Social Anxiety..

LikeAnOcean

All right, who has it? And how bad?

I'm pretty sure I have it, and its genetic. I have a hard time focusing. I'm totally cool with people I know pretty well, but dating and interviewing life has been hell. And people who don't suffer from it think your insane, which I can understand why they'd feel that way, seeing as I believe there is no reason I should feel anxiety, just gotta learn to control it.

Just had one of those rare parent/child conversations with my mom and she says she had the same thing, but it got a lot better when she entered her early thirties..

Thoughts?

Reason I've got this on my mind is I blew of a first date tonight (keep in mind, someone I've never met from online dating), because I'm feeling anxious, probably exaggerated from drinking too much with friends last night.. I'm feeling pretty shitty about it now.


I think if I start practicing meditation I'll improve my ability to control and eliminate negative thoughts.

Hmm..

Hartydog

I personally don't. However I dated someone who did. There was nothing more annoying. At times I couldn't even get her to go out to dinner. She never wanted to leave her apartment

OffHeGoes29

LikeAnOcean wrote:

but dating and interviewing life has been hell.

I think thats the same thing?

CHANGEinWAVES

LikeAnOcean wrote:

All right, who has it? And how bad?

I'm pretty sure I have it, and its genetic. I have a hard time focusing. I'm totally cool with people I know pretty well, but dating and interviewing life has been hell. And people who don't suffer from it think your insane, which I can understand why they'd feel that way, seeing as I believe there is no reason I should feel anxiety, just gotta learn to control it.

Just had one of those rare parent/child conversations with my mom and she says she had the same thing, but it got a lot better when she entered her early thirties..

Thoughts?

Reason I've got this on my mind is I blew of a first date tonight (keep in mind, someone I've never met from online dating), because I'm feeling anxious, probably exaggerated from drinking too much with friends last night.. I'm feeling pretty shitty about it now.


I think if I start practicing meditation I'll improve my ability to control and eliminate negative thoughts.

Hmm..

I have it.
Not bad with some things but really bad with other things. Its kept me from doin a lot of things I should of.

LikeAnOcean

Hartydog wrote:

I personally don't. However I dated someone who did. There was nothing more annoying. At times I couldn't even get her to go out to dinner. She never wanted to leave her apartment

See, I like to go out. I have no problems with co-workers and friends.. It's meeting new people!.. I have a co-worker/friend who thinks I'm awesome now tell me they thought I was being a snob when they first met me because I seemed to avoid them.

I feel like an asshole too. People generally really like me. They think its insane that I'm still single.

Hartydog

LikeAnOcean wrote:

See, I like to go out. I have no problems with most co-workers and friends.. It's meeting new people!.. I have a co-worker/friend who thinks I'm awesome now tell me they thought I was being a snob when they first met me because I seemed to avoid them.

maybe the solution is(and I'm not sure you're looking for advice) if you're doing online dating - just be upfront that you're shy when you first meet someone. I think there are a lot of people out there who would be understanding and be willing to take the time to get to know you

alexers

I have issues with making friends and meeting new people as well, especially people my age (18). However, I am fine with adults. I only have a few friends that I've been with all throughout high school and I rarely ever see them just because I never want to hang out. I can carry on a conversation with just about anyone in person, but only when I'm required to (like if I'm at school or work).

Hartydog

alexers wrote:

I have issues with making friends and meeting new people as well, especially people my age (18). However, I am fine with adults. I only have a few friends that I've been with all throughout high school and I rarely ever see them just because I never want to hang out. I can carry on a conversation with just about anyone in person, but only when I'm required to (like if I'm at school or work).

Correct me if I'm wrong but you seemed to be saying you can carry a conversation with no problems as long as someone else is "getting the ball rolling."

SoonForgotten2

I probably do. Or maybe it's just that I don't like people. Who knows?

norm

been anti social since i was a kid....but i don't mind it really....when i need to i can muster a charming persona but it's exhusting....i know exactly how you feel about blowing off the blind date...i won't do blind dates....i HATE small talk mostly cuz i probably don't care about what we're talking about

anyway, i know what you're talking about but really have no answers...as i said it really doesn't bother me

SoonForgotten2

cutback wrote:

i HATE small talk mostly cuz i probably don't care about what we're talking about

Nothing worse than having to pretend to care.

vedderfan10

Hartydog wrote:

I personally don't. However I dated someone who did. There was nothing more annoying. At times I couldn't even get her to go out to dinner. She never wanted to leave her apartment

That's called agoraphobia....

You can have Social Anxiety Disorder without Agoraphobia...it just means you experience nausea, sweating, stuttering or stammering, feeling faint, etc. when you meet new people or are in crowded places (ie a concert) without support of friends and family...

I type consults for an Anxiety Clinic all day...everyday...

xSmackSoundx

I think i'm getting over it... It runs in my family... no severe... just shyness and it make thing awkward...

justam

LikeAnOcean wrote:

All right, who has it? And how bad?

