Effort in a relationship

Rygar

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

...or....you could just learn to be happy with yourself and not worry about "the good stuff" coming your way...and if it does it does and if it doesn't it doesn't.

people put way too much stock in [romantic] relationships. in the grand scheme of things, they are really not that important.

Maybe you don't put enough stock in [romantic] relationships. Either or.

GreenTeaDisease

Rygar wrote:

Maybe you don't put enough stock in [romantic] relationships. Either or.

no I don't think so.

decides2dream

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

A relationship has many different facets. Sometimes the good parts are so good that it's worth fixing the bad parts. Not everything is black or white/good or bad, etc.

absolutely!


sometimes something/one is just soooo worth it! let's just say i speak from experience, and can honestly say that IF even in the shittiest of situations you do so STILL see such *good*...it's ALWAYS worth the efforts imho to TRY. it may or may not work, but in the end, i DO think you'd feel you gave your *all*...and something that was/is once that GOOD, it's worth the shot. and sometimes.....that shot is IT....and it changes your life forever.....for the BETTER.



just sayin'.

Rygar

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

no I don't think so.

What isn't important to you shouldn't be important to anyone else, got it.

GreenTeaDisease

Rygar wrote:

What isn't important to you shouldn't be important to anyone else, got it.

that's not what I said.

I'm saying that there are many people who just go through life assuming they are nothing if they are not in a romantic relationship. As I said in the divorce thread, I know this woman who hates being married, but she did it just because that's what people do. I think that there are SO many people out there that just need to realize that they are still a person and that in the end romantic relationships are really no different than any other relationships in life. they are things that may or may not happen in any given life and you should be happy whether or not they are there. In the end, we all die alone-being in a relationship's not going to help you there. Some people may actually be better off if they open their minds to what relationships really are and rethink whether they need it or not.

urbanhippie

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

that's not what I said.

I'm saying that there are many people who just go through life assuming they are nothing if they are not in a romantic relationship. As I said in the divorce thread, I know this woman who hates being married, but she did it just because that's what people do. I think that there are SO many people out there that just need to realize that they are still a person and that in the end romantic relationships are really no different than any other relationships in life. they are things that may or may not happen in any given life and you should be happy whether or not they are there. In the end, we all die alone-being in a relationship's not going to help you there. Some people may actually be better off if they open their minds to what relationships really are and rethink whether they need it or not.

You keep saying 'we all die alone'.
I'm concentrating on living my life before worrying about that.
Just because we all die alone doesn't mean we all want to live that way.

decides2dream

no one 'needs' a relationship....they 'want' it. or at least healthy people go about their lives like that. sure, do some people get too 'needy'...and not just for romantic love either.....absolutely! but those people are probably not coming at their lives from a healthy perspective, period.


everyone makes different choices, has different wants and needs. there's no one *right* way and i don't think anyone here is espousing anything different from that.


helll, the OP was voicing an opinion about his personal experience, and one i think many of us can identify with. EFFORTS are made in ALL things...when we think them worhtwhile enough.


hopefully most feel THEY are worthwhile enough to put effort into themselves....and whatever else life brings their way, or not......is just more to living!

Pacomc79

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

...or....you could just learn to be happy with yourself and not worry about "the good stuff" coming your way...and if it does it does and if it doesn't it doesn't.

people put way too much stock in [romantic] relationships. in the grand scheme of things, they are really not that important.

The good stuff is being happy with yourself. Romantic relationships are gravy.

Brain of J.Lo

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

In the end, we all die alone-being in a relationship's not going to help you there.

What the hell does that even mean?

westsidepie

urbanhippie wrote:

You keep saying 'we all die alone'.
I'm concentrating on living my life before worrying about that.
Just because we all die alone doesn't mean we all want to live that way.

I agree with you. But, I don't think we even die alone. If I am aware that I am dying, my final thoughts will be of the happiest times I have spent with my wife and kids. I won't be alone, they will there with me.

Danimal

westsidepie wrote:

I agree with you. But, I don't think we even die alone. If I am aware that I am dying, my final thoughts will be of the happiest times I have spent with my wife and kids. I won't be alone, they will there with me.

Exactly.

If I was to die today I would still have my gfriend/family/friends in my heart and in my mind. To me that is not dying alone.

GreenTeaDisease

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

What the hell does that even mean?

I mean
1) if your partner dies first, you'll be alone again, and you have like a 50/50 chance of that happening. marriage isn't forever, even if it's good and you don't get divorced. people latch themselves on to their partner or make their lives one or whatever you want to call it because they think that having this partner means they'll never be alone again, which very simply is just not true.
2) it's just like buying lots of things- you can't take it with you when you go.

decides2dream

Pacomc79 wrote:

The good stuff is being happy with yourself. Romantic relationships are gravy.

great post!

Get_Right

Hey sorry about the break up. Never easy or fun.

But its getting warm out and there is a whole world of new people out there for you to meet and explore. Thats a good thing.
Now go get some strange!!

Brain of J.Lo

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I mean
1) if your partner dies first, you'll be alone again, and you have like a 50/50 chance of that happening. marriage isn't forever, even if it's good and you don't get divorced. people latch themselves on to their partner or make their lives one or whatever you want to call it because they think that having this partner means they'll never be alone again, which very simply is just not true.
2) it's just like buying lots of things- you can't take it with you when you go.

1) well, my father died 10 years ago and my mom hasn't remarried, and probably never will. but she's certainly not alone.

2) when i die, I will turn into a pile of dirt and the fact that I'm alone means nothing, nor will it have any bearing on how I spend the next 50 years, so I don't see why that's worth injecting into this discussion

GreenTeaDisease

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

1) well, my father died 10 years ago and my mom hasn't remarried, and probably never will. but she's certainly not alone.

2) when i die, I will turn into a pile of dirt and the fact that I'm alone means nothing, nor will it have any bearing on how I spend the next 50 years, so I don't see why that's worth injecting into this discussion

oh i definitely didn't mean she was "alone." most single people are not "alone." but there are people who would consider it being alone.

as for the rest, nevermind, I can't explain it.

OffHeGoes29

The only reason I put 110% is that I try to put my best effort into everything in my life. I figure what options do I have? I might as well make the best of whats been given to me and run with it. The relationship wasn't all bad, and there was a couple of mistakes I learned from. You guys are right, there was something missing, I just thought I could make something of it, instead of throwing in the towel. So it didn't work, and I know this was for the best. It just sucks because I had to move back home, get a new job, and start all over again. Shes happy now because shes single and free, and I'm bitter because I don't feel happy. I was hoping the "You gave it your best shot" feeling would make me feel better about my experiance, but it didn't.

Shes moved on like nothing happened, mean while I got the short end of the deal. I know now that their is nothing wrong with putting your best effort, but I lost myself along the way, and I just wish I got more out of it. But once again, thats life, so I'll just deal with it.