For the first time in my life, I'm scared and don't know what to do.

EvilMerlin

My family needs me. Like really needs me like I've never seen before.

But my job needs me to move next week, for a minimum, 2 or 3 months.

This job has me set for life, if I burn a bridge and tell them I won't go a week before my arrival date, I'll ruin many contacts.

My family is telling me to go.

I'm afraid of what'll happen with me gone. I'm afraid of how I'm going to live with myself while I'm gone.

I'm afraid for once, I'm truly fucked no matter my decision and there's no way around it.

Sorry for bringing down the place that I love to see so happy and full of fun.

chadwick

what is the actual problem dude?

Lostdoggie

I've always found things I've worried very much about never end up being that bad...

EvilMerlin

a family member is now on their death bed.

Another person who I'm very close with as in, immediate family line, is not the person I ever thought I knew growing up.

For the sake of another long story, and for the sake of the people I love, as one direct recipient of what's happening frequents the board, not to post, but to read, I'm not so sure I'm in the place to say anything at the moment.

25 fucking years of being around someone and having no clue who they are in the end is a very weird, scary feeling.

It's not so much I'm here for advice, as it is for, well I'm not really sure. This doesn't succeed as a vent either.

I'm not sure why I came here, I'm sorry, I guess sometimes anonymity can be comforting.

Those who give into temptations aren't necessarilly a bad person, but those who offer one those temptations is no better than the devil, if he were to exist.

norm

dude....shit dude......i am so sorry for the family stuff.....as tough as it is, if your family is saying go and if i were in your position, i'd go....it'll be painful as hell but every so often you have to think of yourself....

chiquimonkey

cutback wrote:

dude....shit dude......i am so sorry for the family stuff.....as tough as it is, if your family is saying go and if i were in your position, i'd go....it'll be painful as hell but every so often you have to think of yourself....

my words exactly. i am so sorry you're having a rough time i'm sure if you have to take some time off later to be with your family, they would understand.

South of Seattle

I say Go. Life is full of ups and downs, not being a certain place doesn't mean you don't care or love them.

Tone

That's rough. On the one hand, you have to look after yourself, but on the other... nothing's as important as family. If you have the support of your family to go, then you should think about going BUT if your employer has you set up nicely and you're positioned well, I think it would be worthwhile speaking with someone you trust there to see what can be done. You'll never know unless you ask, employers don't generally want to be seen as callous (although there are plenty of companies out there that are). You didn't plan this and it's not something that can be helped. I don't mean to sound flippant, but it's only a job. You don't live to work, you work to live.

I hope things get better and that you're able to come to a decision that works for you. All the best.

iamsampj

i have an extremely sick family member. and living 3 hours away and not being able to visit as often as i'd like does make me feel quite guilty sometimes. well, all the time really. but, i do what i can...even if it's just calling.

i agree with tone on talking with your boss or someone at work about the situation. there may be something that they can work out?!

roar

if my family needed me, i would choose them over my job.
i agree with some of the other posts...try to talk to your employer about it. they might be more supportive than you think.

pjfan31

EvilMerlin wrote:

a family member is now on their death bed.
I'm not sure why I came here, I'm sorry, I guess sometimes anonymity can be comforting.

That's how I feel. Good luck with your problems.

To me family is the most important thing in the world o me. No amount of $$$ can replace it.

Follow your heart mate.

PJPixie

I wish I could tell you what to do sweetheart but I can't. It's strange really, I feel like you're my little BIG brother but in some weird way we work together.
You know how I feel about your employer but it's not my job either.
I will be here for you in whatever decision is made.
Peace.

sponger

If it's not your wife n kids, then go.

Jeanie

Can you spend every spare moment between now and the day you start the new job with your family member? Say and do everything you need to or as much as you can at any rate.

Then start as scheduled but let your new employer know the situation and that you may need to return home?

Ultimately, there is not a lot you can do to stop death when it comes a knocking but if your family are saying you should go, then you should and I'm sure if your new employer sees that you've fronted up at the agreed date then they'll most likely negotiate with you regarding the situation, which is an incredibly important one.

I'm really sorry it's happening, a truly awful situation.

sponger

I think most employers would allow some slack for something as traumatic as terminal illness in the family. They probably want some kind of proof of course.

Heineken Helen

Tone wrote:

That's rough. On the one hand, you have to look after yourself, but on the other... nothing's as important as family. If you have the support of your family to go, then you should think about going BUT if you're employer has you set up nicely and you're positioned well, I think it would be worthwhile speaking with someone you trust there to see what can be done. You'll never know unless you ask, employers don't generally want to be seen as callous (although there are plenty of companies out there that are). You didn't plan this and it's not something that can be helped. I don't mean to sound flippant, but it's only a job. You don't live to work, you work to live.

I hope things get better and that you're able to come to a decision that works for you. All the best.

I agree completely. Merlin I'm so sorry about what's going on . Your family may be telling you to go but you admit you're scared. You have to do what's good for you. If you go with your job is that something you're going to be able to deal with in the future? Speak to your boss and just tell them you knwo the timing is really bad but you need some personal time off. There are very very few companies who would take issue with that.

EvilMerlin

Thanks all for your kind words, good vibes, and any advice you've thrown my way. I'm truly grateful.

failedpersephone

it's all been said - but you need to go with the job...talk to your employer and let them know that you may need to come home with out much warning...

try to spend as much time as possible with the dying family member...

and last, but not least - this "one you thought you knew" maybe being away from this person will give you a better/clearer perspective on their choices/reasonings behind their actions.

above all try to breathe...

go to sunset & sit by the water.

riffrandall

Just asking- is the move with the job something that is a little bit of a risk, maybe?
A few years ago I was transferred FAR away from my family, the thought scared the shit out of me, yet was totally exciting & the chance of a lifetime- but at the time I do remember feeling like I should stay because my parents were splitting up & my grandmother was not well.

Turns out my parents stayed together and granny is still alive & kicking. I took the risk & went with my job for a while, and it changed everything for the better.
Whatever you do, good luck. Hope it turns out for the best.

blackredyellow

sponger wrote:

If it's not your wife n kids, then go.

Without knowing many details, that's kind of where I'm at.

I live about 7 hours away from my parents, brother and all of my extended family. About 6-9 months ago, my older brother was in a battle with alcoholism that affected me, but really affected my parents on a daily basis... After months of fights, heartaches, and just really bad times, he finally went to rehab and is doing good... I felt terrible being so far away, both for not being able to help, and for not being there when times really got rough (suicide threats, etc.).

My brother and I have talked about me not being there for him during the worst part of his struggle, be he totally understood my situation... And while him and my parents have patched things up, part of me is glad that I wasn't so close to the drama.

Lukin66

failedpersephone wrote:

it's all been said - but you need to go with the job...talk to your employer and let them know that you may need to come home with out much warning...

try to spend as much time as possible with the dying family member...

and last, but not least - this "one you thought you knew" maybe being away from this person will give you a better/clearer perspective on their choices/reasonings behind their actions.

above all try to breathe...

go to sunset & sit by the water.

I think this is excellent advice, and I totally agree. I know a few posters said to speak to your employer, and I agree with that too. Seems to me that in the case of a family emergency, most companies are pretty considerate....I'm sorry this is happening to you, EM, especially during this huge transition in your life. You know we're here for you though