need opinions!

edvedder913

decides2dream wrote:

aha, i thought the 3 were affairs during the marriage, etc. while sure, they are still 'technically' married....i guess if they are seperated it won't have much affect eh? that's a shame. then i would do as get right suggests and try and get the firends to speak up of the affairs they witnessed, although unless they actually SAW him behaving inapporopriately, might be a difficult thing to *prove* he was having an affair just b/c he was out with other women.

the situation absolutely DOES suck, i agree, and i feel for your friend. however, the law is the law...and scumbag or not, even if ALL was thru her money you KNOW if it were the husband's money, etc, all would still think the wife would be entitled to something. we all know the only way to truly protect premarital assets fully is with a pre-nup. unromantic yes, but if you truly want to be 100% to keep all *your* $$$...tis the only way. hindsight is 20/20 and all that. he is a shit, absolutely...but after 15 years of marriage i would think any spouse is enititled to *something* but that's just me. i would assume he did contribute to some extent monitarily to their life? although of course, no, i don't think their kids should be turned out of their home, etc. i would HOPE that ALL of this stuff would come out in court and rectified. what is truly horrific is the thought that a parent would want to screw over their children for $$$. truly sad. :(

i wish your friend, and her children....the best. i hope for the kids epecially, all this ugliness doesn't hurt them.



anyhoo....i would strongly suggest speaking to your friends to assist and/or the lawyer if you can. i hadn't realized the 3 other women really didn't factor. in that case, absolutely...it IS in your friend's best interest to speak up IF you truly think in some way it could aide her case. it is so, so sad to see marriages end, but especially such long-term marriages...and the poor kids.......:(

yes, extremely sad. she does believe he is entitled to certain things - but on more of a fair scale than he is seeking. for instance, when i got divorced, my ex got a portion of our house, but he did not ask for the portion my family contributed to help us out - we subtracted that out. unlike this guy, my ex was fair in love and war. he realized he was mostly the cause of the divorce, and just wanted what was *rightfully* his. he's a good soul and cared about his son and wanted us to remain in the house. hence why we are able to be friends and civil with one another. this guy is going for the jugular. and she did nothing to deserve it.

she paid for their membership to their country club - which is a men's club. he just renewed his dues and removed her from the membership. another thing he should not be entitled to - but he is being selfish and cruel and certainly not playing fair. this girl is a saint and it is really sad that he is doing this to her after all she and her family did to help him in his career. everything he has in his life is a result of her and her family. i wish she had signed a pre-nup, but unfortunately she did not. you live and you learn....the hard way.

i am going to talk to my friend's husband but i know he will say he doesn;t want to get involved. we'll see...

Allie

edvedder913 wrote:

this is wonderful advice but the main problem is that it was never me - so I do not think these other peopple will want to get involved.

If you didn't hear it yourself then it's hearsay.

decides2dream

edvedder913 wrote:

yes, extremely sad. she does believe he is entitled to certain things - but on more of a fair scale than he is seeking. for instance, when i got divorced, my ex got a portion of our house, but he did not ask for the portion my family contributed to help us out - we subtracted that out. unlike this guy, my ex was fair in love and war. he realized he was mostly the cause of the divorce, and just wanted what was *rightfully* his. he's a good soul and cared about his son and wanted us to remain in the house. hence why we are able to be friends and civil with one another. this guy is going for the jugular. and she did nothing to deserve it.

she paid for their membership to their country club - which is a men's club. he just renewed his dues and removed her from the membership. another thing he should not be entitled to - but he is being selfish and cruel and certainly not playing fair. this girl is a saint and it is really sad that he is doing this to her after all she and her family did to help him in his career. everything he has in his life is a result of her and her family. i wish she had signed a pre-nup, but unfortunately she did not. you live and you learn....the hard way.

i am going to talk to my friend's husband but i know he will say he doesn;t want to get involved. we'll see...

yes, it is beyond sad the selfishness some display...and sadder still that those who love them don't see it until it hurts them. :( hopefully it won't be too difficult for her to substantiate all her family gave her/them monitarily and thus try and make it more *fair* the settlement. it sounds like this guy is being a real dick, especially since in the long-rum he is truly hurting his own children. one can hope he may wise up and ee the error of his actions. however, if he doesn't, i hope for your firend and her kid's sakes......the law will at the very least see things as they are and she will not get twice-screwed over; once her heart, then her wallet. it seems to me, even w/o any proff of an affair, she should be able to prove a lot, have apaper trail of where the bulk of their $$$ came from, etc, so hopefully be able to protect her assets from the money-grubber.

_Crazy_Mary_

I say, mind your own business. She already knows he's a slimeball, she doesn't need to hear that things were going on that nobody had the balls to mention at the time.
When I got divorced, a friend of mine mentioned that she knew my ex was on drugs when we were together and I asked her, "why didn't you tell me?" She just figured I knew already. It pissed me off because this is something I should've been told right away, not years down the road.

smithnic

Been married almost a year now and I would say not to tell her. Why? What good would come of it? She feels like an idiot and hates his guts already, what good would come of you piling on this information. She'd wonder why the hell you didn't say something earler

edvedder913

i hear what you guys are saying but i am thinking you misunderstood....i just found these things out NOW. it's not like i knew before and never told her.

when i told a few people they were getting divorced, they started telling me stories about him in the past.

Cosmo

She can hire a better attorney than he can.
...
Put the attorney on these leads and let him sort them out. what you have is hearsay and is meaningless. He needs to hear it from those whom witnessed first hand.