When do you know that a relationship has run it's course
mammasan
Posts: 5,656
Well my girlfriend of a year or so have hit a bumpy road in our relationship. It just seems that for the past few weeks we get into arguements over the dumbest shit. I'm starting to wonder if maybe the relationship isn't working out. Or maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit because my first marriage, 10 years, ended in divorce and I don't want to wake up 10 years from now and realize I made a mistake. I just don't know if I even want to deal with trying to fix another relationship. I spent so much time, energy and emotion trying to fix my marriage a couple of years ago that I don't know if I have it in me again.
"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
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Relationships do require a certain bit of maintence.... but nothing should ever be broken...
I used to think the same way... but love is a natural thing cannot be forced or even figured out... it is just known
dont jump the gun... chilllax and let it happen
I realize that a relationship takes work, but as I mentioned I'm not sure I have it in me to put in that work. I know that sounds extremely selfish but I tried so hard to save my marriage. It left me drained and in a terrible state of mind. I don't know if I really want to do that again. I know that I don't have as much vested in this relationship as I did my marriage but nver the less it would still take a lot of time, energy and emotion to fix it, that is if it really needs fixing or if this is jump a slump.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I know the damage an addiction can do to a relationship. My marriage fell into trouble because of my gambling addiction. By the time I sought help and started my recovery, 2 years clean now, it was too late for my marriage. I hope your husband can come to the realization sooner than I did. You sound like a beautiful person who doesn't need that agony especially when you are dealing with your own health issues. Hopefully your tests will come back negative.
not really sure what advice to give here....have you guys discussed the recent tensions? is there something you can point to that might be the cause of the arguments?
While I was reading this thread though, this came on
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knII3S0MZtY
I can sympathize ... I spent 20 years trying to fix
Look at this way, you make an investment (a gamble) shooted the craps ...
If you lose ... oh well...
move on and take another gamble somewhere else
If you win... fantastic!
I hit the pot of gold keep running with it...
Well my ex-wife is definitely a source of the recent tension. She likes to play stupid games that can be extremely annoying. For example she called my yesterday to ask if I could switch my night with the kids this week. I said fine but my girlfriend knows that my ex will never switch if I ask because I have asked in the past to no avail. I tell her that I don't believe in making the situation any harder by acting as she does. I prefer to be an adult and take the high road. Then my girl gets pissed and an arguement ensues.
lol... I am so sorry I didnt even read your [ost til now about the gambling addiction... I have a friend in the same situation I think you should talk to her!
It's cool. I'm not that sensative that a gambling annology is going to set me off on some gambling spree.
well the fact of the matter is you're smarter from the last relationship you're sticking with what you worked hard to achieve and you're a better person from all of it. It's definately time to talk about it or have the conversation that we all put off. It could be stress or minor annoyances coming to a head. You already know you'll live if it dosen't work out and if she is willing to work it out you guys will be better for it. Either way you'll be better for it, but feeling the way you do, it is time to have the conversation just try and do it when you aren't fighting so heads are cool and you can be nice and rational about it.
Honestly, this could easily be a petty thing where she really feels vulnerable and she needs you to stand up for yourself (and by proxy her) by telling your X wife no even if it does seem rude or out of line to you. This is a boundary issue from your new girl and your ex wife. Your new girl needs to feel good about a clean and clear break between your feelings for her and feelings for the X wife. Sounds like the X is enjoying being vindictive a little bit. If your girl didn't care, she wouldn't get angry.
In my experience, once women are done with you they are done. If she's angry at you for the way your X wife dicks you around... that's probably a good thing. She wants you to not get pushed around like that.
jesus is she STILL playing games?? good for you still being the better person in the relationship and i can see the gf getting upset at this but really her anger should be toward your ex and not at you...you are doing, imo, exactly what you should do....fighting with the ex again will only result in more shit your kids have to go through...
but the illusion of knowledge.
~Daniel Boorstin
Only a life lived for others is worth living.
~Albert Einstein
My ex has her good days and her bad days. She was better for awhile but from what I can gather her own relationship with her boyfriend has hit a rough patch. She is the type of person who has to spread her misery. If she is not happy then no one can be happy.
I warned my girlfriend from the get go that my ex was this way. And while it may seem like I am letting her get her way, which to a certain extent I am, this is the easiest way for me to deal with the situation. My ex doesn't always get what she wants but I explained to my girlfriend that I have to pick my battles.
Thanks to all for the words of wisdom.
cool....hope all turns out well
Maybe you're spending a little too much time together? That always makes people bicker about meaningless things.
If you feel like it has run its course, then maybe it has. If you feel like it's worth putting forth a little effort to figure out the problem, give it a try but keep in mind that the payoff needs to be worth the effort. It's one thing to try and repair a relationship with the mother of your children...but not every relationship is worth fixing.
Don't stress about it too much, and in time you will know.
Good luck man. Pick up some peace chocolate on the way home:D
ouch. I was dumped via text message yesterday :(
let us know how the make up sex turns out.
DAMN that's such fucked up. I don't care how much you may want to break up with someone at least have the decency to do it in person. At the very least over the phone.
well done. nothing can be determined until you actually communicate your thoughts. it is quite possible you are 'jumping the gun' as you say, especially given the break-up of your marriage. also completely understandable. NO one wants to have to go thru all THAT, ever, but certainly not 2x. ALL couples have issues, rough patches, difficult times...and that may just be where you are right now. talk about it and see how it goes. however, in time, if it still doesn't feel 'right' nor worth the effort, absolutely, best to move on...for both of you. i can only imagine what it feels like to start all over after a 10+ year marriage. sure, exciting/invigorating to start anew, but also exhausting thinking of all the efforts and 'learning' someone new again. i can totally feel you on not wanting to put all that effort in again, etc. if it gets to the point of feeling not worth the effort, too much effort needed, etc...it probably is. right now though, sounds like you made a wise decision. talk it out and ride the wave where it takes you. good luck.
aha, j.lo already said it and far more concisely:
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Well, he really didnt dump me. He needs SPACE..blah. Its not me, its him!
That is guy speak for I want to test the waters and see if the grass is greener on the other side, but not completely break it off with you in case I can't find someone else.
Sorry to be so blunt but that is exactly what he is thinking.
I need someone to be blunt with me. Its complicated. We have been off and on for 11 years. Too long of a story plus I dont wanna highjack your thread.
over the phone is bad!
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
Over the phone is bad but it's at least better than via text.
Awww.... good to see you worked it out...
ps friends call me Dr Phyllis if yah ever need to vent....