Well, you offered him the ticket, he didn't ask for it, so you obviously knew how he was responding towards you beforehand. Maybe the guy is busy, or as someone else said, depressed, who knows what his reasons for changing are. If you wanna be a true friend, talk to him & see if something is going on...regardless, just go & have a good time, maybe it will bring the closeness between you back.
You obviously like him, and enjoy his company to invite him to the concert, so see how it goes, see if he will open up, and if not, who needs friends like that?? At least you can say you gave it a good go.
Sounds to me like he's suffering from a clinical depression. Terse, uncommunicative, unable to sustain relationships. Maybe you should give him a break.
yeah, i've thought about that. i really have.
like i said, i dont wanna paint him out to be a giant jerk... i just... i dont know, a part of me kinda feels like i dont know.
Friend stops talking to me, and to my other friend as well.
Never returns texts, messages, emails, etc.
The rare, rare... rare time he does, they're very abrupt.
I offer my spare tenclub ticket to Washington, DC... which he needs...
and he quickly accepts - but has yet to talk to me anymore since.
I know what you're thinking, maybe something seriously tragic has happened in his life? Well, i dont... think anything has... from what i've found out - other than the every day stuff that we all go through...
So, am I being used?
(just out of curiousity )
Sometimes the 'everyday stuff that we all go through', might seem more tragic to one person that another. I don't know, i find it really hard to give advice on a message board because you never know the full set of circumstances. All i know, is that if it was me, and it was one of my friends, and they were acting weird, and had stop talking to me and their other friends, i'd go see them, and see what's doing with them, at least to see if they were ok. Most people just don't break off contact and change personalities for no reason.
I wouldn't be worrying too much about the ticket at the moment. Hopefully your friend is ok and you can work out what is really troubling them.
how long have you known him? usually friends wouldn't do that to their friends. like many people have suggested that he might be depressed or is going through some personal issues that he might be ashame of to have friends knowing about.
i often do that to friend when i'm feeling down or in a stressful situation. usually i just disappear and isolate myself for the time being until i resolve my problems before getting back to friends. some folks can cope with things through friends and family and some are better doing it alone by themself.
you should just see/ask what's up with him but don't too too personal to where he'll think you're trying to invade his personal issues.
...other than the every day stuff that we all go through...
The every day stuff we all go through can be pretty damn consuming at times. I used to be able to do e-mail all day every day with my friends from afar, keeping tabs on what concerts they're seeing, music their listening to, etc.
Now, it's about all I can do to get out a "hey now" every few months. It's not that I don't have time so much (occasionally I go through months of 80+ hour weeks, but that's subsided in the past year). I just don't think that e-communication is the great medium we'd like to think it is. It takes an hour+ to make any sort of nuanced and interesting point in text that you can make in person with a wink or a smile. If people were all great writers, it wouldn't be a problem. But, paradoxically, for some reason the more people communicate by e-mail, the worse we seem to get at writing.
...ah, jeez, I'm rambling again...
My take: you're probably reading too much into his non-communicativeness. There are a million reasons to not interact with people, most of them benign. If you don't hear from him when you're not giving him something, stop giving him things and you'll hear from him less, and the problem will take care of itself.
For now, enjoy the show, have a good time, catch up, and don't worry about it.
Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I’m
delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.
He certainly isn't acting like a "friend", and is being immature and mean at best.
I already told you my thoughts on this, but I agree with Lori.
He accepted it and now he isn't communicating with you? Man, that's lame.
Some ppl just dont have any shame
But then again...WHo knows whats up with him?
MAybe he really is depressed or busy, or who knows what...
I hope you guys talk in DC and rock out the show!
hhmm I suppose maybe he has some problem inside his own head (maybe in a darkplace)
you have shown your a good freind by giving him the ticket- when you go to the show i suggest you pull him aside, tell him your sad-mad-confused by his lack of friendship/communication.
if he ignores your attempt just tell him thats IT kuput . you help out friends not users. then you can move on knowing not wondering.
its sad to lose a friend.
just as a point
my best mate in the whole world Chris
we grew up together, have experienced the whole range of stuff friends can experience. He lives a busy life with his own family about 250km away.
apart from messages around birthdays and xmas the only time we actually see each other is every 3 years or so when Pearl Jam tour. Sydney 1 of every tour so far. ( also he came to newy in 06 as well) we jump around and scream the words together and have lots of beers afterwoods. I have such a good time. I still rate him a s my best mate and always will. its not the communication, its knowing if he needs me or I him- we would fall on a sword for each other.
