What is it like being an "only child"?

xavier mcdaniel

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

Do you ever worry that the burden of caring for elderly parents will fall solely on your shoulders? (I don't know your personal situation, of course...but this is one thing I'm very curious about. And yes, I know that's a random thought, but I'm trying to cover all the bases while I worry about this. )

honestly, i haven't thought of it extensively. maybe it's because my parents have been fortunate to not have any major health problems just yet. it's crossed my mind on occasion but not extensively.

that being said, it would be nice to have a sibling a few years older or younger than me.

Danimal

Rygar wrote:

Not if he gets married, his wife can take care of that.

I totally got this joke. Awesome!

GraySaturday

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I can imagine that. Right now, she just fits in with us and I assume she'll continue to as she gets older. If we have another kid...it'll feel like it's more "us" and "them", and sometimes "us" vs. "them".

When I was pregnant, I was at a rock show and I saw this 20-something girl with her youngish parents. They were just hanging out together...like friends...and I just got the feeling that she was probably an only child who grew up "hanging out" with her parents. I like the idea of that. I just will feel bad if she grows up to think we're total douchebags, and then wishes she had a sibling with whom she could complain about us.

maybe you saw me. When we weren't watching peter Jennings we were at concerts. Haha! I used to lie to my friends and tell them I was grounded and couldnt go out because I wanted to hang out with my mom and didnt want to get shit about it! Haha my mom was way more fun then my friends.

My brother has a totally different relationship with my patents. I feel bad for him sometimes. It was always "us" as in the three of us and then him. Everyone used to wonder where he came from. I think he hates us all.

GreenTeaDisease

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I can imagine that. Right now, she just fits in with us and I assume she'll continue to as she gets older. If we have another kid...it'll feel like it's more "us" and "them", and sometimes "us" vs. "them".

When I was pregnant, I was at a rock show and I saw this 20-something girl with her youngish parents. They were just hanging out together...like friends...and I just got the feeling that she was probably an only child who grew up "hanging out" with her parents. I like the idea of that. I just will feel bad if she grows up to think we're total douchebags, and then wishes she had a sibling with whom she could complain about us.

well honestly I can't really imagine not having my brother though. (even though he ate all my toys when I was little and then grew up to be better at everything and smarter and better looking than me )

Hinny

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

Do you ever worry that the burden of caring for elderly parents will fall solely on your shoulders? (I don't know your personal situation, of course...but this is one thing I'm very curious about. And yes, I know that's a random thought, but I'm trying to cover all the bases while I worry about this. )

I don't see this as a 'burden' per se, but the rightful thing that any offspring, be it multiple or singular, should do. Besides, I know the aged care system like the back of my hand, and unless it drastically changes I really don't see myself as needing to provide any direct care.

As for whether I would prefer to have a sibling, the answer is I really have no preference- I don't see any problems with how things have been, and it's just not something I worry much about, if at all.

riffrandall

I am an only child & I have an only child. I'm all about the zero population growth. (Not really, it just worked out that way.)

As for caring for elderly parents in the future- really doesn't have to be a burden if there's been even a teeny bit of advance planning and/ or discussion before we go shopping for Depends.

PureandEasy

I'm one of five as well, I love my brothers and sisters, always have

there really has never been any animosity between us

my aunt and uncle had 12 kids - 10 boys THEN 2 girls

Yikes!!!!

There's that Irish Catholic family for ya!

Phantom Pain

I have an older brother

My Wife is an only child and she hated it

She felt very lonely growing up and wants to make sure we have 2 kids

I haven't read the whole thread, are thinking about having another baby ?

Brain of J.Lo

Hinny wrote:

I don't see this as a 'burden' per se, but the rightful thing that any offspring, be it multiple or singular, should do.

I agree. I used the word burden without any negative connotation in mind...just like synonymous with "responsibility".

My point was that it could possibly be more of a difficult task for one person alone to care for an elderly parent than it would be for two to share the responsibility.

Brain of J.Lo

Phantom Pain wrote:

I haven't read the whole thread, are thinking about having another baby ?

I'm just kicking around the idea right now. We're not ready for that yet.

Just trying to plan ahead this time rather than have another "hmmmm...I'm pregnant? how the hell did that happen?" moment again.

Hinny

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I agree. I used the word burden without any negative connotation in mind...just like synonymous with "responsibility".

My point was that it could possibly be more of a difficult task for one person alone to care for an elderly parent than it would be for two to share the responsibility.

