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there I go!! off to the nuthouse with me... (no joke...)

DavanitaDavanita Posts: 854
edited May 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
Dear fellow Jammers,

Some of you know about my situation; the fact that I broke down about 14 months ago and have been stuck at home eversince. In the past year I've had different forms of therapy but none of it really seemed to do the job on getting me back on track and back into the world. Since early February this year I've been going back and forth to an institution with appointments, long talks and phonecalls to get myself committed. Last Thursday, I finally received *the phonecall* I was waiting for: the big solution.
It's going to happen. Tuesday May 6th I'm going in. It's a 5-days-a-week thing, I'll be home on the weekends. Initially it will be for a period of 3 months, but they've already told me they don't think that will be enough for me... It could actually take up to a year.
I'll have to follow different forms of group-therapy daily (namely; creative therapy, drama-therapy, assertiveness training, and one more by choice) and individual therapy once a week. There's a total of 24 people, devided into three groups of 8. I'll have my own room (thank goodness...) and it's an open institution, so in my free time I can go out for a walk or whatever if I feel like it.
I'm nervous as fuck but at the same time I'm excited to finally go and DO SOMETHING! I've had it up to *here* with just sitting in my room, unable to go anywhere because I have this damn anxiety disorder and am unable to deal with my existence as an HSP in this chaotic world... :(
(for anyone unfamiliar with HSP, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highly_sensitive_person.) Also, for the cynics among you; it's not a *theory*, it's a fact. And I'm not the only one who suffers from it, not by a long shot.... But it is still a somewhat unchartered territory and HSP's are still, too often, not taken seriously by the masses, but instead are seen as whiny, soft, emotional people. (all of which, as my friends know, I am not) I simply cannot handle large crowds, loud noises and bright lights... I cannot do the things most people consider to be the most normal things in the world - go to rock concerts (f*ck!), big malls, amusement parks, etc. This is the story of my life, I've always had this and always bottled it up inside until I fucking crashed... and burned. And I'm not able to fix myself up this time.

I need help, and now I'm finally going to get it!
So that's it... 8 days from now I'm going to take the biggest step in my life so far. All the people I know and love have been tremendously supportive, and I appreciate it so much! :)

It's the little things at home I'll miss the most... Watching Pearl Jam dvd's... spinning LP's... the inside jokes with my mom...
I'm going to take as much personal belongings with me as possible, try to create a little home away from home.. :)

Please don't hesitate to ask me questions, or just wish me a "bon voyage"! ;) I'll still be here all week! (and during weekends... hehe)

I love you guys! I'm taking all my friends with me in my heart... :)


hugs, kisses and PJ tunes,
Dorian
Jon Stewart: "[about Russia's new president]...Dmitri Medevvvevv.... Dmitri Meh..... Dmitri M.! Or... as George W. Bush would probably pronounce it... Eddie Vedder."
__________________________________
http://www.myspace.com/pearl_jamn_it
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Comments

  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    'Which one of you nuts has got any guts?' - R. P. McMurphy

    Good luck to ya, congratulations for doing what you need to do. :)
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • FifthelementFifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,961
    Best of luck to you. I hope that this will provide you with the assistance that you need.

    Pax
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • DavanitaDavanita Posts: 854
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    'Which one of you nuts has got any guts?' - R. P. McMurphy

    ooohh that's brilliant!! i'm gonna get that printed on a t-shirt and wear it over there :D


    thanks guys for the support! :)
    Jon Stewart: "[about Russia's new president]...Dmitri Medevvvevv.... Dmitri Meh..... Dmitri M.! Or... as George W. Bush would probably pronounce it... Eddie Vedder."
    __________________________________
    http://www.myspace.com/pearl_jamn_it
  • iluvcatsiluvcats Posts: 5,153
    I'm really happy for you because you are strong enough to realize that you need help. You are not in denial and that's good, in my opinion.

    And don't call it a nuthouse!

