I don't know if this helps, but I've come to accept, in family matters, that there are certain things you just can't fix, and that the fixing has to come from inside another person. Its almost empowering, because its like it gives you the permission to let go. That old saying about having the courage to change what you can, the patience to accept what you can't, and the wisdom to know the difference, is something I keep in mind. Best wishes to you - maybe you could keep us posted.
It's called the Serenity Prayer (I'm an Al-anon-er)
~God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.~
That Prayer/Saying/Motto has gotten me thru some really tough things.
The best use of Life is Love.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I guess it's eating me inside because I can always figure out any situation that works through everything. This time I can't. I can only sit and wait until I get back. It'll be hard to enjoy myself as I'll already be feeling guilty
I've just never felt this way before, with hurt, betrayal, depression, anger, everything wrapped into one. It's....weird. That's all I can say is I've just felt weird.
Sometimes shit happens in life and all you can do is hang on to the magic carpet and see where it takes you. Perhaps the purpose of all this is for you to learn that you can't always, no matter how organized, or how much in control you are normally, you can't always be in control. Some things you can't change and some things you can't fix and maybe the thing that you'll take from this is that if you're doing your best, if you've covered it all, gone over it and over it, done everything in your power that you can do, well sometimes all you can do then is sit back and float and watch it unfold. Wait it out calmly and see what happens if you stop struggling against it or trying to change it or control it or fix it. Maybe you'll come out of this and discover that you don't have to be the one that sorts all this stuff out all the time, that whatever will happen will happen regardless of anything you do. If you can, don't beat yourself up, you've done everything you could possibly do and now you're here and it's still all up in the air, so let time pass, let the story for each of the players, just play out. Just ride the wave, see where it goes.
Another person who I'm very close with as in, immediate family line, is not the person I ever thought I knew growing up.
For the sake of another long story, and for the sake of the people I love, as one direct recipient of what's happening frequents the board, not to post, but to read, I'm not so sure I'm in the place to say anything at the moment.
25 fucking years of being around someone and having no clue who they are in the end is a very weird, scary feeling.
It's not so much I'm here for advice, as it is for, well I'm not really sure. This doesn't succeed as a vent either.
I'm not sure why I came here, I'm sorry, I guess sometimes anonymity can be comforting.
Those who give into temptations aren't necessarilly a bad person, but those who offer one those temptations is no better than the devil, if he were to exist.
sorry to ask, what does inmediate family line means?
Sometimes shit happens in life and all you can do is hang on to the magic carpet and see where it takes you. Perhaps the purpose of all this is for you to learn that you can't always, no matter how organized, or how much in control you are normally, you can't always be in control. Some things you can't change and some things you can't fix and maybe the thing that you'll take from this is that if you're doing your best, if you've covered it all, gone over it and over it, done everything in your power that you can do, well sometimes all you can do then is sit back and float and watch it unfold. Wait it out calmly and see what happens if you stop struggling against it or trying to change it or control it or fix it. Maybe you'll come out of this and discover that you don't have to be the one that sorts all this stuff out all the time, that whatever will happen will happen regardless of anything you do. If you can, don't beat yourself up, you've done everything you could possibly do and now you're here and it's still all up in the air, so let time pass, let the story for each of the players, just play out. Just ride the wave, see where it goes.
I'm going to save what you wrote (above) because it sums it all up so perfectly. It took me years to figure that shit out........and it's still a constant battle.
The best use of Life is Love.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm going to save what you wrote (above) because it sums it all up so perfectly. It took me years to figure that shit out........and it's still a constant battle.
Thanks. Yeah, me too. I still struggle mightily against stuff from time to time, racing around like a rat in cage thinking that it will help, that anything I do will help, that action is better than inaction, but it rarely does, well maybe only serves to exhaust me, or prove that all my action is not going to change what is, in which case then I do then just lie back and float and see what happens. Maybe we have to do all the running around and trying in order to reach the part where we just give it over to the fates or whatever? Maybe it's part of the process? I don't know. But it took me a lot of years to see that sometimes it's ok to do nothing for a bit, that when you've done everything humanly possible and it's still not sorted well sometimes it's ok to just stop, sit back and just wait and see.
But it took me a lot of years to see that sometimes it's ok to do nothing for a bit, that when you've done everything humanly possible and it's still not sorted well sometimes it's ok to just stop, sit back and just wait and see.
Yep, I agree... sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing at all. You can only control your own actions and it's not always up to you to fix the mistakes of others. When you let go, really let go, it feels good.
