Need the perspective of a girl about 25 yrs. old.........

qtegirl

I gotta put my 2 cents in.

A lot of girls have thought about marriage from a young age. They have their weddings planned out and, maybe not who they're going to marry, but at least what type of guy they would like.

Have you considered that maybe that's why she things the age difference it's a big deal? That maybe you don't fit the idealized version of what the perfect husband would be?

I'm 31 now, and i'd be much more open to dating a more mature person now... but that's only because I'm more mature myself. When I was 25 I still thought that the perfect guy was out there.

howard

smithnic wrote:

who the hell is 49 and uses the phrase "crush on her"???

Sorry, that's what lack of sleep will do to you. Or me.

Inhiding230

It really depends on the person I think. Some people just don't like the idea of being with someone that much older.

I am getting married in two weeks. My future husband is 28 and I am 41. We have been together for almost 5 years and lived together for 3 years. At first we wondered if the age thing would make a difference, and we had many long conversations about it, but it really has not for us. I do look and act younger than 41 and am in good shape for my age, and he looks and acts much older than 28 (he is bald which ages him a little I think). He is very stable, and responsible and is really an old soul I think. People are usually shocked when they find out our age difference. The fact is that we totally clicked the first time we met, and have the most amazing relationship, so age is not going to get in the way of that.

You really have to respect her wishes. If she thinks age is an issue, then you can't really change her mind about.

riffrandall

I've told loads of guys- good friends- that I would marry them. I never really meant it.

At the risk of sounding like a cliche, she's not that into you. Not like that anyway. If she were, age wouldn't matter.

decides2dream

wow.


firstly, i am not a 25 year old girl, although i was one, once...a long time ago. that said, honestly, as you well know, you are 1 year shy of being TWICE her age. i say again, TWICE....her.....age. that does not mean impossible, but yes, i think it would give mosr pause at the very least. no matter how wonderful you are, i think most would think to the fure and asay hmmm...when i am 40....he'll be 65. when i am 65...he'll be....90. :eek: i know i would like to grow old with someone. with such a big age gap, definitely lessens that possibility. can love conquer all that? sure. but you have to allow yourself to fall in love first. personally, i can 'uinderstand' where she is coming from. if you CAN find someone closer in age, why not? she is young, lots of opportunity......i'd take her words at face value and move on. or, just ask her point blank and act accordingly from there.


btw - my parents had a 15 year age difference. mom was 19, dad 34 when they married. my father died 16 years ago when i was 23...and my mother has been alone since.

FinsburyParkCarrots

I need the perspective of a 25 year old girl right now (self edits rest of sentence)

decides2dream

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

I need the perspective of a 25 year old girl right now (self edits rest of sentence)

fucker.....................:p

_

I was a 25-year-old woman not too long ago, and I actually had somewhat of a reputation for thinking age was irrelevant and dating older men. But even I had limits. My policy was to not date anyone who was older than my parents. Hate to say it, but you are older than my parents were when I was 25.

Although I believe love is more important than things like age, I think you must also be practical. If kids are an issue, she may feel like you'd be too old to be starting a family by the time she was ready. (Just because you can still produce sperm doesn't mean it's a good time to start a family.) Do you already have kids who are around her age anyway? That could be pretty awkward.

Regardless of kids, you'll be old and possibly in need of care when she's still relatively young and vibrant. This is a problem I've been thinking of more and more as I get older.

But what I think you really have to ask yourself is: Why do you like this woman? What do you have in common? Can you truly relate to one another and each other's life experiences? Are you really at compatible stages in your lives? Is this in any way about your ego and demonstrating to yourself your ability to get a hot young girl? Of course you're likely to think 25-year-old girls are hotter than 49-year-old women, but she won't be 25 forever and there's a lot to be said for women who are 49.

Also, although I hated to admit it at the time, it was quite difficult to be a young woman dating an older man and NOT fall into a paternalistic dynamic. I was probably attracted to older men in part because they were wiser and more experienced and I looked up to them and could learn a lot from them. But balanced relationships require that you learn a lot from EACH OTHER. Regardless of what great guys I dated, it was hard for them to not want to teach, protect, and direct me - as if I was their child. That's just not healthy.

Also, she's still young. People grow and change. Although I'm not saying 25 is necessarily too young to decide who to marry, I'm sure thankful I didn't marry the guy I thought I'd marry when I was 25. Are you still the same person you were at that age?

I do think it's noteworthy that she said she'd marry you IF... That "if" is important - at least it's important to her or she wouldn't have said it. And she didn't say "if you got a job" or "if you divorced your wife" or something else you could change about your situation (which isn't to say you're unemployed or married). I think if you follow that sentence through to the end it goes, "I'd like to marry you IF you were younger BUT you're not SO I don't want to." That doesn't mean she's shallow or she doesn't think you're great. But I think if you respect her you have to respect her feelings about the situation. And if she already knew you were interested, it seems more likely to me that she's explaining why she's not interested in return than that she's fishing for an invitation for you to convince her.

I'm not saying it couldn't work out - perhaps it could and it will and you'll live happily ever after - but it just seems as if the odds may be against you. That's just my take on the situation. Who knows though. I wish you - and her - the best of luck.

samick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSyeJGaYHNo

FinsburyParkCarrots

This is potentially one of those threads where people become world experts on something they haven't experienced. When I was about 20-25, I was all about the 36-45 year old women. I went out with a woman a fair bit older than I, for a couple of years. She had two modes. Get shitfaced and shag mode, or nag mode. Towards the end, it was mostly the latter. Haha, escaping from that situation was like Escape from Colditz.

I look forward to being 49, silver haired and sophisticated, and letching after 25- year old women. And I shall have as many crushes and blushes as I like: if I can still get it up with regularity at the age of 49, I'm entitled to blush away in the body part of my choice.


Hope this helps.

writersu

well, it sounds like she thinks the age difference is too much of a gap. Or maybe she was flirting and didn't think it would be taken as something seriously thought about; which you have and I can see why --you seem to like her. I don't know.

writersu

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

This is potentially one of those threads where people become world experts on something they haven't experienced. When I was about 20-25, I was all about the 36-45 year old women. I went out with a woman a fair bit older than I, for a couple of years. She had two modes. Get shitfaced and shag mode, or nag mode. Towards the end, it was mostly the latter. Haha, escaping from that situation was like Escape from Colditz.

I look forward to being 49, silver haired and sophisticated, and letching after 25- year old women. And I shall have as many crushes and blushes as I like: if I can still get it up with regularity at the age of 49, I'm entitled to blush away in the body part of my choice.


Hope this helps.

well, I hear good things about splinters........