I am proposing to my girlfriend on Saturday and am a bit nervous...

The Champ

walkunafraid wrote:

Her parents are really cool and so in a way I wanted to ask them, but on the other hand I know that they wouldn't really be expecting it, either. They are about as far from traditional as you can get -- they are pot smoking, music-loving ex-hippies -- so I'm thinking they won't be offended by my not asking.

That's hilarious about the parents, but I don't see the harm in asking. Maybe you are nervous about asking as I know I was moreso than asking my wife..lol..but nonetheless it's a good gesture on your part and it'll make them feel respected and valued..no brainer really....but in any case, best of luck!! And btw, don't tell her about all of the corny survivor pj threads you start coz she may say no, rightfully so ..

eyedclaar

The Champ wrote:

That's hilarious about the parents, but I don't see the harm in asking. Maybe you are nervous about asking as I know I was moreso than asking my wife..lol..but nonetheless it's a good gesture on your part and it'll make them feel respected and valued..no brainer really....but in any case, best of luck!! And btw, don't tell her about all of the corny survivor pj threads you start coz she may say no, rightfully so ..

I never asked the parents of the two women I have married (divorced and remarried). I just didn't care what they thought either way...

The Champ

eyedclaar wrote:

I never asked the parents of the two women I have married (divorced and remarried). I just didn't care what they thought either way...

Well, that's a very poopy attitude there Mr. Eyedclaar ..

walkunafraid

The Champ wrote:

That's hilarious about the parents, but I don't see the harm in asking. Maybe you are nervous about asking as I know I was moreso than asking my wife..lol..but nonetheless it's a good gesture on your part and it'll make them feel respected and valued..no brainer really....but in any case, best of luck!!

Thanks for the advice and kind wishes.

And btw, don't tell her about all of the corny survivor pj threads you start coz she may say no, rightfully so ..

Haha, I know you voted in some of those.

eyedclaar

The Champ wrote:

Well, that's a very poopy attitude there Mr. Eyedclaar ..

Par for the course, I suppose. How you been, Champ?

The Champ

walkunafraid wrote:

Thanks for the advice and kind wishes.



Haha, I know you voted in some of those.

I was one of the jerkoffs who tried to throw you off by voting multiple times..sorry about that ..

The Champ

eyedclaar wrote:

Par for the course, I suppose. How you been, Champ?

Busy fucking with young impressionable inner-city minds..I mean, teaching the appropriate curriculum as outlined by New York State and in accordance within the requirements established by the school's incompetent Prinicipal ..I hope things are going well for you out there in the shed??

decides2dream

The Champ wrote:

That's hilarious about the parents, but I don't see the harm in asking. Maybe you are nervous about asking as I know I was moreso than asking my wife..lol..but nonetheless it's a good gesture on your part and it'll make them feel respected and valued..no brainer really....but in any case, best of luck!! And btw, don't tell her about all of the corny survivor pj threads you start coz she may say no, rightfully so ..

hmmm.......there may not be any 'harm'...but quite honestly, it is an 'outmoded tradition' in the best of terms. i am glad my husband had the good sense to not ask my father's permission...b/c wtf does he need his permission for? he only needs me to agree. go ahead...call me a crazy feminist. it's ok.

walkunafraid

The Champ wrote:

Busy fucking with young impressionable inner-city minds..I mean, teaching the appropriate curriculum as outlined by New York State and in accordance within the requirements established by the school's incompetent Prinicipal ..I hope things are going well for you out there in the shed??

I hope you're not typing that on a school computer.

Big Brother is watching, you know.

eyedclaar

The Champ wrote:

Busy fucking with young impressionable inner-city minds..I mean, teaching the appropriate curriculum as outlined by New York State and in accordance within the requirements established by the school's incompetent Prinicipal ..I hope things are going well for you out there in the shed??

As well as can be expected. Winter is setting in so I need to skin a few more neighborhood cats to complete a coat.

The Champ

decides2dream wrote:

hmmm.......there may not be any 'harm'...but quite honestly, it is an 'outmoded tradition' in the best of terms. i am glad my husband had the good sense to not ask my father's permission...b/c wtf does he need his permission for? he only needs me to agree. go ahead...call me a crazy feminist. it's ok.

Yes..but like I said, it's a nice gesture in my opinion..I respect them very much and value their involvement as they would be my in-laws from the wedding day forward. It's not a permission, but more of a courtesy of letting them know before hand my plans regarding their only daughter..it's okay and fully understand your husbands position/decision...I know a lot of guys who also were nervous to the point where it prevented them from speaking with the father ....unless the relationship is strained, I don't see the downside...

decides2dream

The Champ wrote:

Yes..but like I said, it's a nice gesture in my opinion..I respect them very much and value their involvement as they would be my in-laws from the wedding day forward. It's not a permission, but more of a courtesy of letting them know before hand my plans regarding their only daughter..it's okay and fully understand your husbands position/decision...I know a lot of guys who also were nervous to the point where it prevented them from speaking with the father ....unless the relationship is strained, I don't see the downside...

and i simply stated my own opinion the topic that differs from yours.
i am sure my parents were well aware of where our relationship was heading, there were lots of clues. as i said, my parent's were traditionalists in many ways, but quite honestly..i think even my own dad woul'dve been like wtf? not that he ever used such language. and no, my husband wasn't nervous about that at all....b/c i am sure it didn't even cross his mind to engage in such an outmoded tradition. he did marry me, afterall. the 'downside' is i think it's ridiculous...that's all. others may not, so go for it! i had no intention of being 'given away' either......although sadly my father passed away before our wedding day in any case. :( i am happy he did know we were being married, and his name was on the invite, etc. i had every intention of having BOTH my parents walk me down the aisle...but not as being given away, just as in being my support, my parents, etc....enough about my thoughts on all 'that'.......:D



anyhooo......good luck with the proposal..do what feels right for you and you'll do fine! let us know when the happy news happens!

