Need the perspective of a girl about 25 yrs. old.........
howard
Posts: 14
Thank you in advance for any and all replies.
I'm curious/puzzled about something. There is a girl I know that I used to work with that I like a lot and we still keep in touch quite a bit. I know she has always liked me as a person a lot(I have done a lot of nice things for her and she has said some nice things about me as compared to some of the other guys she has met that she didn't care for one reason or another.) and we are good friends but I'm interested in being more than just friends.
About a year ago, we were out one night and she said she would marry me(based on my other qualities that she likes) if I was 20 years younger(I'm 49, she is 25). She never explained why she said that and I didn't want to ask because I didn't want her to think I was interested in her that way because she didn't want that even though I am.
So why, if she likes me enough to say that she would marry me, does that age difference matter ? I've only been through a few relationships and don't have much dating experience considering my age and I've done a lot of nice romantic things for her(she wants someone who is romantic) which I really enjoy doing for her and I really don't see why the age thing should matter so I'm curious as to the perspective of girls right around the age of 25 about this.
I'm curious/puzzled about something. There is a girl I know that I used to work with that I like a lot and we still keep in touch quite a bit. I know she has always liked me as a person a lot(I have done a lot of nice things for her and she has said some nice things about me as compared to some of the other guys she has met that she didn't care for one reason or another.) and we are good friends but I'm interested in being more than just friends.
About a year ago, we were out one night and she said she would marry me(based on my other qualities that she likes) if I was 20 years younger(I'm 49, she is 25). She never explained why she said that and I didn't want to ask because I didn't want her to think I was interested in her that way because she didn't want that even though I am.
So why, if she likes me enough to say that she would marry me, does that age difference matter ? I've only been through a few relationships and don't have much dating experience considering my age and I've done a lot of nice romantic things for her(she wants someone who is romantic) which I really enjoy doing for her and I really don't see why the age thing should matter so I'm curious as to the perspective of girls right around the age of 25 about this.
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But, it really depends on the woman.
kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.
Next!"
Peace (I wish I was 25 again, I'd marry you if *I* were just 20 years younger)
Disclaimer to my boyfriend: I was kidding about the marrying him part. I wouldn't even sleep with him, I swear!
owned
I know she goes on a dating website and hasn't met anyone from there that she likes, but in her profile, she says that she dosen't want anyone over 35, but she also says that any potential match has to be romantic and she has told me that I'm a lot more romantic than any other guy she has met.
I really don't think she thinks of me as the "fatherly" type and I am also told often that I look youner than my age.
ROFL...
> <
O
and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
over specific principles, goals, and policies.
http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg
(\__/)
( o.O)
(")_(")
About a year ago, BEFORE she said that about marrying me "if", she had heard from someone that I had a crush on her and she told me she didn't want that, but that was before she knows me as much as she does now. We really don't get to spend much time together as she is always busy with work or running errands for one of her jobs which is running her own business. As far as saying it as an excuse for it not to go any further, she seemed pretty sincere when she said it.
As far as getting it out in the open, we have a good friendship and I don't want to take a chance on jeapordizing that.
Thanks for the reponses so far.
female and 24, right here
Reading through what you've said, in my opinion, I would advise that you talk to her.
Send her an email or give her call and explain exactly how your reading into what she's said. If she respects you, she'll listen and she'll discuss it with you.
I know it seems daunting, and if she doesn't feel the way you hope, your pride will be bruised for a while but it has to happen.
I took the plunge and told someone how I thought I felt a couple of years ago - they didn't feel the same.
I won't lie, at the time I was gutted and felt humiliated. I was going through a hard time at home and he was a big support to me. He repected me and we were good friends so I was lucky and it wasn't made into a big deal. He understood that my feelings were confused, remained close and we worked through it. He helped me see our relationship with clarity, helped me through my hard times and I realised that I was clutching at straws, I never infact felt like that about him. With hindsight, I'm glad I took that plunge and found out where I stood. We're still really good friends and sometimes even crack jokes about 'THAT christmas'
As for the age gap? I don't know. Some women find it a problem, some don't. I personally wouldn't as i've always had the attitude that you can't help who you fall in love with... but, at the end of the day, it's not me you wanna date! Maybe she's just unsure as to what other people would think? You need to discuss it with her, lay it on the line that you don't find the age gap a problem. Maybe she said what she said to get a reaction out of you? Maybe she doesn't have a problem with the age gap but think you might?
Age differences can make or break a relationship/prospective relationship so don't try and glaze over it. I know for a fact that I would only say what she said to you, to a man of your age, if I really meant it.
In my opinion, any situation like this, communication is the key.
Good luck
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
im 22 and a guy and i was on the receiving end of this from 2 (separate times obviously) of my really close friends who were girls, which was both flattering and terrifying because i didnt want to totally alienate them and hadnt seen it coming.
but like Sian says, if the friendship is open and you're really direct with each other, then you should both be adult enough to work through it without falling out.
so talk to her about it. maybe not through email, face to face would be ideal obviously...just go for it, life is too short not to. good luck man
Wow, thanks Sian for the lengthy and caring reply(thanks also to JordyWordy)
As I mentioned before, she is stil involved with this dating website and hasn't shown any romantic interest in me. Not yet anyway.
I'm not giving up though, that is the farthest thing from my thoughts. I wouldn't be worthy of being a Pearl Jam fan if I did that, right ?
