I agree. I used the word burden without any negative connotation in mind...just like synonymous with "responsibility".
My point was that it could possibly be more of a difficult task for one person alone to care for an elderly parent than it would be for two to share the responsibility.
I don't intend on ever being a CARER, except if it's for palliative purposes. I'm gonna be the son who takes my really sick dad for a walk on the golf course or my mum to a nice riverside park for a picnic. Any direct care they need, the aged care services here in this wonderful country can take care of that.
i'm the youngest of 5 and by the time i was 11, everyone was out of the house so it was just me and the 'rents.....so in a lot of ways i felt like an only child and my sisters and bro were more like aunts and uncles that you'd see only at holidays, etc....it's only been the last 15 or so years that i've felt like i have siblings...mostly because they all moved back to the same area we grew up so i've seen them more frequently.....as for having siblings help when the parents get older, well i'm around them the most and have had most of the "burden" which i have no problems with.....but my siblings have helped out...some more than others....
not sure if that helped jenna but you caught me in a verbose mood....;)
i'm the youngest of 5 and by the time i was 11, everyone was out of the house so it was just me and the 'rents.....so in a lot of ways i felt like an only child and my sisters and bro were more like aunts and uncles that you'd see only at holidays, etc....it's only been the last 15 or so years that i've felt like i have siblings...mostly because they all moved back to the same area we grew up so i've seen them more frequently.....as for having siblings help when the parents get older, well i'm around them the most and have had most of the "burden" which i have no problems with.....but my siblings have helped out...some more than others....
not sure if that helped jenna but you caught me in a verbose mood....;)
haha, thanks! yeah that was an unusually verbose moment for you!
I know what you're saying, exactly.
Maybe I DO want another surprise baby. Decision-making is hard!
My husband and I are both only children. It made for an interesting first couple years of dating and marriage! We both always had to have things 'our way'. Having an unplanned pregnancy during our first year of marriage changed that attitude very quickly though.
I must say that after losing my mom unexpectedly to cancer 4 months ago at the age of 57, it really would have been nice to have a sibling to share my feelings and grief with.
My husband and I frequently talk about how we weren't going to start our family until we had been married for 5 years. Well, our 5 year anniversary is coming up this May. We are also expecting child #2 a week later. Strange how things work out.....If we would have known that things with my mom were going to end up the way they did, we would have most likely chosen not to have any kids at all.
My brother is 14 yrs older than I am so I grew up as if I was an only child. I didn't like it. I always wanted siblings closer in age to me and I always wanted a big sister.
"...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
Im an only child, was spoilt growing up, got everything I wanted and pretty much still do , woulda been cool having a bro to beat up and stuff but yeah, just me, my mum and dad, and to be honest we're not very close at all.
Pearl Jam - London Astoria 20/4/06....One hell of a night
I will say that I had the unfortunate experience of having a father w/Alzheimer's when I was 24.....and I am thankful I had a sibling to go through it with. I was adopted and my parents are FAR older than I - more like grandparents.
My mom is now almost 80 and requires a lot of care and attention. It is nice to have someone to share the responsibility with. I cannot imagine having to work full time, raise a child and care for an elderly parent all by myself. It is difficult. She had to move into an assisted living facility and we had to clean her whole house out - it was soooo much work. Thankfully I wasn't alone.
I worry about that w/my son b/c he is an only child. But that is where friends come into the picture - they can help too! My friends have been a great source of support through everything.
I will say that I had the unfortunate experience of having a father w/Alzheimer's when I was 24.....and I am thankful I had a sibling to go through it with. I was adopted and my parents are FAR older than I - more like grandparents.
My mom is now almost 80 and requires a lot of care and attention. It is nice to have someone to share the responsibility with. I cannot imagine having to work full time, raise a child and care for an elderly parent all by myself. It is difficult. She had to move into an assisted living facility and we had to clean her whole house out - it was soooo much work. Thankfully I wasn't alone.
