creepy friends. help?

GraySaturday

what to do... what to do...

okay.. I have this friend, she is female, and first and foremost, I do think she is a nice person with a good heart.

But.... (isn't there always a but?)

I'm getting a little creeped out by her. She has been getting mad at me lately for things in my life, that I can't really control. Like she is annoyed with me because I am married. She has been in a relationship with someone for over 2 years, and he has not yet proposed to her or moved the relationship forward. I understand this is a sensitive subject for her because she is always stressed about it, so I try to not talk about my husband a lot.. (even though she knows him and is friendly with him). However, she bring it up and asks questions and when I answer her, or sound positive about my life, she gets really mad towards me. She has also asked me about wanting children and then gotten angry with me for my answers and launches into a tirade about how she is older than me and should be ahead of me in "life plans". I honestly don't know how to handle a situation like this. I cannot just write her off. She is in my program at school and in my cohort. I will have every class with her until June of 2010 and there are only 17 people including us in the group. She is also very possessive of our friendship, and when I talk to my other friends she butts in or pouts and acts really strangely. I'm not sure what to do about it. A mutual friend of ours expressed concern to me the other day on the phone about how she feels like she can't talk to me anymore without getting shit from said crazy friend. I really don't want to be alienated from the group and kept as this friends lady in waiting, you know? I've tried to drop hints to this friend saying things like "wow, sometimes I feel like this group is cliquey" or "I'm going to go mingle with people so I get to know everyone" and she just gets mad, or annoyed. Please offer some advice as to how to handle this situation. I can't just tell her off, or tell her to back off, or get a life, or stop being creepy.. its not that kind of situation. I'm scared of losing other friends.

PS. she has also gone as far as to try to tell me that I am going to make the wife of one of our male friends jealous if I keep being friends with him.. yet she is always emailing him and hugging him and stuff. help!

Jearlpam0925

You should get drunk. That would at least be my rationale. And I don't know if it helps, but in some way I'm sure it does. Alcohol: The cause, and solution to all of life's problems.

eyedclaar

Try to kiss her sometime. You'll either scare her off altogether or push her from a little strange to a full blown fatal attraction.

Jearlpam0925

eyedclaar wrote:

Try to kiss her sometime. You'll either scare her off altogether or push her from a little strange to a full blown fatal attraction.

Yeah...yeah...this too...This would be the next logical step.

eyedclaar

Jearlpam0925 wrote:

You should get drunk. That would at least be my rationale. And I don't know if it helps, but in some way I'm sure it does. Alcohol: The cause, and solution to all of life's problems.

I suspected you were the Beer Baron...

Jearlpam0925

eyedclaar wrote:

I suspected you were the Beer Baron...

...cue the music...

GraySaturday

Jearlpam0925 wrote:

You should get drunk. That would at least be my rationale. And I don't know if it helps, but in some way I'm sure it does. Alcohol: The cause, and solution to all of life's problems.

I should get drunk? LOL.. not sure that would help. I'm a little too honest when I drink. Which reminds me, we are all going out as a group tomorrow night to celebrate the end of the semester. I'm scared I might tell her to get off my junk.

small town beck

Everybody goes through life stages at different times ( or so I tell myself ) . Don't be sorry for being a happily married woman!

A good friend will always be happy for you. Perhaps she needs to talk to someoneabout her issues before she alienates you and other friends. Could you discuss that with her? Say 'you seem unhappy, should you talk to a professional?" You don't want to come home to a boiled bunny on your doorstep :eek:

Reminds me a bit of that movie with Cate Blanchett and Judi Dench? What the heck was that called? I think it was "notes on a scandal". Except I don't really think Judi Dench's role was that of someone with a good heart. She sounds kind of jealous of you.

Jearlpam0925

GraySaturday wrote:

I should get drunk? LOL.. not sure that would help. I'm a little too honest when I drink. Which reminds me, we are all going out as a group tomorrow night to celebrate the end of the semester. I'm scared I might tell her to get off my junk.

See I told you...Getting drunk DOES solve things....For better or worse, at least it'll be out in the open. Perfect.

GraySaturday

eyedclaar wrote:

Try to kiss her sometime. You'll either scare her off altogether or push her from a little strange to a full blown fatal attraction.

Try to kiss her.. haha.. um... I'm scared of the results of that.

genie

put her into her place, take her somewhere quiet where you can be one on one ( judging by her character take some sort of protection with you like a spray can ) and tell her in a polite manner that she is jealous selfish possessive woman.

Haha, no wonder the guy she is with doesn't want to marry her! if she acts like this towards a friend what must the guy get from her?

slowly but gradually back off from her or else she will only mess your mind up and ruin your life.

aNiMaL

It sounds like she is of the opinion that misery loves company. And she wants your company...but only if your miserable. It also sounds like she has some serious self-esteem issues.

