Social Anxiety..
LikeAnOcean
Posts: 7,718
All right, who has it? And how bad?
I'm pretty sure I have it, and its genetic. I have a hard time focusing. I'm totally cool with people I know pretty well, but dating and interviewing life has been hell. And people who don't suffer from it think your insane, which I can understand why they'd feel that way, seeing as I believe there is no reason I should feel anxiety, just gotta learn to control it.
Just had one of those rare parent/child conversations with my mom and she says she had the same thing, but it got a lot better when she entered her early thirties..
Thoughts?
Reason I've got this on my mind is I blew of a first date tonight (keep in mind, someone I've never met from online dating), because I'm feeling anxious, probably exaggerated from drinking too much with friends last night.. I'm feeling pretty shitty about it now.
I think if I start practicing meditation I'll improve my ability to control and eliminate negative thoughts.
Hmm..
I'm pretty sure I have it, and its genetic. I have a hard time focusing. I'm totally cool with people I know pretty well, but dating and interviewing life has been hell. And people who don't suffer from it think your insane, which I can understand why they'd feel that way, seeing as I believe there is no reason I should feel anxiety, just gotta learn to control it.
Just had one of those rare parent/child conversations with my mom and she says she had the same thing, but it got a lot better when she entered her early thirties..
Thoughts?
Reason I've got this on my mind is I blew of a first date tonight (keep in mind, someone I've never met from online dating), because I'm feeling anxious, probably exaggerated from drinking too much with friends last night.. I'm feeling pretty shitty about it now.
I think if I start practicing meditation I'll improve my ability to control and eliminate negative thoughts.
Hmm..
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
Ft Worth 9-15-23
Hartford 5-13-06, 6-27-08, 10-25-13
Mansfield, MA 6-30-08, 6-28-08, 7-2-03, 7-3-03, 7-11-03, 8-29-00, 8-30-00, 9-15-98, 9-16-98
Worcester 10-15-13, 10-16-13
I think thats the same thing?
Not bad with some things but really bad with other things. Its kept me from doin a lot of things I should of.
I feel like an asshole too. People generally really like me. They think its insane that I'm still single.
maybe the solution is(and I'm not sure you're looking for advice) if you're doing online dating - just be upfront that you're shy when you first meet someone. I think there are a lot of people out there who would be understanding and be willing to take the time to get to know you
Ft Worth 9-15-23
Hartford 5-13-06, 6-27-08, 10-25-13
Mansfield, MA 6-30-08, 6-28-08, 7-2-03, 7-3-03, 7-11-03, 8-29-00, 8-30-00, 9-15-98, 9-16-98
Worcester 10-15-13, 10-16-13
Correct me if I'm wrong but you seemed to be saying you can carry a conversation with no problems as long as someone else is "getting the ball rolling."
Ft Worth 9-15-23
Hartford 5-13-06, 6-27-08, 10-25-13
Mansfield, MA 6-30-08, 6-28-08, 7-2-03, 7-3-03, 7-11-03, 8-29-00, 8-30-00, 9-15-98, 9-16-98
Worcester 10-15-13, 10-16-13
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmgphotos/4731512142/" title="PJ Banner2 by Mister J Photography, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1135/4731512142_258f2d6ab4_b.jpg" width="630" height="112" alt="PJ Banner2" /></a>
anyway, i know what you're talking about but really have no answers...as i said it really doesn't bother me
Nothing worse than having to pretend to care.
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmgphotos/4731512142/" title="PJ Banner2 by Mister J Photography, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1135/4731512142_258f2d6ab4_b.jpg" width="630" height="112" alt="PJ Banner2" /></a>
That's called agoraphobia....
You can have Social Anxiety Disorder without Agoraphobia...it just means you experience nausea, sweating, stuttering or stammering, feeling faint, etc. when you meet new people or are in crowded places (ie a concert) without support of friends and family...
I type consults for an Anxiety Clinic all day...everyday...
I have a few ideas for you based upon the fact that I have had to systematically teach my son about social interaction.
You'll need to practise the various social skills involved in the situations that make you anxious to get more comfortable with the situations. For example, some people feel uncomfortable with introductions or starting conversations or ending conversations. Practise these things in a very conscious way so that you have a mental script you can follow when you feel overwhelmed. Like an actor, you can practise your scripts at home with a family member until it becomes easier for you to say the appropriate things at the usual time.
Books about meeting new people and body language might help too.
OK, that stinks. A couple of people (in the past) told me that as well. So what's that, a compliment with a cut? (I like you now but I didn't used to.)
It took me many years to find out that I was actually shy and that's what it was. Or it was just the way I was, not overly friendly which to me is part of being shy.
