*** A Shit Rant Game ***
dunkman
Posts: 19,646
ok... everyone likes a good rant... so the idea of this game is to have a rant about the subject matter left by the poster above you. I'll leave the first subject, someone then rant about it and leave a subject matter for the next person.. funniest and most acerbic one wins lifelong legend status on this here forum. go for it.
BOYBANDS
BOYBANDS
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
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Comments
Lil Wayne is better than Pearl Jam.
Bitches ain't nothin' but hoes 'n tricks
Man, over the years nothing's got on my tits quite as much as boybands! Poncey turds, wriggling their hips for the amusement of young girls who know nothing different, and the sexual attention of their mums, who let's face it are usually not much older themselves! Radio stations constantly firing new ones at us, and then stating crappy facts like how they've had the more hits than the Beatles had autograph stand ins, or something. It's got progresively worse over the years, as we've been 'treated' to all and sundry concerning these worthless wimps, I mean we now even see the auditions, and the selection process on tv! And people still lap it up! I mean how shallow, and transparent can they make something before people take a stand against it? And to add insult to injury, not satisfied with an ever worsening shit pile production line of quafferred dancing queens parading as pop groups...the old ones are all coming back :eek: and somehow, somewhere along the line, somebody seems to have decided they actually have some credibilty....yeah, and Gary Glitter has a reference for a job at a junior school!
:mad:
curly hair.
Art Garfunkel... when did that guy get up one morning, look into the mirror and think that was a good look?... he has gorillas pubes for hair... ON PURPOSE!! now another one is Mick Hucknall... not only did he have a wee fat red face, he also has ginger hair... curly ginger hair. In fact he once had it in dreadlocks... and dreadlocks have never looked good, ever. especially not on a wee fat ginger man. then those traveller folks who like The Levellers think that dreads are cool... simple fact is that they are too lazy to wash their own hair.
BUSES (or public transport)
you fucker suck like boy george supped on crack cocaine
in the alley on his knees behind the BLUE OYSTER CLUB on a Wednesday night
all the while David Hasselholf is down his pants that which resemble a circus clown outfit sold at Goodwill
Nysnc you suck monkey turd for breakfast, lunch, & dinner you no talent havin jerk offs, my grandmother (god rest her soul) has more talent in her ass acne that seeps yellow green pus than you stupid assholes could ever dream about
the other day when i saw a bear shit in wood @ central park, nyc it reminded me of your bunk ass orchestrated plot at the sound waves you dickless pricks call music... go screw yourselves someplace you over rated over paid buttholes. you are waisting million if not billions of peoples' time and energy just because they are tossing your stupid soundin shit into a trash can...
the fucking end...
Bing Crosby
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
i suck at games..i am learning,,forgive me my father for i have fucked up...
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
yeah, it's okay for you wankers in London to tell us to stop using our cars or you'll murder our kids, but we have no option! How would you like to live on a hillside 3 miles from the nearest bus stop, where buses only come once a week, which is in fact twice as often as most Scotsmen, but still not enough.
Yeah, in the city you can't turn around and fart without a bus pulling up next to you, it's not like that for us, so stop taking all our fucking money off us in petrol taxes and telling us it's for the good of the environment...when we really know it's for the fucking olympic shitty games in London! And for you wankers in parliament to have 12 weeks off work in the summer, and to wall paper your mistresses apartments with finest baby skin, imported from Persia at 200 smackers a roll!! :mad:
Posh people.
A cunt in a cardigan :mad:
Australians
People who put on too much Perfume/Cologne
Conserve gas people even though some
of you assholes hasven't showered in a flippin week or three
you do smell and you smell like the gas in one's pants after a meal of beans, beer, and hard boiled eggs that been rotting in the sun for awhile
conserve gas people ride the stink wagon
even though some homeless whiskey drunk just vomitted and whacked
his ace in the seat next to you 2 minutes before you entered this rolling stink
farm of foul human odor
conserve gas people
get the fuck out of your HUMMERS you ignorant freakin arrogant dumber than a pole waste of space, park that over-sized hunk of shit you call a truck, i call a tank, you must be a millionaire with more money than god has coming out of his ass
you must crap oilrigs every morning just to fuel that gas guzzling hunk of steel shit
ride the bus people...
McDonalds
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Australians or 'Aussies' just have to shorten every fucking word that they can... lazy convicts that they are... or Connies for short... aborigines dont have the dignity of being called Aborigines... Abos.. Ambulances become Ambos... thats just ridico in my opinion.. plus any country that has Christmas Day...or Chriso Day... on the beach isnt to be trusted.. that and the fact they have more poisonous snakes than the average Aussie male has brain cells... 38 at the last count... cricket is one of their national sports.. i need say no more.
