Roommate Advice

pineapplesandwaves

ACCBootlegGoddess wrote:

The only conflict we've had was over a dvd. I wanted to fast forward something and she didn't. There was no yelling match or insults or anything like that. She gave in conceded to me...and got really huffy and snippy after.
I apologized but said I thought she was overreacting to the whole thing...that she was being selfish and immature in getting so huffy and slamming cupboard doors and stuff.

Perhaps she was more upset with herself (than you) for conceding to you (letting you fast forward), especially if conceding to you is something she finds she does often (it does seem like a pretty petty thing to argue over in the first place). She overreacted to nothing, and I bet she feels bad about it, but because she's stubborn and passive-aggressive, she doesn't want to admit to that. Instead, the longer she gives you the silent treatment, the bigger of a deal she's turning this in to. Unless she's typically a bitch and this is regular behaviour, she probably feels awkward and embarrassed about her behaviour. I think if this isn't her regular behaviour, making small gestures (letting her know that you're not upset with her), is good. If it is her regular behaviour, perhaps you guys should have a discussion about that.

PJPixie wrote:

She's probably spending so much time and effort showing you how pissed off she is that i'm sure she's making herself miserable. Don't let it make you miserable. Good Luck!

I agree! Like I said, she's probably embarrassed and feels awkward and is absolutely miserable. Give her time, and I'm sure things will blow over.

Cosmo

ACCBootlegGoddess wrote:

Hey Cosmo!!
I have apologized to her TWICE! I guess she just isn't ready to hear it. It would help if I knew what the fuck I did. I can't see it being soley over that dvd situation I told u about. Maybe she was really hurt by my calling her immature and selfish. (and she WAS being being both...and if it was me acting that way I'd want someone to put me in my place so I know and can learn from it...but thats me, I'm not her).
I've decided to give her another week and if she's still being stupid then I'll either leave her another note or send her an e-mail in which I address those comments and apologize for them.

...
So... that means no bra and panties pillow fight DVD, right?
...
DAMN!!!!

Heineken Helen

justam wrote:

It sounds like her feelings have been hurt.

From what I remember of her, she's a rather passionate person, isn't she? You may need to do several apology-type gestures. Leave her a very nice note, bring flowers or something else she'd like BESIDES asking her to talk to you.

My sister is like this...you have to do things more than once and THEN give her room to talk also.

I'd go with this. It's either you swallowing some pride and going overboard to get the friendship back OR call it quits. It doesn't sound like there's gonna be any inbetween with this

I've known people like this too and sometimes it's hard to do when you KNOW you've done nothing wrong... but sometimes it's the ONLY thing to do. Get yourself in the right mood for it... and maybe have dinner ready for her some day she gets back from work or something.

I fucking HATE people like that though. I hate drama and usually once shit like this starts, it's only a matter of time before I get them out of my life.

genie

ACCBootlegGoddess wrote:

ok aside from the don’t do the roommate stuff it doesn’t’ work comments, I
Need some advice.
I’ve been living with a friend of mine since last June (we’d known each other for 8 years prior to moving in together). Up until the end of 2007 everything was great. We got along really well…hell we even went to Vegas together. Starting Jan 1st she just stopped talking to me (and started hording some of her stuff). I have no idea what I did to deserve this. The only conflict we've had was over a dvd. I wanted to fast forward something and she didn't. There was no yelling match or insults or anything like that. She gave in conceded to me...and got really huffy and snippy after.
I apologized but said I thought she was overreacting to the whole thing...that she was being selfish and immature in getting so huffy and slamming cupboard doors and stuff.
She told me to fuck off and has barely spoken to me since. I know there HAS to be people here that react to anger by shutting the person out and making things worse by not communicating.
For those people...is there anything the object of your anger can do to help resolve the situation or are we screwed till you decide your ready to talk??

I already tried the letter thing and that didn't work. I am willing to give her space but this is just getting ridiculous now and is starting to piss me off.
If I had done something really hurtful to her I'd understand her reaction and stuff but I didn't. Granted I shouldn't have called her immature andn selfish...I admit that...and if she'd fuckin speak to me I'd tell her as much.
Anyways any advice other than move out? (have a lease till June)

:eek: :eek: oh my days, how can people be upset so much over the small stuff but i know it very well myself.

i can get like uncommunicative when something angers me but not over a shit like this. i'd say give her the space that she needs, but do be nice to her and say nice things when with her and don't expect her to say good things in return. trying doing this for at least a month if she continues to be a bitch then stop talking to her/stop being her friend. that's what i would do anyway.

well, kind of i wouldn't probably give her a month, i'd give her a week to sort her anger out

genie

Jeremy1012 wrote:

I live with 6 people and dislike all but 2 of them.