I think if you offer someone something and they accept then it is yours to offer as well as theirs to accept. In other words, without strings attached.
I agree that your friend in not being a good friend. Maybe it is truly deliberate; maybe he is just preoccupied and isn't considering others feelings as he should be. But yeah, he is not being a good friend in the least.
As for your offerring what he accepted, then it was your decision and kindhearted move that is commendable. Unfortuneately, you may have to just take that as a thank you; your own knowledge of you doing a good deed.
You know, the old saying, "fuck me once, you're an asshole. fuck me twice; I'm an asshole."
if it makes you feel used to reach out to this guy, then buy all means protect yourself and stop being so kind to someone who is making you feel lousy. You can be pleasant but don't go out of your way to do more than he will for you if you feel that bad.
I hope that helps. You are a good friend, it seems. Many would be happy to have such a generous friend.
Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
Friend stops talking to me, and to my other friend as well.
Never returns texts, messages, emails, etc.
The rare, rare... rare time he does, they're very abrupt.
I offer my spare tenclub ticket to Washington, DC... which he needs...
and he quickly accepts - but has yet to talk to me anymore since.
I know what you're thinking, maybe something seriously tragic has happened in his life? Well, i dont... think anything has... from what i've found out - other than the every day stuff that we all go through...
So, am I being used?
(just out of curiousity )
If this person is from the Boards, then it's a 50/50 chance you're being used.
Friend stops talking to me, and to my other friend as well.
Never returns texts, messages, emails, etc.
The rare, rare... rare time he does, they're very abrupt.
I offer my spare tenclub ticket to Washington, DC... which he needs...
and he quickly accepts - but has yet to talk to me anymore since.
I know what you're thinking, maybe something seriously tragic has happened in his life? Well, i dont... think anything has... from what i've found out - other than the every day stuff that we all go through...
So, am I being used?
(just out of curiousity )
let's hope everything is ok. just got back from cali tuesday early morning. just recently been checking up on my emails & pm's on the interweb. many i cried to read. some were friends i've talked to that have lost love ones, and a few that are having problems with life. :(
when was the last time he posted on the board, or even logged on? do you know where he lives or have friends that know him where he lives? don't think if you emailed/text/ etc.. stuff to him .. about the tickets & stuff .. he'll just stop talking to you like this. something is wrong. i hope ya friend is doing ok and replies back. keeping other's on silence .. is a nightmare. trust me! :(
Probably but that's how a majority of the world operates which I have come to learn. If it doesn't bother you then no harm done but if you're like me and would much rather enjoy the company of yourself than someone who isn't really a friend I'd say to stop enabling his behaviour (read: don't give him anymore 10c tix!!). However, if this is a really good person whom you value whatever little time you get to spend with him then perhaps you may have to be more forgiving and accept his lack of communication as part of the friendship package.
let's hope everything is ok. just got back from cali tuesday early morning. just recently been checking up on my emails & pm's on the interweb. many i cried to read. some were friends i've talked to that have lost love ones, and a few that are having problems with life. :(
when was the last time he posted on the board, or even logged on? do you know where he lives or have friends that know him where he lives? don't think if you emailed/text/ etc.. stuff to him .. about the tickets & stuff .. he'll just stop talking to you like this. something is wrong. i hope ya friend is doing ok and replies back. keeping other's on silence .. is a nightmare. trust me! :(
i hope he is doing ok as well!!
its a little hard to stop by and see him though, given the whole opposite coasts thing :(
Comments
[runs and hides from the ladies....]
maybe it will make things better if you rock out together, or maybe it will ruin that whole show for you...
2 months to think about it though!
I wave to all my Friends... Yeah!
like i said, i dont wanna paint him out to be a giant jerk... i just... i dont know, a part of me kinda feels like i dont know.
I wouldn't be worrying too much about the ticket at the moment. Hopefully your friend is ok and you can work out what is really troubling them.
Hope it works out for you.
i often do that to friend when i'm feeling down or in a stressful situation. usually i just disappear and isolate myself for the time being until i resolve my problems before getting back to friends. some folks can cope with things through friends and family and some are better doing it alone by themself.
you should just see/ask what's up with him but don't too too personal to where he'll think you're trying to invade his personal issues.
EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
The every day stuff we all go through can be pretty damn consuming at times. I used to be able to do e-mail all day every day with my friends from afar, keeping tabs on what concerts they're seeing, music their listening to, etc.
Now, it's about all I can do to get out a "hey now" every few months. It's not that I don't have time so much (occasionally I go through months of 80+ hour weeks, but that's subsided in the past year). I just don't think that e-communication is the great medium we'd like to think it is. It takes an hour+ to make any sort of nuanced and interesting point in text that you can make in person with a wink or a smile. If people were all great writers, it wouldn't be a problem. But, paradoxically, for some reason the more people communicate by e-mail, the worse we seem to get at writing.
...ah, jeez, I'm rambling again...
My take: you're probably reading too much into his non-communicativeness. There are a million reasons to not interact with people, most of them benign. If you don't hear from him when you're not giving him something, stop giving him things and you'll hear from him less, and the problem will take care of itself.
For now, enjoy the show, have a good time, catch up, and don't worry about it.
delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.
He accepted it and now he isn't communicating with you? Man, that's lame.
Some ppl just dont have any shame
But then again...WHo knows whats up with him?
MAybe he really is depressed or busy, or who knows what...
I hope you guys talk in DC and rock out the show!
but if its one of your pair, he will next to you, an uppercut will be ok
22.11.05 Santiago
23.11.05 Santiago
11.06.08 West Palm Beach
you have shown your a good freind by giving him the ticket- when you go to the show i suggest you pull him aside, tell him your sad-mad-confused by his lack of friendship/communication.
if he ignores your attempt just tell him thats IT kuput . you help out friends not users. then you can move on knowing not wondering.
its sad to lose a friend.
my best mate in the whole world Chris
we grew up together, have experienced the whole range of stuff friends can experience. He lives a busy life with his own family about 250km away.
apart from messages around birthdays and xmas the only time we actually see each other is every 3 years or so when Pearl Jam tour. Sydney 1 of every tour so far. ( also he came to newy in 06 as well) we jump around and scream the words together and have lots of beers afterwoods. I have such a good time. I still rate him a s my best mate and always will. its not the communication, its knowing if he needs me or I him- we would fall on a sword for each other.
Pearl Jam bootlegs:
http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
I have to just say that once again I'm really impressed with the quality of people that are PJ fans on this board!
There's a lot of good, thoughtful stuff being said..
This is a great community and we're all lucky..
The Gorge 7/22/06 & 7/23/06
Antwerp 8/30/06
Bridge 2 10/22/06
Honolulu 12/2/06 & 12/9/06
Munich 6/12/07
Katowice 6/13/07, London 6/18/07, Lollapalooza 8/07, LA (EV) 4/12/08 & 4/13/08, Ouside Lands 09
we are all here to look after each other in the hard times!
I wave to all my Friends... Yeah!
I agree that your friend in not being a good friend. Maybe it is truly deliberate; maybe he is just preoccupied and isn't considering others feelings as he should be. But yeah, he is not being a good friend in the least.
As for your offerring what he accepted, then it was your decision and kindhearted move that is commendable. Unfortuneately, you may have to just take that as a thank you; your own knowledge of you doing a good deed.
You know, the old saying, "fuck me once, you're an asshole. fuck me twice; I'm an asshole."
if it makes you feel used to reach out to this guy, then buy all means protect yourself and stop being so kind to someone who is making you feel lousy. You can be pleasant but don't go out of your way to do more than he will for you if you feel that bad.
I hope that helps. You are a good friend, it seems. Many would be happy to have such a generous friend.
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
Wanna take me instead?
I say find someone off the board who is cool and go with them to the dc show ;p
as long as you can promise them a beer
If this person is from the Boards, then it's a 50/50 chance you're being used.
let's hope everything is ok. just got back from cali tuesday early morning. just recently been checking up on my emails & pm's on the interweb. many i cried to read. some were friends i've talked to that have lost love ones, and a few that are having problems with life. :(
when was the last time he posted on the board, or even logged on? do you know where he lives or have friends that know him where he lives? don't think if you emailed/text/ etc.. stuff to him .. about the tickets & stuff .. he'll just stop talking to you like this. something is wrong. i hope ya friend is doing ok and replies back. keeping other's on silence .. is a nightmare. trust me! :(
its a little hard to stop by and see him though, given the whole opposite coasts thing :(