So you've made your mind up Merlin... now that you've given a bit more info, it DOES sound like the right choice. You're 25... you've always been the one to fix stuff... well it sounds like you have some karma credit. Take a break from the fuck ups of others and just go! One thing though, you need to be sure that whatever happens you're not going to feel guilty for doing this. That's one thing I've had to think about a lot in my life... some things I've done and some amendments I've made were purely for selfish reasons... e.g. if/when that person dies there is NO way I'm going to be guilty for anything! I've done what I could and it got to the point where there was no more I could do. You need to clear this with yourself first.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Yep, I agree... sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing at all. You can only control your own actions and it's not always up to you to fix the mistakes of others. When you let go, really let go, it feels good.
So you've made your mind up Merlin... now that you've given a bit more info, it DOES sound like the right choice. You're 25... you've always been the one to fix stuff... well it sounds like you have some karma credit. Take a break from the fuck ups of others and just go! One thing though, you need to be sure that whatever happens you're not going to feel guilty for doing this. That's one thing I've had to think about a lot in my life... some things I've done and some amendments I've made were purely for selfish reasons... e.g. if/when that person dies there is NO way I'm going to be guilty for anything! I've done what I could and it got to the point where there was no more I could do. You need to clear this with yourself first.
Yeah I'm going, my work is making it a pain in my ass talking about them about trips home. They want to schedule when I go home rather than me do it, so I'm just going to shut my mouth and when something pops up I'm just going to take the emergency trips myself rather than deal with people down here to create my schedule for me while I'm off in Washington. I guess I'll just kind of ignore it. I get four day weekends once a month, so I'd rather save those for when I need them, not when they want me to go.
My only complaint with myself right now, I'm sure I'll be able to deal with the guilt and get that cleared, it's just my mood swings of, one second I'm excited to go in a way trying to give myself things to look forward to, like someone visiting me, or me coming back home. But then I get bored of the thought and go back to, ugh it'd just be easier if I stayed. Once I get there and get those thoughts to settle down, then it'll be a bit better. I know it's temporary, I guess what would help is if I just knew an end date as that's up in the air right now for when I get to come back home.
Or maybe PJ announcing a show or two at the gorge since I'll be right by there. That'd give me something positive in my mind and look forward too. Ahh here's hoping!
Yeah I'm going, my work is making it a pain in my ass talking about them about trips home. They want to schedule when I go home rather than me do it, so I'm just going to shut my mouth and when something pops up I'm just going to take the emergency trips myself rather than deal with people down here to create my schedule for me while I'm off in Washington. I guess I'll just kind of ignore it. I get four day weekends once a month, so I'd rather save those for when I need them, not when they want me to go.
My only complaint with myself right now, I'm sure I'll be able to deal with the guilt and get that cleared, it's just my mood swings of, one second I'm excited to go in a way trying to give myself things to look forward to, like someone visiting me, or me coming back home. But then I get bored of the thought and go back to, ugh it'd just be easier if I stayed. Once I get there and get those thoughts to settle down, then it'll be a bit better. I know it's temporary, I guess what would help is if I just knew an end date as that's up in the air right now for when I get to come back home.
Or maybe PJ announcing a show or two at the gorge since I'll be right by there. That'd give me something positive in my mind and look forward too. Ahh here's hoping!
See ya at the Gorge Brothaman.....................love ya!
The best use of Life is Love.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
You seem like your in better spirits today . That is good.
I'm just trying to keep my mind off things. Talking to a few of you hear really succeeds at that.
So this helps while tonight is bound to be an ugly night.
But yes, seriously, I'm only going to be like 30 miles from the Gorge. So to think that PJ might play there(I say this without hearing even one rumor haha) can really keep my spirits up a bit.
I'm just trying to keep my mind off things. Talking to a few of you hear really succeeds at that.
So this helps while tonight is bound to be an ugly night.
But yes, seriously, I'm only going to be like 30 miles from the Gorge. So to think that PJ might play there(I say this without hearing even one rumor haha) can really keep my spirits up a bit.
ah..well you never know..I will keep my fingers crossed for you
These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
Yeah I'm going, my work is making it a pain in my ass talking about them about trips home. They want to schedule when I go home rather than me do it, so I'm just going to shut my mouth and when something pops up I'm just going to take the emergency trips myself rather than deal with people down here to create my schedule for me while I'm off in Washington. I guess I'll just kind of ignore it. I get four day weekends once a month, so I'd rather save those for when I need them, not when they want me to go.
