.

samick

jezebeloria wrote:

First off I am not trying to solicit any sympathy here...I am just curious of people's answer to this question. After having lost both a family member and a pet w/in the last 10 days why do I find myself more upset about my kitty passing than my grandma? Could it be because my gram was significantly older and lived a long life or maybe because my kitty lived with me for 12 years and I interacted w/ her on a daily basis? Any opinions? :(

I think it's both............plus with any of the older folks you know it's just around the corner and you may prepare yourself for it with out knowing it

wolfbear

I totally agree with what everyone has said here. Also, I know you don't want sympathy but just want to say I'm sorry for your losses. Losing anyone even though a part of life is hard.

Wobbie

My dog will be 13 in two days. Just last night, over a few beers, my wife and I were talking about "the inevitable day" (even though we have no reason to think it's coming anytime soon )..... anyway, we're just talking and I notice my wife is tearing up. It's that unconditional love you get, day in and day out, from a pet.

Sorry to hear of both your losses and I think it's OK to be more torn up over the non-human one.

Whizbang

As everyone has said, you're not abnormal for feeling this way! It's your loss and it hits you how it hits you.

in_hiding79

imalive wrote:

My dog will be 13 in two days. Just last night, over a few beers, my wife and I were talking about "the inevitable day" (even though we have no reason to think it's coming anytime soon )..... anyway, we're just talking and I notice my wife is tearing up. It's that unconditional love you get, day in and day out, from a pet.

Sorry to hear of both your losses and I think it's OK to be more torn up over the non-human one.

My beloved chihuahua is 14 and is the LOVE of my life!! (besides my husband)
I think about that "day" all the time and it scares me when he gets sick or something...

Jeze,
I really am sorry for you both of your losses!! :(

Jeanie

Riverrunner wrote:

...In my opinion, another factor is that we must care and provide for our pets - much like children. We feel responsible for them. When they die we feel it much more because of that dependence they had on us.

That's a really good point.

Jeremy1012

my cat is 12 years old, still looks about 6 weeks. I really hate thinking about how long she has left and know I'll be pretty upset when the day comes. Weird thing is, I have family members (not close ones obviously) that I would barely think twice about if they died. I just don't see them or anything whereas my cat has been there since my 7th birthday.
I don't think it's wrong to mourn a pet more than a person.

jezebeloria

Thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts and comments. I am usually not one to "put it all out there" so to speak but I guess if I am going to do it I picked the right place. Thanks again.

wolfbear

jezebeloria wrote:

Thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts and comments. I am usually not one to "put it all out there" so to speak but I guess if I am going to do it I picked the right place. Thanks again.

Yep, great group of people here imo. Best wishes and no worries.

chiquimonkey

i can't add more to what the wise folks here have already said, but definitely, it is totally normal what you're feeling. one owes such a responsibility to pets, and not having their presence around is a hard thing to deal with, i know far too well. love is love, and losing a beloved one is hard, no matter if it's a pet or person.

my condolences to you for both your losses.

jezebeloria

chiquimonkey wrote:

i can't add more to what the wise folks here have already said, but definitely, it is totally normal what you're feeling. one owes such a responsibility to pets, and not having their presence around is a hard thing to deal with, i know far too well. love is love, and losing a beloved one is hard, no matter if it's a pet or person.

my condolences to you for both your losses.

Thank you.

sponger

I probably sound like a cold, heartless jerk when I say it, but I've always said that family are just people with the same last name. Of course, not everyone with the same last name are family, but other than the fact that we are physically related, that's really all there is to it.

I think one of the reasons why people place so much emphasis on family is because we live in this really strange world where the concept of trust is way low on the list of priorities. In some way shape or form, we become accustomed to lying to and manipulating other human beings because it's a winner-take-all society.

We are able to stomach this miserably grotesque existence by categorizing, classifying, and prioritizing people in ways that allow us to distance ourselves from each other to the point where we lose sight of what brings us together.

And so it is by way of those circumstances that we learn to value family. We create emotional bonds with family because it's what we allow ourselves to do. We know that it's safe to create those bonds because we were raised to believe that family -even the family which we did not know very well - fall into the category of trustworthy.

I don't know if you've ever seen the show "Pet Psychic." It's a show with this aged woman who claims to know what your pets are thinking by way of telepathic communication.

