Unconditional Love

PJaddicted

Honestly IMO...you never really know what goes on behind closed doors in someone else's home. What looks like the perfect wonderful family could have lots of serious problems. I'm mother to four sons, ages 21, 19, 17 and 14. I have loved my kids no matter what....and the words I Love YOU are spoken daily between us and their father too. My sons are good guys so far, no *real* problems at all. The older two are away at college and growing up to be really nice good people. The younger two...are still works in progress. I only know in my own case having raised them in a loving home with two parents who love each other, with no hitting, little yelling and lots of mutual respect has worked for my hubby and I.

My own family situation was similar, stable home, two parents who adored each other, all looked great from the outside looking in, but my Dad was a spanker, and we were the kids and expected to be seen and not heard, give 100% obedience,we were not told we were loved by either parent(my parents weren't told this either), and it all blew up in my parents faces when we became teens. We were horrors, and my brother continues as he spends his life going from one high to the next. I decided that I would try my best to raise my family different, and so far it has worked, I'm having a great time and totally enjoy my boys.

oxc

eyedclaar

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

Does it go both ways? Can a person still love their parents even though they (the parent(s)) did some shitty things when they were growing up?

Sure they can but they certainly don't have to.

justam

gobrowns19 wrote:

When a parent says this to a child laying in bed, getting tucked in at night, it's reassuring, saying 'I will always love you no matter what'. That's always been my understanding of that term, phrase, whatever you want to call it. I have a friend who's parents couldn't be any nicer, but his younger brother still continues to be terrible to them. That and other things got me thinking, can telling a child that you will love them no matter what make them think they can get away with anything and know they will still have a warm loving family? How does a child get to that point?

There's a difference between loving your child no matter what and not letting them know when they have done the wrong thing.

It sounds more like they aren't setting limits which is LESS than loving. Part of love is helping children learn what's acceptable and what's not so they can love themselves. I don't think people can really love themselves if they are allowed to be horrible to others...on some level they KNOW they aren't living well.

xscorcho

i dont really believe in loving a person "no matter what they do".... if somebody is a VERY shitty person, i'm not wasting my time or energy on them.

justam

xscorcho wrote:

i dont really believe in loving a person "no matter what they do".... if somebody is a VERY shitty person, i'm not wasting my time or energy on them.

You can't throw your own children away though. You've got to raise them the best that you can. I'll go so far to say that it is your challenge to get the best out of them!!!

Inhiding230

I have a 16 year old daughter who knows I love her unconditionally. That doesn't mean she can be disrespectful or rude to me. I don't allow that behaviour. And there are times when I really don't like her much (because she is a 16 year old female with too many stupid hormones). I have always made sure that she treats people right, and in a way that she would want to be treated by others. So far I think she is doing a fine job.

xscorcho

justam wrote:

You can't throw your own children away though. You've got to raise them the best that you can. I'll go so far to say that it is your challenge to get the best out of them!!!

agreed. i was speaking more for adults, siblings, relatives, etc.... (a bit confusing since the OP was talking children, my bad)

gobrowns19

seren327 wrote:

I have a 16 year old daughter who knows I love her unconditionally. That doesn't mean she can be disrespectful or rude to me. I don't allow that behaviour. And there are times when I really don't like her much (because she is a 16 year old female with too many stupid hormones). I have always made sure that she treats people right, and in a way that she would want to be treated by others. So far I think she is doing a fine job.

I recently discovered she is struggling with her sexuality. On her Myspace page where it says Sexuality, she put not sure. She had a boyfriend for the past 6 months and now doesn't. I have seen other things she wrote on her Myspace and other networking sites that definitely lean to her being possibly gay. So I let her know that if she ever needed to talk to me about anything like that, she should know she can and I would never judge her. I am pretty sure she knew that before because she knows all of my views.

I had a friend at work question my thoughts on what if she is gay. I told her it doesn't make any difference to me, I just don't want her to be unhappy due to some of the challenges she will face in society because of it. She is my daughter and my feelings would never change because of something like that.

I can't imagine how tough that would be a a teenager growing up in any day and age.

As for my friend's brother, he's not living with them at the moment, maybe not again. They haven't talked to him in a month, I couldn't even imagine. I believe he's 17 so it makes it a bit tougher.

Inhiding230

gobrowns19 wrote:

I can't imagine how tough that would be a a teenager growing up in any day and age.

As for my friend's brother, he's not living with them at the moment, maybe not again. They haven't talked to him in a month, I couldn't even imagine. I believe he's 17 so it makes it a bit tougher.

Indeed! I just hope she knows that she has our love and support no matter what.....

I can't even imagine not being in contact with my daughter and having her living somewhere else......