Age plays a big role for a lot of people. Personally I am very sensitive to it in my relationship decisions as well. In my mid 20s I went out with a few guys in their 30s and realized I just had nothing in common with them. (Even now that I'm in my 30s I don't!) To me, I don't even *see* older men as a dating option, it's like it doesn't even occur to me. Also I know that I don't like how older men can sometimes want to play a "dad" role in a younger woman's life if you get what I mean. In your case, you really *could* be her dad.
last year i dated someone 13+ years older than me. a few years ago I never would have done that. unfortunately it didn't last, but the time we did spend together was the best i have ever had in a relationship. had i stuck to my guns and refused to date him, i never would have experienced that. so i learned my lesson and refuse to discount someone because of their age. there were some age related issues w/him. i would be raring to go and he'd be exhausted by 10pm. he didn't enjoy crowds and live music, etc. but they were not huge ordeals to me.
when you click with someone, you need to give it a go. whether they are older or younger, as long as the bond exists it is worth giving it a try in my opinion.
sian's advice was excellent. i too think you should talk to her. you can say "remember you said you would marry me, well...that's a bit much, but what do you say we go out on a date?"
you never know. ...good luck!
If you're 49 and you can manage to pull some 25 year old tail...
Good for you!!
I hope I can do that when I'm 49!
I think you have to really listen to what she said. She has already made it clear to you that your age is a barrier to a relationship.
If you respect her, you should listen to her words and take them to heart.
P.S. Even though there have been threads about who can respond to questions (seeing as how I am not 25 years old!), I felt that someone ought to point out the obvious in this case.
I am the same...I don't really want to date anyone over 30 right now because I just feel like I am at a different stage in my life and have very different goals/want different things than someone who is over 30...let alone someone who is 49. As Gray said, it is just a whole different world.
But I think you should do what Sian said and talk to her about it to find out what she wants. Because we can all give you opinions how WE feel, but none of us know how SHE feels. Good luck.
It took a few times for my dad to get my mom to go on a date with him because of his age, but it all worked out in the end. So, I say find the right approach and tread lightly and she may change her mind. Good Luck to you!
wise words...
A lot of girls have thought about marriage from a young age. They have their weddings planned out and, maybe not who they're going to marry, but at least what type of guy they would like.
Have you considered that maybe that's why she things the age difference it's a big deal? That maybe you don't fit the idealized version of what the perfect husband would be?
I'm 31 now, and i'd be much more open to dating a more mature person now... but that's only because I'm more mature myself. When I was 25 I still thought that the perfect guy was out there.
Sorry, that's what lack of sleep will do to you. Or me.
I am getting married in two weeks. My future husband is 28 and I am 41. We have been together for almost 5 years and lived together for 3 years. At first we wondered if the age thing would make a difference, and we had many long conversations about it, but it really has not for us. I do look and act younger than 41 and am in good shape for my age, and he looks and acts much older than 28 (he is bald which ages him a little I think). He is very stable, and responsible and is really an old soul I think. People are usually shocked when they find out our age difference. The fact is that we totally clicked the first time we met, and have the most amazing relationship, so age is not going to get in the way of that.
You really have to respect her wishes. If she thinks age is an issue, then you can't really change her mind about.
At the risk of sounding like a cliche, she's not that into you. Not like that anyway. If she were, age wouldn't matter.
firstly, i am not a 25 year old girl, although i was one, once...a long time ago.
btw - my parents had a 15 year age difference. mom was 19, dad 34 when they married. my father died 16 years ago when i was 23...and my mother has been alone since.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
fucker.....................:p
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Although I believe love is more important than things like age, I think you must also be practical. If kids are an issue, she may feel like you'd be too old to be starting a family by the time she was ready. (Just because you can still produce sperm doesn't mean it's a good time to start a family.) Do you already have kids who are around her age anyway? That could be pretty awkward.
Regardless of kids, you'll be old and possibly in need of care when she's still relatively young and vibrant. This is a problem I've been thinking of more and more as I get older.
But what I think you really have to ask yourself is: Why do you like this woman? What do you have in common? Can you truly relate to one another and each other's life experiences? Are you really at compatible stages in your lives? Is this in any way about your ego and demonstrating to yourself your ability to get a hot young girl? Of course you're likely to think 25-year-old girls are hotter than 49-year-old women, but she won't be 25 forever and there's a lot to be said for women who are 49.
Also, although I hated to admit it at the time, it was quite difficult to be a young woman dating an older man and NOT fall into a paternalistic dynamic. I was probably attracted to older men in part because they were wiser and more experienced and I looked up to them and could learn a lot from them. But balanced relationships require that you learn a lot from EACH OTHER. Regardless of what great guys I dated, it was hard for them to not want to teach, protect, and direct me - as if I was their child. That's just not healthy.
Also, she's still young. People grow and change. Although I'm not saying 25 is necessarily too young to decide who to marry, I'm sure thankful I didn't marry the guy I thought I'd marry when I was 25. Are you still the same person you were at that age?
I do think it's noteworthy that she said she'd marry you IF... That "if" is important - at least it's important to her or she wouldn't have said it. And she didn't say "if you got a job" or "if you divorced your wife" or something else you could change about your situation (which isn't to say you're unemployed or married). I think if you follow that sentence through to the end it goes, "I'd like to marry you IF you were younger BUT you're not SO I don't want to." That doesn't mean she's shallow or she doesn't think you're great. But I think if you respect her you have to respect her feelings about the situation. And if she already knew you were interested, it seems more likely to me that she's explaining why she's not interested in return than that she's fishing for an invitation for you to convince her.
I'm not saying it couldn't work out - perhaps it could and it will and you'll live happily ever after - but it just seems as if the odds may be against you. That's just my take on the situation. Who knows though. I wish you - and her - the best of luck.
I look forward to being 49, silver haired and sophisticated, and letching after 25- year old women. And I shall have as many crushes and blushes as I like: if I can still get it up with regularity at the age of 49, I'm entitled to blush away in the body part of my choice.
Hope this helps.