Need some advice

petrocs

you need to always speak your mind..your friend will appreciate that more than you not saying anythnig at all. trust me...my girlfriends hate me when I criticize their choices in guys to date until they break up with them and tell me "ok ok you were right" its a tough place to be in but if you care for her you do it

chadwick

eyedclaar wrote:

I used to recruit and test correctional officers and pretty much the only difference between them and the prisoners was which side of the bars they were standing on.

And this guy even failed that pursuit... Just sayin'

off topic a bit:

funny shit
you do have point, they are nuts.
my dad was one for 30 odd years. (Iowa State Penitentiary)
i grew up with a hard nosed dad who took zero crap from anyone.
takes a different breed to work in such an environment.
i love those guys/gals.

to the O.P.
yeah if her dude couldn't stay sober for a brief time period
and at least not drive while being drunk
all while attending a prison gaurd academy
he doesn't care about certain important stuff that he should

we all make mistakes
i am far from innocent

funny thing is after the academy shit he could have partied his ass off.
almost every prison gaurd i know parties his/her ass off.

meme

After the first few lines, your post made me think of my friend Sara. I do not like her partner at all, never had. I was going to suggest doing what I did, which is not faking friendship for him, but trying to stay away from any judgment. HOWEVER, in her case it's just a personality issue. He is not the macroscopic dick this guy who's about to marry your friend is. I think very delicately you should tell her you think he is taking advantage of her and you don't like the way he treats her. I have had tough things said to me by friends in the past, and could clearly tell when they were told out of friendship and concern to me. Try not to make the whole dinner about that though, put it more in terms of "I saw how stressed out you are and wanted to give you an outlet to vent"

_

meistereder wrote:

As a friend, the way you have to be is honest yet supportive. In other words, make it clear that you do not like the way he is treating her because you care about her. Don't say something like "He's an asshole!" because that will only make her choose sides and in all likelihood, it would be him over you.

It's a fine line, but if you are diplomatic about it, she'll understand you are concerned for her because your primary interest is for her happiness. And she'll thank you later, or, at least she'll know that she can come to you after the shit hits the fan, which it sounds like is inevitable. Most likely after they get married and have a kid or two.

I agree with this.

Diplomacy is key. I wouldn't try to convince her to not marry the guy. But I might say something like, "Are you SURE this is what you want? Have you considered whether you want to spend your life with a guy who treats you this way?" If she says yes, then it's time to be supportive of her anyway. She's a grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions in life. You're a good friend to care so much though. Hope all goes well.

catch22

mammasan wrote:

So one of my good friends, I have been really good friends with this woman for close to 20 years now, is getting married at the end of the month. She is like a sister to me, but I feel that she is making a huge mistake. Her fiance is a total douche bag and from the many times I have been around them both I definitely do not like the way he treats her. So she calls me about 30 minutes ago crying because she is having trouble paying for this wedding and the stress is getting to her. Her fiance lost his job, he was attending the academy to become a corrections officer and was arrested for a DUI so was booted from the academy, and is of no financial or emotional help at all. She is working a full-time job plus bartending and waiting tables 2 nights a week and every weekend in order to pay for this wedding. She wanted a small wedding, but it was his idea to have over 300 people at this event and he hasn't contributed a dime. So she is stressed to the max and to top it off the guy is going away this weekend with some friends to play golf, with her money.

I normally tend to stay out of my friend's personal lives but I feel that I have to tell my friend how I feel. This guy is a total prick and is basically just using my friend. She is a bit over weight and does have some self esteem issues and I can just tell that this fucking cock sucker is just playing on her insecurities. I fear though that if I speak up it may ruin our friendship and I definitely don't want that to happen, but at the same time I don't want to see my friend get fucked over.

he's got one strike on him with the dui. go out with him and get wasted. REAL wasted. like, him passing out wasted. make it like you're celebrating his good fortune and you want to get to know the guy marrying your best friend. put him behind the wheel of his car with a bag of heroin on the seat next to him.

voila. prison. problem solved.