What is it like being an "only child"?

Brain of J.Lo

Did anyone here grow up without siblings? What was it like? Do/did you ever wish it was different?

GraySaturday

while I'm not an only child, I was for the first 8 years of my life. It was actually wonderful for me. My parents treated me like a little adult. I didnt listen to kiddie music and watch Disney. We watched the world news with peter jennings every night and talked about current events and our days. I had a wonderful relationship with my patents. I remember when my brother was born and my parents had a lot less time for me but it didnt bother me. I would say that I would have been perfectly happy growing up as an only child. My brother and I have no relationship, mostly due to our age gap and his current age. My best advice to you: don't have them too far apart. I became his second mother/babysitter and he resented that. I would have loved to have a sibling close in age

xavier mcdaniel

I am, it's not bad.

edvedder913

GraySaturday wrote:

while I'm not an only child, I was for the first 8 years of my life. It was actually wonderful for me. My parents treated me like a little adult. I didnt listen to kiddie music and watch Disney. We watched the world news with peter jennings every night and talked about current events and our days. I had a wonderful relationship with my patents. I remember when my brother was born and my parents had a lot less time for me but it didnt bother me. I would say that I would have been perfectly happy growing up as an only child. My brother and I have no relationship, mostly due to our age gap and his current age. My best advice to you: don't have them too far apart. I became his second mother/babysitter and he resented that. I would have loved to have a sibling close in age

Interesting. I have a similar experience but I am the younger one - by 9 years. When I think of my childhood I pretty much remember just me and my mom. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I felt like I had a sibling - b/c he wanted to be my 2nd father. UGH we hated each other. Thankfully he got married when I was about 18. So then again, it was like being an only child. I stayed home until I was 24. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that we became close. We are best buddies now.....but it took a long time. And a lot of his wife interferring telling him to stop treating me like a child and acting like my father - finally he laid off but I must say, he still worries about me incessantly! Probably b/c our dad died when I was 25. Then he really felt he had to step in.

Brain of J.Lo

GraySaturday wrote:

while I'm not an only child, I was for the first 8 years of my life. It was actually wonderful for me. My parents treated me like a little adult. I didnt listen to kiddie music and watch Disney. We watched the world news with peter jennings every night and talked about current events and our days.

I had a similar experience. Except, that my brother and sister are 17 and 15 years older than me! I was the only "child" in the house growing up, but I have two siblings....if that makes sense. I had to laugh about the world news w/ peter jennings...we did that, too!

I totally understand what you're saying about the age difference. My husband has a brother 6 years younger, and they couldn't be more different. They get along ok, but would never make the choice to hang out together without the rest of the family present. On the other hand, my sister and I have been very close at times... Still, though, she is more like an aunt than a traditional sister. My brother and I are like acquaintances that happen to look alike. I loved being the only kid...but also sort of longed for as sibling close to my age growing up.

I don't know whether to have another kid or not. Sometimes I think the desire to have more than one stems more from being able to relive the great moments of Annabelle's baby years as she gets older than it does wanting to have a bigger family. I just worry that I'll be depriving her if I don't give her a sibling.

Sorry for the rambling. I'm all over the place.

GreenTeaDisease

GraySaturday wrote:

while I'm not an only child, I was for the first 8 years of my life. It was actually wonderful for me. My parents treated me like a little adult. I didnt listen to kiddie music and watch Disney. We watched the world news with peter jennings every night and talked about current events and our days.

I had a similar situation for my first 5 years. Before my brother was born I didn't even have a bedtime, and since both my parents worked, spending nights and weekends with them was a huge treat! after my brother was born my mum didn't to back to work for 10 years, and there was definitely more of a parent-kid divide. they suddenly seemed to get much stricter. being 5 year apart, we were at each other's throats, but now we are friends.

Brain of J.Lo

xavier mcdaniel wrote:

I am, it's not bad.

Do you ever worry that the burden of caring for elderly parents will fall solely on your shoulders? (I don't know your personal situation, of course...but this is one thing I'm very curious about. And yes, I know that's a random thought, but I'm trying to cover all the bases while I worry about this. )

nfanel

i'm one of five and i love being part of a big family! we are pretty spread out, too. my oldest brother is ten years older than me and my younger brother is seven years younger. when i was young it was a pretty big gap but now it doesn't feel like one at all...they are my best friends. i always feel sorry for only children, but maybe they feel the same way about people in big families.

another thing that was nice is that when my dad passed away three years ago they were the only ones that could understand it. even for friends who lost parents...it wasn't the same as reliving those memories with my brothers/sisters.

so i guess in summation, i'm pro-big family....haha.