JAZZ
Jazz? where do they get off on playing different songs at the same time? And the ones that play the same one together call themselves 'trad', i call it all shit. I've never seen anything so stupid as a man in a dickie bow trying to blow a trumpet and catch the spit in a plastic cup the other side! What is he trying to do, sell it to the 'free stylers' so they can wash their fucking ears out ?
pound shops
Let's just take a moment to think about the word jazz and what it means to people. For some it means a soulful, brassy hip style of music. For others, it's another retarded way to say you're excited. For arguments sake, let's get to the music side of it. For the people that get jazzed about shit...just wait your turn.
NOt that the music itself is annoying, but these socialite, higher than thou a- holes that claim to be jazz fans really get my god damn goat. Really? Big Charlie Parker fan are ya? Love the Duke, do you? Sit the fuck down!!! You're using jazz as an excuse to be pretentious, you shithead. Fact of the matter is, you walked into a Starbucks on Wednesday and thought the Jazzmasters Collection would go great next to your balsam wood bookcase, and maybe, just maybe, it might class up the place for when you bring the hookers over for the big coke party. You don't like jazz, you like getting laid by eastern european women that get impressed when you have a loaf of bread [and] a sack of bagels sitting in your kitchen; because back home, it was between the bread, the bagels or the heat on for another month.
PAPER PLATES
pound shops!!
for starters the last time i went into a pound shop they didn't have many items for a pound, they were selling all sorts of shit like tables for 40 quid!!!! surely this is defeating the very object of calling yourself a fucking pound shop, and then there is the dodgy items that they have up for grabs, a fucking vibrator advertised as a back massager, genius or insanity? imagine, you go round to visit nan and what has taken pride of place on her mantlepiece but a 9 inch tripple ripple black butt invader, no one has the guts to tell her so when the w.i have their weekly meeting at, yep nans house, they choke on their tea and biscuits!
TONY BLAIR
To break down borders and realise that we are one species and then the true patriotism comes from pride and love of the human race, not from the tribes of which we currently are divided, open your eyes your mind will see! - ME
I sense someone is jealous that the 'brains' sent the convicts to paradise, what a great punishment. I would take Australia any day over anything in the U.K. Sending convicts to a place where there are beaches, where it doesn't rain nearly every single day, and we aren't all pale with red hair and buck teeth. And shortening our vocabulary isn't lazy, It is being efficient.
Sorry gone off topic
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
How dare you? I am sick and tired of people on this board going off on another subject in someone's thread! I might NEED 100 responses to my question about what kind of pants Ed wears, or if they are ever going to play Atlanta again. My time is valuable, and I really don't appreciate people busting in and making other people laugh. For God's sake, this is an important source of information for me!!!
BTW...I am kidding. I was looking forward to being able to rant about "something", and pjfan31 left me no choice.
http://www.youtube.com/user/kcherub#p/a/u/0/N-UQprRqSwo
ok, I will give you a topic....
Bottled Water
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
My girlfriend left a plastic bottle of water on my windowsill over two months ago and it's still fucking there. "Why have you left it there, you mucky bastard?" you ask. You might think that it's because such items serve as a reminder of our time together and how great she is. You might think I'm just too lazy to move it.
Well, you'd be wrong on both accounts. It's not interesting enough to be a reminder. And I'm not that lazy. But I am too fucking bored by the sight of it. It's bottled water. I just simply cannot be arsed to take the effort to move it. Nothing inspires me to even open my fist and grasp it. It doesn't even have enough presence in the room to demand any attention. It has virtually no outline against my white wall. It has nothing in it but water. Water which, I might add, probably tastes disgusting now, whereas my TAP is in the other fucking room and supplies me with replenished, fresh water every day.
Also, I don't wanna be the Levellers-loving dreads-clad Hippy that Dunk refers to (OK, I do) but bottled water is a reminder of the bastard industry which wants to take the beauty and CONVENIENCE of nature and shove it into a manufactured Perrier coffin. (Hear that? - Convenience! - "Convenience stores" can listen up, we could all just get our FREE, CONVENIENT water from streams and rivers if they weren't so fucking polluted, thanks to - yes, you guessed it - "Convenience stores"). "Perrier water comes from pure streams in the beautiful sun-drenched valleys of Northern France." Do you think anyone who drinks it actually gives a fuck? I know someone who refills her water bottle with Vodka so she can sit outside Costa's and no-one knows she's off her face.
Bottled water. Only good for floating your ship in. And no Dunk, that doesn't mean what you think it does.
***
CATS
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
CATS
demanding poncy little weazles that take take take then fuck off, their idea of repaying your kindness of food and water and a roof over their head is to wait until you're asleep then leave a little present on the pillow, i've had world record sized moths placed next to me in my slumber, goldfish or the best one, maybe this is the cat mafia trying to get to me, but one morning i woke up to find a severed fucking crows head laying next to me on the pillow, imagine that, the terror that gripped me, and i look across the room and mr fucking puss puss is almost smiling as if to say "well aren't you gonna thank me?" i love cats!