I worry about that w/my son b/c he is an only child. But that is where friends come into the picture - they can help too! My friends have been a great source of support through everything.
i had/have WAY older parents too! tomorrow we celebrate my mother's 80th birthday! luckily, she's still all togehter, with it...doing well all on her own, so far. my father however, also had alzheimer's....and he died when i was 23, he was 78. i AM thankful i have two older sisters though, absolutely.
however, while i don't *know* firsthand, i think being an only child definitely can have some serious 'pros' too. like anything else, there is always good and bad in just about any situation. so i say, why worry? do what feels right, and enjoy what've got. that's it.
hell, my husband and i BOTH had/have much older parents, are both the youngest of our families...and are childless. when we get old and decrepid, who knows what'll happen! tis my greates fear, my dead body being found a week or so later, after the dogs finish chewing off my face.......:o hahahahaha. good thing i'll be (hopefully) dead already!
anyhoooooo......i think being an only child definitely can be a good/fun thing, just like having siblings can be too. certain things, i don't think you can *plan* everything....just go with the flow, what feels right for your circumstance.
i had/have WAY older parents too! tomorrow we celebrate my mother's 80th birthday! luckily, she's still all togehter, with it...doing well all on her own, so far. my father however, also had alzheimer's....and he died when i was 23, he was 78.
geeez! my dad was 77 and my mom's 80th is on march 6th! talk about being able to relate
geeez! my dad was 77 and my mom's 80th is on march 6th! talk about being able to relate
our moms have the same birthday.
staying on topic tho : my husband, while technically the youngest of 3, pretty much grew up as an only child. there is a HUGE age gap between him and his older siblings. you grow up more autonomous, independent i think....and perhaps get to *know* yourself more since you spend more time on your own? as i've said...i think there are pros/cons to all situations.
and whomever said to have your kids close in age, again...i can agree AND disagree with that statement. again, pluses and minuses to both situations.
it would be nice to have a sibling a few years older or younger than me.
Agreed. I'm a only child and the daughter of a single mom. I would have loved to have an older brother. My mom and I have a fantastic relationship, we're more like friends, and I've very close to my maternal grandparents. I practically was raised by my grandma, while my mom worked.
While it was great growing up as an only child, and I do admit that I'm spoiled because of it, I look at my friends who have siblings and I'm jealous. As my family is very small, one of my worries is that I'll be alone when I'm elderly. I have a few cousins near my age, but unlike my mom's generation, we didn't grow up close to one another. I would love to marry someone who has a large(r) family that he's close with. Of course, he'll have to deal with the fact that I don't want kids.
i'm an only child and i hate it. maybe you get more attention/presents, but it's definitely not worth it. my parents divorced when i was 6 and it would have been much better if i had a sibling who i could have shared my situation/experiences with. my whole family isn't very close, so my family is actually just my mum and grandma. it has always been very difficult for me when my mum was sick/had to be in hospital. nobody to share your worries with etc.
i guess there's nothing better than having a good relationship with your siblings. i always wanted some.
Do you ever worry that the burden of caring for elderly parents will fall solely on your shoulders? (I don't know your personal situation, of course...but this is one thing I'm very curious about. And yes, I know that's a random thought, but I'm trying to cover all the bases while I worry about this. )
some cultures it's an honor to take care of your parents when they are old.
