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Sexual Harrassment

CreedDiseaseCreedDisease Posts: 241
edited December 2007 in All Encompassing Trip
Does anyone here have experience? A girl friend of mine has a boss who has kind of come on turn her in the past. He asked her to belly dance at a recent company Christmas party. She refused. The party was Friday. Today, there was a mysterious complaint about her and she had a talking to. The complaint has been confirmed to be bogus.... I can give more details if anyone thinks they can help or has experience.... She is worried that she will lose her job if she goes to HR. The guy way outranks her
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  • pjoasisrulepjoasisrule Posts: 3,412
    This one time a gummy venus de milo got stuck on the babysitters bottom and I grabbed it off to eat it
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  • g under pg under p Surfing The far side of THE Sombrero Galaxy Posts: 18,209
    CreedDisease wrote:
    Does anyone here have experience? A girl friend of mine has a boss who has kind of come on turn her in the past. He asked her to belly dance at a recent company Christmas party. She refused. The party was Friday. Today, there was a mysterious complaint about her and she had a talking to. The complaint has been confirmed to be bogus.... I can give more details if anyone thinks they can help or has experience.... She is worried that she will lose her job if she goes to HR. The guy way outranks her

    I taught pre-school once and had a director who made a pass at me that I was unaware of. I was told about this at a later time and made the remark "she way too old for me and I don't mix business with pleasure" to her immediate subordinates. Oh, she was also married at the time too.

    Somehow this got back to her and she never spoke to me for a year which I didn't notice at the time. I still got my raises and advancements however years later she fired one by one all who opposed her. I was the last to go over a "grandfather clause" issue, it was the best thing that happened to me though.

    She later had a stroke and became disabled long after her divorce. You reap what you sew.

    I hope she stands firm in her position and if the worse comes they'll be other jobs out there. Stay strong to your heart, don't let anybody push you around no matter how much he outranks you.

    Peace
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  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    The last place I worked was a care home for the elderly. I worked night shifts on my own with the exception of the boss who lived upstairs.

    It was my turn to work Christmas Day night a couple of years ago.
    My boss offered me a glass of Whiskey and I was like 'sure' (never one to turn down a drink) and then he started telling me about this porn film he got as a Christmas present and asked me if I wanted to watch it with him! :eek: :D. Obviously I said no. :D

    He used to say that he got lonely sleeping by himself as well and if I ever wanted any company in the evenings, I could always go upstairs and visit him. :eek: :D

    There's other stuff that he said that I can't remember now.
    I mentioned it to one of the other members of staff and she just laughed and said 'bah, don't take any notice'. She must have told someone because he left me alone then.

    I still don't know to this day if he was joking or not.
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    The last place I worked was a care home for the elderly. I worked night shifts on my own with the exception of the boss who lived upstairs.

    It was my turn to work Christmas Day night a couple of years ago.
    My boss offered me a glass of Whiskey and I was like 'sure' (never one to turn down a drink) and then he started telling me about this porn film he got as a Christmas present and asked me if I wanted to watch it with him! :eek: :D. Obviously I said no. :D

    He used to say that he got lonely sleeping by himself as well and if I ever wanted any company in the evenings, I could always go upstairs and visit him. :eek: :D

    There's other stuff that he said that I can't remember now.
    I mentioned it to one of the other members of staff and she just laughed and said 'bah, don't take any notice'. She must have told someone because he left me alone then.

    I still don't know to this day if he was joking or not.

    Woah that's pretty freaky man.....
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Woah that's pretty freaky man.....

    (Don't worry. He didn't touch me).
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    (Don't worry. He didn't touch me).

    Still... I hope the fucker was fired.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Still... I hope the fucker was fired.

    Not likely... He owned the place!

    Anyway, carry on...
  • DerrickDerrick Posts: 475
    I read somewhere that 40%-50% of all relationships started due to meeting someone at a place of work. Quite a risk considering all the harassment cases that can arise if someone simply rejects your advances.

    I'm not saying this is the case with the original post, which looks like a cut and dry case of harassment in the workplace. I think it's harassment when female co-workers come to xmas parties dressed like sluts (you know there will always be one or two that does this).
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,690
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Still... I hope the fucker was fired.
    That's a little harsh isn't it?
  • rearviewmirorrearviewmiror Posts: 894
    It's a delicate line. I know that I had to counsel an employee about it. He managed to hit on 2 of my friends (not the brightest of ideas hitting on the bosses friends) who told me about it separately. he never got it. He actually argued with me about it. He took people's cell number off of the emergency contact list. Was just real shady. After he left more people told me about it.