Brain of J.Lo

nfanel wrote:

i'm one of five and i love being part of a big family! we are pretty spread out, too. my oldest brother is ten years older than me and my younger brother is seven years younger. when i was young it was a pretty big gap but now it doesn't feel like one at all...they are my best friends. i always feel sorry for only children, but maybe they feel the same way about people in big families.

another thing that was nice is that when my dad passed away three years ago they were the only ones that could understand it. even for friends who lost parents...it wasn't the same as reliving those memories with my brothers/sisters.

so i guess in summation, i'm pro-big family....haha.

Thanks for that perspective.

While I'll never have that many kids, you definitely highlighted the benefits of siblings.

Rygar

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

Do you ever worry that the burden of caring for elderly parents will fall solely on your shoulders? (I don't know your personal situation, of course...but this is one thing I'm very curious about. And yes, I know that's a random thought, but I'm trying to cover all the bases while I worry about this. )

Not if he gets married, his wife can take care of that.

Brain of J.Lo

Rygar wrote:

Not if he gets married, his wife can take care of that.

I don't know if you're serious here or not.

But I don't expect my daughter's potential/possible future husband to be changing my diapers when I'm old. Ultimately, my care and/or my husband's care will be my daughter's sole responsibility....even if it's just making sure we're being regularly turned in our nursing home beds.

nfanel

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

Thanks for that perspective.

While I'll never have that many kids, you definitely highlighted the benefits of siblings.

i'll never have that many kids either.

Rygar

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I don't know if you're serious here or not.

But I don't expect my daughter's potential/possible future husband to be changing my diapers when I'm old. Ultimately, my care and/or my husband's care will be my daughter's sole responsibility....even if it's just making sure we're being regularly turned in our nursing home beds.

I was not being serious

Brain of J.Lo

Rygar wrote:

I was not being serious

lol, ok good

Steve Dunne

nfanel wrote:

i'll never have that many kids either.

hey you can always have a 100% irish one!

nfanel

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

lol, ok good

oh yeah, my parents must've been nuts....haha....but it worked out good for us.

when my brother got married, he and his wife (1 of 7 :eek: ) were so certain they wanted their kids to have big families like they did...they were convinced they'd have at *least* 4 or 5. they got to two and decided mmmm, that's enough. haha. (though they did end up having a third surpise...)

Brain of J.Lo

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

and there was definitely more of a parent-kid divide. th

I can imagine that. Right now, she just fits in with us and I assume she'll continue to as she gets older. If we have another kid...it'll feel like it's more "us" and "them", and sometimes "us" vs. "them".

When I was pregnant, I was at a rock show and I saw this 20-something girl with her youngish parents. They were just hanging out together...like friends...and I just got the feeling that she was probably an only child who grew up "hanging out" with her parents. I like the idea of that. I just will feel bad if she grows up to think we're total douchebags, and then wishes she had a sibling with whom she could complain about us.

nfanel

Steve Dunne wrote:

hey you can always have a 100% irish one!

not if the kid's mine i can't! are you offering your children to me? lol

nfanel

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I just would feel bad if she grew up to think we were total douchebags, and then wished she had a sibling with whom she could complain about us.

lol. now there's a reason for having kids you don't hear every day.

Brain of J.Lo

nfanel wrote:

oh yeah, my parents must've been nuts....haha....but it worked out good for us.

when my brother got married, he and his wife (1 of 7 :eek: ) were so certain they wanted their kids to have big families like they did...they were convinced they'd have at *least* 4 or 5. they got to two and decided mmmm, that's enough. haha. (though they did end up having a third surpise...)

lol, I don't think you're parents are nuts... Just so you know, that "ok, good" was directed at someone else!

Though, this baby factory will be closing it's doors after baby #2. I'm too scared to go through more pregnancies than that.

Brain of J.Lo

nfanel wrote:

lol. now there's a reason for having kids you don't hear every day.

lol!

I know. Like I said...covering all the bases!