It's like watching Edward what's-his-name the spiritual psychic, except it's with animals and the beings with which she is communicating are still of this earth.

It's a convincing show, but the point I'm about to make about that show does not require believing in its authenticity.

The unique thing about the Pet Psychic is that she does not claim to have a unique ability. She believes that anybody can read their pets' minds.

And her reasoning is that animals don't lie. In fact, she says this repeatedly throughout her show. She goes, "Animals don't lie." It's a haunting but accurate statement.

So, according to her, it's because of an animal's truthfulness that we should be able to communicate telepathically with it. She goes, "All you need to do is spend time putting yourself into your pet's shoes, and you should be able to feel what your pet is feeling, and eventually see what your pet is seeing."

All that aside, what struck me as totally profound about that point of view is the idea that if we as human beings were to stop lying to and manipulating one another no matter how seemingly benign and harmless those instances may be, we could achieve a level of communication with no barriers, and hence an infinite level of trust and understanding.

I don't really believe that any of us can truly say that there is a single human being on this earth that we completely trust with every thought that passes through our heads.

However, because our pets are not capable of lying to and deceiving us, and because they place so much blind faith into our regard for them, we can very well come very close to that level of trust and understanding that I described earlier.

And so that's why I can say with certainty that it makes perfect sense that you should feel a greater sense of loss from the loss of a pet than from the loss of a family member.

Heineken Helen

Riverrunner wrote:

I think your feelings are quite normal. It is not that you loved your cat more than your grandma - you loved them both. It is just that you did interact with your cat daily. In my opinion, another factor is that we must care and provide for our pets - much like children. We feel responsible for them. When they die we feel it much more because of that dependence they had on us.

I agree... pets are even better than kids cos they're usually there for us and can be easily trained to be the pet you want . I lost my cat herbie when I was about 12 and I couldn't understand how I could be more upset about that than my granny who'd died a couple of years previously also.

There's no explanation and nothing to worry about... but I am sorry you're going through all this in such a short space of time :(

NY PJ1

jezebeloria wrote:

First off I am not trying to solicit any sympathy here...I am just curious of people's answer to this question. After having lost both a family member and a pet w/in the last 10 days why do I find myself more upset about my kitty passing than my grandma? Could it be because my gram was significantly older and lived a long life or maybe because my kitty lived with me for 12 years and I interacted w/ her on a daily basis? Any opinions? :(

thats not normal ,sorry.. but its an animal as opposed to your grandmother

jezebeloria

NY PJ1 wrote:

thats not normal ,sorry.. but its an animal as opposed to your grandmother

AmentsChick

I totally understand. I went through the same exact thing. My grandfather died from colon cancer and had to put my dog down all in the same week. My grandpa I was sad over of course, but it broke my heart to put Sunny down.





































Although, I should also state that my grandpa was a bigot, redneck who believed that men were better than women and that segregation should still exist. :(

chiquimonkey

NY PJ1 wrote:

thats not normal ,sorry.. but its an animal as opposed to your grandmother

you can't dismiss what someone feels as being normal or not, it's how they feel. you might just see it as just 'an animal' but not everybody has that same mindset.

jezebeloria

chiquimonkey wrote:

you can't dismiss what someone feels as being normal or not, it's how they feel. you might just see it as just 'an animal' but not everybody has that same mindset.

Thanks again

chiquimonkey

jezebeloria wrote:

Thanks again

no problem i understand that not everybody feels the same way, just know that there are folks that do feel where you're coming from, myself included

markymark550

I consider my pet bird a part of my family, so I will be quite upset whenever that day comes. He's been a really good friend for the last 21 or 22 years, however long its been now. Yes, I'll be very sad and upset when he passes on.

Heineken Helen

chiquimonkey wrote:

you can't dismiss what someone feels as being normal or not, it's how they feel. you might just see it as just 'an animal' but not everybody has that same mindset.

and especially considering everyone else is agreeing with the original poster so makes one wonder which of us is 'normal'

jezebeloria

I truly appreciate everyone's support on this. Wasn't quite sure how to react to the one particular post in this thread (which is why I didn't say anything but )but it seems as if the majority of you understand where I am coming from. Thanks for everyone's comments and assuring me that I might be "normal" after all.