    Be safe. Good luck.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • chiquimonkeychiquimonkey Posts: 9,337
    good luck! i hope it all works out for you and you find the happiness and peace you deserve :)
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    Good luck on your new journey :)
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • DavanitaDavanita Posts: 854
    thanks everyone... really! :)

    Pearl Jam fans are awesome! :D wonderful people here.


    oh... here's a sneak preview of what that t-shirt is going to look like... i already ordered it ;) (lettering will be better on the actual shirt...)

    http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b93/Lizardhands/bullshite/nuts.jpg
    Jon Stewart: "[about Russia's new president]...Dmitri Medevvvevv.... Dmitri Meh..... Dmitri M.! Or... as George W. Bush would probably pronounce it... Eddie Vedder."
    __________________________________
    http://www.myspace.com/pearl_jamn_it
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Davanita wrote:
    thanks everyone... really! :)

    Pearl Jam fans are awesome! :D wonderful people here.


    oh... here's a sneak preview of what that t-shirt is going to look like... i already ordered it ;) (lettering will be better on the actual shirt...)

    http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b93/Lizardhands/bullshite/nuts.jpg

    That fucking rocks.. It beats putting it on your sig, that's for sure ;)
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • oldermanolderman Posts: 1,765
    Positive vibes from Kansas

    When all is done, we hope to see you at a Pearl Jam show!

    Best of luck,

    Jess
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • comebackwomancomebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    Good luck :) I hope this experience brings you peace
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • LONGRDLONGRD Posts: 6,036
    best wishes to you and hope you'll see PJ in person.
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • josevolutionjosevolution Posts: 30,199
    really i wish you all the best and may you find peace soon .....
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    Ah wow... I don't think I've chatted much to you and didn't know much about your situation. But best of luck and I really hope this is exactly what you've been waiting for! Go get yourself sorted :)
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • Brisk.Brisk. Posts: 11,561
    Heineken Helen wrote:
    Ah wow... I don't think I've chatted much to you and didn't know much about your situation. But best of luck and I really hope this is exactly what you've been waiting for! Go get yourself sorted :)

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Post machine
  • Steve DunneSteve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    hey dorian - keep smilin' over there! sending good vibes from america...
    I love to turn you on
  • ZanneZanne Posts: 899
    We always referred to it as "The Laughing Academy". Although I'm sure I've narrowly escaped it a few times in my life, my father and my son have both actually spent time in one. I don't know how much laughing they did on the inside, but they sure were smiling when they got out. They didn't have open "borders" and weekends off, either.

    Peace
    Just me
  • lgtlgt Posts: 720
    Best wishes and super-strength positive vibes Dorian!

    It is such a brave thing to be doing. Well done for taking such a step to make yourself feel better!

    Keep it up, and keep us posted! :)
  • PureandEasyPureandEasy Posts: 5,811
    Best of luck to you and bravo for recognizing that you need help. It is the first step.
    Don't come closer or I'll have to go
  • Gremmie95Gremmie95 Posts: 749
    best wishes and best of luck!
  • failedpersephonefailedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    My thoughts are with you, I hope you get some solace to your situation.

    *hugs*
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • DavanitaDavanita Posts: 854
    Heineken Helen wrote:
    Ah wow... I don't think I've chatted much to you and didn't know much about your situation. But best of luck and I really hope this is exactly what you've been waiting for! Go get yourself sorted :)

    hey Helen.. I'm not quite as *renowned* around these parts as you are, but I've read many of your posts and they were always good ;)
    thank you and everyone here for all the support! :)

    iluvcats wrote:
    And don't call it a nuthouse!

    ok mom. ;)
    Jon Stewart: "[about Russia's new president]...Dmitri Medevvvevv.... Dmitri Meh..... Dmitri M.! Or... as George W. Bush would probably pronounce it... Eddie Vedder."
    __________________________________
    http://www.myspace.com/pearl_jamn_it
  • DavanitaDavanita Posts: 854
    Zanne wrote:
    We always referred to it as "The Laughing Academy". Although I'm sure I've narrowly escaped it a few times in my life, my father and my son have both actually spent time in one. I don't know how much laughing they did on the inside, but they sure were smiling when they got out. They didn't have open "borders" and weekends off, either.

    Peace

    wow... both your father *and* your son...? that's quite something...
    i'm so glad to hear it was a positive experience for them (or at least the outcome was positive).... that's really motivating, thank you! :)
    Jon Stewart: "[about Russia's new president]...Dmitri Medevvvevv.... Dmitri Meh..... Dmitri M.! Or... as George W. Bush would probably pronounce it... Eddie Vedder."
    __________________________________
    http://www.myspace.com/pearl_jamn_it
  • DavanitaDavanita Posts: 854
    here's the infamous t-shirt... i just got it today... :D

    sorry the pic is pretty big and poor quality but the tee is fuckin' sweet!