    To the original question, tell your friend to go to HR. It's illegal and she needs to stay strong. While I am no PC person, he should have let it go, and pissing on a lower employee in order to satisfy a manly desire is a disgusting way to behave. Plus you never know, if she comes forward it might bring others to do the same. This can't be the 1st time.
    9/7/98, 8/3/00, 9/4/00, 4/15/03, 7/1/03, 9/28/04, 9/29/04, 5/24/06, 5/25/06, 6/17/08, 6/22/08, 6/28/08, 6/30/08, 5/17/10, 10/15/13, 10/16/13.
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,690
    rearviewmiror wrote:
    To the original question, tell your friend to go to HR. It's illegal and she needs to stay strong. While I am no PC person, he should have let it go, and pissing on a lower employee in order to satisfy a manly desire is a disgusting way to behave. Plus you never know, if she comes forward it might bring others to do the same. This can't be the 1st time.


    ^^^Good advice.
  • lalalalaaaaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaa Posts: 2,445
    I think things could get a lot worse if she doesn't report it. If she reports it, 2 things will most likely happen:

    1. The guy won't harass her anymore
    2. The company will most likely not let him fire her anytime soon in fear of a potential lawsuit. Companies don't have as much loyalty to higher-ups as they do to keeping costs low.
  • eoboeobo Posts: 102
    they always listen to the woman, reguardless of the man's rank or place in the workplace. "sexual harrasment" from a woman's lips is him pretty much fucked
    heh, keep her lit.

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  • mammasanmammasan Posts: 5,656
    eobo wrote:
    they always listen to the woman, reguardless of the man's rank or place in the workplace. "sexual harrasment" from a woman's lips is him pretty much fucked

    I was working at a resteraunt in college and I was dating on of the other waitresses. The rekationship didn't last and we broke up. A few weeks later I started dating another girl that worked at a store right next to the resteraunt. My ex must have gotten pissed and she told our manager that I was sexually harrassing her, which I wasn't. Thankfully some of my other co-workers got wind of this and they approached the manager in my defence and explained to him what had happened between us. It saved my ass from being fired but I was suspended for two weeks in order to prevent any lawsuits being filed against the resteraunt.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • drtyfrnk29drtyfrnk29 Posts: 846
    I've remained marginally unattractive to combat such activity
    I'm so dangerous I smoke dynamite.

  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    drtyfrnk29 wrote:
    I've remained marginally unattractive to combat such activity

    I think it's probably more to do with people seeing you as someone they can walk all over. Probably.
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Rygar wrote:
    That's a little harsh isn't it?

    This is MCKB's situation right?

    Well then no it's not harsh. It's not. At all. The guy's employed by a higher authority to take care of an old people's home.. All he wants to do is chat up and touch up the staff. Carehomers regularly go to the dogs for this very reason.. either that, or sicker reasons... No, carework and charity work needs to be protected from perverts.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,690
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    This is MCKB's situation right?

    Well then no it's not harsh. It's not. At all. The guy's employed by a higher authority to take care of an old people's home.. All he wants to do is chat up and touch up the staff. Carehomers regularly go to the dogs for this very reason.. either that, or sicker reasons... No, carework and charity work needs to be protected from perverts.
    Yeah MCKB's situation.
    Seemed like a harmless attempt to bag her (sounds like he's the owner and may not have been working at the time) to me. She didn't say he was known for this among staff I don't think?
    Anyway, you do raise a good point that I didn't consider in the first place - the environment is clearly inappropriate for said activity (although "visit my room any time you want" is more or less outside of that).
    I'd agree that the place should be free of repeat perves.
  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    Rygar wrote:
    Yeah MCKB's situation.
    Seemed like a harmless attempt to bag her (sounds like he's the owner and may not have been working at the time) to me. She didn't say he was known for this among staff I don't think?
    Anyway, you do raise a good point that I didn't consider in the first place - the environment is clearly inappropriate for said activity (although "visit my room any time you want" is more or less outside of that).
    I'd agree that the place should be free of repeat perves.

    Actually, I couldn't make up my mind about him. I couldn't tell if he just had a wicked sense of humour. Either way, he needed to watch himself with some of the younger staff.

