*** A Shit Rant Game ***

Anon

oil alternative wrote:

CATS

demanding poncy little weazles that take take take then fuck off, their idea of repaying your kindness of food and water and a roof over their head is to wait until you're asleep then leave a little present on the pillow, i've had world record sized moths placed next to me in my slumber, goldfish or the best one, maybe this is the cat mafia trying to get to me, but one morning i woke up to find a severed fucking crows head laying next to me on the pillow, imagine that, the terror that gripped me, and i look across the room and mr fucking puss puss is almost smiling as if to say "well aren't you gonna thank me?" i love cats!



MOTORBIKES

We’ve all had this happen to us. You are talking to a family member. You are telling a joke or story or some other thing. "So I leave to go see Rach, but before I can get"VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPS
CREEEEEEEEEEECH. "Anyway, before I can get to"VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP
SCREEEEEEEEEEECH.

This is the sort of thing that happens every day to me during the non-winter months. Idiots on motorcycles cruise the streets with their only goal being to make as much noise as possible. That means making everyone stop everything that involves listening for the next half hour so they can drive by.

I say a half hour for a few reasons. One is that these fucking moron-transports are so loud that you can hear them from five blocks away. So, that means you can hear them for ten blocks in any direction from you, which is important, since it serves the same purpose as a sex offender informing everyone in his new neighborhood about his crimes: you both hate and pity this person, even though you know nothing else about them.

Another reason I say a half hour is that apparently motorcycles are not built with any power anymore. Oh sure, they have the power to make more noise than a hundred infants being shaken by a hundred nannies, but they can never seem to muster enough power to go the speed limit. It truly is an amazing sight watching a motorcycle travel ten miles per hour down the street. It is also very loud and frustrating to be in a car behind said motorcycle.

At least these people all have the decency to be stereotypes, as they dress entirely in black leather. Once we get up to ninety degrees, they could all get heat stroke or something.

Here’s the new law, people. If you don’t shut your fucking “bikes” up, you make a choice. That choice is what I call the “Four Wheels or No Wheels” rule. You either drive a car (and if you can afford a motorcycle, you can afford a used car, so don’t bitch to me about money) or you walk. It’s as simple as that.

Seriously, fucking motorcycles. Just burn them.

REDNECKS

Sian-of-the-dead

Pj_Gurl wrote:

We’ve all had this happen to us. You are talking to a family member. You are telling a joke or story or some other thing. "So I leave to go see Rach, but before I can get"VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPS
CREEEEEEEEEEECH. "Anyway, before I can get to"VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP
SCREEEEEEEEEEECH.

This is the sort of thing that happens every day to me during the non-winter months. Idiots on motorcycles cruise the streets with their only goal being to make as much noise as possible. That means making everyone stop everything that involves listening for the next half hour so they can drive by.

I say a half hour for a few reasons. One is that these fucking moron-transports are so loud that you can hear them from five blocks away. So, that means you can hear them for ten blocks in any direction from you, which is important, since it serves the same purpose as a sex offender informing everyone in his new neighborhood about his crimes: you both hate and pity this person, even though you know nothing else about them.

Another reason I say a half hour is that apparently motorcycles are not built with any power anymore. Oh sure, they have the power to make more noise than a hundred infants being shaken by a hundred nannies, but they can never seem to muster enough power to go the speed limit. It truly is an amazing sight watching a motorcycle travel ten miles per hour down the street. It is also very loud and frustrating to be in a car behind said motorcycle.

At least these people all have the decency to be stereotypes, as they dress entirely in black leather. Once we get up to ninety degrees, they could all get heat stroke or something.

Here’s the new law, people. If you don’t shut your fucking “bikes” up, you make a choice. That choice is what I call the “Four Wheels or No Wheels” rule. You either drive a car (and if you can afford a motorcycle, you can afford a used car, so don’t bitch to me about money) or you walk. It’s as simple as that.

Seriously, fucking motorcycles. Just burn them.

REDNECKS

Fuckin' hicks.


PARIS HILTON

dunkman

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Fuckin' hicks.


PARIS HILTON

Apparently when she was in jail the guards would put sperm into her porridge... i mean that must be awful for her.. 'ewww, there's porridge in this!' © F. Boyle

the other thing about Paris Hilton is that she's been in about 4 home sex movies... is she so fucking stupid that she didnt think after the 1st one came out "..erm, no boyfriend number 289 i dont think getting the movie camera out again would be a good idea..."

and she carries about a hairy purse with her... she claims its a tiny dog but its actually a lifesize replica of her mothers vagina...

can you imagine the conversations her, britney and lindsey lohan must have had when the were all friends? "uhm like money" "uh-huh, its like so great being this rich" "anyone for a cup of sperm?" no Lindsey i dont think its a good idea to get the camera out again?.. i worry about you sometimes Lindsey... always wanting us to be naked while we like count money and stuff'

she's so horribly vacuous that her former best friend Nicole Ritchie was so mentally fucked having to deal with Paris that she decided to try the Karen Carpenter Diet... she was so skinny and light that when she visited her dad with her latest designer cat under her arm he'd shout "oh what a feline... are you dancing on the ceiling?"


DIETS

harmless_little_f***

dunkman wrote:

Apparently when she was in jail the guards would put sperm into her porridge... i mean that must be awful for her.. 'ewww, there's porridge in this!' © F. Boyle

the other thing about Paris Hilton is that she's been in about 4 home sex movies... is she so fucking stupid that she didnt think after the 1st one came out "..erm, no boyfriend number 289 i dont think getting the movie camera out again would be a good idea..."

and she carries about a hairy purse with her... she claims its a tiny dog but its actually a lifesize replica of her mothers vagina...

can you imagine the conversations her, britney and lindsey lohan must have had when the were all friends? "uhm like money" "uh-huh, its like so great being this rich" "anyone for a cup of sperm?" no Lindsey i dont think its a good idea to get the camera out again?.. i worry about you sometimes Lindsey... always wanting us to be naked while we like count money and stuff'

she's so horribly vacuous that her former best friend Nicole Ritchie was so mentally fucked having to deal with Paris that she decided to try the Karen Carpenter Diet... she was so skinny and light that when she visited her dad with her latest designer cat under her arm he'd shout "oh what a feline... are you dancing on the ceiling?"


DIETS

'Diet' is a stupid name for a diet.

A 'diet' is nothing more than the food which one is in the habit of eating. A bear's diet is fish, carrion and the occasional winter berry. My diet recently has been Burger King, Chinese takeaway and the occasional packet of sushi or salad from Pret a Manger, if I'm feeling healthy.

That's my diet. I needn't 'go on a diet', as even if I was eating wood shavings, roasted crisp wrappers and silt, I would have a diet.

Let this rant be an encouragement to you. If you feel fat, you are still on a diet, whatever you are eating.

It's kind of like calling a new eco-friendly electric car, a 'car'. Buy a car and save the planet!




WORK

pjfan31

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

'Diet' is a stupid name for a diet.

A 'diet' is nothing more than the food which one is in the habit of eating. A bear's diet is fish, carrion and the occasional winter berry. My diet recently has been Burger King, Chinese takeaway and the occasional packet of sushi or salad from Pret a Manger, if I'm feeling healthy.

That's my diet. I needn't 'go on a diet', as even if I was eating wood shavings, roasted crisp wrappers and silt, I would have a diet.

Let this rant be an encouragement to you. If you feel fat, you are still on a diet, whatever you are eating.

It's kind of like calling a new eco-friendly electric car, a 'car'. Buy a car and save the planet!


WORK

Fuck work, I'm sick of it. We have to work. If we don't work we can't eat, we don't eat we go hungry, if we go hungry we get skinny.

The only thing that work is good for well aside from money is one time, me and this chick.... in the stairwell.... And even that wasn't that great.

Then the fuckin customers, 'I want I want", "Well what about what I want?" you may well reply, "I want you to fuck off"

Dam work....


Next rant Nerds...

j-bug

Nerds-they say it like its cool.
i hate to say this but honest to god no matter how much you try you are NEVER gonna be cool.
nerds are and always will be the opposite of any normal functioning human beings.therefore no matter what a nerd can only be a nerd.lack of social skills,body oder and OCD will always be with you as soon as you are infected.

next rant Saturdays

pjfan31

j-bug wrote:

Nerds-they say it like its cool.
i hate to say this but honest to god no matter how much you try you are NEVER gonna be cool.
nerds are and always will be the opposite of any normal functioning human beings.therefore no matter what a nerd can only be a nerd.lack of social skills,body oder and OCD will always be with you as soon as you are infected.

next rant Saturdays

Saturday, where do I start, Saturdays for me is a day where I Sleep, I sleep and i sleep some more, I drink a lot of water, I nurse a head ache and if I'm feeling well enough, I have a greasy feed. But if my Friday is so good, why does my Saturday have to be so bad???

Plastic bags.