I just know it's a big relief sometimes being able to complain about my mom to my sister! Only she can truly appreciate what I go through...lol.

xavier mcdaniel

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

Do you ever worry that the burden of caring for elderly parents will fall solely on your shoulders? (I don't know your personal situation, of course...but this is one thing I'm very curious about. And yes, I know that's a random thought, but I'm trying to cover all the bases while I worry about this. )

honestly, i haven't thought of it extensively. maybe it's because my parents have been fortunate to not have any major health problems just yet. it's crossed my mind on occasion but not extensively.

that being said, it would be nice to have a sibling a few years older or younger than me.

Danimal

Rygar wrote:

Not if he gets married, his wife can take care of that.

I totally got this joke. Awesome!

GraySaturday

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I can imagine that. Right now, she just fits in with us and I assume she'll continue to as she gets older. If we have another kid...it'll feel like it's more "us" and "them", and sometimes "us" vs. "them".

When I was pregnant, I was at a rock show and I saw this 20-something girl with her youngish parents. They were just hanging out together...like friends...and I just got the feeling that she was probably an only child who grew up "hanging out" with her parents. I like the idea of that. I just will feel bad if she grows up to think we're total douchebags, and then wishes she had a sibling with whom she could complain about us.

maybe you saw me. When we weren't watching peter Jennings we were at concerts. Haha! I used to lie to my friends and tell them I was grounded and couldnt go out because I wanted to hang out with my mom and didnt want to get shit about it! Haha my mom was way more fun then my friends.

My brother has a totally different relationship with my patents. I feel bad for him sometimes. It was always "us" as in the three of us and then him. Everyone used to wonder where he came from. I think he hates us all.

GreenTeaDisease

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I can imagine that. Right now, she just fits in with us and I assume she'll continue to as she gets older. If we have another kid...it'll feel like it's more "us" and "them", and sometimes "us" vs. "them".

When I was pregnant, I was at a rock show and I saw this 20-something girl with her youngish parents. They were just hanging out together...like friends...and I just got the feeling that she was probably an only child who grew up "hanging out" with her parents. I like the idea of that. I just will feel bad if she grows up to think we're total douchebags, and then wishes she had a sibling with whom she could complain about us.

well honestly I can't really imagine not having my brother though. (even though he ate all my toys when I was little and then grew up to be better at everything and smarter and better looking than me )

Hinny

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

Do you ever worry that the burden of caring for elderly parents will fall solely on your shoulders? (I don't know your personal situation, of course...but this is one thing I'm very curious about. And yes, I know that's a random thought, but I'm trying to cover all the bases while I worry about this. )

I don't see this as a 'burden' per se, but the rightful thing that any offspring, be it multiple or singular, should do. Besides, I know the aged care system like the back of my hand, and unless it drastically changes I really don't see myself as needing to provide any direct care.

As for whether I would prefer to have a sibling, the answer is I really have no preference- I don't see any problems with how things have been, and it's just not something I worry much about, if at all.

riffrandall

I am an only child & I have an only child. I'm all about the zero population growth. (Not really, it just worked out that way.)

As for caring for elderly parents in the future- really doesn't have to be a burden if there's been even a teeny bit of advance planning and/ or discussion before we go shopping for Depends.

PureandEasy

I'm one of five as well, I love my brothers and sisters, always have

there really has never been any animosity between us

my aunt and uncle had 12 kids - 10 boys THEN 2 girls

Yikes!!!!

There's that Irish Catholic family for ya!

Phantom Pain

I have an older brother

My Wife is an only child and she hated it

She felt very lonely growing up and wants to make sure we have 2 kids

I haven't read the whole thread, are thinking about having another baby ?

Brain of J.Lo

Hinny wrote:

I don't see this as a 'burden' per se, but the rightful thing that any offspring, be it multiple or singular, should do.

I agree. I used the word burden without any negative connotation in mind...just like synonymous with "responsibility".

My point was that it could possibly be more of a difficult task for one person alone to care for an elderly parent than it would be for two to share the responsibility.

Brain of J.Lo

Phantom Pain wrote:

I haven't read the whole thread, are thinking about having another baby ?

I'm just kicking around the idea right now. We're not ready for that yet.

Just trying to plan ahead this time rather than have another "hmmmm...I'm pregnant? how the hell did that happen?" moment again.