    I remember him telling a temp (she was only 18) that he would only sign her pay slip thing if she begged him. Cheeky bastard.
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,690
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    Actually, I couldn't make up my mind about him. I couldn't tell if he just had a wicked sense of humour. Either way, he needed to watch himself with some of the younger staff.

    I remember him telling a temp (she was only 18) that he would only sign her pay slip thing if she begged him. Cheeky bastard.
    It's questionable behavior...
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    Actually, I couldn't make up my mind about him. I couldn't tell if he just had a wicked sense of humour. Either way, he needed to watch himself with some of the younger staff.

    I remember him telling a temp (she was only 18) that he would only sign her pay slip thing if she begged him. Cheeky bastard.

    Yeah. I dunno, I just get the impression there was more going on there than we know about... even if he was 'joking', who in their right mind would say 'Visit my room upstairs when you're finished' when they're on duty? OK, so they do in the hospital soaps, but in real life... they'd be dropped for lack of professionalism at the very least. Well they would if they worked for the charity I do, anyway. When there are people to serve and protect....
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,690
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Yeah. I dunno, I just get the impression there was more going on there than we know about... even if he was 'joking', who in their right mind would say 'Visit my room upstairs when you're finished' when they're on duty? OK, so they do in the hospital soaps, but in real life... they'd be dropped for lack of professionalism at the very least. Well they would if they worked for the charity I do, anyway. When there are people to serve and protect....

    Did she say he was on duty?
    And it was Christmas, so there's other factors.
    Besides, intra-office flirting is not a new phenomenon ;)
    Still sketchy behavior, but he may have been harmless enough.
  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Yeah. I dunno, I just get the impression there was more going on there than we know about... even if he was 'joking', who in their right mind would say 'Visit my room upstairs when you're finished' when they're on duty? OK, so they do in the hospital soaps, but in real life... they'd be dropped for lack of professionalism at the very least. Well they would if they worked for the charity I do, anyway. When there are people to serve and protect....

    I had to go into his room anyway. I had to take his breakfast up for him in the morning-along with all the other staff. (It was his home, he owned the building).
  • Jason PJason P Posts: 19,165
    A guy I work with slapped a co-worker on her butt while she walked past him last week ... in plain view of several co-workers. He is now my former co-worker.

    How dumb can you be? He was making well over six figures and had to know that was way out of line. Then I found out that he choked someone who works under him a few weeks ago ... not sure how he was still around to make it this far.
    Be Excellent To Each Other
    Party On, Dudes!
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    I remember after the whole Anita Hill thing years ago, the anti-harassment mindset within companies was over the top - like you couldn't even compliment someone on their hair or outfit. Just ridiculous (and it took away from legit gripes such as those mentioned in this thread).

    Jason, I hope your former co-worker isn't one to hold grudges, considering the choking business. Dude sounds kind of out of control.
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    edited July 2014
    .
    Post edited by chadwick on
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 50,161
    edited July 2014
    I've been sexually harassed more times than I can count over the years. I think that a lot of women can say the same. I once had a man fired for it in a particularly blatant and disgusting case, but for the most part, it is not taken seriously at all in many industries, particularly in the service industry.

    In university I did this project for a course where I went to a high school and interviewed female students about sexual harassment in their school and gave them a survey (My Parents Are Educators so They Pulled Some Strings, plus it was the 90s still so the administration let it happen - probably wouldn't fly now). 76% of them said they were sexually harassed by their male classmates (verbally and physically), and it was abundantly clear (and openly admitted by the girls) that sexual harassment committed by their male peers was accepted as normal. 0% of the girls who claimed to have been harassed said they'd ever acted on any sexual harassment that made them uncomfortable, and 100% of them admitted that they hide their discomfort for fear of being made fun of or being 'shunned' by their male counterparts. So how will these girls deal with it in the real world? Probably in much the same way. Not to mention what the boys are learning. Scary.
    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    ...
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • Jason PJason P Posts: 19,165
    I actually had a lady co-worker aggresivily pursue me once and make a lot of sexual advances towards me at work. She even went as far as showing up on my doorstep one night (drunk of course) in which I let her sleep it off on my couch while I locked myself in my bedroom. Looking back it was harrassement but being a guy I didn't think of it that way. I was just fending off a crazy girl.
    Be Excellent To Each Other
    Party On, Dudes!
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    pretty harmless stuff. good for you for not freakin out, jason
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
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