Am I Being Used?

Kilgore_Trout

if you have to ask then you probably already know...

YES YOU ARE

i had friends like that not long ago... finally broke all ties with them and told them how i felt about their insincerity

Stephen Flow

As stated in this thread a few times... people suck... There are 5 people in my life who I actually consider my friends... everyone else is just acquaintances who happen to like me enough to talk to me and vice verse.

justam

doin'the-evolution wrote:

Friend stops talking to me, and to my other friend as well.
Never returns texts, messages, emails, etc.
The rare, rare... rare time he does, they're very abrupt.
I offer my spare tenclub ticket to Washington, DC... which he needs...

and he quickly accepts - but has yet to talk to me anymore since.

I know what you're thinking, maybe something seriously tragic has happened in his life? Well, i dont... think anything has... from what i've found out - other than the every day stuff that we all go through...

So, am I being used?
(just out of curiousity )

Were you expecting something else when you offered him the ticket?

haffajappa

justam wrote:

Were you expecting something else when you offered him the ticket?

yeah, some gratitude.
HAHAAHAH

no in all honesty, i thought maybe it'd cheer him up. he said it wasnt me... but i just figured he'd go back to norm or something.
i mean, i dont know. maybe im making things worse by all this

justam

doin'the-evolution wrote:

yeah, some gratitude.
HAHAAHAH

no in all honesty, i thought maybe it'd cheer him up. he said it wasnt me... but i just figured he'd go back to norm or something.
i mean, i dont know. maybe im making things worse by all this

Perhaps he'll talk more when you go to the concert together.

haffajappa

justam wrote:

Perhaps he'll talk more when you go to the concert together.

well i hope so... hahaha!!
if not well... my concert buddy line up there on in is fantabulous! so one night cant hurt to go with someone who hates me!

triangleman12

Stephen Flow wrote:

As stated in this thread a few times... people suck... There are 5 people in my life who I actually consider my friends... everyone else is just acquaintances who happen to like me enough to talk to me and vice verse.

Couldn't have said it better my friend . . . I mean uh acquaintance, uh fellow pearl jammer, um . . . hahaha. Seriously, I agree though. I have a few great friends I only see once or twice a year but we always pick up where we left off with ease. I know that if I did need them in an emergency they'd be there. As you get older you realize it's quality over quantity

To the original poster: If you feel you're being used F HIM!!! Don't worry about hurting his feelings/burning bridges etc. Remember, whether your nice or not about the situation, he is or will still be an A$$hOLe!

manhattan

Sounds to me like he's suffering from a clinical depression. Terse, uncommunicative, unable to sustain relationships. Maybe you should give him a break.

zacman13245

i have 2 really great friends who always have my back, I'd choose them over more friends any day.

Im still here

more and more, PEOPLE SUK

fact of life: if you find five close friends in your life you are blessed

i've only found one thus far and he died

mouthfulofsoup

Well, you offered him the ticket, he didn't ask for it, so you obviously knew how he was responding towards you beforehand. Maybe the guy is busy, or as someone else said, depressed, who knows what his reasons for changing are. If you wanna be a true friend, talk to him & see if something is going on...regardless, just go & have a good time, maybe it will bring the closeness between you back.

acutejam

Dudes are, for the most part, low maintenance. I wouldn't stress it.
[runs and hides from the ladies....]

vedder_soup

doin'the-evolution wrote:

well i hope so... hahaha!!
if not well... my concert buddy line up there on in is fantabulous! so one night cant hurt to go with someone who hates me!

maybe it will make things better if you rock out together, or maybe it will ruin that whole show for you...

2 months to think about it though!

Red_Dot

You obviously like him, and enjoy his company to invite him to the concert, so see how it goes, see if he will open up, and if not, who needs friends like that?? At least you can say you gave it a good go.

haffajappa

manhattan wrote:

Sounds to me like he's suffering from a clinical depression. Terse, uncommunicative, unable to sustain relationships. Maybe you should give him a break.

yeah, i've thought about that. i really have.
like i said, i dont wanna paint him out to be a giant jerk... i just... i dont know, a part of me kinda feels like i dont know.

Anon

doin'the-evolution wrote:

Friend stops talking to me, and to my other friend as well.
Never returns texts, messages, emails, etc.
The rare, rare... rare time he does, they're very abrupt.
I offer my spare tenclub ticket to Washington, DC... which he needs...

and he quickly accepts - but has yet to talk to me anymore since.

I know what you're thinking, maybe something seriously tragic has happened in his life? Well, i dont... think anything has... from what i've found out - other than the every day stuff that we all go through...

So, am I being used?
(just out of curiousity )

Sometimes the 'everyday stuff that we all go through', might seem more tragic to one person that another. I don't know, i find it really hard to give advice on a message board because you never know the full set of circumstances. All i know, is that if it was me, and it was one of my friends, and they were acting weird, and had stop talking to me and their other friends, i'd go see them, and see what's doing with them, at least to see if they were ok. Most people just don't break off contact and change personalities for no reason.

I wouldn't be worrying too much about the ticket at the moment. Hopefully your friend is ok and you can work out what is really troubling them.

Hope it works out for you.

LONGRD

how long have you known him? usually friends wouldn't do that to their friends. like many people have suggested that he might be depressed or is going through some personal issues that he might be ashame of to have friends knowing about.

i often do that to friend when i'm feeling down or in a stressful situation. usually i just disappear and isolate myself for the time being until i resolve my problems before getting back to friends. some folks can cope with things through friends and family and some are better doing it alone by themself.

you should just see/ask what's up with him but don't too too personal to where he'll think you're trying to invade his personal issues.

burnerben

doin'the-evolution wrote:

...other than the every day stuff that we all go through...

The every day stuff we all go through can be pretty damn consuming at times. I used to be able to do e-mail all day every day with my friends from afar, keeping tabs on what concerts they're seeing, music their listening to, etc.

Now, it's about all I can do to get out a "hey now" every few months. It's not that I don't have time so much (occasionally I go through months of 80+ hour weeks, but that's subsided in the past year). I just don't think that e-communication is the great medium we'd like to think it is. It takes an hour+ to make any sort of nuanced and interesting point in text that you can make in person with a wink or a smile. If people were all great writers, it wouldn't be a problem. But, paradoxically, for some reason the more people communicate by e-mail, the worse we seem to get at writing.

...ah, jeez, I'm rambling again...

My take: you're probably reading too much into his non-communicativeness. There are a million reasons to not interact with people, most of them benign. If you don't hear from him when you're not giving him something, stop giving him things and you'll hear from him less, and the problem will take care of itself.

For now, enjoy the show, have a good time, catch up, and don't worry about it.

cropdustress

1Vedhead wrote:

I agree with what everyone has said already..

He certainly isn't acting like a "friend", and is being immature and mean at best.

I already told you my thoughts on this, but I agree with Lori.
He accepted it and now he isn't communicating with you? Man, that's lame.

Some ppl just dont have any shame


But then again...WHo knows whats up with him?
MAybe he really is depressed or busy, or who knows what...
I hope you guys talk in DC and rock out the show!

stickman jay

its plane two see your not bright so YES u are