I don't intend on ever being a CARER, except if it's for palliative purposes. I'm gonna be the son who takes my really sick dad for a walk on the golf course or my mum to a nice riverside park for a picnic. Any direct care they need, the aged care services here in this wonderful country can take care of that.

norm

i'm the youngest of 5 and by the time i was 11, everyone was out of the house so it was just me and the 'rents.....so in a lot of ways i felt like an only child and my sisters and bro were more like aunts and uncles that you'd see only at holidays, etc....it's only been the last 15 or so years that i've felt like i have siblings...mostly because they all moved back to the same area we grew up so i've seen them more frequently.....as for having siblings help when the parents get older, well i'm around them the most and have had most of the "burden" which i have no problems with.....but my siblings have helped out...some more than others....

not sure if that helped jenna but you caught me in a verbose mood....;)

Brain of J.Lo

cutback wrote:

i'm the youngest of 5 and by the time i was 11, everyone was out of the house so it was just me and the 'rents.....so in a lot of ways i felt like an only child and my sisters and bro were more like aunts and uncles that you'd see only at holidays, etc....it's only been the last 15 or so years that i've felt like i have siblings...mostly because they all moved back to the same area we grew up so i've seen them more frequently.....as for having siblings help when the parents get older, well i'm around them the most and have had most of the "burden" which i have no problems with.....but my siblings have helped out...some more than others....

not sure if that helped jenna but you caught me in a verbose mood....;)

haha, thanks! yeah that was an unusually verbose moment for you!

I know what you're saying, exactly.

Maybe I DO want another surprise baby. Decision-making is hard!

JLF78

My husband and I are both only children. It made for an interesting first couple years of dating and marriage! We both always had to have things 'our way'. Having an unplanned pregnancy during our first year of marriage changed that attitude very quickly though.

I must say that after losing my mom unexpectedly to cancer 4 months ago at the age of 57, it really would have been nice to have a sibling to share my feelings and grief with.

My husband and I frequently talk about how we weren't going to start our family until we had been married for 5 years. Well, our 5 year anniversary is coming up this May. We are also expecting child #2 a week later. Strange how things work out.....If we would have known that things with my mom were going to end up the way they did, we would have most likely chosen not to have any kids at all.

Allie

My brother is 14 yrs older than I am so I grew up as if I was an only child. I didn't like it. I always wanted siblings closer in age to me and I always wanted a big sister.

Gossard_Is_God

Im an only child, was spoilt growing up, got everything I wanted and pretty much still do , woulda been cool having a bro to beat up and stuff but yeah, just me, my mum and dad, and to be honest we're not very close at all.

edvedder913

I will say that I had the unfortunate experience of having a father w/Alzheimer's when I was 24.....and I am thankful I had a sibling to go through it with. I was adopted and my parents are FAR older than I - more like grandparents.

My mom is now almost 80 and requires a lot of care and attention. It is nice to have someone to share the responsibility with. I cannot imagine having to work full time, raise a child and care for an elderly parent all by myself. It is difficult. She had to move into an assisted living facility and we had to clean her whole house out - it was soooo much work. Thankfully I wasn't alone.

I worry about that w/my son b/c he is an only child. But that is where friends come into the picture - they can help too! My friends have been a great source of support through everything.

decides2dream

edvedder913 wrote:

I will say that I had the unfortunate experience of having a father w/Alzheimer's when I was 24.....and I am thankful I had a sibling to go through it with. I was adopted and my parents are FAR older than I - more like grandparents.

My mom is now almost 80 and requires a lot of care and attention. It is nice to have someone to share the responsibility with. I cannot imagine having to work full time, raise a child and care for an elderly parent all by myself. It is difficult. She had to move into an assisted living facility and we had to clean her whole house out - it was soooo much work. Thankfully I wasn't alone.

I worry about that w/my son b/c he is an only child. But that is where friends come into the picture - they can help too! My friends have been a great source of support through everything.

i had/have WAY older parents too! tomorrow we celebrate my mother's 80th birthday! luckily, she's still all togehter, with it...doing well all on her own, so far. my father however, also had alzheimer's....and he died when i was 23, he was 78. i AM thankful i have two older sisters though, absolutely.


however, while i don't *know* firsthand, i think being an only child definitely can have some serious 'pros' too. like anything else, there is always good and bad in just about any situation. so i say, why worry? do what feels right, and enjoy what've got. that's it.


hell, my husband and i BOTH had/have much older parents, are both the youngest of our families...and are childless. when we get old and decrepid, who knows what'll happen! tis my greates fear, my dead body being found a week or so later, after the dogs finish chewing off my face.......:o hahahahaha. good thing i'll be (hopefully) dead already!


anyhoooooo......i think being an only child definitely can be a good/fun thing, just like having siblings can be too. certain things, i don't think you can *plan* everything....just go with the flow, what feels right for your circumstance.

edvedder913

decides2dream wrote:

i had/have WAY older parents too! tomorrow we celebrate my mother's 80th birthday! luckily, she's still all togehter, with it...doing well all on her own, so far. my father however, also had alzheimer's....and he died when i was 23, he was 78.

geeez! my dad was 77 and my mom's 80th is on march 6th! talk about being able to relate

decides2dream

edvedder913 wrote:

geeez! my dad was 77 and my mom's 80th is on march 6th! talk about being able to relate

our moms have the same birthday.


staying on topic tho : my husband, while technically the youngest of 3, pretty much grew up as an only child. there is a HUGE age gap between him and his older siblings. you grow up more autonomous, independent i think....and perhaps get to *know* yourself more since you spend more time on your own? as i've said...i think there are pros/cons to all situations.


and whomever said to have your kids close in age, again...i can agree AND disagree with that statement. again, pluses and minuses to both situations.