I'm pretty sure I have it, and its genetic. I have a hard time focusing. I'm totally cool with people I know pretty well, but dating and interviewing life has been hell. And people who don't suffer from it think your insane, which I can understand why they'd feel that way, seeing as I believe there is no reason I should feel anxiety, just gotta learn to control it.

Just had one of those rare parent/child conversations with my mom and she says she had the same thing, but it got a lot better when she entered her early thirties..

Thoughts?

Reason I've got this on my mind is I blew of a first date tonight (keep in mind, someone I've never met from online dating), because I'm feeling anxious, probably exaggerated from drinking too much with friends last night.. I'm feeling pretty shitty about it now.


I think if I start practicing meditation I'll improve my ability to control and eliminate negative thoughts.

Hmm..

I have a few ideas for you based upon the fact that I have had to systematically teach my son about social interaction.

You'll need to practise the various social skills involved in the situations that make you anxious to get more comfortable with the situations. For example, some people feel uncomfortable with introductions or starting conversations or ending conversations. Practise these things in a very conscious way so that you have a mental script you can follow when you feel overwhelmed. Like an actor, you can practise your scripts at home with a family member until it becomes easier for you to say the appropriate things at the usual time.

Books about meeting new people and body language might help too.

LikeAnOcean

justam wrote:

I have a few ideas for you based upon the fact that I have had to systematically teach my son about social interaction.

You'll need to practise the various social skills involved in the situations that make you anxious to get more comfortable with the situations. For example, some people feel uncomfortable with introductions or starting conversations or ending conversations. Practise these things in a very conscious way so that you have a mental script you can follow when you feel overwhelmed. Like an actor, you can practise your scripts at home with a family member until it becomes easier for you to say the appropriate things at the usual time.

Books about meeting new people and body language might help too.

Thanks for the advise. Apparently I found out I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it runs in the family. My aunt and grandma are on medication. My Grandpa was a borderline alcoholic.. yay, for genetics.

iluvcats

LikeAnOcean wrote:

I have a co-worker/friend who thinks I'm awesome now tell me they thought I was being a snob when they first met me because I seemed to avoid them.

OK, that stinks. A couple of people (in the past) told me that as well. So what's that, a compliment with a cut? (I like you now but I didn't used to.)
It took me many years to find out that I was actually shy and that's what it was. Or it was just the way I was, not overly friendly which to me is part of being shy.

Interviews can be rehearsed.

One neighbor really let me have it one day. She said, "you know, I never liked you at first until that day you were talking to me while you were on your bike." Another day she said, "I thought your boyfriend was so ugly til I saw his face up close really good." (that's nothing to do with me, but why did she feel she needed to be SO honest?)

A friend was at lunch with me, she was new at work, that's how we met. She said, "Harv told me that you are not friendly and are hard to get to know."
Is that supposed to help me? Harv was a 60 year old married man (boss in another dept. down the hall) and I was 28 and single -- how much did Harv need to know?

saveuplife

No worries, bro.

I have generalized anxiety. I typically use alcohol to calm me down in social settings.

I'd do the following if I were you:

1. Try to pay attention with all your might to what the other person is doing/saying (easier said then done) Typically, people with anxiety are self-focused. I am. The way to break it is to focus (deeply) on the concerns/well-being of others... once again, this is tough if you are use to degrading yourself or thinking negative thoughts about what you are doing. You should just try.


2. Exercise.

3. Drink, but in moderation.

4. See someone about your issue.

5. Try rescue remedy, may help.

catch22

LikeAnOcean wrote:

Thanks for the advise. Apparently I found out I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it runs in the family. My aunt and grandma are on medication. My Grandpa was a borderline alcoholic.. yay, for genetics.

it's possible i have touches of it. i'm a recovering alcoholic and i know i often drank to feel comfortable in social situations. i am in a field that is very big on "networking" and i am terrible at working a room and just meeting people and shaking hands. it's awful. sometimes i'm rather uncomfortable at bars too. it's like someone in here said, getting the ball rolling is just hard sometimes... it always feels kind of fake and cheesy. i often just try to fake it, pretend i'm some sort of big shot when i walk into a room and just start talking to someone before i can think about it. once that hump is over, it gets much easier.

sponger

A friend of mine is in some punk band called Social Anxiety.

genie

SoonForgotten2 wrote:

I probably do. Or maybe it's just that I don't like people. Who knows?

and i always think that people don't like me

genie

i get a bit freaked out whenever i go into one of my usual hang out spots, which are metal pubs and gigs, it's just seeing a big bunch of big, tattooed hairy men makes me a bit uneasy. so i either detach myself for a little while, or run over straight to the bar to order a snakebite, and after a drink or some time/talking to friend i relax and then those scary men become like my family

i know probably as a woman i should feel attracted to those guys but my initial reaction is fear.