My only complaint with myself right now, I'm sure I'll be able to deal with the guilt and get that cleared, it's just my mood swings of, one second I'm excited to go in a way trying to give myself things to look forward to, like someone visiting me, or me coming back home. But then I get bored of the thought and go back to, ugh it'd just be easier if I stayed. Once I get there and get those thoughts to settle down, then it'll be a bit better. I know it's temporary, I guess what would help is if I just knew an end date as that's up in the air right now for when I get to come back home.
Or maybe PJ announcing a show or two at the gorge since I'll be right by there. That'd give me something positive in my mind and look forward too. Ahh here's hoping!
Ya know... it's ALWAYS easier to stay... but 'easy' can often be 'boring'. I'm in the process of trying to put a date on a big change pretty soon... but because it's up to me, I keep thinking 'I'll wait and see what happens' but of course, nothing ever happens to force me into just doing it... and I really WANT to do it... but I just want it to 'be done' if ya know what I mean At least you've got a bit of a push... I wish I had that right now Things will be fine... and ya know where we are if they aren't.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Yep, I agree... sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing at all. You can only control your own actions and it's not always up to you to fix the mistakes of others. When you let go, really let go, it feels good.
Sometimes you can't even control your own actions. Or what is happening with you. But yeah, letting go, really just throwing up your hands and letting go, it can be very cathartic and sometimes seems to give you more control I think.
Comments
It's called the Serenity Prayer (I'm an Al-anon-er)
~God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.~
That Prayer/Saying/Motto has gotten me thru some really tough things.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
Sometimes shit happens in life and all you can do is hang on to the magic carpet and see where it takes you. Perhaps the purpose of all this is for you to learn that you can't always, no matter how organized, or how much in control you are normally, you can't always be in control. Some things you can't change and some things you can't fix and maybe the thing that you'll take from this is that if you're doing your best, if you've covered it all, gone over it and over it, done everything in your power that you can do, well sometimes all you can do then is sit back and float and watch it unfold. Wait it out calmly and see what happens if you stop struggling against it or trying to change it or control it or fix it. Maybe you'll come out of this and discover that you don't have to be the one that sorts all this stuff out all the time, that whatever will happen will happen regardless of anything you do. If you can, don't beat yourself up, you've done everything you could possibly do and now you're here and it's still all up in the air, so let time pass, let the story for each of the players, just play out. Just ride the wave, see where it goes.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
I'm going to save what you wrote (above) because it sums it all up so perfectly. It took me years to figure that shit out........and it's still a constant battle.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
Thanks.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
Moms, Dads, brothers, sisters, kids. That's what I meant by it. Sorry about that.
So you've made your mind up Merlin... now that you've given a bit more info, it DOES sound like the right choice. You're 25... you've always been the one to fix stuff... well it sounds like you have some karma credit. Take a break from the fuck ups of others and just go! One thing though, you need to be sure that whatever happens you're not going to feel guilty for doing this. That's one thing I've had to think about a lot in my life... some things I've done and some amendments I've made were purely for selfish reasons... e.g. if/when that person dies there is NO way I'm going to be guilty for anything! I've done what I could and it got to the point where there was no more I could do. You need to clear this with yourself first.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Yeah I'm going, my work is making it a pain in my ass talking about them about trips home. They want to schedule when I go home rather than me do it, so I'm just going to shut my mouth and when something pops up I'm just going to take the emergency trips myself rather than deal with people down here to create my schedule for me while I'm off in Washington. I guess I'll just kind of ignore it. I get four day weekends once a month, so I'd rather save those for when I need them, not when they want me to go.
My only complaint with myself right now, I'm sure I'll be able to deal with the guilt and get that cleared, it's just my mood swings of, one second I'm excited to go in a way trying to give myself things to look forward to, like someone visiting me, or me coming back home. But then I get bored of the thought and go back to, ugh it'd just be easier if I stayed. Once I get there and get those thoughts to settle down, then it'll be a bit better. I know it's temporary, I guess what would help is if I just knew an end date as that's up in the air right now for when I get to come back home.
Or maybe PJ announcing a show or two at the gorge since I'll be right by there. That'd give me something positive in my mind and look forward too. Ahh here's hoping!
See ya at the Gorge Brothaman.....................love ya!
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
If they do it...pre-part at my condo. Then we can caravan in.
I'm just trying to keep my mind off things. Talking to a few of you hear really succeeds at that.
So this helps while tonight is bound to be an ugly night.
But yes, seriously, I'm only going to be like 30 miles from the Gorge. So to think that PJ might play there(I say this without hearing even one rumor haha) can really keep my spirits up a bit.
ah..well you never know..I will keep my fingers crossed for you
Thanks!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
Sometimes you can't even control your own actions.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift