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Effort in a relationship

OffHeGoes29OffHeGoes29 Posts: 1,240
edited May 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
I was in a relationship that I knew was going to end. I tried to give my 110% effort in a hope to turn it around. So I was not too surprised when it did end, but I figured that I would be happy to know that at least I did the best I could.


Well I'm not happy, and I don't blame her, or me. I wished I could have got some sort of satisfaction from all my efforts, but nothings there. Just another hard lession on life.
BRING BACK THE WHALE
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  • tony vitony vi Posts: 72
    wish you better luck , life not always like we want it , it is not because we do good think then it will come back to us also , anyway like you said , it is life experience , and it is with great sadness than we really learn or lesson , take it easy the world is big and somebody waiting you somwhere...
    once understand life is not fair
    everything become more clear and simple
    wish to all of you freedom
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    I understand what you're saying OHG, very well.

    I'm hoping for myself that time and the input of others in my life, along with new experiences can offer me a very different perspective to the one I hold right now. I wish that for you too. :) I'm sorry for how it is right now, it's a shitty feeling that I wouldn't wish on anyone and I hope it passes for you quickly.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • OffHeGoes29OffHeGoes29 Posts: 1,240
    Thanks,

    I don't control any of it, i'll just deal with it for what it is, Life.
    BRING BACK THE WHALE
  • AnonAnon Posts: 11,175
    the exact same thing happened to me last summer. its the worst feeling in the world and im still not over her. i know exactly how you feel man.
  • MerkingBoyMerkingBoy Posts: 249
    I'm too much of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality to deal with, so I'll probably die alone.
  • ZanneZanne Posts: 899
    If it's any consolation at all, sometimes giving your best effort does work.. I had the same situation with my boyfriend of 7 years last October and we were not just on the verge of breaking up, we actually did.. Though we lived together, so it wasn't going to be an instantaneous split.. We were able to talk and both decided we wanted to try. Since then, we have both put a lot of effort into it and I have to say, we are the happiest together I think we have ever been. A lot of times it doesn't work no matter how hard you try, but sometimes it does.. So next time if faced with this, still give it that 110%.. you may just be surprised where it goes. What I'm trying to say is, don't harden yourself off due to one relationship, or even 10 that go astray. The right one will come.

    Peace
    Just me
  • Born.Mine.DieBorn.Mine.Die Vancouver Posts: 225
    You know I think some people are just selfish and unappreciative
    You will find someone in your path of life that is better suited for you one day soon..or sooner then you think....
    good for you for giving ti an honest effort!!
    9/1/05, 9/2/05, 9/4/05, 9/5/05, 5/24/06, 5/25/06, 5/27/06, 5/30/06, 7/16/06, 7/18/06, 7/20/06, 7/22/06,7/23/06, 6/22/08, 6/24/08, 6/25/08, 9/21/09, 9/22/09, 9/25/09,10/06/09,10/07/09, 05/07/10, 09/25/11, 07/16/13,12/04/13,12/06/13, 10/14/14, 4/7/17, 08/08/18, 08/10/18, 05/04/24

    EV 04/02/08, 04/03/08, 07/16/11
  • wolfbearwolfbear Posts: 3,965
    OffHeGoes29 wrote:
    I was in a relationship that I knew was going to end. I tried to give my 110% effort in a hope to turn it around. So I was not too surprised when it did end, but I figured that I would be happy to know that at least I did the best I could.


    Well I'm not happy, and I don't blame her, or me. I wished I could have got some sort of satisfaction from all my efforts, but nothings there. Just another hard lession on life.
    You kind of said it in your statement, "I knew it was going to end". Obviously, there was something missing there. Still, kudos for you for trying to make it work. You never know for sure sometimes. I think every relationship has it's ups and downs, but I think some give up too soon and you didn't! I think you'll find your true love and all will be well. Good luck, although I don't think you'll need it. :)
    "I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    wolfbear wrote:
    You kind of said it in your statement, "I knew it was going to end". Obviously, there was something missing there. Still, kudos for you for trying to make it work. You never know for sure sometimes. I think every relationship has it's ups and downs, but I think some give up too soon and you didn't! I think you'll find your true love and all will be well. Good luck, although I don't think you'll need it. :)



    well said. :)


    also, the only *satisfaction* to be had in such a situation is knowing you did in fact give 110% before it ended, so no what-ifs/regrets to be had there down the road. so really, it's simply just not a really 'satisfying' thing to be *satisfied* about...ya know? :p



    as cliche as it sounds, and is......but still true none the less:
    time heals all wounds.
    even truly broken hearts.
    good luck!
    :)
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    OffHeGoes29 wrote:
    I was in a relationship that I knew was going to end. I tried to give my 110% effort in a hope to turn it around. So I was not too surprised when it did end, but I figured that I would be happy to know that at least I did the best I could.


    Well I'm not happy, and I don't blame her, or me. I wished I could have got some sort of satisfaction from all my efforts, but nothings there. Just another hard lession on life.

    I don't understand "trying" to "save" a relationship. if it's not good, why bother? the only reason to be in a relationship is because you like to be in that relationship. if you don't like it anymore then...
  • Brain of J.LoBrain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    OffHeGoes29 wrote:
    Well I'm not happy, and I don't blame her, or me. I wished I could have got some sort of satisfaction from all my efforts, but nothings there. Just another hard lession on life.

    I think that, in time, you will be happy that you tried. You'll be happy with what you learned in the process, which may or may not be clear to you just yet. It sounds like this all happened recently....so give yourself some time before you write it off. Good for you for making an effort, though. :)
  • pjtradekingpjtradeking Posts: 4,045
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I don't understand "trying" to "save" a relationship. if it's not good, why bother? the only reason to be in a relationship is because you like to be in that relationship. if you don't like it anymore then...

    Becasue maybe people want to try and get back what they had. No harm in trying to save something if you truly want to. You dont always just throw in the towell so easily and say fuck it. Its not what it was, so why bother.. Based on what I have seen from you over the last however many months, this is why you are single and prob will be for the forseeable future. Relationships take effort sometimes whether good bad or indifferent. It is not that simple....
    Never, ever, flipping forget
    "Free Shipping" SPEEDY MCCREADY

    My friend was going to see Eddie last night. Since he was in Vegas, I gave him 5 Grand to gamble with. I told him I wanted it all to go on Black. Bastard! PhillyCrownOfThorns-11-2-12
  • Brain of J.LoBrain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I don't understand "trying" to "save" a relationship. if it's not good, why bother? the only reason to be in a relationship is because you like to be in that relationship. if you don't like it anymore then...

    A relationship has many different facets. Sometimes the good parts are so good that it's worth fixing the bad parts. Not everything is black or white/good or bad, etc.
  • westsidepiewestsidepie Posts: 627
    Effort into something worthy never goes to waste. Trying to maintain something you value is worthy of your effort. Even if your effort does not produce the desired outcome, there will be a benefit that you are just not ready to see at this time.
    To pie I will reply
    But mr. justam
    is who I am

    "That's a repulsive combination of horrible information and bad breath."-Pickles

    "Remember, death is a natural part of the workplace. So, when you see a dead body at work, don't freak out, just ring your death bell." "ting"-Toki Wartooth
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    pjtradeking wrote:
    Becasue maybe people want to try and get back what they had. No harm in trying to save something if you truly want to. You dont always just throw in the towell so easily and say fuck it. Its not what it was, so why bother.. Based on what I have seen from you over the last however many months, this is why you are single and prob will be for the forseeable future. Relationships take effort sometimes whether good bad or indifferent. It is not that simple....

    dude, I just got out of a year-long relationship, and that was only because I moved 800 miles away. And yes, I probably will be single for the foreseeable future because I *want* to be single for the foreseeable future. that's a hell of an insulting comment.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Brain of J.Lo wrote:
    A relationship has many different facets. Sometimes the good parts are so good that it's worth fixing the bad parts. Not everything is black or white/good or bad, etc.

    but he said he could see it as a dead end. that doesn't sound like there's anything good going on.
  • Brain of J.LoBrain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    but he said he could see it as a dead end. that doesn't sound like there's anything good going on.

    Well, that may be true. But you made more of a general question about why people save relationships...so that's what I responded to.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Brain of J.Lo wrote:
    Well, that may be true. But you made more of a general question about why people save relationships...so that's what I responded to.

    well in the general sense, I think that maybe "fixing" the bad parts is a lot different than "saving" it. I think that if you're in a good relationship, then you're in it for the good parts, and of course there are bad parts, but they are obviously smaller than the good parts. if the thing is near death and people are giving "110% effort" and trying to "save" it, then it seems the bad is clearly outweighing the good. I'm not sure if this is exactly what I'm trying to say...
  • Pacomc79Pacomc79 Posts: 9,404
    You should take pride in yourself for having tried. It's impossible to make other people love you, most of the time all that effort is wasted because by that time... she's made up her mind anyway and you aren't going to change it just prolong your own pain even though when you're in love you do it anyway even the nonsensical. If it feels like you are beating your head against a brick wall you are, relationships must be two ways and must have open and honest communication, without that... what's the point?

    Basically it is a hard lesson, but a necessary one. You just have to keep plugging away, forgive yourself, learn to be happy by yourself again and the good stuff will start coming your way again.

    You gave it your best effort and it feels like a loss in the short term it is a painful one but in the long run it's not. People are on different plains and these things happen. As long as you are breathing, there's always another chance. Good luck. Keep your chin up. This too shall pass.
    My Girlfriend said to me..."How many guitars do you need?" and I replied...."How many pairs of shoes do you need?" She got really quiet.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Pacomc79 wrote:
    You should take pride in yourself for having tried. It's impossible to make other people love you, most of the time all that effort is wasted because by that time... she's made up her mind anyway and you aren't going to change it just prolong your own pain even though when you're in love you do it anyway even the nonsensical. If it feels like you are beating your head against a brick wall you are, relationships must be two ways and must have open and honest communication, without that... what's the point?

    Basically it is a hard lesson, but a necessary one. You just have to keep plugging away, forgive yourself, learn to be happy by yourself again and the good stuff will start coming your way again.

    You gave it your best effort and it feels like a loss in the short term it is a painful one but in the long run it's not. People are on different plains and these things happen. As long as you are breathing, there's always another chance. Good luck. Keep your chin up. This too shall pass.

    ...or....you could just learn to be happy with yourself and not worry about "the good stuff" coming your way...and if it does it does and if it doesn't it doesn't.

    people put way too much stock in [romantic] relationships. in the grand scheme of things, they are really not that important.
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,689
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    ...or....you could just learn to be happy with yourself and not worry about "the good stuff" coming your way...and if it does it does and if it doesn't it doesn't.

    people put way too much stock in [romantic] relationships. in the grand scheme of things, they are really not that important.
    Maybe you don't put enough stock in [romantic] relationships. Either or.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Rygar wrote:
    Maybe you don't put enough stock in [romantic] relationships. Either or.

    no I don't think so.
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    Brain of J.Lo wrote:
    A relationship has many different facets. Sometimes the good parts are so good that it's worth fixing the bad parts. Not everything is black or white/good or bad, etc.




    absolutely!


    sometimes something/one is just soooo worth it! let's just say i speak from experience, and can honestly say that IF even in the shittiest of situations you do so STILL see such *good*...it's ALWAYS worth the efforts imho to TRY. it may or may not work, but in the end, i DO think you'd feel you gave your *all*...and something that was/is once that GOOD, it's worth the shot. and sometimes.....that shot is IT....and it changes your life forever.....for the BETTER. :)



    just sayin'.
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,689
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    no I don't think so.
    What isn't important to you shouldn't be important to anyone else, got it.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Rygar wrote:
    What isn't important to you shouldn't be important to anyone else, got it.

    that's not what I said.

    I'm saying that there are many people who just go through life assuming they are nothing if they are not in a romantic relationship. As I said in the divorce thread, I know this woman who hates being married, but she did it just because that's what people do. I think that there are SO many people out there that just need to realize that they are still a person and that in the end romantic relationships are really no different than any other relationships in life. they are things that may or may not happen in any given life and you should be happy whether or not they are there. In the end, we all die alone-being in a relationship's not going to help you there. Some people may actually be better off if they open their minds to what relationships really are and rethink whether they need it or not.
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    that's not what I said.

    I'm saying that there are many people who just go through life assuming they are nothing if they are not in a romantic relationship. As I said in the divorce thread, I know this woman who hates being married, but she did it just because that's what people do. I think that there are SO many people out there that just need to realize that they are still a person and that in the end romantic relationships are really no different than any other relationships in life. they are things that may or may not happen in any given life and you should be happy whether or not they are there. In the end, we all die alone-being in a relationship's not going to help you there. Some people may actually be better off if they open their minds to what relationships really are and rethink whether they need it or not.
    You keep saying 'we all die alone'.
    I'm concentrating on living my life before worrying about that.
    Just because we all die alone doesn't mean we all want to live that way.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    no one 'needs' a relationship....they 'want' it. or at least healthy people go about their lives like that. sure, do some people get too 'needy'...and not just for romantic love either.....absolutely! but those people are probably not coming at their lives from a healthy perspective, period.


    everyone makes different choices, has different wants and needs. there's no one *right* way and i don't think anyone here is espousing anything different from that.


    helll, the OP was voicing an opinion about his personal experience, and one i think many of us can identify with. EFFORTS are made in ALL things...when we think them worhtwhile enough.


    hopefully most feel THEY are worthwhile enough to put effort into themselves....and whatever else life brings their way, or not......is just more to living!
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • Pacomc79Pacomc79 Posts: 9,404
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    ...or....you could just learn to be happy with yourself and not worry about "the good stuff" coming your way...and if it does it does and if it doesn't it doesn't.

    people put way too much stock in [romantic] relationships. in the grand scheme of things, they are really not that important.

    The good stuff is being happy with yourself. Romantic relationships are gravy.
    My Girlfriend said to me..."How many guitars do you need?" and I replied...."How many pairs of shoes do you need?" She got really quiet.
  • Brain of J.LoBrain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    In the end, we all die alone-being in a relationship's not going to help you there.

    What the hell does that even mean?
  • westsidepiewestsidepie Posts: 627
    urbanhippie wrote:
    You keep saying 'we all die alone'.
    I'm concentrating on living my life before worrying about that.
    Just because we all die alone doesn't mean we all want to live that way.

    I agree with you. But, I don't think we even die alone. If I am aware that I am dying, my final thoughts will be of the happiest times I have spent with my wife and kids. I won't be alone, they will there with me.
    To pie I will reply
    But mr. justam
    is who I am

    "That's a repulsive combination of horrible information and bad breath."-Pickles

    "Remember, death is a natural part of the workplace. So, when you see a dead body at work, don't freak out, just ring your death bell." "ting"-Toki Wartooth
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