Roommate Advice
ACCBootlegGoddess
Posts: 4,248
ok aside from the don’t do the roommate stuff it doesn’t’ work comments, I
Need some advice.
I’ve been living with a friend of mine since last June (we’d known each other for 8 years prior to moving in together). Up until the end of 2007 everything was great. We got along really well…hell we even went to Vegas together. Starting Jan 1st she just stopped talking to me (and started hording some of her stuff). I have no idea what I did to deserve this. The only conflict we've had was over a dvd. I wanted to fast forward something and she didn't. There was no yelling match or insults or anything like that. She gave in conceded to me...and got really huffy and snippy after.
I apologized but said I thought she was overreacting to the whole thing...that she was being selfish and immature in getting so huffy and slamming cupboard doors and stuff.
She told me to fuck off and has barely spoken to me since. I know there HAS to be people here that react to anger by shutting the person out and making things worse by not communicating.
For those people...is there anything the object of your anger can do to help resolve the situation or are we screwed till you decide your ready to talk??
I already tried the letter thing and that didn't work. I am willing to give her space but this is just getting ridiculous now and is starting to piss me off.
If I had done something really hurtful to her I'd understand her reaction and stuff but I didn't. Granted I shouldn't have called her immature andn selfish...I admit that...and if she'd fuckin speak to me I'd tell her as much.
Anyways any advice other than move out? (have a lease till June)
Need some advice.
I’ve been living with a friend of mine since last June (we’d known each other for 8 years prior to moving in together). Up until the end of 2007 everything was great. We got along really well…hell we even went to Vegas together. Starting Jan 1st she just stopped talking to me (and started hording some of her stuff). I have no idea what I did to deserve this. The only conflict we've had was over a dvd. I wanted to fast forward something and she didn't. There was no yelling match or insults or anything like that. She gave in conceded to me...and got really huffy and snippy after.
I apologized but said I thought she was overreacting to the whole thing...that she was being selfish and immature in getting so huffy and slamming cupboard doors and stuff.
She told me to fuck off and has barely spoken to me since. I know there HAS to be people here that react to anger by shutting the person out and making things worse by not communicating.
For those people...is there anything the object of your anger can do to help resolve the situation or are we screwed till you decide your ready to talk??
I already tried the letter thing and that didn't work. I am willing to give her space but this is just getting ridiculous now and is starting to piss me off.
If I had done something really hurtful to her I'd understand her reaction and stuff but I didn't. Granted I shouldn't have called her immature andn selfish...I admit that...and if she'd fuckin speak to me I'd tell her as much.
Anyways any advice other than move out? (have a lease till June)
"Rock and roll is something that can't be quantified, sometimes it's not even something you hear, but FEEL!" - Bob Lefsetz
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"The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"
"What's your name?"
"FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
"The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"
"What's your name?"
"FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
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The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
It sounds like her feelings have been hurt.
From what I remember of her, she's a rather passionate person, isn't she? You may need to do several apology-type gestures. Leave her a very nice note, bring flowers or something else she'd like BESIDES asking her to talk to you.
My sister is like this...you have to do things more than once and THEN give her room to talk also.
Snoop Dogg was so right when he said that bytchez ain't shyt.
http://homepages.slingshot.co.nz/~bites/snoop_bitch_please.jpg
Here's my advice... take the high road and apologise (even if you don't feel you are at fault). It's easier to clear the air than to leave it heavy with unnecessary drama. You have been friends too long to let something that is nothing be the cause of its demise.
...
and make up by having a bra and panties pillow fight and sending me a copy of it.
peace...
Hail, Hail!!!
This may be a good time to explore yourself.
and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
over specific principles, goals, and policies.
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Fanch, your sig line is hilarious!!
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c
Peace
:-p
My advice is, be a complete twat and drive her out
yea, i'm with this post.
she sounds like a child anyway.
Esther's here and she's sick?
hi Esther, now we are all going to be sick, thanks
Haha, I love that word...twat...
Peace
:-p
Hey Cosmo!!