Ms. Haiku

The Champ wrote:

unless the relationship is strained, I don't see the downside...

Ohhhwheee! You got that right. Never underestimate the power of a shitty dad/daughter relationship. It would be an insult to ask a dad in that case. I get chills thinking of that type of situation. Obviously, though, if a person asked another person to get married then that dad/daughter relationship would be out in the open.

The Champ

decides2dream wrote:

and i simply stated my own opinion the topic that differs from yours.
i am sure my parents were well aware of where our relationship was heading, there were lots of clues. as i said, my parent's were traditionalists in many ways, but quite honestly..i think even my own dad woul'dve been like wtf? not that he ever used such language. and no, my husband wasn't nervous about that at all....b/c i am sure it didn't even cross his mind to engage in such an outmoded tradition. he did marry me, afterall. the 'downside' is i think it's ridiculous...that's all. others may not, so go for it! i had no intention of being 'given away' either......although sadly my father passed away before our wedding day in any case. :( i am happy he did know we were being married, and his name was on the invite, etc. i had every intention of having BOTH my parents walk me down the aisle...but not as being given away, just as in being my support, my parents, etc....enough about my thoughts on all 'that'.......

anyhooo......good luck with the proposal..do what feels right for you and you'll do fine! let us know when the happy news happens!

Aww, sorry to hear about the dad scenario..

My wife is a very progressive, successful, and respected young Manhattan professional. To her it's not about being 'given away,' but something special about the sacred ceremony and bond she's shared with her father. I guess some men may also think getting on one knee is dated, but I sure as fuck don't as some things should remain tradition ..relative to everyone of course ..

The Champ

Ms. Haiku wrote:

Ohhhwheee! You got that right. Never underestimate the power of a shitty dad/daughter relationship. It would be an insult to ask a dad in that case. I get chills thinking of that type of situation. Obviously, though, if a person asked another person to get married then that dad/daughter relationship would be out in the open.

Definitely..and yes in that case you'd think and hope the man would have a clue ..

decides2dream

The Champ wrote:

Aww, sorry to hear about the dad scenario..

My wife is a very progressive, successful, and respected young Manhattan professional. To her it's not about being 'given away,' but something special about the sacred ceremony and bond she's shared with her father. I guess some men may also think getting on one knee is dated, but I sure as fuck don't as some things should remain tradition ..relative to everyone of course ..

absolutely.
one would hope that who you would choose to propose to would hold similar values, and thus such issues would be no-brainers. like most things, it's all personal perspective.



what about the bond she shared with her mother?
that's why i thought of having BOTH parents walk me down the aisle. also when my mom and i cried at the lack of my dad's presence and her feeling like she was 'taking his place' that day...i quickly reminded her it was ALWAYs my intention to have them BOTH...so not a reflection of an outmoded, patriarchal tradion...but sure, the love and respect i have for BOTH my parents.

Rhinocerous Surprise

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

It's quite traditional, to ask permission from the father of the bride to be.

It's what i've always thought of as traditional anyways and i'd want it done if a guy wanted to marry me

This is message to Audiodave: HINT HINT

The Champ

decides2dream wrote:

absolutely.
one would hope that who you would choose to propose to would hold similar values, and thus such issues would be no-brainers. like most things, it's all personal perspective.



what about the bond she shared with her mother?
that's why i thought of having BOTH parents walk me down the aisle. also when my mom and i cried at the lack of my dad's presence and her feeling like she was 'taking his place' that day...i quickly reminded her it was ALWAYs my intention to have them BOTH...so not a reflection of an outmoded, patriarchal tradion...but sure, the love and respect i have for BOTH my parents.

That's a cute and nice thing you said/shared with your mom at the absence of your father. That must have been tough on everyone involved...as for the mother and daughter bond it was expressed in many ways throughout our wedding..i.e. personal ceremony readings, special mother-daughter dance etc..:)..

norm

walkunafraid wrote:

Aargh...Saturday can't come soon enough!

you'll do great! good luck!

Black Diamond wrote:

I asked my wife in a closet.

c'mon, you can't say that with telling the whole story!

decides2dream

The Champ wrote:

That's a cute and nice thing you said/shared with your mom at the absence of your father. That must have been tough on everyone involved...as for the mother and daughter bond it was expressed in many ways throughout our wedding..i.e. personal ceremony readings, special mother-daughter dance etc..:)..

my mother would've walked me down the aisle no matter what. so it wasn't cute or nice..it was simply the truth. the only one missing was my dad too. all i am pointing out is many of these 'harmless tradtions' are rooted in property, a patriarchal society...not things i wish to perpetuate. obviously, others disagree. all i am saying is i cannot personally support a patriarchal system especially in regards to my own life and marriage. so asking my father's permission, only having my father walk me down the aisle, etc....just not for me. and obviously, it is both my father and mother who raised me and helped me form my own beliefs. i think at times my mother wishes she'd done differently.



anyhoo...in keeping with the thread topic. do not worry unnecessarily, although it's quite natural to do so. it seems you answered most of your own questions..our intuition usually guides us right in such scenarios....so simply ENJOY EVERY MOMENT! it will be a memory you will both treasure forever!