hmmm.......there may not be any 'harm'...but quite honestly, it is an 'outmoded tradition' in the best of terms. i am glad my husband had the good sense to not ask my father's permission...b/c wtf does he need his permission for? he only needs me to agree. go ahead...call me a crazy feminist. it's ok.
Yes..but like I said, it's a nice gesture in my opinion..I respect them very much and value their involvement as they would be my in-laws from the wedding day forward. It's not a permission, but more of a courtesy of letting them know before hand my plans regarding their only daughter..it's okay and fully understand your husbands position/decision...I know a lot of guys who also were nervous to the point where it prevented them from speaking with the father ....unless the relationship is strained, I don't see the downside...
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Yes..but like I said, it's a nice gesture in my opinion..I respect them very much and value their involvement as they would be my in-laws from the wedding day forward. It's not a permission, but more of a courtesy of letting them know before hand my plans regarding their only daughter..it's okay and fully understand your husbands position/decision...I know a lot of guys who also were nervous to the point where it prevented them from speaking with the father ....unless the relationship is strained, I don't see the downside...
and i simply stated my own opinion the topic that differs from yours.
i am sure my parents were well aware of where our relationship was heading, there were lots of clues. as i said, my parent's were traditionalists in many ways, but quite honestly..i think even my own dad woul'dve been like wtf? not that he ever used such language. and no, my husband wasn't nervous about that at all....b/c i am sure it didn't even cross his mind to engage in such an outmoded tradition. he did marry me, afterall. the 'downside' is i think it's ridiculous...that's all. others may not, so go for it! i had no intention of being 'given away' either......although sadly my father passed away before our wedding day in any case. :( i am happy he did know we were being married, and his name was on the invite, etc. i had every intention of having BOTH my parents walk me down the aisle...but not as being given away, just as in being my support, my parents, etc....enough about my thoughts on all 'that'.......:D
anyhooo......good luck with the proposal..do what feels right for you and you'll do fine! let us know when the happy news happens!
unless the relationship is strained, I don't see the downside...
Ohhhwheee! You got that right. Never underestimate the power of a shitty dad/daughter relationship. It would be an insult to ask a dad in that case. I get chills thinking of that type of situation. Obviously, though, if a person asked another person to get married then that dad/daughter relationship would be out in the open.
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
and i simply stated my own opinion the topic that differs from yours.
i am sure my parents were well aware of where our relationship was heading, there were lots of clues. as i said, my parent's were traditionalists in many ways, but quite honestly..i think even my own dad woul'dve been like wtf? not that he ever used such language. and no, my husband wasn't nervous about that at all....b/c i am sure it didn't even cross his mind to engage in such an outmoded tradition. he did marry me, afterall. the 'downside' is i think it's ridiculous...that's all. others may not, so go for it! i had no intention of being 'given away' either......although sadly my father passed away before our wedding day in any case. :( i am happy he did know we were being married, and his name was on the invite, etc. i had every intention of having BOTH my parents walk me down the aisle...but not as being given away, just as in being my support, my parents, etc....enough about my thoughts on all 'that'.......
anyhooo......good luck with the proposal..do what feels right for you and you'll do fine! let us know when the happy news happens!
Aww, sorry to hear about the dad scenario..
My wife is a very progressive, successful, and respected young Manhattan professional. To her it's not about being 'given away,' but something special about the sacred ceremony and bond she's shared with her father. I guess some men may also think getting on one knee is dated, but I sure as fuck don't as some things should remain tradition ..relative to everyone of course ..
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Ohhhwheee! You got that right. Never underestimate the power of a shitty dad/daughter relationship. It would be an insult to ask a dad in that case. I get chills thinking of that type of situation. Obviously, though, if a person asked another person to get married then that dad/daughter relationship would be out in the open.
Definitely..and yes in that case you'd think and hope the man would have a clue ..