If I were you I would just start to slowly distance myself from her. Nothing too overtly obvious, but nonetheless, slowly start backing away. Or, stay friends, but make sure she respects your boundaries, and DO NOT be afraid of telling her when she has over-stepped them. Also, if it comes down to it, be incredibly honest with her. You do her a dis-service as a friend to allow her personality quirks to go on without someone having a heart to heart with her about it. If it continues, do not be afraid to let her know that your friendship is in jeopardy if she cannot lighten up a tad.

Jearlpam0925

GraySaturday wrote:

Try to kiss her.. haha.. um... I'm scared of the results of that.

It's okay to be nervous...not scared.... Remember we should all try things twice in life....So get drunk and then do the former twice.

AllIAm

girlfriend you and i need to talk. i could tell you stories. lets just say the person i know wouldn't LET her boyfriend break up with her cause "she wasn't ready to be single".. but then again he is still with her.

ya we need to chat lol

chiquimonkey

i'm sorry you have to deal with this, it is definitely a pain and a delicate situation considering you have to work with her for a while longer still.

i had a friend who was like this in that she'd always project her own situation onto me (if i made a comment about my guy or how i like my job, she'd get pissy about her own situation). got to the point where i would start to feel guilty even sharing anything positive in my life, just cuz she'd turn it around to herself again. i rarely talk to her now as a result.

true friends are happy for you, regardless of where they are at. i never understood how some people view life as some sort of contest and whether they're ahead or behind of everybody else. i'd just keep doing what you're doing and mingle with other people, she's not going to change her attitude unfortunately, and you don't need the drama of being exposed to her constantly. good luck!!

GraySaturday

small town beck wrote:

Everybody goes through life stages at different times ( or so I tell myself ) . Don't be sorry for being a happily married woman!

A good friend will always be happy for you. Perhaps she needs to talk to someoneabout her issues before she alienates you and other friends. Could you discuss that with her? Say 'you seem unhappy, should you talk to a professional?" You don't want to come home to a boiled bunny on your doorstep :eek:

Reminds me a bit of that movie with Cate Blanchett and Judi Dench? What the heck was that called? I think it was "notes on a scandal". Except I don't really think Judi Dench's role was that of someone with a good heart. She sounds kind of jealous of you.

Suzi.. that move was awesomely scandalous! I loved it. It does remind me a bit of that. Minus me sleeping with a student. (haha) It also reminds me of the movie "Single White Female". I have asked her if she is unhappy and she says yes, and she tells me that she used to be in therapy, and loved it. Maybe she ought to go back? i just think she is really unhappy with her boyfriend, and she takes that out on the people around her. You can't force someone to marry you, and getting mad at me, certainly won't change it!

small town beck

GraySaturday wrote:

Try to kiss her.. haha.. um... I'm scared of the results of that.

Kissing another girl? :mad:

What about me?

JOEJOEJOE

Can you push her away?.....its never good to have people like that in your life....its nice to be concerned about others, but you owe her nothing.....perhaps if she is unstable, she will quit the program you are in?

GraySaturday

her boyfriend is in his mid-thirties, and she is in her mid-twenties. She said to me the other day "I really hope you're not pregnant, its not the right time for you, you'll ruin what you've got going on. I know I'm not ready for a baby, so you being younger, it's just not the right time"...

I was really offended by that. I didn't ask for her approval, or even her opinion. I would never say that to a friend, ever.

small town beck

GraySaturday wrote:

Suzi.. that move was awesomely scandalous! I loved it. It does remind me a bit of that. Minus me sleeping with a student. (haha) It also reminds me of the movie "Single White Female". I have asked her if she is unhappy and she says yes, and she tells me that she used to be in therapy, and loved it. Maybe she ought to go back? i just think she is really unhappy with her boyfriend, and she takes that out on the people around her. You can't force someone to marry you, and getting mad at me, certainly won't change it!

OMG I almost wrote "whatever you do don't sleep with a student" Yes a bit like "single white female" as well so hide your heels if she comes over to visit you and the hubby. You are exactly right though she needs to go back to therapy. Staying with the wrong person in worse than being alone... or so I have heard. Seriously distance yourself as much as possible. Getting angry with you will simply drive away all of her friends.

GraySaturday

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Can you push her away?.....its never good to have people like that in your life....its nice to be concerned about others, but you owe her nothing.....perhaps if she is unstable, she will quit the program you are in?

Our mutual friend that I mentioned thinks that she might quit the program because she is just so unhappy with everything. Apparently she is always concerned about comparing her work to me. She was partnered with our friend during peer reviews the other day and kept telling our friend, "don't tell sarah I don't have my work done, I don't want her to know.. I don't care!!! I honestly am not concerned with anyone's work there at all. I am only concerned with my grades and working really hard. I couldn't careless how other people do!

She thinks she is so important to me, and that I worry about her shit all the time. It's so odd.