Toledo, Ohio (September 22, 1996), East Troy, Wisconsin (June 26, 1998), Noblesville, Indiana (August 17, 1998), Noblesville, Indiana (August 18, 2000), Cincinnati, Ohio (August 20, 2000), Columbus, Ohio (August 21, 2000), Nashville, Tennessee (April 18, 2003), Champaign, Illinois (April 23, 2003), Noblesville, Indiana (June 22, 2003), Chicago, Illinois (May 16, 2006), Chicago, Illinois (August 05, 2007), West Palm Beach, Florida (June 11, 2008), Tampa, Florida (June 12, 2008), Columbus, OH (May 06, 2010), Noblesville, Indiana (May 07, 2010), Wrigley Field (July 19, 2013), US Bank Arena (October 01, 2014), Lexington (April 26, 2016), Chicago Night 2 (August 20, 2018), Boston Night 1 (September 02, 2018), Nashville (September 16, 2022), St. Louis (September 18, 2022)
My daughter is an only child and she loves it. She has a good social network, lots of friends, etc. When I compare with her friends with siblings, she has to 'get herself out there' a lot more as she cannot 'rely' on a sibling to alleviate boredom, etc. She is a lot more independent and can sort herself out a lot more than friends with siblings. Obviously, she always has us (her parents) to share things with/do things, etc. but as she gets older, her social network takes good care of those needs.
I have a sister and, whilst she IS my sister and I love her as such, we are just too different and we have never been 'friends', even if we are very close in age (18 months difference). It has always been like that and I think always will be. As we were uprooted a lot during our childhood (army brats), my parent thought we would sort of 'stick together'. We never did as we never had the same interests or same kind of friends.
So, all in all, being an only child doesn't automatically mean this child is lonely, has no one to share feelings/burdens with, etc. And having siblings doesn't automatically mean the contrary!
As for taking care of an older parent, if the child is not capable to do so for various reasons, there are networks in place to help.
So, all in all, being an only child doesn't automatically mean this child is lonely, has no one to share feelings/burdens with, etc. And having siblings doesn't automatically mean the contrary!
right, but as i said if there are any family/health problems, a person who is basically in the same situation as you, can understand you better.
if you talk about these things with a friend, they can go home and live their life, but your sibling has the same home as you.
some cultures it's an honor to take care of your parents when they are old.
As well it should be. I plan to take great care of my mom, like she did her own.
As I already explained, I used the term "burden" as a replacement for the word "responsibility". I was trying to highlight the difference between being solely responsible for the care of aging parents vs. sharing that responsibility with siblings. As others have pointed out, those situations can be very different experiences.
Comments
not sure if that helped jenna but you caught me in a verbose mood....;)
haha, thanks! yeah that was an unusually verbose moment for you!
I know what you're saying, exactly.
Maybe I DO want another surprise baby. Decision-making is hard!
I must say that after losing my mom unexpectedly to cancer 4 months ago at the age of 57, it really would have been nice to have a sibling to share my feelings and grief with.
My husband and I frequently talk about how we weren't going to start our family until we had been married for 5 years. Well, our 5 year anniversary is coming up this May. We are also expecting child #2 a week later. Strange how things work out.....If we would have known that things with my mom were going to end up the way they did, we would have most likely chosen not to have any kids at all.
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
Reading 2006 - WOOOOW!!!!!
Paris 2006 - Fucking amazing
Wembley 2007
My mom is now almost 80 and requires a lot of care and attention. It is nice to have someone to share the responsibility with. I cannot imagine having to work full time, raise a child and care for an elderly parent all by myself. It is difficult. She had to move into an assisted living facility and we had to clean her whole house out - it was soooo much work. Thankfully I wasn't alone.
I worry about that w/my son b/c he is an only child. But that is where friends come into the picture - they can help too! My friends have been a great source of support through everything.
i had/have WAY older parents too! tomorrow we celebrate my mother's 80th birthday! luckily, she's still all togehter, with it...doing well all on her own, so far. my father however, also had alzheimer's....and he died when i was 23, he was 78. i AM thankful i have two older sisters though, absolutely.
however, while i don't *know* firsthand, i think being an only child definitely can have some serious 'pros' too. like anything else, there is always good and bad in just about any situation. so i say, why worry? do what feels right, and enjoy what've got. that's it.
hell, my husband and i BOTH had/have much older parents, are both the youngest of our families...and are childless. when we get old and decrepid, who knows what'll happen! tis my greates fear, my dead body being found a week or so later, after the dogs finish chewing off my face.......:o hahahahaha. good thing i'll be (hopefully) dead already!