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
My wife is a very progressive, successful, and respected young Manhattan professional. To her it's not about being 'given away,' but something special about the sacred ceremony and bond she's shared with her father. I guess some men may also think getting on one knee is dated, but I sure as fuck don't as some things should remain tradition ..relative to everyone of course ..
absolutely.
one would hope that who you would choose to propose to would hold similar values, and thus such issues would be no-brainers. like most things, it's all personal perspective.
what about the bond she shared with her mother?
that's why i thought of having BOTH parents walk me down the aisle. also when my mom and i cried at the lack of my dad's presence and her feeling like she was 'taking his place' that day...i quickly reminded her it was ALWAYs my intention to have them BOTH...so not a reflection of an outmoded, patriarchal tradion...but sure, the love and respect i have for BOTH my parents.
absolutely.
one would hope that who you would choose to propose to would hold similar values, and thus such issues would be no-brainers. like most things, it's all personal perspective.
what about the bond she shared with her mother?
that's why i thought of having BOTH parents walk me down the aisle. also when my mom and i cried at the lack of my dad's presence and her feeling like she was 'taking his place' that day...i quickly reminded her it was ALWAYs my intention to have them BOTH...so not a reflection of an outmoded, patriarchal tradion...but sure, the love and respect i have for BOTH my parents.
That's a cute and nice thing you said/shared with your mom at the absence of your father. That must have been tough on everyone involved...as for the mother and daughter bond it was expressed in many ways throughout our wedding..i.e. personal ceremony readings, special mother-daughter dance etc..:)..
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
That's a cute and nice thing you said/shared with your mom at the absence of your father. That must have been tough on everyone involved...as for the mother and daughter bond it was expressed in many ways throughout our wedding..i.e. personal ceremony readings, special mother-daughter dance etc..:)..
my mother would've walked me down the aisle no matter what. so it wasn't cute or nice..it was simply the truth. the only one missing was my dad too. all i am pointing out is many of these 'harmless tradtions' are rooted in property, a patriarchal society...not things i wish to perpetuate. obviously, others disagree. all i am saying is i cannot personally support a patriarchal system especially in regards to my own life and marriage. so asking my father's permission, only having my father walk me down the aisle, etc....just not for me. and obviously, it is both my father and mother who raised me and helped me form my own beliefs. i think at times my mother wishes she'd done differently.
anyhoo...in keeping with the thread topic. do not worry unnecessarily, although it's quite natural to do so. it seems you answered most of your own questions..our intuition usually guides us right in such scenarios....so simply ENJOY EVERY MOMENT! it will be a memory you will both treasure forever!
my mother would've walked me down the aisle no matter what. so it wasn't cute or nice..it was simply the truth. the only one missing was my dad too. all i am pointing out is many of these 'harmless tradtions' are rooted in property, a patriarchal society...not things i wish to perpetuate. obviously, others disagree. all i am saying is i cannot personally support a patriarchal system especially in regards to my own life and marriage. so asking my father's permission, only having my father walk me down the aisle, etc....just not for me. and obviously, it is both my father and mother who raised me and helped me form my own beliefs. i think at times my mother wishes she'd done differently.
anyhoo...in keeping with the thread topic. do not worry unnecessarily, although it's quite natural to do so. it seems you answered most of your own questions..our intuition usually guides us right in such scenarios....so simply ENJOY EVERY MOMENT! it will be a memory you will both treasure forever!
S
Sorry for the derailment Walkunafraid, but it's all D2D's fault ....and yes I understood you were planning on walking down with both..I meant that's cute and nice..my bad with the poor wording scenario causing confusion..
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Believe me, when I was growin up, I thought the worst thing you could turn out to be was normal, So I say freaks in the most complementary way. Here's a song by a fellow freak - E.V
sometimes what is viewed as a 'negative' in advance, can actually turn into a positive. my husband propsed to me in one of our then-fave restaurants. thing is, for whatever reason he picked a particular day, a weekday, made a reservation and he would not change. turns out we had a massive snowstorm! he still made me go out, dressed to the nines....and i was like wtf? i had my suspicions, but still. we ended up being the ONLY guest in the entire restaurant. i felt bad for the staff having to be there...but they seemed ultimately happy to be a part of our special day. nothing happened until dessert, and the waiter brought out a cake that had 'will you marry me?' on it while my husband broke out the ring. i could not ask for a more perfect evening or proposal.......and that horrible snowstorm made it that much more speial and memorable.
my sisters husband did something similar at her 30th. Put the ring on top of an umbrella on the cake. She just saw the cake, blew out the candles, threw the umbrella aside and the ring went flying... she still didn't notice we were all like 'what the fuck?' so he had to pick it up and hand it to her. It was soooooo funny.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
my sisters husband did something similar at her 30th. Put the ring on top of an umbrella on the cake. She just saw the cake, blew out the candles, threw the umbrella aside and the ring went flying... she still didn't notice we were all like 'what the fuck?' so he had to pick it up and hand it to her. It was soooooo funny.
i love engagement stories...so sweet, even in their many imperfections. actually, probably makes em sweeter.