My advice is, be a complete twat and drive her out

or you can follow this advice if things get really bad

stuckinline

is there any chance that she is upset about something or someone else in her life and is just taking it out on you?

you said she stopped talking to you on the 1st. did she have high expectations over the holidays and was disappointed?

instead of apologizing over and over again, have you just asked her what is wrong?


good luck!

justam

Heineken Helen wrote:

I'd go with this. It's either you swallowing some pride and going overboard to get the friendship back OR call it quits. It doesn't sound like there's gonna be any inbetween with this

I've known people like this too and sometimes it's hard to do when you KNOW you've done nothing wrong... but sometimes it's the ONLY thing to do. Get yourself in the right mood for it... and maybe have dinner ready for her some day she gets back from work or something.

I fucking HATE people like that though. I hate drama and usually once shit like this starts, it's only a matter of time before I get them out of my life.

You know what though? I think sometimes when people's feelings get hurt...it's not " over nothing" to them. That's where being a good friend or sister or roommate comes in. It's being sensitive to the fact that something that's not a big deal to us MAY feel like a big thing to them.

Caring about someone sometimes requires looking at things from their position rather than our own.

Heineken Helen

justam wrote:

You know what though? I think sometimes when people's feelings get hurt...it's not " over nothing" to them. That's where being a good friend or sister or roommate comes in. It's being sensitive to the fact that something that's not a big deal to us MAY feel like a big thing to them.

Caring about someone sometimes requires looking at things from their position rather than our own.

that's what I was saying... even though you know they're being silly and what you said shouldn't have offended them... it's still good to realise they're upset for a reason and swallow some pride and make it better.

ACCBootlegGoddess

Heineken Helen wrote:

that's what I was saying... even though you know they're being silly and what you said shouldn't have offended them... it's still good to realise they're upset for a reason and swallow some pride and make it better.

Thanks the the advice Helen. I know with so many replies its hard to follow, but I stated earlier that I HAVE apologized to her twice. I did swallow my pride and she rebuffed me.
I did try to verbally talk to her also. I asked if there was something other than the dvd situation bothering her...and before I could even finish the question she snapped "I don't wanna talk!!"
That was on the weekend...so thats why I'm at such an empasse here.
I don't know how many times I have to apologzie before she can let it go. Also she is the kind of person who hates being asked if she's ok when she gets quiet...it makes her more upset. (she is quiet for the first couple of hours she is awake...sometimes seems like she's mad....she told me long ago not to ask her if she's ok when she gets like that).
I think the letter next week is the way to go with some kind of kind gesture. If that doesn't work then she obviously has no interest in our friendship anymore which is a shame cause we had such a good, long friendship. :(

fanch75

ACC, I'm tellin ya, you need to go all Snoop Dogg on her ass and just start bitch-slapping the shit outta her until she concedes.

JaneNY

The next time you see her, maybe act completely normal with her, like 'hey, wanna go out for pizza?' (or whatever) and see if she responds. If she says yes, go with her, and talk about normal stuff and don't bring up the fight. Sometimes its best just to move on, and someone has to make the first step. Maybe she dug herself into this and wishes she could get out of it. Not everything has to be talked into the ground.

Danimal

I am soooooo sick of people like this....your roommate that is...

Also, I hate when people say "try apologizing a little harder". Flowers, chocolates etc....SCREW THAT! You did the right thing. You apologized a couple of times. No need to apologize more! I am sick of people saying yeah but she's passionate....she's sensitive....You do not have to cater to these idiots. Tell her to wear a helmet. Life gets much harder than this!

Fuck her brother and be done with it.

Stone Is God

Danimal wrote:

I am soooooo sick of people like this....your roommate that is...

Also, I hate when people say try "apologizing a little harder". Flowers, chocolates etc....SCREW THAT! You did the right thing. You apologized a couple of times. No need to apologize more! I am sick of people saying yeah but she's passionate....she's sensitive....You do not have to cater to these idiots. Tell her to wear a helmet. Life gets much harder than this!

Fuck her brother and be done with it.

Now that is the best solution that I've heard yet. 'Fuck her brother and be done with it.' Priceless, frigin' priceless.

fanch75

Danimal wrote:

I am soooooo sick of people like this....your roommate that is...

Also, I hate when people say try "apologizing a little harder". Flowers, chocolates etc....SCREW THAT! You did the right thing. You apologized a couple of times. No need to apologize more! I am sick of people saying yeah but she's passionate....she's sensitive....You do not have to cater to these idiots. Tell her to wear a helmet. Life gets much harder than this!