anyhoooooo......i think being an only child definitely can be a good/fun thing, just like having siblings can be too. certain things, i don't think you can *plan* everything....just go with the flow, what feels right for your circumstance.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
geeez! my dad was 77 and my mom's 80th is on march 6th! talk about being able to relate
our moms have the same birthday.
staying on topic tho
and whomever said to have your kids close in age, again...i can agree AND disagree with that statement. again, pluses and minuses to both situations.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
and me and edvedder913 have the same birthday :P
Reading 2006 - WOOOOW!!!!!
Paris 2006 - Fucking amazing
Wembley 2007
i think you and edvedder913 have just a few more years between you.......;) whereas our moms have the EXACT same birthday...day and year.
and....are you an only child?
(trying to maintain topic integrity)
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Agreed. I'm a only child and the daughter of a single mom. I would have loved to have an older brother. My mom and I have a fantastic relationship, we're more like friends, and I've very close to my maternal grandparents. I practically was raised by my grandma, while my mom worked.
While it was great growing up as an only child, and I do admit that I'm spoiled because of it, I look at my friends who have siblings and I'm jealous. As my family is very small, one of my worries is that I'll be alone when I'm elderly. I have a few cousins near my age, but unlike my mom's generation, we didn't grow up close to one another. I would love to marry someone who has a large(r) family that he's close with. Of course, he'll have to deal with the fact that I don't want kids.
hello fellow virgo! you must be great
if you were all for ZPG, you wouldnt have had any children at all.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I have three older sisters and three older brothers!! I guess I wouldn't know what it is like being an only child!!
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
i guess there's nothing better than having a good relationship with your siblings. i always wanted some.
Munich, Germany 2007
some cultures it's an honor to take care of your parents when they are old.
Toledo, Ohio (September 22, 1996), East Troy, Wisconsin (June 26, 1998), Noblesville, Indiana (August 17, 1998), Noblesville, Indiana (August 18, 2000), Cincinnati, Ohio (August 20, 2000), Columbus, Ohio (August 21, 2000), Nashville, Tennessee (April 18, 2003), Champaign, Illinois (April 23, 2003), Noblesville, Indiana (June 22, 2003), Chicago, Illinois (May 16, 2006), Chicago, Illinois (August 05, 2007), West Palm Beach, Florida (June 11, 2008), Tampa, Florida (June 12, 2008), Columbus, OH (May 06, 2010), Noblesville, Indiana (May 07, 2010), Wrigley Field (July 19, 2013), US Bank Arena (October 01, 2014), Lexington (April 26, 2016), Chicago Night 2 (August 20, 2018), Boston Night 1 (September 02, 2018), Nashville (September 16, 2022), St. Louis (September 18, 2022)
I have a sister and, whilst she IS my sister and I love her as such, we are just too different and we have never been 'friends', even if we are very close in age (18 months difference). It has always been like that and I think always will be. As we were uprooted a lot during our childhood (army brats), my parent thought we would sort of 'stick together'. We never did as we never had the same interests or same kind of friends.
So, all in all, being an only child doesn't automatically mean this child is lonely, has no one to share feelings/burdens with, etc. And having siblings doesn't automatically mean the contrary!
As for taking care of an older parent, if the child is not capable to do so for various reasons, there are networks in place to help.
right, but as i said if there are any family/health problems, a person who is basically in the same situation as you, can understand you better.
if you talk about these things with a friend, they can go home and live their life, but your sibling has the same home as you.
Munich, Germany 2007
As well it should be. I plan to take great care of my mom, like she did her own.
As I already explained, I used the term "burden" as a replacement for the word "responsibility". I was trying to highlight the difference between being solely responsible for the care of aging parents vs. sharing that responsibility with siblings. As others have pointed out, those situations can be very different experiences.