Didn't exactly turn out how I wanted/expected -- but I asked, and she said yes.
Time for cake! Congratulations
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Comments
Yes..but like I said, it's a nice gesture in my opinion..I respect them very much and value their involvement as they would be my in-laws from the wedding day forward. It's not a permission, but more of a courtesy of letting them know before hand my plans regarding their only daughter..it's okay and fully understand your husbands position/decision...I know a lot of guys who also were nervous to the point where it prevented them from speaking with the father
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
and i simply stated my own opinion the topic that differs from yours.
i am sure my parents were well aware of where our relationship was heading, there were lots of clues. as i said, my parent's were traditionalists in many ways, but quite honestly..i think even my own dad woul'dve been like wtf? not that he ever used such language. and no, my husband wasn't nervous about that at all....b/c i am sure it didn't even cross his mind to engage in such an outmoded tradition. he did marry me, afterall.
anyhooo......good luck with the proposal..do what feels right for you and you'll do fine! let us know when the happy news happens!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Aww, sorry to hear about the dad scenario..
My wife is a very progressive, successful, and respected young Manhattan professional. To her it's not about being 'given away,' but something special about the sacred ceremony and bond she's shared with her father. I guess some men may also think getting on one knee is dated, but I sure as fuck don't as some things should remain tradition
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Definitely..and yes in that case you'd think and hope the man would have a clue
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
absolutely.
one would hope that who you would choose to propose to would hold similar values, and thus such issues would be no-brainers.
what about the bond she shared with her mother?
that's why i thought of having BOTH parents walk me down the aisle. also when my mom and i cried at the lack of my dad's presence and her feeling like she was 'taking his place' that day...i quickly reminded her it was ALWAYs my intention to have them BOTH...so not a reflection of an outmoded, patriarchal tradion...but sure, the love and respect i have for BOTH my parents.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
That's a cute and nice thing you said/shared with your mom at the absence of your father. That must have been tough on everyone involved...as for the mother and daughter bond it was expressed in many ways throughout our wedding..i.e. personal ceremony readings, special mother-daughter dance etc..:)..
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
you'll do great! good luck!
c'mon, you can't say that with telling the whole story!
my mother would've walked me down the aisle no matter what. so it wasn't cute or nice..it was simply the truth. the only one missing was my dad too. all i am pointing out is many of these 'harmless tradtions' are rooted in property, a patriarchal society...not things i wish to perpetuate. obviously, others disagree. all i am saying is i cannot personally support a patriarchal system especially in regards to my own life and marriage. so asking my father's permission, only having my father walk me down the aisle, etc....just not for me. and obviously, it is both my father and mother who raised me and helped me form my own beliefs. i think at times my mother wishes she'd done differently.
anyhoo...in keeping with the thread topic. do not worry unnecessarily, although it's quite natural to do so. it seems you answered most of your own questions..our intuition usually guides us right in such scenarios....so simply ENJOY EVERY MOMENT! it will be a memory you will both treasure forever!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Sorry for the derailment Walkunafraid, but it's all D2D's fault
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Best Wishes Walkunafraid! and don't be afraid!!
nevermind.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
Hail Hail HIPPIEMOM
Wishlist Foundation-
http://www.wishlistfoundation.org
info@wishlistfoundation.org
Starts?
Wow, really? What the fuck? I am beyond embarrassed. I pride myself on having perfect spelling and grammar, even on a message board.
And I'm a fucking English teacher.
I will go bury my head in the sand now.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” - Albert Camus
joking !
Me fail english? That's unpossible.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
i love engagement stories...so sweet, even in their many imperfections. actually, probably makes em sweeter.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Didn't exactly turn out how I wanted/expected -- but I asked, and she said yes.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” - Albert Camus
However it went, I'm sure neither of you will forget it
Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/09
That's GREAT!!!
the most important part is she said YES!!
congrats!
Congrats!
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14