MOTORBIKES
To break down borders and realise that we are one species and then the true patriotism comes from pride and love of the human race, not from the tribes of which we currently are divided, open your eyes your mind will see! - ME
and theyre always walking around with their tails in the air with their butt showing. all that says to me is theyre stuck up little furry critters who sneak around at night eating the wildlife and thinking that they own the world. did i mention tis bloody hot here atm and its only rocktober. not even summer and were hitting 35 degree days. i hate the hot... oh yeah cats... hate 'em. as for motorbikes... love those. am i playing right? as if i care.
TOWELS
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
We’ve all had this happen to us. You are talking to a family member. You are telling a joke or story or some other thing. "So I leave to go see Rach, but before I can get"VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPS
CREEEEEEEEEEECH. "Anyway, before I can get to"VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP
SCREEEEEEEEEEECH.
This is the sort of thing that happens every day to me during the non-winter months. Idiots on motorcycles cruise the streets with their only goal being to make as much noise as possible. That means making everyone stop everything that involves listening for the next half hour so they can drive by.
I say a half hour for a few reasons. One is that these fucking moron-transports are so loud that you can hear them from five blocks away. So, that means you can hear them for ten blocks in any direction from you, which is important, since it serves the same purpose as a sex offender informing everyone in his new neighborhood about his crimes: you both hate and pity this person, even though you know nothing else about them.
Another reason I say a half hour is that apparently motorcycles are not built with any power anymore. Oh sure, they have the power to make more noise than a hundred infants being shaken by a hundred nannies, but they can never seem to muster enough power to go the speed limit. It truly is an amazing sight watching a motorcycle travel ten miles per hour down the street. It is also very loud and frustrating to be in a car behind said motorcycle.
At least these people all have the decency to be stereotypes, as they dress entirely in black leather. Once we get up to ninety degrees, they could all get heat stroke or something.
Here’s the new law, people. If you don’t shut your fucking “bikes” up, you make a choice. That choice is what I call the “Four Wheels or No Wheels” rule. You either drive a car (and if you can afford a motorcycle, you can afford a used car, so don’t bitch to me about money) or you walk. It’s as simple as that.
Seriously, fucking motorcycles. Just burn them.
REDNECKS
Fuckin' hicks.
PARIS HILTON
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
Apparently when she was in jail the guards would put sperm into her porridge... i mean that must be awful for her.. 'ewww, there's porridge in this!' © F. Boyle
the other thing about Paris Hilton is that she's been in about 4 home sex movies... is she so fucking stupid that she didnt think after the 1st one came out "..erm, no boyfriend number 289 i dont think getting the movie camera out again would be a good idea..."
and she carries about a hairy purse with her... she claims its a tiny dog but its actually a lifesize replica of her mothers vagina...
can you imagine the conversations her, britney and lindsey lohan must have had when the were all friends? "uhm like money" "uh-huh, its like so great being this rich" "anyone for a cup of sperm?" no Lindsey i dont think its a good idea to get the camera out again?.. i worry about you sometimes Lindsey... always wanting us to be naked while we like count money and stuff'
she's so horribly vacuous that her former best friend Nicole Ritchie was so mentally fucked having to deal with Paris that she decided to try the Karen Carpenter Diet... she was so skinny and light that when she visited her dad with her latest designer cat under her arm he'd shout "oh what a feline... are you dancing on the ceiling?"
DIETS
'Diet' is a stupid name for a diet.
A 'diet' is nothing more than the food which one is in the habit of eating. A bear's diet is fish, carrion and the occasional winter berry. My diet recently has been Burger King, Chinese takeaway and the occasional packet of sushi or salad from Pret a Manger, if I'm feeling healthy.
That's my diet. I needn't 'go on a diet', as even if I was eating wood shavings, roasted crisp wrappers and silt, I would have a diet.
Let this rant be an encouragement to you. If you feel fat, you are still on a diet, whatever you are eating.
It's kind of like calling a new eco-friendly electric car, a 'car'. Buy a car and save the planet!
WORK
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Fuck work, I'm sick of it. We have to work. If we don't work we can't eat, we don't eat we go hungry, if we go hungry we get skinny.
The only thing that work is good for well aside from money is one time, me and this chick.... in the stairwell.... And even that wasn't that great.
Then the fuckin customers, 'I want I want", "Well what about what I want?" you may well reply, "I want you to fuck off"
Dam work....
Next rant Nerds...
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
i hate to say this but honest to god no matter how much you try you are NEVER gonna be cool.
nerds are and always will be the opposite of any normal functioning human beings.therefore no matter what a nerd can only be a nerd.lack of social skills,body oder and OCD will always be with you as soon as you are infected.
next rant Saturdays
Find be yourself.
Don't follow the herd.
Don't repeat in spite of the encores.
Be yourself.
Otherwise you'll bore us.
Saturday, where do I start, Saturdays for me is a day where I Sleep, I sleep and i sleep some more, I drink a lot of water, I nurse a head ache and if I'm feeling well enough, I have a greasy feed. But if my Friday is so good, why does my Saturday have to be so bad???
Plastic bags.
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014