    http://a257.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/83/l_fd89410b52478df0379b879a2bab6e40.jpg

    so that's it... i'm going in tomorrow. i'm pretty nervous but i'm excited at the same time. i'm somehow glad i'm going... i really hope it will be a good experience, however long it may take. :)
    Jon Stewart: "[about Russia's new president]...Dmitri Medevvvevv.... Dmitri Meh..... Dmitri M.! Or... as George W. Bush would probably pronounce it... Eddie Vedder."
    __________________________________
    http://www.myspace.com/pearl_jamn_it
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Davanita wrote:
    here's the infamous t-shirt... i just got it today... :D

    sorry the pic is pretty big and poor quality but the tee is fuckin' sweet!

    http://a257.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/83/l_fd89410b52478df0379b879a2bab6e40.jpg

    so that's it... i'm going in tomorrow. i'm pretty nervous but i'm excited at the same time. i'm somehow glad i'm going... i really hope it will be a good experience, however long it may take. :)
    That's AWESOME :) Best of luck. Don't forget about us! :)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • FifthelementFifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,961
    Great shirt. Take care of yourself and good luck. I hope that everything works out for you.

    Pax!
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • LindaLinda Posts: 1,656
    hey you, take care, i will think of you tomorrow......you just go and do what is necessary.....vibes are send..;)
    i'm not happy yet.....
  • DavanitaDavanita Posts: 854
    Linda wrote:
    hey you, take care, i will think of you tomorrow......you just go and do what is necessary.....vibes are send..;)

    hey Linda, das lang geleden... :D m'n situatie is dus nog net zo triest als tijdens Nijmegen vorig jaar, maar nu ga ik er wat aan doen!

    thanks everybody for all of your support, i appreciate it so much! :)
    Jon Stewart: "[about Russia's new president]...Dmitri Medevvvevv.... Dmitri Meh..... Dmitri M.! Or... as George W. Bush would probably pronounce it... Eddie Vedder."
    __________________________________
    http://www.myspace.com/pearl_jamn_it
  • weenieweenie Posts: 1,623
    The shirt rocks.....!!
    And - you're obviously intelligent enough to separate rational decision making from the part of you that's anxious, so I have a feeling that there are good things in your future! Besides, just think - once you've conquered the beast, you'll be able to go see PJ live!
    Best of luck- :)
    ~I want to realize brotherhood or identity not merely with the beings called human, but I want to realize identity with all life, even with such things as crawl upon earth.~
    Mohandas K. Gandhi

    ~I once had a sparrow alight upon my shoulder for a moment, while I was hoeing in a village garden, and I felt that I was more distinguished by that circumstance than I should have been by any epaulette I could have worn.~
    Henry David Thoreau
  • LindaLinda Posts: 1,656
    Davanita wrote:
    hey Linda, das lang geleden... :D m'n situatie is dus nog net zo triest als tijdens Nijmegen vorig jaar, maar nu ga ik er wat aan doen!

    thanks everybody for all of your support, i appreciate it so much! :)

    Godver, ik had echt gehoopt dat je je nu al wat beter zou voelen, maar daar is wat meer hulp bij nodig, blijkt. Maar heel dapper en slim van je dat je gaat, morgen.....heel veel sterkte, en laat zien uit welk hout je bent gesneden, je gaat hier gewoon uitkomen, klaar!!

    liefs, Lin.
    i'm not happy yet.....
  • DavanitaDavanita Posts: 854
    weenie wrote:
    The shirt rocks.....!!
    And - you're obviously intelligent enough to separate rational decision making from the part of you that's anxious, so I have a feeling that there are good things in your future! Besides, just think - once you've conquered the beast, you'll be able to go see PJ live!
    Best of luck- :)

    that's one of my biggest goals! just to think that one day i might be able to survive front row at a PJ concert... that's what keeps me going! thanks weenie :)

    Linda wrote:
    Godver, ik had echt gehoopt dat je je nu al wat beter zou voelen, maar daar is wat meer hulp bij nodig, blijkt. Maar heel dapper en slim van je dat je gaat, morgen.....heel veel sterkte, en laat zien uit welk hout je bent gesneden, je gaat hier gewoon uitkomen, klaar!!

    liefs, Lin.

    ja tis behoorlijk kut... 14 maanden van m'n leven naar de klote. er moest echt verandering in komen... ik heb er bijna zin in weet je dat!
    heel erg bedankt voor je steun, en ik ga er zeker uitkomen!!! :D

    xxx
    Jon Stewart: "[about Russia's new president]...Dmitri Medevvvevv.... Dmitri Meh..... Dmitri M.! Or... as George W. Bush would probably pronounce it... Eddie Vedder."
    __________________________________
    http://www.myspace.com/pearl_jamn_it
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