Fuck her brother and be done with it.

That is so rock and roll!

Her bf and her exbf would put an exclamation on it.

ACCBootlegGoddess

UPDATE:

The silence has finally ended.
An opportunity to make a gesture presented itself and I took it. The Raptors won last night...and there is a promotion whereby if they score 100 points or more, you take yer ticket stub to Pizza Pizza in the next 24 hrs for a free slice. I found 2 stubs after the game last night so on my way home from work I went and got us each a slice.

She didn't eat it at first so I put it in the fridge...she later came out and asked me a quick question and I noticed the bitchiness gone so I asked if we were now cool and she said yes.
Turns out it was over the DVD thing but she's ok now. Said thats how she is...she gets pissed...gets quiet and takes a long time to get it out of her system but that eventually she does get over things.
We then talked for 2 hours about other shit going on with us...like we used too. She ate her pizza during that converation too

Its nice not to have a war zone in my home anymore.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

Heineken Helen

Wow, I'm glad to hear that... see... pizza solves SO many problems you did well.

She sounds fucking annoying but I've known people like that too who were worth getting through the annoying shit. Others weren't so I got rid of them but some people are. It's just crazy... but if that's how she is it's how she is. I love that feeling though when you've fallen out with a friend and then when you make up and it's all relief and laughing more than usual and laughing at how stupid you've been and stuff!

justam

ACCBootlegGoddess wrote:

UPDATE:

The silence has finally ended.
An opportunity to make a gesture presented itself and I took it. The Raptors won last night...and there is a promotion whereby if they score 100 points or more, you take yer ticket stub to Pizza Pizza in the next 24 hrs for a free slice. I found 2 stubs after the game last night so on my way home from work I went and got us each a slice.

She didn't eat it at first so I put it in the fridge...she later came out and asked me a quick question and I noticed the bitchiness gone so I asked if we were now cool and she said yes.
Turns out it was over the DVD thing but she's ok now. Said thats how she is...she gets pissed...gets quiet and takes a long time to get it out of her system but that eventually she does get over things.
We then talked for 2 hours about other shit going on with us...like we used too. She ate her pizza during that converation too

Its nice not to have a war zone in my home anymore.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

I'm glad it was resolved in a good way.

South of Seattle

ACCBootlegGoddess wrote:

UPDATE:

The silence has finally ended.
An opportunity to make a gesture presented itself and I took it. The Raptors won last night...and there is a promotion whereby if they score 100 points or more, you take yer ticket stub to Pizza Pizza in the next 24 hrs for a free slice. I found 2 stubs after the game last night so on my way home from work I went and got us each a slice.

She didn't eat it at first so I put it in the fridge...she later came out and asked me a quick question and I noticed the bitchiness gone so I asked if we were now cool and she said yes.
Turns out it was over the DVD thing but she's ok now. Said thats how she is...she gets pissed...gets quiet and takes a long time to get it out of her system but that eventually she does get over things.
We then talked for 2 hours about other shit going on with us...like we used too. She ate her pizza during that converation too

Its nice not to have a war zone in my home anymore.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

We get Chalupa's when we score a hundred points. I'd rather have pizza :(

I'm guessing you won't score 100 pts on Sunday, so stay away from the ACC

Glad your situation is resolved. Roommate tension is the worst kind.

fanch75

ACCBootlegGoddess wrote:

UPDATE:

The silence has finally ended.
An opportunity to make a gesture presented itself and I took it. The Raptors won last night...and there is a promotion whereby if they score 100 points or more, you take yer ticket stub to Pizza Pizza in the next 24 hrs for a free slice. I found 2 stubs after the game last night so on my way home from work I went and got us each a slice.

She didn't eat it at first so I put it in the fridge...she later came out and asked me a quick question and I noticed the bitchiness gone so I asked if we were now cool and she said yes.
Turns out it was over the DVD thing but she's ok now. Said thats how she is...she gets pissed...gets quiet and takes a long time to get it out of her system but that eventually she does get over things.
We then talked for 2 hours about other shit going on with us...like we used too. She ate her pizza during that converation too

Its nice not to have a war zone in my home anymore.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

Man, I'd hate to see if this woman had real problems. She'd be a wreck.

Glad to see it's better. That would make me want to never be home.

Word.

ACCBootlegGoddess

fanch75 wrote:

Man, I'd hate to see if this woman had real problems. She'd be a wreck.

Glad to see it's better. That would make me want to never be home.

Word.

OMG Fanch it soo did. I was lucky this last week was a busy one for me both from work and I went out with a friend one night.