Interviews can be rehearsed.
One neighbor really let me have it one day. She said, "you know, I never liked you at first until that day you were talking to me while you were on your bike." Another day she said, "I thought your boyfriend was so ugly til I saw his face up close really good." (that's nothing to do with me, but why did she feel she needed to be SO honest?)
A friend was at lunch with me, she was new at work, that's how we met. She said, "Harv told me that you are not friendly and are hard to get to know."
Is that supposed to help me? Harv was a 60 year old married man (boss in another dept. down the hall) and I was 28 and single -- how much did Harv need to know?
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
I have generalized anxiety. I typically use alcohol to calm me down in social settings.
I'd do the following if I were you:
1. Try to pay attention with all your might to what the other person is doing/saying (easier said then done) Typically, people with anxiety are self-focused. I am. The way to break it is to focus (deeply) on the concerns/well-being of others... once again, this is tough if you are use to degrading yourself or thinking negative thoughts about what you are doing. You should just try.
2. Exercise.
3. Drink, but in moderation.
4. See someone about your issue.
5. Try rescue remedy, may help.
it's possible i have touches of it. i'm a recovering alcoholic and i know i often drank to feel comfortable in social situations. i am in a field that is very big on "networking" and i am terrible at working a room and just meeting people and shaking hands. it's awful. sometimes i'm rather uncomfortable at bars too. it's like someone in here said, getting the ball rolling is just hard sometimes... it always feels kind of fake and cheesy. i often just try to fake it, pretend i'm some sort of big shot when i walk into a room and just start talking to someone before i can think about it. once that hump is over, it gets much easier.
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
and i always think that people don't like me
i know probably as a woman i should feel attracted to those guys but my initial reaction is fear.
In some situations, I could talk to anyone, regardless of whether I knew them or not (this was usually at work), yet in any other situation, I would become pertified at even the prospect of talking to or interacting with people I didn't know. Some days it was so bad that if I did leave the house, I wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eye. Several times I found myself struggling to breathe just before going into a situation I found intimidating.
I used to "deal" with it by just not putting myself in the kind of situations that I found intimidating, not that really was dealing with it. I think what really helped me was actually going on tour to see PJ, in a few different countries, with people I had never met. By all means, it could have been a disaster, and I could have been really uncomfortable the whole time, but at the very least I would have got to see a band I love. But since then I don't seem to be bothered by these things as much as I used to be.
I don't wanna think, I wanna feel
Dublin 23/08/06 Lisbon I 04/09/06 Lisbon II 05/09/06 Paris 11/09/06 Verona 16/09/06
London 18/06/07 Dusseldorf 21/06/07 Copenhagen 26/06/07 Nijmegen 28/06/07
I have a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder...when I worry about the future and things that piss me off and what I said to someone five years ago and why do they hate me...how can I make it right? The next time I talk to them I'm gonna say...or why didn't I say such and such the last time I talked to them...and why do those people let their dog wander around and what if they serve scalloped potatoes, I hate those, I'm sure I told them, but why won't they listen to me...why does my boss hate me...and on and on. Didn't sleep for months. Didn't want to leave the house...
Anyway, to get over this (after the meds kicked in), I bought tickets to a PJ concert and immersed myself in people...Loved the show, but I still felt oddly out of place and worried about what people thought about my behaviour...but by the time we got to the Gorge shows, wow...not a problem anymore...
I'm told that this is very very common and when I type those consults, some of them really hit home with me...maybe a little too closely sometimes...But yeah, I take Celexa and it stopped the ruminating thoughts almost immediately...
Sounds like some of you have the same issues...and while sad, it's nice to know we are not alone...
You poor thing. You need a good woman to straighten you out
Every single message pit member with more than 1000 posts, whether they admit it or not.
I could probably be diagnosed with some fancy new disorder, with a grocery-list-of-side-effects miracle pill to treat it...just to get over what would have been called 'shyness' 15 years ago.
I'm sure for some people it's an issue, but for me it's nothing I'm willing to accept a prescription for. If it became an issue for me, I'd read up on it and get a better understanding of it so that I could recognize what was happening to me, both in mind and body....talk to someone if that didn't help. Pills should be the last resort...I've seen a lot of 'anxious' people end up on Ativan, that shit can mess you up....
Nah, I don't get anxious about it. I just find would-be rock stars irritating fucks and I want them out of my face while I'm warming up my fingers for playing.
you are inside my head mister. i knew there were more people like me. alien children as KC calls them.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
yea but you were at least social enough to have kids....i'm hardcore antisocial!
Dude!!!! So the 2 times we have talked it was like torture, huh?
:(
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me