I have apologized to her TWICE! I guess she just isn't ready to hear it. It would help if I knew what the fuck I did. I can't see it being soley over that dvd situation I told u about. Maybe she was really hurt by my calling her immature and selfish. (and she WAS being being both...and if it was me acting that way I'd want someone to put me in my place so I know and can learn from it...but thats me, I'm not her).
I've decided to give her another week and if she's still being stupid then I'll either leave her another note or send her an e-mail in which I address those comments and apologize for them.
Hey girlie
I have apologized twice. I'll have to think of a gesture to go along with the note I plan to leave. Can't do flowers cause a) she's not really a flower person and b)her dog and my cat will eat it.
Can't do chocolate cause we have so much in the apartment already from Christmas and New Years.
Hmm I have some time...I'll think of something.
I know this will blow over eventually. I'm just surprised as she's a very in your face kinda person...usually will tell you flat out if you've pissed her off. When I made the immature comments I was expecting an argument so she could get that anger out...this is very out of character for her.
Haha this is true.
I've been taking the high road and trying to be the bigger person here. Its just been kinda lonely...and the more I think about what this is over the more it makes me angry...cause its just so STUPID.
Does she have a right to be angry...sure...but not to THIS extent shit.
Anyways thanks Tiff. I'm sure it'll work itself out eventually.
Perhaps she was more upset with herself (than you) for conceding to you (letting you fast forward), especially if conceding to you is something she finds she does often (it does seem like a pretty petty thing to argue over in the first place). She overreacted to nothing, and I bet she feels bad about it, but because she's stubborn and passive-aggressive, she doesn't want to admit to that. Instead, the longer she gives you the silent treatment, the bigger of a deal she's turning this in to. Unless she's typically a bitch and this is regular behaviour, she probably feels awkward and embarrassed about her behaviour. I think if this isn't her regular behaviour, making small gestures (letting her know that you're not upset with her), is good. If it is her regular behaviour, perhaps you guys should have a discussion about that.
I agree! Like I said, she's probably embarrassed and feels awkward and is absolutely miserable. Give her time, and I'm sure things will blow over.
So... that means no bra and panties pillow fight DVD, right?
...
DAMN!!!!
Hail, Hail!!!
I've known people like this too and sometimes it's hard to do when you KNOW you've done nothing wrong... but sometimes it's the ONLY thing to do. Get yourself in the right mood for it... and maybe have dinner ready for her some day she gets back from work or something.
I fucking HATE people like that though. I hate drama and usually once shit like this starts, it's only a matter of time before I get them out of my life.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
:eek: :eek: oh my days, how can people be upset so much over the small stuff
i can get like uncommunicative when something angers me but not over a shit like this. i'd say give her the space that she needs, but do be nice to her and say nice things when with her and don't expect her to say good things in return. trying doing this for at least a month if she continues to be a bitch then stop talking to her/stop being her friend. that's what i would do anyway.
well, kind of
you said she stopped talking to you on the 1st. did she have high expectations over the holidays and was disappointed?
instead of apologizing over and over again, have you just asked her what is wrong?
good luck!
You know what though? I think sometimes when people's feelings get hurt...it's not " over nothing" to them. That's where being a good friend or sister or roommate comes in. It's being sensitive to the fact that something that's not a big deal to us MAY feel like a big thing to them.
Caring about someone sometimes requires looking at things from their position rather than our own.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Thanks the the advice Helen. I know with so many replies its hard to follow, but I stated earlier that I HAVE apologized to her twice. I did swallow my pride and she rebuffed me.
I did try to verbally talk to her also. I asked if there was something other than the dvd situation bothering her...and before I could even finish the question she snapped "I don't wanna talk!!"
That was on the weekend...so thats why I'm at such an empasse here.
I don't know how many times I have to apologzie before she can let it go. Also she is the kind of person who hates being asked if she's ok when she gets quiet...it makes her more upset. (she is quiet for the first couple of hours she is awake...sometimes seems like she's mad....she told me long ago not to ask her if she's ok when she gets like that).
I think the letter next week is the way to go with some kind of kind gesture. If that doesn't work then she obviously has no interest in our friendship anymore which is a shame cause we had such a good, long friendship. :(