Men are never depressed.

dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
edited January 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
well except Harmless.

but here's why men are just happier people:-


Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.**

You can never be pregnant.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another*petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks and engines.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.


Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -

One colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • V VV V Posts: 5,191
    hahaha that is frightningly true !!! :eek:
    ~~~~~~~~~~ PINK FLUFFY LOVE PSYCHO~~~~~~~~~~
    Astoria,Dublin,Reading 06,Wembley 07,Sheapards Bush & o2 09 thats multiple Jamgasms!
  • Where did you copy that from? ;)
  • dunkman wrote:
    The garage is all yours. (dont have a garage)

    Wedding plans take care of themselves. (probably will never marry)

    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. (i sure do)

    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. (why i dont buy new shoes)

    One mood all the time. (nope)

    You know stuff about tanks and engines. (hahahaha, sureeeeee)

    You can open all your own jars. (see above.......)

    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. (people wonder what im up to)

    You only have to shave your face and neck. (i dont)

    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. (takes me a month)

    but i dont think these are the reasons for my mess, if they were i think i could fix this.
  • CollinCollin Posts: 4,931
    Sounds about right :D

    I have two moods, though.
    THANK YOU, LOSTDAWG!


    naděje umírá poslední
  • Irish AlIrish Al Posts: 6,236
    Yep gotta agree with his dunkness being a man is class :D
    I need a coffee!
  • DanimalDanimal Posts: 2,000
    I like to know stuff about tanks!
    "I don't believe in PJ fans but I believe there is something, not too sure what." - Thoughts_Arrive


  • I want so bad to pick on you right now for my own amusement but you're right about most of those. :mad:
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    :rolleyes:
    Oh God! it's sad, but yes, it's all true :mad:
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • Hitch-HikerHitch-Hiker Posts: 2,873
    dunkman wrote:
    The world is your urinal.
    So true :D
    I'll Ride The Wave Where It Takes Me
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    I disagree with a few of these :o which doesn't say much for my manliness.

    My use of the world as a urinal however does.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I disagree with a few of these :o which doesn't say much for my manliness.

    My use of the world as a urinal however does.

    I thought the rain looked a little bit off-colour the other day..
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    I thought the rain looked a little bit off-colour the other day..
    Not the whole world obviously. I'm not God.
    although how cool would that be...
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • and yet i still get depressed!
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    then majority of men i have met are hiding something from me :D
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    oh god.. i think people are taking it a little too literally... its supposed to be just funny broadsweeping observations... you know like why are all southern people stupid, why are people from India such bad drivers, etc... its not 100% true for everyone but it takes the stereotype and makes mirth from it.

    now fuck off as i have haggis to cook, 3 castles to build and 178 English people must die before nightfall
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • nuffingmannuffingman Posts: 3,014
    dunkman wrote:
    Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack.
    And after one days wear we can turn them inside out for the next day. We are inventive!!! :D
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    dunkman wrote:
    oh god.. i think people are taking it a little too literally... its supposed to be just funny broadsweeping observations... you know like why are all southern people stupid, why are people from India such bad drivers, etc... its not 100% true for everyone but it takes the stereotype and makes mirth from it.

    now fuck off as i have haggis to cook, 3 castles to build and 178 English people must die before nightfall

    hey you are busy guy, and you also manage to post this at the same time, who said men can't multitask? ;)
  • Whenever I pick up power tools magic powers flow into me.

    Whenever my GF does it it saps her mental abilities and co-ordination.

    :D
    Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
    and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
    over specific principles, goals, and policies.

    http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg

    (\__/)
    ( o.O)
    (")_(")
  • JordyWordyJordyWordy Posts: 2,261
    Whenever I pick up power tools magic powers flow into me.

    Whenever my GF does it it saps her mental abilities and co-ordination.

    :D

    remember to thank God (who clearly has a gender and it is MALE) for that bigger brain of yours. ;)

    mens brains absorb information while womens become scattered and confused
  • unfortunately all this true. I know it's a joke but it hits on a lot of serious issues.
  • Hitch-HikerHitch-Hiker Posts: 2,873
    dunkman wrote:
    oh god.. i think people are taking it a little too literally... its supposed to be just funny broadsweeping observations... you know like why are all southern people stupid, why are people from India such bad drivers, etc... its not 100% true for everyone but it takes the stereotype and makes mirth from it.

    now fuck off as i have haggis to cook, 3 castles to build and 178 English people must die before nightfall
    Is that all? why, I slaughtered 200 with my broadsword, planted a field of potatoes and drank an entire keg of guinness all before elevenses this morning.
    I'll Ride The Wave Where It Takes Me
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Is that all? why, I slaughtered 200 with my broadsword, planted a field of potatoes and drank an entire keg of guinness all before elevenses this morning.

    ehhhh.. castles take a while.. i had to quarry the brick using my willy as my hands were full making a home brew keg of whisky... i killed 3 english people with my right eyelashes... i'm a good blinker
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Hitch-HikerHitch-Hiker Posts: 2,873
    dunkman wrote:
    ehhhh.. castles take a while.. i had to quarry the brick using my willy as my hands were full making a home brew keg of whisky... i killed 3 english people with my right eyelashes... i'm a good blinker
    Knockneed Scottish Pillock :p

    (I got banned for that before, so I'd like to point out that It's a blackadder quote and I have nothing against the Scots at all)
    I'll Ride The Wave Where It Takes Me
  • dunkman wrote:
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.


    That's very true. I never thought of that before. Next time my bf says thank you or buys me flowers, he's going to get a slap in the face! ;);)
  • JamalJamal Posts: 2,115
    genie wrote:
    who said men can't multitask? ;)
    Women, who else :rolleyes:
    :p
    Surf little waves big... Charge big waves hard

    - Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    that was aweosme! :D

    this in particular:

    The world is your urinal.

    made me laugh!
    :p


    but yes, in reality....men do get depressed, and they also have a higher success rate of attmepting suicide, as in, they usually do end up killing themselves :o...so yea.........


    so we all have our shite to bear. however, that list was great and i shall send it to my hubby for a good laugh. :)
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • BrezBrez Posts: 570
    I disagree with the one mood never depressed thing.

    But everything else is pretty funny :D
    And before his first step... He's off again...
  • lucylespianlucylespian Posts: 2,403
    Reasons why men get depressed despite all the above




    Marriage kills womens sex drive. Just as you have em in your bed every night, they don't care any more

    Shit breaks in your hands too easy.

    All jobs suck after a few years.

    We have to answer the question. Which question ?? Do you even have to ask which question, you know.......................













































    Does my arse look big in this ??
    Music is not a competetion.
  • wow, way to be sexist.
  • pjfan31pjfan31 Posts: 7,334
    Haha. I love being a bloke.
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